Keeping Secrets

by Parker, Weston

  “Have I mentioned that I love you?” The corners of her mouth tipped up and she leaned in to press a chaste kiss to my lips.

  I smiled against hers. “You might have, but I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing it, so tell me again.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” I brought a hand to the back of her neck and cupped it, bringing her mouth back to mine to kiss her deeply. “Now come on. Let me take you home so I can feed you.”

  She planted a kiss on my chin before stepping away from me. “Now that you had to go and mention food again, I’m starving.”

  We walked to my car and Tiffeny climbed in without any arguments about taking her own. I guessed she really was giving this a chance, or at least giving dinner with me a chance.

  When we got to my house, however, food seemed to be the furthest thing from her mind. She wound her arms around my neck and played with the hair at the nape of my neck, pressing herself flush against me.

  She kissed my jaw, my neck, and then pushed herself up on her tiptoes to suck my earlobe between her teeth. “If Winter isn’t here and you’re really in love with me like I am with you, how about helping me out with some of these pregnancy hormones?”

  I groaned and hauled her even closer to me, loving the feel of the hard bump against my abdomen. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Chapter 38

  Tiffeny

  Hearing Callen’s story had been really difficult for me. It wasn’t hearing that he’d once loved another woman that got to me, though. Of course, he had a past. Most people did.

  No, it wasn’t that. It was hearing the awful pain he’d been through, the gut-wrenching horror that his life had become.

  I hadn’t even known him for a year, and I knew that if I lost Callen in that way now, I’d be beyond devastated. I didn’t even want to think about it because it hurt too much.

  To have lost his wife to a disease he couldn’t help her fight, regardless of how much money he threw at it, to have been left behind with a baby girl who would never remember the person who had carried her, to have to navigate parenthood and life by himself after making vows to do it alongside someone he loved. I didn’t even know how he’d gone on.

  That was the kind of trauma that altered a person to the very fabric of their being. As soon as I’d heard the truth, followed by the revelation of what had happened after I’d left that morning, I’d understood why he’d done it.

  Sure, there were other ways he could have handled it. Maybe better ones, but I couldn’t honestly tell myself that I would have acted or reacted any differently if I’d been in his position.

  It had hurt like hell when he’d left. All those weeks I hadn’t heard from him didn’t just go away now that I understood why he’d left, but understanding the reasoning was like a balm to my soul.

  Because he hadn’t left because he didn’t want me or didn’t feel the same way about me. He’d left because he did, and didn’t know how to deal with it. He’d left because he’d been trying to protect his daughter, and now that I was carrying my own baby, I had more of an idea of how one would go to the ends of the earth to protect their kids.

  Did all that mean that everything was magically fine between us? No. Not by a long shot.

  It was going to take me some time to learn to trust him again, time to come to terms with the depths of the scars he would always carry with him. Needing that time didn’t change the way I felt about him, though.

  It also didn’t change the fact that I really did love them both and I wanted them in my life and in my future. I wouldn’t let his past stand in the way of that.

  Callen deserved a second chance at happiness, at love. I deserved to give my first chance the best possible shot I could.

  So when he kissed me like he was afraid I would change my mind at any moment, I kissed him back. I tried to show him that I wasn’t going anywhere.

  I was strong enough not to run from his past, to stand beside him when grief overtook him, and not to be jealous of a ghost. I would never try to compete with Alice because I didn’t have to.

  What Callen and I had was between us. Our love had grown despite his grief, and I knew that he had to love me deeply if he’d let it take root in his heart enough to want a second chance with me.

  It was a glorious thing to have the man I loved in my arms again, and I wasn’t going to ruin that by letting his past weigh us down. Instead, I was going to grab every opportunity I could with both hands and live my life to the fullest now that I’d been reminded how desperately short it really was.

  It wouldn’t always be easy. I knew that, but nothing worth having ever was. Moments like this were the ones I would cling to when life got hard.

  Because in this moment, there wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that Callen loved me, that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. Which was a lot.

  Pregnancy hormones were no joke, and so far, I’d been alone in trying to scratch the itch. It was comforting to know I wouldn’t be alone in that anymore, nor would I be alone in anything else.

  “Callen,” I moaned into his mouth, my body aching for his. It had been too long, and after the emotional day we’d had, all I really wanted was to feel him, to make love to him, and to solidify the bond between us now that everything was out in the open. “Bedroom, please.”

  “With pleasure.” He pulled his head back slowly and ran his nose along the length of mine as he breathed in deeply. “Anything you want, Tiffeny. Always. All you have to do is name it, and it’s yours.”

  “All I want is you,” I whispered.

  “You’re in luck then because you have me. All of me. For as long as you want me.” He folded my hand into both of his, then led me through his dark house to his bedroom.

  Once there, he flicked on the lamp on his nightstand but left the main lights off. He stood me in front of his bed, looking at me like he still couldn’t quite believe I was really there.

