With All Her Heart

by Kat Brookes

  Mason, who had taken up the rear, nearly walked right over him. It was only his reflexive grasp hooking onto his son’s narrow shoulders that kept him from stumbling forward.

  Thankful he hadn’t plowed his son over, Mason released his hold on Finn’s shoulder and looked to Lila. “I didn’t expect him to stop short.”

  She started back toward them. “Finn?” Her worried gaze zeroed in on the little boy. “Honey, why did you stop?”

  “I’m thirsty,” he told her, looking to the nearby vending machines. “And hungry.”

  “We don’t have time to stop right now,” she explained with a motherly smile. “We need to look in on Gramma Tully first.”

  “Momma,” their son pleaded, “I don’t want to see Gramma Tully sick.”

  Gramma Tully? Mason supposed he shouldn’t be surprised to hear Finn refer to Mrs. Tully as such. But family, whether blood related or not, was so important. He hadn’t truly appreciated that until Lila had come into his life. A young girl with no one to turn to, to guide her, to love her. Mrs. Tully had given her those things and so much more.

  His attention went back to Lila, who had reached out to lightly stroke Finn’s dark curls. Her curls, only looser. Their son was an undeniable mix of the two of them. “Oh, sweetie, it’s just a teeny, tiny fever. Nothing to worry yourself over.”

  Mason looked to his son and offered him a reassuring smile. “Why don’t you go have a look at what’s available in those machines while your momma and I have a few words?”

  Finn looked to his mother, who nodded her consent, and then happily took the detour he’d been hoping for.

  “I suppose a hospital isn’t the most comfortable environment for a young boy,” Mason said, keeping his voice low, despite Finn having already disappeared into the small snack room.

  “No,” she said, shaking her head in agreement. “He’s not a fan. But he’s done so well since his first visit here, when he was a bit overwhelmed by all the sounds and various hospital equipment. I thought he was past his fear of this place.”

  “Tell you what,” Mason said. “Why don’t you go on ahead and look in on Mrs. Tully? I’ll stay back with Finn and grab a couple bottles of water and some snacks for all of us. We don’t know how long it’ll be before we’ll be able to go have lunch.”

  “True,” she agreed, yet she appeared to be torn about leaving him alone with their son.

  “If you’re worried about me telling Finn the truth, you never really knew me,” he said in frustration. “I gave you my word back at the house, and I have no intention of breaking it. No matter how that is going to be.”

  “I do know you,” she replied softly. “Or did. And my heart tells me you haven’t changed.”

  No, it was Lila who couldn’t be trusted. “I thought this might give him a little time to get into a better mind-set before he sees Mrs. Tully. And it would also keep him from seeing her if she’s not faring well.”

  “I should have considered that.”

  “You have other things on your mind,” he told her. Like the lie she’d been living for the past nine years. But it wasn’t the time or place to get into her unforgivable actions. “Finn and I will meet you at Mrs. Tully’s room in a little while. If she’s not up to our company, give me a call and we’ll wait for you here.”

  She glanced into the alcove with a frown. “That’s probably a good idea.”

  “We both want what’s best for our son,” he said quietly. And it was true. Neither of them knew what they would find once they got to Mrs. Tully’s room.

  Before Lila could respond, Finn stepped out of the alcove to join them.

  “See anything you like?” Mason asked, glancing his way.

  His son gave a slight shrug. “Some stuff.”

  “Give me one sec to give your momma my cell number in case she needs to reach us, and then you can show me what you found. She’s going to go on ahead to check on your gramma Tully. You and I will meet her after we pick out a few snacks to bring to the room with us.”

  “Healthy snacks,” Lila inserted as she handed Mason her phone to put his number into.

  “Would I choose any other kind?” Mason asked as he typed his number in.

  “I remember all too well what you tried to pass off as being healthy when we were growing up.”

  “I promise not to be swayed by the not-so-nutritious choices,” he assured her as he handed her back her cell phone.

  “Fine,” she said, and then looked down at her son. “Be sure to mind your manners.”

  “I will, Momma.”

  As Lila hurried away, Mason accompanied his son back into the snack alcove.

  “Okay, so what’s caught your eye?” Mason asked and then added with a grin, “Keep in mind that I promised your mom we’d make choices that will help keep you healthy and strong.”

  Finn stood staring at the selections in front of him in silence.

  “Everything okay?” Mason asked.

  His son shrugged.

  “Are you worried about your gramma Tully?”

  Finn gave a slow nod. “I don’t like her being sick.”

  He offered his son a consoling smile. “None of us do. That’s why we trust in the doctors to see to her care, while we do our part by taking the time to pray for her.”

  “I don’t know how,” his son admitted, looking up at Mason with tears pooling in his dark eyes. “Is that why Gramma’s getting sick again? Because I didn’t pray for her?”

  The statement made Mason feel like he’d been knocked backward. Surely he had misunderstood. Was it possible that Lila had not taught Finn how to pray? That would change. He’d see to it personally. Reaching out to place a comforting hand on his son’s slender shoulder, he said, “Nothing about her illness is your fault. Sometimes, during the healing process, people take a few steps forward followed by an occasional baby step backward. This just happens to be one of those pesky baby steps. Your gramma Tully will weather it. We just have to have faith.”

