Not So Cookie Cover

by Aidan Wayne

He should have known there’d be a catch.

  Chapter Six

  “Oh.” Jerrell nodded, trying to tamp down his bitter disappointment. He’d still had a nice time. He still liked Rafi a lot and, attraction aside, he was also hands-down the most pleasant, non-judgmental man Jerrell had ever spent time with. If Rafi wanted someone to fool around with while he figured things out…

  At least Jerrell could be with him for a little while, before he moved on to someone he actually wanted. “Okay.”

  “It took me a little longer than most to come to terms with that aspect of myself,” Rafi said, smile shy. “But when I saw you at the cafe, I knew you were someone I wanted to get to know.”

  Jerrell tried to smile back. “Yeah, uh. Me too.”

  “That all being said, if I say or do something that makes you uncomfortable, please tell me. I don’t want to overstep. And I don’t want to insult you by accident, or push a stereotype on you.” Rafi shook his head. “I might still be learning, but that’s not an excuse for bad behavior.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind, for sure.” Whoever Rafi ended up with for real was going to be a lucky, lucky guy. Jerrell kept his tone light. “Don’t think you’ve got to worry though. You’ve been doing good so far.”

  “I appreciate your saying so.” Rafi grinned.

  “Anytime.” Jerrell took a breath. He wasn’t going to make things awkward. “We should probably head back. I can’t take up your whole day.”

  “I haven’t minded in the least so far,” Rafi said, reaching down to undo the brakes on his chair. “But you’re right. I have a few things I do need to get done today. I’ll just have to look forward to seeing you again.”

  “Yeah.” Jerrell stood. “We could talk about it while I walk you to your car?”

  Rafi smiled up at him. “I’d like that very much.”

  ***

  By the time they got to the parking garage, they’d made plans to meet again that coming Thursday, for dinner this time. Jerrell was already both looking forward to it and dreading it, because part of him knew that each additional interaction he had with Rafi would be another opportunity to fall harder for him.

  It was fine. He’d get Rafi for a little while. He’d get to pretend that someone like Rafi wanted him for real. That he was worth consideration and conversation, and flirting that wasn’t innuendo about how good he’d be in the bedroom.

  It was fine.

  ***

  Jerrell ended up regretting having Sunday off. If he’d been at the cafe, he could lose himself in work. As it was, he had too much time to spend alone in his head. He did some cooking for the week. He went to the gym. He caught up on some shows.

  He thought about Rafi.

  Monday was better. He woke up, got ready, went to work. Kept his head down. It was nice to have Mary back in the space and taking over. After three years, they worked like a well-oiled machine, moving around each other easily. Jerrell did what she told him to, happy to have his work to focus on.

  “So Melody said you met the Doc,” Mary said conversationally, around eight.

  Jerrell didn’t look up from his work. He had expected Mary or Melody to bring it up. They were the kind of sisters who were close. Had to be, to run a business together. Melody had probably told Mary everything. And was counting on Mary to get the new dirt and report back. “Yeah. Yeah, he wanted to compliment a cheesecake and got me instead of you.”

  “A few times, she said.”

  “Mm-hm.”

  “And that it looked like you two were getting along.”

  Jerrell bit the bullet. “He asked me out. We had lunch together on Saturday. It-it was nice. We’re going out again this week.”

  “Oh, honey,” Jerrell didn’t have to look at Mary to know she was smiling. “That’s great.”

  “Yeah.” He swallowed. “I like him a lot.”

  “It sounds like he already adores you,” Mary said. “Melody said that his face lit up every time you went out to talk to him.”

  “Melody’s been saying a lot of stuff,” Jerrell said, trying to sound more flippant and less resigned.

  “Well, neither of us thought you were interested in dating! Three years with us and nothing? But if you are, it’s about time you had someone. Rafi’s a great guy too. It’s a good thing, you and him.”

  For as long as Rafi wanted it to last. “Thanks.”

  ***

  Jerrell didn’t usually keep his phone on at work. It was a distraction over everything else, and difficult to check when he usually had hands covered in ingredients. So it was only after he’d hung up his apron and started his walk home that he took it out of his pocket and turned it on.

