Kai

by CORY CYR

  “Shut up. Who cares about them or anyone else that has some opinion? You have no idea how many people hated Gabe in the beginning. Let’s just say she didn’t have a ton of fans. I married her anyway because I loved her and frankly didn’t care what anyone else thought. I couldn’t imagine being without her. What it comes down to is it’s your life. If you’re going be at peace without Tegan, then let her go. But if you can envision some sort of future with her, then speak up. If she’s gotten to know you, she realizes you have the capacity to be douchey. She’ll forgive you, especially if she feels the same. But you have to let go of your pride and just go for it. Let go of your fear and be honest.”

  “Douchey, huh?” I laughed. “You’ve given me so much to think about.”

  “You know what to do, Kai. I’m glad you called and told me everything, especially about the drinking. That has me worried. Bro, please do something before you lose control. You had restraint for three years, right?”

  “Of course I did. A cocktail here or there, but no binge drinking or blackouts. It’s actually what got us together. She kind of saved me. But now it’s gotten worse, and if I screwed another woman while I was gone, that would kill me. I don’t think I could live with myself, and I would have to tell her. But Jesus, I can’t remember jack from the last four days. I woke up in my hotel suite with some half-naked chick, but she told me I was too drunk to get it up.” I took a breath. “Do I tell her about that?”

  “I’m all for candor, but I definitely would leave out that tidbit. You have enough on your plate without revealing the fact that your libido is running the show instead of your heart. She’s already going to be upset, and your four days of binge drinking and most likely screwing other women will only add fuel to the fire. I’d weigh her demeanor before I shared that info.”

  “Well, Riley, you’ve given me a ton of shit to think about. I’ll go to my office, then go talk to her. I need to keep busy, because I really want a drink right now.”

  “You’re stronger than that desire for booze. Allow Tegan to quench that thirst. I truly believe once you talk to her and let go of your angst, you won’t want that drink. I think the two are tied together. If you let one go, the other will follow.”

  “How is it you’re three years younger and so much smarter?”

  “Having kids, you gain wisdom. I’m telling you. By the time I’m thirty, I’ll be a Rhodes scholar.”

  We both snorted at the same time.

  We spoke another ten minutes about mundane things, then said our good-byes. I felt calmer after the phone call. Riley had given me two things to contemplate. One, to allow love in my life, or the other, to end it. I couldn’t have both, and I had a deep-rooted feeling that either one could ruin me.

  * * *

  I pulled a vintage surfer shirt over my head and slipped on a pair of sandals. Reese and I both wore casual clothes to our offices. Jasper was the only one who found it necessary to wear a suit and tie in ninety-degree weather. Once I got to my desk, I sat, viewing all my messages. There were five from Jasper and three from Reese. I grabbed water from the refrigerator, then looked out of the window down at the main floor of the fitness center. It seemed packed for four o’clock.

  I left a message for Jasper. I didn’t need to get ahold of Reese. Since he already knew I was here, he would probably pop in before dinner. I wondered if I should call Tegan or just show up. She would be having dinner by the pool sometime after five. I could just go and see her, but if Ronnie was there, we couldn’t really have a private conversation.

  What was I thinking? I couldn’t just sit my ass down next to her. Talk about making shit obvious. It was not my nature to cozy up to one of my clients. Besides, Tegan was going to be mad, and the last thing I wanted was a public confrontation.

  “Where the hell have you been?” Jasper growled as he swept in and flopped down on the sofa.

  “I left you a message. Didn’t you get it?” I asked, knowing full well he not only listened to it, but most likely saved it.

  “Obviously, I received your voicemail, but it seemed a little lacking in information. We didn’t know exactly which island you went to,” he said, staring at his manicure.

  “What are you, my mother? I didn’t think I had to tell you my exact location. Next time, slip a tracking device in my pocket if you want to be so goddamn obtrusive.”

  “You must have had a good time, because you are so secretive. Care to share what you did the last four days?”