  “Can I have faith if I don’t know how to pray?” his son asked.

  “They kind of go hand in hand,” Mason explained. “How about you and I say a quick prayer for her together?”

  Finn nodded, his worried frown easing. “If it’ll make Gramma Tully better.”

  “A little bit of praying never hurts,” Mason told him. “Let’s take a moment to bow our heads. I’ll guide you through the rest.”

  * * *

  “Where’s the fire?” Mama Tully asked as Lila rushed into her hospital room.

  Lila crossed the room to the bed and reached for the older woman’s hand. “The hospital called and said you had developed a fever and they were running tests.” Now that she had a moment to look Mama Tully over, Lila had to admit she didn’t look too feverish. At least not as bad as she had imagined when she’d gotten the call from the on-duty nurse.

  Mama Tully waved a hand of dismissal. “People make such a fuss over a slight rise in my temperature. I feel fine.” She looked past Lila expectantly. “Where’s Finn?”

  “He was hungry. Mason offered to wait with him in the snack area while you and I visited for a bit,” she answered automatically, as if her son being with Mason Landers was the most normal thing in the world. It wasn’t. And now that she thought about, her anxiety deepened...

  “Mason is with Finn?” Mama Tully asked in surprise, drawing Lila from her troubled thoughts.

  “Yes.”

  The older woman’s face lit up. But then it could simply be her fever making it appear so. “Does that mean he knows?”

  “That you’re a bit under the weather today?” Lila surmised and then nodded. “Yes, I told Finn before we left for the hospital. I wanted him to be prepared in case things had gotten worse by the time we got here. Which is why he was a bit reluctant to come to your room. But he needed to know the truth. Mason was
at the house when the call came and insisted on driving us to the hospital.”

  “I wasn’t referring to Finn,” Mama Tully said. “I was referring to Mason.”

  “What about Mason?”

  “Have you told him the truth?”

  Lila’s stomach dropped. “The truth?”

  “About his being Finn’s father,” Mama Tully said without reservation.

  Here it is, she thought to herself, heart pounding. The truth that had been unspoken between them for the two years Lila and she had been in contact again. Legs trembling beneath her, Lila sank down into the chair beside the bed. “You knew,” she said, more a statement than a question.

  “I’d had my wonderings. Especially when you did everything you could to avoid discussing who Finn’s daddy was. I realize there was a possibility there could have been someone else in your life after you ran off, but I couldn’t see that happening. You were too in love with Mason when you lived in Sweet Springs. But the first moment I laid eyes on Finn in my hospital room I knew for certain. Your son looks just like the little boy who grew up next door to me. Granted, he’s a bit smaller in stature than Mason was at that age, but then you’ve always been a wisp of a thing. And that’s why you never wanted to come back here, isn’t it?”

  Lila lowered her gaze, shame and embarrassment filling her. She had kept the truth from so many people she loved. And to have done that to Mama Tully felt like such a betrayal of all that trust and love. “Yes,” she said softly.

  “You know, honey, nearly dying made me realize how important it is to never leave things that need saying unsaid,” Mama Tully said reflectively. “Mason deserves to know the truth.”

  “He already does,” Lila said reluctantly.

  “And Finn?”

  “We haven’t told him yet,” she replied. “Mason only just found out today, right before we left for the hospital.”

  “I see. And how did he take the news?”

  “Not well, but I can’t blame him for feeling the way he does.” She frowned. “He’s given me a week to tell Finn the truth. If I haven’t, he’s made it clear that he’s going to tell Finn himself.”

  “Honey, I have to say that’s more than generous of him, all things considered,” Mama Tully said.

  “I know,” Lila agreed with a soft sob. Not only had she kept Finn from his daddy, but she’d also kept him from having his gramma Tully for all those lost years. A woman who would have showered Finn with love, just as she once had Lila.

  “Oh, Lila, sweetie, I can see how heavily this is weighing on you,” her foster mother said consolingly, despite the disappointment Lila could see in the older woman’s eyes.

  “It is,” Lila admitted. “It has for years.”

  “What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell Mason the truth when you first learned you were expecting,” Mama Tully said, her expression troubled. “That young man used to wear his heart on his sleeve where you were concerned, and I thought you felt the same way about him.”

  “I did.”

  “But you left him with barely a word of explanation,” she pointed out, her tone gentle. “I’ve not brought up the past during our phone conversations because I was afraid of pushing you away. But I’m asking you now. Why didn’t you come to me or someone else, especially Mason? Lord knows things might have been a bit complicated for the two of you at first, but you would have found a way to make things work with mine and his family’s love and support.”

  Complicated, Lila thought, her heart aching. Exactly what Mason preferred to avoid. “I left because I loved Mason,” Lila said in a choked sob, guilt and regret filling her. “We were both so young, and he had his heart set on following in his daddy’s footsteps.”

  “He didn’t, though.”

  “I know that now,” Lila said sullenly. “But I was so worried about hurting everyone that I didn’t allow myself to consider the what-ifs. I knew shame. Lived with it most of my childhood, having had parents who were constantly intoxicated or on drugs, sometimes both.”

