by Marie Scully
If Nick is here, is my father here as well? I stop breathing for a second, my hand grasping the wine glass tightly. I’m afraid it may break in my hand. He can’t be here. I need to leave. Now.
I take a step around the table, making no sound, and then another. I can do this. But I know the moment Nick notices me: His voice drops off mid-sentence, and instead of finishing his thought, he says to the men in the suits, “Excuse me for a moment.”
I sense him making his way towards me. I know it’s useless now, but the panic is too much. My feet move on their own towards the nearest exit.
I move gracefully and quickly through the crowd, but I sense Nick behind me. I turn the corner towards the bathroom, passing another group of people quickly before going around another corner and back towards the front door. I made a circle for no reason.
As I grasp the cold metal knob of the door blocking my escape, I know I’m going to have to face Nick once I’m outside. In reality, there is no escape. I swing the door open, not bothering to hold it for Nick.
Nick is out the door before I can even finish leaning against the cold brick building. He stops in front of me, taking in my appearance. I know I haven’t changed much since he last saw me: I still have the same hairstyle, just a little longer, though I’ve gained some weight and muscle from eating regular meals and working on the ranch. While he’s taking me in, I take a second to do the same to him.
He looks almost the same as well. His hair is shorter, but he’s still wearing Italian suits and looks just as fit as I remember. The gym must still be where he goes to release his stress. The only difference I can see is in his eyes. The mischief that used to sparkle there has been replaced by a coldness that was never there before. His eyes have aged long before his body.
His lips open to say something, but no words escape—for once he’s at a loss for words. I don’t know who’s more surprised, him or me, when I say something first.
“Hi, Nicky. It’s been a while.”
“No kidding. We all thought you’d fallen off the face of the Earth. Have you been here the whole time?” he asks, taking a step closer.
“No. I’ve been a little all over. Honestly, I haven’t been in one place for too long. I took random jobs here and there. I waitressed at a bar that had live bull riding. The bar’s called Save a Bull, Have a Beer. No joke, that’s the name.”
Some of the old excitement returns to his eyes at that, just like I hoped it would.
“That’s different. I need to check that place out.” Then, just like that, his eyes glaze over with seriousness. “How have you been, Danny?”
For a moment I want to break down. Tell him how hard it’s been being on my own, how I miss James, Holly, and him. Tell him how much I hate our father. Nick would understand. He knows what my life was like. But I know I can’t. At the end of the day, his full loyalty is to our father. That will never change.
Coldly I respond to his unsurprising question. “I’ve been fine, Nick.”
“Everyone was worried about you. We all tried to get a hold of you, but I guess you got a new phone and got rid of all your social-media accounts. No one could find you. Holly was worried about you. I understand why you want nothing to do with Dad, but Holly didn’t deserve that.”
At that my temper rises. How dare he make me the bad guy in this situation? Has he lost all his brain cells in the last few years?
“You’re kidding me, right?” I can’t hide the shock and fury from my tone.
“Danny.” He goes to cut me off, but I can’t hear him above the pounding in my ears.
“Firstly, he’s not my father. At the most, he’s a sperm donor. My brother had just died, and he just went on and on about how James’s death meant nothing to him, that he ruined his night, while you and Holly stood there and said nothing. Like you always did. When it comes down to it, you’ve always just done whatever he asks. And you always will. You wouldn’t know what to do without him and his money. I did not and do not owe either of you anything.”
I push myself away from the wall and take a step towards him, years of anger filling me. He takes a step away. People walking towards us cross the street.
“At no point did you try to help James or me. You knew what my life was like. You knew how hard I worked to get that city apartment to get out of the hell I was living in. You have no idea how often I was robbed, concerned that I wasn’t going to make it out alive in some situations. You have no idea what it’s like to find your brother passed out on the floor dying and having to call 911. So no, Nick, neither you nor Holly deserve anything from me.”
I glance down and realize that I’m standing toe to toe with him, my finger pointing into his chest. I hear the restaurant door open behind us, but I don’t turn around to see who’s opened it. I’m too busy trying not to shove Nick into oncoming traffic.
“Danny, everything okay?” Liam’s voice drifts over. I sense him moving towards us, and I walk away from Nick, giving us both air. I look at Liam to gauge what he’s seen and heard, but Liam’s eyes are locked on Nick. I can tell he’s ready to get into an altercation at my word.
I quickly try to defuse the situation and say, “Everything’s fine, Liam. I just needed some fresh air.” I grab his arm and try to pull him back towards the restaurant. His feet, however, are firmly planted on the street, his eyes still locked on Nick.
I try again. “Liam, it’s fine. Let’s go back inside. I know there are more people you need to speak with.”
I stare at the side of his face, mentally trying to get him to do what I want.
Nick takes a step forward. Now I wish I had pushed him in front of a bus. He holds out his hand to Liam and says, “Hey, man. I’m Nick, Danielle’s brother. We were catching up on the family drama. I’m sure you know how it is.”
Liam looks at me as he responds, “Danielle’s brother. I was under the assumption that her brother passed.”