  Slowly, like he was giving me time to stop him if I suddenly decided I didn’t want him, he started taking off his clothes. His eyes never left mine as he took off his shirt first. Then his shoes followed.

  They were still locked on me when his hands dropped to his shorts, lifting the waistband over the erection I’d felt against my stomach when we’d been kissing and letting them fall to the floor along with his underwear.

  When he reached for me, he paused. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.” I lifted my arms when he touched the hem of my shirt, then peeled it off me. Since it was another tank with a built-in bra, my top half was now completely exposed to him.

  He sucked in a sharp breath, and for a second, I was worried he didn’t like what he saw anymore. My body had changed a lot since he’d last seen me naked and it wasn’t all good. My areolas were bigger, my nipples darker.

  Obviously, my belly was hard and protruding. There were a few hairs leading down below my navel and a slightly darker line beneath them.

  “Fuck, you’re beautiful with my baby in you,” he breathed as he raked his eyes down the length of my upper body. When they came back to mine, there was a wildness in them I’d never seen before. “All I want to do right now is fuck you, but I’m not going to do that.”

  “You’re not?” My heart raced, and disappointment dipped in my lower stomach. I was so wet, my panties were damp, and I could feel how swollen and ready I was. “Why not?”

  “Because I’m going to make love to you.” He grinned, but his muscles were tight as he reached for my skirt and pulled that off too, along with my wet panties. He licked his lips as his eyes dropped again. “But first, I’m going to taste you.”

  “Can’t complain about that,” I said as I lay down on the bed, my legs spreading as wide as they could go. “I’m blaming my actions on the hormones, just so you know.”

  “Blame it on whatever you want. Just don’t stop. I love it that I can see how much you want this, want me.”

  “So much,” I moaned as he knelt be
tween my legs and blew cool air across my heated core. “Callen, please.”

  He gave me a wicked grin and gripped my thighs with his big hands. “Hang on to the sheets, my love. I don’t plan on stopping once I get started.”

  Thankfully, he got started right away. It didn’t take long before I learned that one of the articles I’d read about sex during pregnancy had been one hundred percent correct. I really did feel the orgasms right through to my gums.

  Screw toes curling. My entire damn body curled as he drove me to climax after earth-shattering climax with his mouth, and when he finally sank into me, completely bare for the first time, I was so sensitive that I came before he even started thrusting. Just the feeling of him inside me was enough to push me over the edge.

  “God, baby. You feel so good. So fucking tight. Tighter than before, even.”

  “It’s the pregnancy,” I gritted out before he started moving and the stars came closer yet again.

  He placed his elbows next to my ears and propped himself up, careful not to put too much weight on the bump. His eyes were on mine as he moved with slow, sure strokes that drove me out of my mind twice before he finally let go.

  It was only once he reached the point of no return that he finally broke eye contact, and that was only so he could rest his forehead against mine as he shuddered above me. He kissed me ferociously then, making me feel loved and safe and like I was some kind of miracle.

  When the last of his spasms subsided, he rolled off me so as not to collapse on top of my stomach and then he tucked me into his side.

  I peered up at him. “You don’t think it’s weird to do this while I’m pregnant?”

  “Nope. I plan on doing it as often as you’ll let me while you’re pregnant and every chance I get after.”

  “I can live with that.” I smiled against the skin of his shoulder and pressed a light kiss to it. “Do we have to go get Winter in a bit?”

  “No, Julia said she could stay over. I wanted tonight to be just the two of us. We’ll go get her in the morning.”

  Both of us dozed off after that, but it wasn’t long before Callen woke me up with his tongue between my legs and we started all over again. In between rounds of making love and drifting off, we talked.

  We talked about the baby and what we wanted for it. We talked about us and Winter and what we thought our future might look like. Callen also finally got around to playing me the song he wrote about me, and while hearing him sing about me in his low, gravelly voice reduced me to a blubbering mess, it also convinced me that I’d made the right decision.

  Even before he was willing to admit that he loved me, he’d pored the depths of his confusing feelings for me into his music and the result was as touching as it was beautiful. By the time we fell asleep, for a few hours this time, I knew in every part of my being that I’d made the right decision.

  Callen was not only the father of my child. He was also the love of my life. And though he hadn’t asked me to marry him, I had a feeling he would one day, and I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

  Chapter 39

  Callen

  “Dr. Malone, this is Callen,” Tiffeny said as we walked into the doctor’s examination room. “And this is Winter.”

  “The baby’s father and sister, I assume?” she said with a soft smile as she held out her hand to each of us in turn. “It’s wonderful to meet you both. I bet you’re excited to find out if you’re getting a baby brother or sister, huh?”

  Winter nodded, her eyes wide as she looked around the room but shining with the same excitement that had been there since we’d sat her down and explained to her what was going on.

  Actually, excitement was an understatement. Thrilled, exhilarated, or over the moon might have described it better.

  “I can’t wait for the baby to come,” Winter said shyly. “Daddy said we’re going to see him or her inside Tiffeny’s tummy today.”