  “Oh, sweetie,” Mama Tully groaned with an empathetic frown.

  “I wanted to protect Mason and his family, and you. Our being so young, not to mention unwed, while expecting a child would have made his becoming a respected man of the cloth an incredibly difficult path to travel down. It would have undoubtedly brought shame to his family, and they had always been so welcoming to me. And it would have hurt you,” she said, tearing up. Not to mention Mason would have felt obligated to marry her. That would have left her questioning if that was what he’d truly wanted, though they had talked about doing just that. What if he’d gone off to school and met someone else, or simply realized the dreams they’d shared were no longer the ones he wanted?

  “That was a hurt I could have gotten over,” Mama Tully told her. “A far lesser hurt than what I lived through.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Lila said, the reminder of the pain she’d cause her beloved foster mother causing her apology to catch in her throat. “You were the closest thing to a mother I’ve ever had. I couldn’t bear the thought of my actions reflecting badly on you or causing you to hate me.”

  Now Mama Tully’s eyes were tearing up. “I could never hate you, Lila. I just wish you had come to me. We could have figured things out together. It hurt me deeply when you ran away, but now, knowing what I do, I can understand how very scary an unplanned pregnancy must have been for you. Especially given the life you lived before coming to Sweet Springs.”

  “Getting pregnant at seventeen, even if Mason and I had only ever been together in that way one time, was a sin I’ve had to live with for the past nine years,” Lila said, pain tearing at her heart. Not that she could ever regret the sweet blessing she’d been given. “A sin that has kept me away from the faith you brought into my life.”

  “The Lord is good, Lila,” Mama Tully told her. “Ask for His forgiveness and accept it as so in your heart.”

  She gave a slow nod. She would try. And while God might forgive her, she knew Mason never would. Lila hung her head. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  “No,” her foster mother said, “I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry you didn’t feel secure enough to trust me with the truth. Sorry I didn’t let you know how much you meant to me. You were the daughter I had always prayed for but couldn’t make my own because of the system and its sometimes complicated rules. After your parents passed away, I made up my mind to look into adopting you.”

  Lila’s head lifted instantly, her tear-dampened eyes wide. “You did?” she gasped in disbelief.

  “I did,” she said tenderly. “Even though I knew you would be legally an adult by the time we made it to court, I was determined to see if it was possible.”

  “You never said anything,” Lila said, reaching for the older woman’s hand, which rested atop the white hospital sheet. Would that have made a difference if she had known? She wished she could say it would have, because it meant the world to her, but she still would have left.

  “I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case it was all for naught. But my prayers were answered. I learned that an adoption could take place despite your being of legal age and planned to tell you on your eighteenth birthday.”

  Lila sat, still trying to process what she had just learned. Mama Tully had wanted to adopt her. “Thank you for loving me enough to have wanted to make me yours. Having you as a mother would have been one of the biggest blessings the Lord could have bestowed upon me.”

  “Thank you for saying that,” Mama Tully said with a warm smile. “I will always be your mother. Maybe not by blood, but in my heart.”

  Lila was beyond touched.

  “And speaking of blessings,” Mama Tully went on, “the biggest one of all is right down that hall out there with the father he has always deserved. You and Mason need to set aside the past now and work things out for the sake of your son.�
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  “If only it were that simple,” Lila countered. It was complicated. Oh, there was that word again. It was as if it had taken a stranglehold on her life and on her heart.

  “Life rarely is,” Mama Tully replied with a nod. “But, sweetie, you have to know Mason’s been given a lot to deal with. He’s going to need time. Things are going to change for all of you. It’s inevitable. The most important thing is that you make those changes positive for Finn. You of all people understand how having, or not having, a parent or parents in one’s life can affect a child.”

  She did, because she’d not only missed out on having her father in her life, but her mother, as well. Mason hadn’t been given a choice, but her heart told her he would have chosen to have Finn be a part of his life, no matter the consequences. Guilt for the choices she had made ate at her.

  “I’m not sure where Mason’s thoughts are regarding Finn,” Lila told her. “He had just found out the truth about Finn when the hospital called. But he’d already made it clear when we first ran into each other that anything we once shared is in the past,” she said, her heart hurting at the truth of it. “And that he doesn’t need or want any complications in his life.”

  “But Finn isn’t—”

  “A complication?” Lila finished for her. “Can you tell me that finding out he has a son isn’t going to affect Mason’s entire life now? Or wouldn’t have done nine years ago?”

  Mama Tully frowned. “Of course it will. But that boy is a blessing, no matter the circumstances of his arrival into this world.”

  “I’m afraid Mason will decide that it’s more than he’s ready to take on. I don’t want to see my son hurt.”

  “I think you know Mason better than that,” Mama Tully scolded lightly. “His heart is every bit as caring and loving as it was when the two of you were together. He will love your son, his son, with everything he has in him.”

  “While I know things will never be the way they once were between us, I hope I can rebuild even a piece of the friendship Mason and I once had for Finn’s sake. In the meantime, I need to figure out the gentlest way to tell my son the truth about his father.”