Texas Healer

by Jean Brashear

  The silence around them thickened. He thought about last night again, not that it had ever been far from his mind.

  “Forget I asked,” she said. “It’s none of my business.”

  “You’re right.” He glanced over at her, not sure he was ready to make the admission. “But…at least you know how it feels to—” He looked away.

  “To lose someone?” she asked. “Someone you’re supposed to save?”

  Rafe stared out the windshield, jaw tight. “Yeah.”

  “It’s not fair,” she murmured. “They expect too much of you.”

  He blinked. “What?”

  “Healing and fighting are poles apart. I don’t know how you survived it.”

  He looked over, and her green eyes fastened on his. For a moment, he couldn’t speak. When she looked too deeply, it weakened him. He couldn’t afford that.

  Her empathy was almost more than he could take. He wanted to grab her, hold her tight. Wanted to run far and fast to a refuge where those too-seeing eyes couldn’t reach. But what he’d comprehended last night hadn’t changed. Their paths were different.

  “You are an amazing man, Rafe Sandoval.”

  He stared. “What?”

  “You’ve taken something most people wouldn’t survive and turned it around. Made something horrible into something good.”

  “You’re wrong.” He clenched his jaw. “You don’t understand.”

  “I think I do,” she said quietly. “But the need of this valley weighs on you, doesn’t it? Gratitude is a heavy burden.”

  He couldn’t breathe. “I have to help Abuelita. I owe her.”

  “She wouldn’t ask if she knew how much it hurt you.”

  No, she wouldn’t. But that didn’t change anything. “I walked away from here. I rejected these people who never harmed me. My father’s people.” He swallowed. “It would have pained him deeply.”

  “If he was anything like your grandmother, he would have understood. He would have wanted the best for you.”

  His head whipped around. “You don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like not to belong anywhere, to have people on both sides who care about you but don’t have the faintest notion that you’re caught between them and—” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

  “I’ve never been split between two cultures, no,” she acknowledged. “But I do understand what it’s like not to belong anywhere.”

  How could she, in her privileged world? “Tell me.”

  She hesitated, cocking her head to study him. She must have seen what she needed because she nodded. “All right.” Slow and halting at first, her story picked up its pace, and he understood at last why she was so solitary. So afraid to trust.

  He waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. “I was lucky that my mom was so strong. Then there were Abuelita and the others in the village who helped out until my mother met Hal.”

  She brushed at her eyes. “My mother wasn’t strong. After that bastard left us, she just…folded. As if she was nothing without him. No thought that I needed her.” Her voice turned harsh. “I’ll never forgive her for that.”

  But he heard the pain and the fear. “You’re nothing like her, Diana.”

  Her head swiveled, her eyes bright with fury and resolution. “Damn right, I’m not. I’ll never let a man do that to me.”

  In that moment, Rafe thought he understood why she’d insisted that the attraction between them be relegated to just sex. Mere physical attraction was manageable. You could ignore appetites of the flesh, could wrestle them into submission.

  The heart’s hungers were a tougher task. Not so easily ignored.

  Or satisfied.

  If he was wise, he’d agree to her terms. She had wounds as deep as his own and a life that put her far out of his reach. Until or unless she was forced to accept that she could never return to the surgical suite where she defined herself, they might as well live planets apart. There was no future in getting involved with her. Already things had gone too far.

  But still something inside him rebelled. What he and she understood about each other was not something to cast away or scoff at.

  Neither were the differences between them.

  Yet again Rafe rammed headfirst into the cold, hard fact that his life was here and hers was not. Would never be, as long as she could hold out hope of recovery.

  And God knows he would never wish hopelessness on anyone. Especially a woman he had come to admire and respect.

  And want. Beyond all reason.

  “You’re wrong to cast all men in your father’s light.” Frustration made his voice sharper than he might wish in calmer moments. “Every marriage isn’t one-sided. Yes, he left you, but she played a part.”