  Probably would if I could remember. “No,” I replied as I shuffled papers back and forth so I wouldn’t have to make eye contact. Damn Brit always knew when I was hiding something. “Look, I’m back, so let’s move forward. Anything exciting happen while I was gone?”

  “What I miss, anything newsworthy?” Reese exclaimed excitably as he strolled in.

  I shook my head. “Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?” I remarked before taking a gulp of water.

  “Your door was open. Listen, I just overheard an employee of ours share something that should be confidential and is not in compliance with our privacy promises. We need to terminate Susan Wykoski.”

  “Wait a minute. The hot nurse from our medical bay? What the hell, Reese? Should you even be privy to the woman’s conversation? If she gave out medical information as part of her position, and it was in the context of patient-doctor confidentiality, how would you be close enough to overhear anything? I want to know the context of this chatter before you say another word regarding it.” Jasper spoke with concern.

  “Yeah, it’s kind of fucked up. It reminded me of water cooler gossip. Women, they always talk. But I never expected it from Susan. She signed an NDA when she was hired, but as part of the medical staff, to tell the truth, she is the last person I’d expect this kind of behavior from. And if what I heard is true, it could cause problems for VIP, on top of the fact Susan could lose her job for breaking the NDA, as well as her medical license in regards to HIPPA. You need to fire her, Jasper. You’re good at it,” Reese announced.

  I nodded in agreement. “He’s right. You always take a no-nonsense approach when it comes to the employees you aren’t sleeping with.” I paused with a grin. “Actually, you’ve brought the hammer down on a few of them. But this is serious, and if she is fucking with VIP, she needs to go.”

  “Oh, shut it, both of you. Just because I take our business serious, do not make me out to be the tyrant. First, we need to know exactly what you overheard. Then, as a unit, all of us need to decide the best way of handling the situation. So what has she been saying that has you so wound up?”

  Reese leaned against the far wall, looking at Jasper. “You already know about Tegan Scott’s mishap four days ago, but, Kai, you were MIA, so I’ll tell you. She fainted dead on. If I hadn’t caught her, she would probably have a concussion,” he bragged.

  I could feel my frown lines tightening across my forehead as I tried to hide my concern. I should have been there. I should have been the one to catch her.

  “I initially went to her table to congratulate her on conquering boot camp. Kim couldn’t stop talking about what a warrior she was. Then she passed out, and truthfully, I thought it was from doing the obstacle course. It had been a hot day, and even though she’s losing weight, I thought maybe it had been too much for her. Susan told some of her employee friends she had suffered a miscarriage. Based on the rest of the conversation, I guess Tegan might have not known she was knocked up, because according to the gossip, she wasn’t that far along. One thing’s for sure; someone here on the island got her pregnant.”

  Now I felt faint, perspiration dotting my face. My skin prickled as I curled my fists by my sides. Pregnant. Was it Reese?

  Stop with the denial. You already know the truth. And she was alone when it happened.

  “Bloody hell, that’s just great. I’m not familiar with the kind of money or power Tegan Scott wields, but any of this could hurt our reputation, especially if Susan decides to tell anyone who will listen.” Jaspe
r glared at Reese. “Are we sure this information is true? Susan could be making it up to cause problems. What drives women to always chitchat? I think that may be why I enjoy using a ball gag so much.”

  I turned my body toward the all-glass window. I hadn’t been here to help her. Reese, that bastard, had come to her aid. I was the one that didn’t use a condom that first time. I did this to her.

  You don’t know that.

  But I did. In my heart, I knew that miscarriage was my doing. Had it happened because I’d abandoned Tegan, leaving her to wonder? I was cursing myself for leaving, drinking, probably fucking another woman, and anything else I could blame myself for.

  “It was me,” I announced abruptly.

  “What was you?” Jasper asked.

  “We’ve been having an affair for a while now. I left because I couldn’t face the truth about Tegan, and I started drinking again.”

  Reese walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder. “Why didn’t you say something?”