Nick looks between us. “Sorry, I meant half-brother. Like I said, family drama. I can understand why Danny never said anything about us.”
I look back at Nick, surprised by his words. He continues, his eyes back on mine. “I know we have a lot to talk about, and if you want to talk about everything, we can. I’m only here for the night, but I’m only a call away.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls his card out, holding it out to me.
I look at the outstretched card like it’s a snake ready to bite, but I accept his olive branch and look down at the black letters forming his name, number, and position. He is now vice president of our father’s company.
“Don’t worry, Danny. I’m the only surprise in town.”
I continue to stare at the card.
“We can just keep this family reunion between us.”
Nick takes a step forward and reaches to grab my hand that’s still holding the card, giving it a small squeeze. “I’m glad you’re doing well, Danny. Truly. Out of everyone, you deserve it.” With that, he walks back towards the restaurant.
I continue to stare at the card.
“Danny,” Liam asks, concerned and confused.
I’m tired. Emotionally exhausted. I wasn’t prepared to see Nick today.
“Liam, I can’t. I know you have questions but right now I just can’t. Please go back inside. I’ll be there in a minute. I need to take a quick walk and clear my head.”
Without another word and without looking at Liam, I start down the street. I feel his eyes on my back till I turn the corner out of his sight. I weave in and out of different streets, not destination in mind. I wander and try to calm down.
❖
“You’re too slow, you’re never going to catch me,” Nick yells at Holly, running fast to get away with the ball. I run to the left while he runs to the right. Holly is caught in the middle. She looks between us, trying to decide who’s the best to go after. It’s the perfect day to play soccer. I’d only been at the house for a few moments when Nick found me wandering the halls. He convinced me to go outside and play with
him and Holly. I wasn’t sure if I could or not. Father hadn’t said one way or the other. He’d just opened the door for me then gone back to his study with his phone firmly to his ear.
It was my first time visiting since we’d made our deal, and I didn’t want to do anything to mess up our agreement by doing something I shouldn’t. However, I wanted to play with them, and Nick was convincing.
It’s fun to play and run. James and I had never had a yard to play in. We would go to the park, but not all that often.
Holly makes her decision and takes off after me, so I turn around and start running as fast as my legs will carry me. I make a sharp left turn and see our father, standing on the porch with his arms crossed. His face holds a dark expression. My legs come to an instant stop.
Holly runs into me, tapping me on the shoulder. Her smile stretches from ear to eat till she looks to see what I’m staring at. She slowly shrinks into herself, taking a step away from me. I see Nick looking towards us. He takes a step forward then stops. There’s nothing he can do or say.
Our father has eyes only for me. There’s no way out and nothing that can be said to save me from whatever is coming. He doesn’t say a word. Instead, he points at me and beckons me over.
I slowly make my way towards him and follow him back into the house. We don’t make it far into the room when he turns around and says viciously, “You’re not here to play with my children. You’re here simply to right the wrongs of your mother. I’m grooming my children for greatness and I don’t need your interference. You were shown your room. I want you to go to it and stay there till you’re called. While in your room I expect you to think about responses to the following situations and questions.”
He pulls notecards from his pocket and holds them towards me. I look from him to the cards and slowly take them. They feel heavy in my hand. He nods and walks away from me, knowing that I’ll do what he asks. I have no choice.
I glance back at Nick and Holly running in the yard. I start to feel burning behind my eyes and look away, making my way down the quiet hall and up the stairs to my room. Once there I sit on the bed and spread the notecards out, reading and planning.
❖
My walk isn’t long. I end up making a large loop, ending across the street from the restaurant. A cab pulls up beside me and the driver’s eyes meet mine, silently questioning if I needed a ride. My hand reaches to grab the handle. I could go anywhere—start again. My hand wants to do that, but my feet want something else. They move me to the crosswalk in front of the restaurant.
Once I re-enter the restaurant, I search for Liam. When I find him, I make a beeline towards him, hoping that I can gauge his mood. There’s still time to catch that cab. My hands itch again.
Liam looks up when I’m only a few steps away. He moves to the side, allowing me to enter the circle that’s formed between him and three other men.
“Liam, what did you think of the race on Saturday and Malcolm Blue?” a man in an all-black suit and red tie asks over his glass. I miss Liam’s response as I look around the room for Nick. He must have done what he came here to do because I don’t see him in the crowd.
“Isn’t that right, Danny?” Liam’s voice enters my thoughts. All eyes are turned to me, waiting for my response. Shit. What was the question?
“I’m sorry—I missed what you said,” I say, looking at the men in front of me.
“I was telling them that you’ve become quite the rider and that they’ll have to keep a lookout once you make your debut,” Liam says again.
Laughing more cheerfully than I feel, I respond, “I don’t know about that. I think I’m going to leave the riding to Liam, but it never hurts to keep my options open.”
“Where are you from?” the man in the blue-and-white striped tie asks. I believe his name is Jim.
“I’m from a little of everywhere. I’ve been traveling all over for the last few years. Liam and I met through Ben Walker.”
“Liam was saying that you work for the Wild Horse Ranch. What do you think of it? I’ve heard some things about a horse they have there—Spark or something.”