  “I wouldn’t have stayed with her, either, if I were him,” Diana vowed. “But I wish I could have been enough so he—”

  “So he what?” He frowned.

  She only shrugged.

  Rafe clasped her chin and turned her toward him. “So he would have been there for you? Stayed for you?” He felt her chin quiver. Saw her blinking hard against the moisture pooling in her eyes.

  She jerked her chin from his grasp and averted her face, but not before he saw it crumple.

  He pulled the truck off the road and shut off the engine, then placed one hand on her shoulder. “You can’t think he left because of you.”

  She grappled for the door handle, but he was quicker, dragging her into his arms, feeling her body quiver under the force of her emotions.

  “Tell me,” he urged. “Talk to me.” Here was her poisoned wound that needed lancing.

  Tension wound her tighter and tighter, but he held on.

  Finally she broke. “He—he—” Her voice hitched. “He wanted a boy. Always. I tried to show him that I could be as good as a son, but it didn’t matter. Nothing I did ever—” She slapped against Rafe’s hands, wriggling to get away. “Let me go. I don’t want you to—”

  Rafe forgot about his resolutions to stay away. Instead, he slid out from under the wheel and pulled her into his lap, cradling her within his arms. “He was a fool,” he murmured into her hair. “He lost out on the an amazing daughter.”

  Finally the fight went out of her, and she sagged against his chest, sobbing her heart out.

  Rafe didn’t move, even though his hip screamed for relief. He pressed his lips to her hair and slid one hand up and down her spine, murmuring soothing words he knew she wasn’t hearing.

  When the storm of tears subsided, Diana’s body tensed as embarrassment caught her in its grip.

  “No,” he said. “It’s too late for that, Diana.”

  She relaxed slowly, her breath coming in halting half sobs until finally it eased.

  Rafe knew then that she was as open to him as she’d ever be. That he could seize the moment to turn her face to his and she’d welcome his kiss, his touch.

  But he didn’t want her grateful or weakened. He wanted Diana to come to him with all the power and edgy vigor that was hers. Wanted her to crave him as he did her, with mind and body and a spirit that was as strong as any he’d ever encountered.

  Wanted her to know it wasn’t just sex, nor was it a need for simple kindness or respite.

  Maybe he could even sway her to stay. Right now she needed him. Last night she’d made it clear she wanted him.

  But to do so would be wrong, so Rafe cast off what he wanted and did what was right for Diana. Sliding one hand over her bright hair, he tilted her face to his and carefully kissed away her tears.

  Then he smiled past the ache in his chest, pressed one soft kiss to her lips and gently set her back in her seat.

  But not a single word would emerge from his crowded throat, so instead he turned the key in the ignition and headed back into town.

  With Diana staring at him.

  Chapter Eleven

  She would escape at the first opportunity.

  They’d reached town; it was four-thirty. Diana’s duty was finished. She’
d done everything Evita had asked and more.

  More than she could bear to remember. How could she have fallen apart like that? Humiliated herself once again in front of him? He hadn’t given her so much as a look all the way back.

  “What does she want?” Rafe asked, staring through the windshield.

  Diana glanced ahead. Evita had stepped out in the street to catch his attention. “Rafe, Abuelita called. She needs your help.”

  “What’s wrong?” he demanded. “Is she hurt?”

  Evita’s curls bounced. “No, she’s fine. She just said she had a little problem and you were the only one who could help.” Her dark eyes glanced at Diana, twinkling.

  Diana looked away. She didn’t feel twinkly just now.

  “I need to—” Rafe sighed. “It can’t wait?”

  Evita shook her head. “She said it wouldn’t take long, but she wanted me to catch you as soon as I could.”

  Good, Diana thought. She could slip away to the cabin as soon as they arrived. Call Sam again or start walking to El Paso. She had to get out of here.

  “All right,” Rafe conceded. To Diana, he said, “I’ll drop you off at the cabin first.”

  “I can walk from her house,” she said.

  Rafe paused, looking at her.