  “You sure are.” Dr. Malone smiled and gestured at the two chairs on the opposite side of the bed from where her machine was. The chairs for any family members who wanted to come along that had remained unused during Tiffeny’s visits so far but would never be empty for another one of them ever again. “Why don’t you two take a seat, and we’ll take a peek at the baby?”

  She turned her attention on Tiffeny. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m good. Starting to get more and more uncomfortable, but I suppose that’s normal.”

  “Very much so. It shows the baby is growing well, so it’s good news.” She patted the bed. “Hop on up. Let’s see if we can get baby to show us what’s going on between those legs today.”

  Already used to the drill by now, Tiffeny lifted her shirt and tucked it into her bra before pushing down the soft waistband of her maternity jeans. She looked so damn beautiful with that bump, I got choked up at times when I looked at her.

  Tiffeny said a nurse named Beth had taken care of her at her previous couple of visits, but I was glad the doctor was here for this one. She’d been researching and asking me questions since we’d gotten back together last month, and I knew she’d been looking forward to asking the doctor some of them.

  Of course, she’d pointed out that I’d been through this before and, as such, should have been the one able to answer the questions myself. It had felt like a kick to the stomach. I’d grown quiet after that comment, sitting out on the deck strumming my guitar for about an hour after as I worked through the sting.

  As she’d promised, she hadn’t pushed me for answers immediately. She’d settled on the couch with a book and waited for me to come to her. It couldn’t have been easy for her to wait, and I knew she’d questioned whether I would keep up my side of our bargain, but I had.

  When I was sure I wasn’t about to say something that might fuck it up again and only after I’d reminded myself it would be different this time, I went back inside the house, lifted her feet, and took a seat before setting them down in my lap.

  While lightly massaging them, I told her the truth, that I hadn’t been very involved or present during Alice’s pregnancy with Winter.

  The band had been on tour, and while she had been with me, it had been our first big tour, and our days had been jam packed. There had been days that went by when I hadn’t even gotten to see her while she was awake.

  I told her about how I’d sworn it would be different next time, that I would be at every appointment and how disappointed I was in myself that I hadn’t kept that promise. Tiffeny had listened patiently, just like she always did. Then she told me I couldn’t blame myself for not being at appointments I didn’t know about, and she made me make her a new promise.

  So I promised again that I’d be there for every appointment, with the important addition of the words “that I know about.”

  I practically saw her heart break for me all over again. I knew my story had moved her to tears more than once, which I hated, but she’d assured me that it had placed things in perspective for her, had explained so much about my behavior that she’d forgiven me almost immediately for being the jackass who left because of one question.

  She’d also made it crystal clear that she wouldn’t let me use Alice or my past as an excuse but that she understood what had triggered me then and wanted to help me through it now.

  Tiffeny had a way of understanding me, of letting me know how she was feeling and about reasoning things out, that was almost superhuman. It was part of what made her her and I fucking loved her.

  Once when I’d tried to apologize again, she’d put a finger to my lips and said, “If this baby had to go asking about its father when I’d gone through all you had, asking if another man was you, Callen… I get choked up just thinking about it.”

  She’d continued on by saying, “Grief is complicated. I’ve been doing some reading on it so I’ll be able to support you, both of you, and the more I read, the more I realize exactly how complicated it really is. I love both of you enough to face it with you, tho
ugh.”

  Both of us knew we were in for tough times when Winter finally really did start asking questions, but we’d be ready. Or at least, we’d be as ready as we could be.

  Gel being squeezed onto Tiffeny’s belly jerked me out of my head. Here we go.

  Dr. Malone gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, sweetheart. I know it’s a bit cold, but trying to warm it up between my hands and then smearing it on is always a mess.”

  “It’s fine, I’m okay,” she reassured her. Then I slid my hand into hers to do the same for her.

  When I glanced over at her, her eyes were fixed to the screen. The doctor picked up her wand and brought it to her belly, dipping the end in the gel before she let it glide. “There we are. Hello, darling baby. Are you going to show us what you are today?”

  Apparently, there were other big things she had to look at today, which was why she was performing the scan herself, but I hadn’t wanted to look it all up. I’d discovered the internet was not my friend during pregnancy.

  Whatever she found—or didn’t find—freaking out about the possibilities beforehand wasn’t going to help anyone. She took some more measurements, her lips twitching into a smile as she noted whatever it was she was looking at.

  I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes when I looked at that monitor and clearly saw my baby for the first time. Releasing Winter’s hand for a minute, I curled my hand into a fist and bit down on my knuckles to keep myself from breaking down into a bawling wreck right there. I can’t believe I’m getting this opportunity. That’s my baby in there.

  Winter was just as captivated as I was by the screen, but she was bouncing lightly in her seat instead of wanting to break down and cry.

  “Everything is looking good so far. Just the way it should be.” She slid the wand farther. “Come on now, baby. Show us what you are.”