  He had several text messages, sent at about eleven.

  Rafi: I stopped by today, because I had a promise to fulfill.

  The next message was a picture of a small box of macarons. One each of the five flavors that the cafe sold. And then,

  Rafi: I’ve only had the chocolate and the pistachio so far, but they were both excellent. Saving the rest to try for a treat tonight.

  Rafi: I hope your day is going well! Looking forward to seeing you Thursday :)

  Jerrell couldn’t help his smile at Rafi thinking of him, of remembering about the macarons. It was such a silly, little thing.

  God, he liked him so much.

  ***

  The next few days passed quickly enough. Jerrell stuck to his usual routine. The only change was that now his days were often interspersed with texts from Rafi. Asking how he was doing, telling him stories about his own day, initiating conversations about anything at all. Rafi slipped plenty of flirting and teasing into text as well.

  It was fun to talk to him and to have the texts to look forward to. Jerrell just kept having to remind himself that he was a test run.

  And then it was Thursday and time for their second date.

  Chapter Seven

  The butterflies were back in Jerrell’s stomach when he went to meet Rafi at the restaurant they’d agreed on, and he ended up getting there almost ten minutes early. He picked what he wanted on the menu, and then, still with time to kill, started reading over the last text conversation he’d had with Rafi.

  Rafi hadn’t asked to see Jerrell at the cafe again, explaining that he hadn’t wanted to overstep in Jerrell’s workplace, but their texting had gone from a few sentences back and forth to full-out paragraphs. As they’d covered a plethora of topics, they’d also gotten more personal. Rafi had revealed that he’d been engaged, for instance. Only for a few months and over a year ago; it had been a not-quite-arranged-marriage, heavily encouraged by his family what with him being older and still unattached. He’d broken it off after realizing he couldn’t go through with marrying her.

  We got along well, Rafi had written, and I would have tried to make her happy, but in the end I know it would have just built resentment between us. I’d like to get married someday, but on my own terms, with someone I love completely and who, in turn, accepted and understood all of me. I was done trying to live with a lie.

  I know the feeling, a little bit, Jerrell had replied. Going out with people to try and live up to what society expects you to be. He’d sent a picture of his tattoo too. Rafi had yet to see it, since he’d only ever seen Jerrell in long sleeves. He’d explained what it meant to him.

  Rafi had responded with a simple, It’s beautiful.

  Jerrell might have worn short sleeves under his zip-up, in case Rafi wanted to see it in person.

  ***

  Dinner was good food, more talking, and lots of laughter. They each still had plenty to say even with having texted almost non-stop since Monday.

  They lingered over dessert–cheesecake, because Rafi really did like it a lot—though they both agreed that the cafe’s was better. But they also both had early mornings, and so kept a better eye on the time than they had last Saturday.

  It was still almost nine by the time Jerrell was walking Rafi to his car. It was way past his bedtime, but he co
uldn’t bring himself to care. He’d gladly trade a little sleep for more time with Rafi.

  “Oh,” he said as they stopped in front of the BMW. He’d just remembered about his tattoo. “I wanted to show you something.”

  Rafi looked up at him, hair haloed by the lights in the parking lot. “Yes?”

  Jerrell unzipped his hoodie and pulled out his arm, before pushing his left sleeve up to his shoulder. He crouched down in front of Rafi to give him a better view, so he wasn’t craning his neck up.

  “Oh,” Rafi breathed. His hand came up, but then he jerked it away, setting it back down in his lap.

  “You can touch if you want,” Jerrell offered.

  “May I?” Rafi asked, licking his lips.

  “Yeah.”

  Rafi brought his hand up again, carefully letting his fingertips rest on the top part of the inked flagpole. They stroked down and across, tracing each colorful line. “It really is beautiful,” he murmured.

  Jerrell’s breath caught. It was strangely intimate, being in the half-lit parking lot with Rafi brushing his fingers against his skin. “Thank you.”

  Rafi tilted his head back up, looking up at Jerrell under a sweep of lashes, hand still warm on Jerrell’s arm. “May I kiss you?”