  She didn’t return his gaze.

  “Diana—”

  “Forget it. I shouldn’t have—” She waved him off. “Just forget it, all right?”

  “You don’t understand—” he began.

  “Stop it. Please. Just let me go—” Home, she almost said. But she couldn’t go home. She wasn’t even sure where that would be. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  He cursed beneath his breath. “All right. For now,” he warned. He turned the truck around and headed toward his grandmother’s, and Diana tried to be grateful.

  Long before they reached Rosaria’s, Rafe began to frown and glance around at all the cars. “What the hell is this?”

  In front of Rosaria’s, a slender young woman with a swinging strawberry blond pageboy charged out of the gate, forcing Rafe to hit the brakes.

  “Oh, hell,” he said. He shot Diana a glare. “Did you know about this?”

  Before she could answer, the young woman had raced to his side and opened the door. “Happy birthday, big brother!” She threw her arms around his neck. “We’re throwing you a party. Are you surprised?”

  “Of course I’m surprised.” But affection blunted the grumble in his voice. “What have you done?” He turned off the key and slid out of the seat.

  “It wasn’t me—it was everyone.” She grinned and hugged him again, then peered around his shoulder. “Hello.”

  Diana nodded. “Hello.”

  “You must be the hotshot surgeon.”

  “Jilly—” Rafe warned.

  His sister slid past him and held out her hand. “I’m Jilly Sullivan, sister of Mr. Grumpy here. Welcome to La Paloma.”

  An awkward moment passed as Diana extended her left hand.

  “Oh—sorry. I forgot.”

  To hold anything against someone so wholesome and friendly was impossible. “No big deal,” Diana answered. “Pleased to meet you.”

  Jilly turned back to Rafe. “Well, come on. Everyone’s waiting.”

  “Jilly, I’m not a party person—you know that.”

  “Tell that to Mom,” Jilly said.

  Rafe sighed. “Why aren’t you in school?”

  “You can’t boss me around today,” Jilly chided.

  Suddenly Rafe grinned, an easy smile Diana had never seen. “I can boss you around any day, especially today.” He looped one arm around her neck and pulled her close. “It’s my birthday, remember?”

  They both laughed, and the sound of it tore at Diana’s heart. She had nothing like their closeness in her life.

  Jilly wrapped one arm around his waist, but leaned past to speak to Diana. “Come with us. The whole family wants to meet you.”

  “They’re all here?” Rafe asked. “Even—”

  Jilly nodded. “Every one of them. Liam and Raina flew in on a private jet—” She made a face. “Show-off. He picked up Dane in Utah and met Alex in El Paso. Mom’s in it up to her eyeballs. Dad tried to tell her you’d hate this, but the entire village wanted to do it, and it fell right in line with Mom’s plans.”

  “You go on,” Diana urged. “I’ll just run over to the cabin. I need to make a call, but I’ll come by later.”

  Rafe’s eyes narrowed. He hesitated, but Jilly pulled him with her. “Just don’t be too long,” she warned. “Or my mother will be on your doorstep.” Then they were off, Jilly chattering nonstop.

  Diana watched them go, Rafe’s step reluctant but his affection obvious. She heard the mariachi music tuning up and listened to the cheerful, excited voices. He deserved this. It would do him good. Pull him out of hiding.

  But for her…it was time to go. She slipped from the pickup and headed toward the cabin.

  She tried Sam again, to no avail. She would make more calls to try to secure transportation, but first she wanted a shower.

  She stood in it so long the hot water ran out as she tried to understand the jumble of feelings inside her. Part of her wanted to join the party, to watch the haunted Rafe being toasted by those who loved him so. To spend a little more time among people who’d become dear to her.

  But a wiser part told her that to do so would only make leaving harder. She dried herself off, studying the hand that felt stronger than before. She experimented with movement, eagerly noting that she could extend her fingers a little more without bracing her wrist. It always seemed to happen like this, little or no progress, then a sudden leap to a new stage just when she’d given up.