I’m sure that he knows it’s not Spark but is trying to gauge my reaction.
“Flame.” Unable to hold back the strain in my voice I let it loose.
“Oh yes. Flame.” He nods as if he didn’t already know.
“I have nothing but great experiences from working at Wild Horse Ranch. Ben and his family have been nothing but kind. I truly enjoy working there.”
“How much longer do you plan on being there?” the man asks.
I feel Liam tense beside me. To anyone else, his body language is neutral, but I know his moods clearly now, and I quickly notice the change. I know he wants to know the answer to that question.
“As long they keep feeding me three square meals a day, I plan on staying for the foreseeable future,” I reply with a chuckle, trying to defuse the conflict going on in Liam’s mind. All the men laugh and Liam chuckles.
“I hear Flame has a good chance at winning the Belmont Stakes. Who’s riding him?” the man in the red tie asks.
“It’s inspiring that Flame has made it this far. Last I heard it was between Cole Mason and Will Gallagher.”
Red Tie looks back to Liam. “You’re riding in that race as well? How’s that going to go?”
That question gets under Liam’s skin and his eyes get harder. However, his voice is as even as it has ever been. “Like any other race. May the best team win.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Danny
We stay at the restaurant for another hour making the rounds. Everyone wants to know about Flame; they must have been getting nervous about the unknown. Thankfully Nick doesn’t show up again. His card sits at the bottom of my purse, calling to me. I want to know why he was at the event in the first place. The cab ride to the hotel is quiet, with both of us staring out our windows, lost in our own thoughts.
I don’t know what answer to give Liam. He deserves one, but I’m not sure I can give him one without breaking in the process.
The elevator ride is just as silent as the cab ride, and tension swirls in the air between us. Liam stands as far away from me as he can and looks at his phone. Each step from the elevator to the room feels like hours, the stress within me rising with every millisecond. Liam quickly swipes the room card, allowing us entry.
He enters the bedroom and shuts the door with a thud, leaving me in the entryway. I hear the water to the shower turn on. I throw my purse on the table and move to the couch, rubbing my face. This wasn’t how tonight was meant to go.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, Liam is sitting at the table, flipping through paper and reports.
“You’ve been out for an hour,” he says, not looking up from the papers in his hands. I stretch, trying to wake my limbs, and move to sit up. The air is thick, making it hard to breathe. It feels like I’m coming out of my skin. I need to move and quickly stand, drawing Liam’s eyes towards me. I begin to move around the room, my arms swinging back and forth, and years’ worth of information rushes from me, starting with, “I’ve tried not to think of Nick and all he represents for years. I got good at it. Even tricking myself into believing it was all a bad dream a few times. I thought that if I ran, as far and as often as I could, my past couldn’t catch up with me.”
I continue after a small breath that doesn’t help. “My family history is complicated, more so than most. Nick is my half-brother, and Holly is my half-sister. We were never that close. We were never allowed to be.
“When Mom died, there was only James and I. James was practically still a kid himself. After her death, nothing was easy. I was angry all the time. The kids at school were horrible. For lots of reasons. One day I just snapped and hit a girl in my class. She’d called mom a slut.” Tears fall fast, and I hiccup as the words fall from my lips.
I don’t even know if they’re making sense or simply falling from my lips in a jumble. “James came to
get me from school. God, it was all my fault.”
I grab Liam’s shirt and pull him closer, my frantic eyes meeting his. “It was my fault. All of it. He was in an accident; his leg took the worst of it, but the pain was just everywhere.” A whimper escapes me, and Liam’s hand holds my own, keeping me steady.
“He… he started drinking and doing drugs. He said it was only sometimes, and I believed him at first, but then I could no longer convince myself that it was the truth. That’s when I went to my father to ask for his help. Of course it came with strings. Everything with him does.”
A hysterically laugh breaks free from my lips. “He wanted my help, making his image better after… everything. The perfect family and businessman, though only to those that didn’t truly know him. But for James, I did it. I went to his events, talked to his friends, and played my part. But no matter how hard I try, I still can’t banish him from my nightmares. All his hateful words and actions. No matter how hard I try to be someone else, I can still feel the old me there. The one that wanted him to care for me and want my mom and James. The girl that wanted to be friends with Holly and Nick. When James died, everything crumbled, and I just ran. I shut down all my social media, finished school online, and just ran. With each new place, I felt like I was getting stronger, but it still haunts me, Liam. It was my fault. If the accident hadn’t happened, everything would have been different. Everything.”
His arms wrap around my back and pull me close. My tears fall silently, and I listen to his heartbeat, trying to breathe normally again.
“I got you, Danny. I got you. Whatever you need, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes close as I listen to his voice, and I let all the emotions and feelings boil to the top in Liam’s arms. He’s the first person that I’ve ever fully confided in. Not even James knew everything. I never told him just how bad our father was. I didn’t want him to feel guilty or to say screw it and leave the hospital.
“That’s my past. I want to leave it there. I don’t want it to keep following me around. I want to stay at the Wild Horse Ranch and be with you.”