  “Please,” Jerrell managed, not wanting anything more.

  It took a second for them to figure out the angle, with Rafi sitting down and Jerrell so tall, but after they did it was–

  Rafi’s fingers trailed down Jerrell’s arm until they reached his hand, lacing their fingers together, other hand coming up to cup Jerrell’s face, and Jerrell just closed his eyes and drank him in. Gladly took what he was being given.

  Jerrell’s breathing was shaky when they finally parted, but Rafi looked affected too, pupils blown in the dim lighting of the parking lot. He watched Rafi swallow, almost as if he was getting his bearings, then smile up at him.

  Jerrell had to smile back before he shivered a little in the night air.

  Rafi tugged at the zip-up. “Let’s put this back on. You’re cold.” Jerrell obligingly stood up to shrug back into it and tug up the zipper, Rafi’s eyes following the movement.

  “It’s late. And I know you have to get up early tomorrow,” Rafi said.

  “Yeah,” Jerrell said before admitting, “I just don’t want to say goodnight yet.”

  “Me neither.”

  They stared at each other, and then Jerrell was bending down again to catch Rafi’s mouth in another kiss. “I’ll text you,” he said when he pulled away. “Yeah?”

  “Please,” Rafi said at once. “Anytime.”

  Jerrell nodded. “I’ll see you later. Safe drive home, okay?”

  Rafi caught Jerrell’s hand again, bringing it up to his lips before letting go. “Have a good night.”

  “You too,” Jerrell said. Then he forced himself to turn and walk away.

  ***

  Later, at home in bed, Jerrell spent a long time awake and running through his thoughts, and he came to a decision.

  Yeah, okay, he was Rafi’s test-run. But if nothing else, Rafi deserved the best experience Jerrell could give him. A good first experience all around. Jerrell would have wanted one, if he’d been given the opportunity. Rafi deserved to feel special and wanted and… all the things Jerrell already felt for him.

  Rafi was attracted to him. He’d said so himself. And while he’d been unique in that he hadn’t said anything else, well, it was clear he’d enjoyed the kissing. It only made sense for Jerrell to offer him more.

  He knew he could make it good for Rafi. He wanted to.

  He also… he also got the feeling that sex with Rafi would be, god, would be so nice. Rafi was careful and gentle. He asked permission to touch. He treated Jerrell like everything he offered was a gift, as opposed to something to be taken freely.

  It was probably selfish of him, thinking about how Rafi would treat him, instead of what Jerrell could do for Rafi, but he couldn’t help it. Besides, that’s what a real relationship was, right? A give and take. People working together toward the best outcome for both of them.

  Collaboration.

  Jerrell rolled over and grabbed his phone from where it was charging on his nightstand. He squinted at the sudden light, then tapped out a message to Rafi. Would you like to come over sometime this weekend? I’m free Saturday and Sunday after one. It was another seven-day work week, but that was to get him back into having Mondays and Wednesdays off. He didn’t mind, especially as he wasn’t doing all the baking himself this time. Maybe we could make something together at my place. Rafi had expressed an interest in how food was made, and had admitted that he didn’t know his way around a kitchen at all. It would be a good way to break the ice.

  He was almost asleep when his phone buzzed. He groped for it.

  Rafi: I’d love to. Saturday? The sooner I see you, the better :)

  Followed immediately by:

  Rafi: But we can hash out the details tomorrow. Please sleep!

  Jerrel couldn’t help his fond smile. He set his phone back down and closed his eyes.

  ***

  It felt like a blink before his alarm went off Friday morning. Jerrell dragged himself up and set about getting ready for the day. He was definitely looking forward to his nap when he got off work. Because ugh.

  He got to the cafe and tied on his apron, washed his hands, and went to pull butter and eggs out of the fridge. Mary came in just moments later and gave him a once-over. “Late night?” she asked, tone teasing. She knew that yesterday had been his date with Rafi.