  She stared into the bathroom mirror. Maybe it was almost over. Hope stirred, not the hope that came from pure stubborn refusal to consider anything else, but an honest optimism, a sense that maybe at last her nightmare was nearly done. That she really would get her life back.

  For a minute, she wanted to run to the party and tell Rafe. He would understand, better than anyone, just what this improvement meant.

  The thought of leaving suddenly pierced her to the bone. Maybe he would come with her—

  No. To urge that would be wrong. Cruel, both to him and everyone here.

  They needed him. He was much loved.

  So she would stay put tonight. It wasn’t as though it was the first time she’d been on the outside looking in. Everything would be less complicated if she just made calls until she’d found a way to leave in the morning.

  That settled, she opened the bathroom door and headed for her phone—

  “Hello.”

  Diana grabbed at her towel, staring at the woman in her living room. “Who are you? What do you want?”

  Then she caught a good look at eyes she’d seen before, more gray than blue but unmistakably derived from this woman.

  “You’re Rafe’s mother.” Everything else was hard to credit. This woman was small and slender, shorter than Diana by two or three inches and just as blond. “You can’t possibly be old enough,” she blurted.

  The woman laughed. “Oh, dear. Rosaria said I would like you.” She crossed the floor. “I’m Celeste Sullivan, and you’re Dr. Morgan.”

  “Diana, please.” She clutched at the towel and looked down in dismay. “Excuse me. I wasn’t expecting—”

  “You needn’t bother on my account, but how about if I start us some tea while you change for the party?”

  “I wasn’t planning—”

  Celeste Sullivan waved her off. “Of course you must attend. Perhaps you know Rafe well enough to realize that parties are not his thing. He’d like to have you there—as a matter of fact, he was going to come after you himself, but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get him to come back if he ever escaped.” She smiled.

  Diana had to smile in return. “He wasn’t too happy about my part in getting him there.”

  “Well, then, you understand. Please come
back with me. My son might forgive me sooner.” She cocked her head and peered at Diana. “You’re driving him crazy, you know. I can tell.”

  “What?” Diana tensed. “I’m not doing any such thing, Mrs. Sullivan, and anyway—”

  “Celeste. And I know it’s none of my business except, you see, Rafe is my firstborn. I learned about being a mother from him. I love each one of my children in a wholly special way, but there is something about your firstborn that—” She waved one hand. “I can’t quite explain it, but you’ll understand one day.”

  Why did a pang hit her just then? “I doubt I will,” she said stiffly. “My career doesn’t leave much time for anything else.”

  “Oh, dear,” his mother said. “There I go again. Of course you’re right. Marriage and family aren’t for everyone.” Lightning-quick, she shifted topics. “You go ahead and get dressed, and we’ll walk over together.”

  Apparently, woe betide the person who stood between her and what she wanted for those she loved. Diana had heard of steel magnolias before, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever met one. Somehow she’d expected the expression to connote someone more brittle, but she realized her mistake now. Celeste’s will might be steel, but her polish provided the best camouflage Diana had ever witnessed.

  She would fight like a tiger for her son. Candor might be in order. “Rafe’s driving me crazy, too. It would be better for both of us if I just went my own way. I’m going to leave tomorrow, anyway.”

  Headed for the kitchen, Celeste turned. “Funny…Rosaria didn’t mention that you were a coward.”

  It wasn’t what Diana expected. She’d thought Rafe’s mother would gladly help her pack to be rid of her. “I’m merely being logical. My life is elsewhere. Rafe’s is here. What’s between us will fade with time.”

  Those eyes so like Rafe’s turned soft. “Oh, you poor dear. You’ve got it bad, don’t you?” She crossed the floor. “Not that I blame you. Rafe’s father turned me inside out from the first moment. The only saving grace was that he was just as crazed over me.”

  “You don’t understand. Rafe and I aren’t like that. There’s nothing between us, really. We haven’t even—” She could have bitten off her tongue.