  Mary and Melody were both a little too invested in him and Rafi, Jerrell thought. He hoped they wouldn’t be too upset when Rafi called it off. Especially since Jerrell would be feeling pretty damn bad himself. He’d already spent some time trying to figure out how he’d tell them without making Rafi out to be the bad guy. Jerrell really didn’t want Rafi to stop coming to the cafe. He sort of hoped they’d be able to stay friendly, once it was all over. Though maybe Rafi might not want that, once he moved on to dating people for real.

  “That question sure got your head drifting,” Mary said with a grin.

  “Dinner ran kinda late,” Jerrell said. He certainly wasn’t going to tell Mary about the long minutes he and Rafi had spent kissing in the parking lot.

  “Had a nice time?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, real nice.”

  She nodded, satisfied. “Good.”

  ***

  After work, Jerrell went home, ate, then very happily crawled into bed for a couple of hours. Upon getting up, he went to survey his apartment. He wanted to get it ready for Rafi.

  It was a nice enough place. A fair-sized one bedroom that Jerrell had primarily chosen because he’d liked the kitchen. He kept it pretty neat, but things did sometimes stack up on his kitchen table or end up on the floor.

  He spent some time doing basic cleaning, picking stuff up, putting away his shoes so they weren’t in a giant pile right in front of the front door. Rafi had said that he did tend to leave his chair in favor of walking when he was at home, but Jerrell had no idea if that extended to visiting other people’s places. He figured it was better to be safe than sorry. They’d be spending a lot of time in the kitchen making the chocolate caramel cupcakes Jerrell planned to bake, so Jerrell made sure to push his floating counter back against the wall so there’d be plenty of room for Rafi to move around.

  Once he was satisfied with the kitchen and living room, Jerrell moved to his bedroom. He was planning on them spending time there too, depending on what Rafi wanted, so he wanted it presentable.

  When he couldn’t find anything else to adjust or put away, he made a grocery list, both to prepare for baking and to get general stuff for the coming week. Keeping himself busy.

  He tucked the list in a pocket, grabbed a jacket, put on his shoes, and left his apartment.

  ***

  “So this is me,” Jerrell said Saturday afternoon as he led Rafi into his place. He’d gone down to meet him and sh
ow him the way up. “Welcome.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Want a tour?”

  Rafi grinned. “I’d love one. Just a moment.” He twisted in his chair to grab the bag hanging from the back, and opened it to pull out what looked like a collapsible cane. A few clicks revealed that it was exactly that. Rafi leaned it against the wall and then asked, “Shoes off?”

  “Oh,” Jerrell said. “It’s okay to leave ‘em on, if it’s easier for you.”

  “It’s alright. I don’t mind.” Rafi was wearing jeans and another sweater, and his shoes were bright white sneakers. He unlaced them and set them next to Jerrell’s much more beat up Nikes. Then he reached for the cane again and stood up.

  It was a little startling to have Rafi stand, after only ever seeing him sitting down. Rafi was still shorter than him by a few inches, but him standing versus sitting meant that they were suddenly a lot closer. “Wow,” he said licking his lips. “Um.”

  Another grin, Rafi’s playful one. “Wow?”

  They met for a quick kiss, but Jerrell didn’t want to keep Rafi standing in the foyer. He reached for Rafi’s free hand, and Rafi was quick to link their fingers together. Jerrell gave him a happy smile. “C’mon, I’ll show you around.”

  He saved the kitchen for last, circling back to it after pointing out the bathroom, his living room/dining room area, and the door that led to his bedroom. Rafi took in the counter, already set with Jerrell’s food scale and stand mixer, and the butter and eggs Jerrell had left out so that they’d warm to room temperature. “You’re very prepared I see.”

  Jerrell grinned at him. “Well, it’s kinda my thing.”

  Rafi nodded, giving Jerrell’s hand a squeeze. “I’m looking forward to being with you in your element.”

  Jerrell tucked away how happy that made him. “Looking forward to sharing it.” He let go of Rafi’s hand to grab two aprons off the hook where he kept his collection. Family and friends tended to get him them as a good go-to souvenir or present. He held one out to Rafi, cheeks going hot when he realized he’d grabbed the navy one emblazoned with I cook as good as I look that had been a gag Christmas gift a couple years ago. Rafi gave it an amused glance before slipping it over his head.