  I turned to face them both. “I was embarrassed, ashamed, confused… all of the above. I did this to Tegan, and then I ran away like a foolish child. I don’t know if I can fix this thing between me and her.”

  Reese appeared surprised, but Jasper looked livid.

  “You knocked her up, you stupid, arrogant prick. What happened to all those rules you spouted off every five minutes? You never fuck without a condom… Well, obviously that’s a lie,” Jasper bellowed.

  I tried defending my actions. “I was shit-faced. I had too much to drink, and it just happened.”

  “Fuck you, Kai. You already confessed to an affair. What, were you pissed the entire time? And don’t get me started on the booze shit. I thought you falling off the wagon before was an error in judgment. Do we have to ship you off to rehab again? It wasn’t that big of a deal three years ago, but now we’re well known, and your actions will be widely publicized. I frankly don’t know where to start. The alcohol, the ex-porn star, or the fact that she goes completely against your rules. Not mine, but your damn rules.

  “She could sue us, and she would win because her personal trainer took advantage of her… Or maybe she’ll say you forced her. Everything we worked for out the fucking window because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. All the women in the world, and you had to bang your client, the infamous one.

  “I don’t get it, Kai. Explain it to us, because it won’t only be you who suffers if she decides on a lawsuit. If you go down, we all do. So right now, you do whatever you have to in order to fix this. Swear undying love. Get on your hands and knees and beg forgiveness. I don’t give a damn, but you make her compliant. Once you get Ms. Scott under control, we need to discuss what needs to be done concerning your drinking.”

  “I love her,” I whispered as Reese and Jasper gawked at each other.

  “Are you drunk?” Jasper asked incredulously.

  “No, I’m sober and my mind is clear. I thought booze could keep my emotions at bay, but it didn’t help. I think it made it worse, because I can’t remember the shit I’ve done. The one thing I am sure of is that I do love every single pound of her.”

  Reese grinned because he got it; he just never thought I would.

  “What happened to all the rules you live by? I don’t understand this,” Jasper said, throwing his hands up.

  “I can’t really explain it. Tegan gives me serenity. I’m happy when I’m with her and drinking if I’m not. But how I feel doesn’t matter. She probably hates me. I left without saying a word to her. I was supposed to be the one by her side when she did boot camp, and I should have held her hand through her loss. I deserve every bit of her animosity. I only hope she’ll forgive me.”

  “Are you sure this just isn’t one of those fetishes? You know, maybe you wanted to feel someone big and fleshy underneath you? Think about what you’re doing. Tegan Scott will be bad for business.”

  “Fuck you, Jasper. I knew every moment I was with her that the business might suffer and that I would get grief from both of you. She’s a good person. Beautiful and funny. Smart and captivating. When I’m not with her, I want to drink. She keeps me sober.”

  “Jesus, Kai, you can’t use her to maintain your sobriety,” Reese said.

  I shook my head. “That’s not what I meant. Denying my feelings made me drink.”

  “Both of you will be the death of me. Kai, you need to stop and think about what you’re doing, because whatever you decide will directly affect us. Can you hold off on this love thing until she drops more weight?” Jasper asked cynically.

  My jaw dropped, and Reese frowned. “How do I say this so you’ll understand it in British terms? Go fuck yourself, mate. I need to do damage control now. I need my girl, and honestly, I want her. God help the woman that falls in love with you, you sardonic bastard,” I uttered.

  “I can’t stop you, but you’re making a huge mistake. I’m begging you to keep this on the down low just for a bit. I’ll get with our publicist and let him figure out how to handle this.”

  I scoffed. “Jesus, you’re acting as though this is a major catastrophe. Will people really care if we’re together? And I could be jumping the gun. Tegan may not even want me. Anyway, I’m no longer going to allow other people to dictate my feelings. I’ll figure it out. You forget VIP was initially was my dream. I’m not just going to throw it away.”

  “Then this is yours to handle. God speed,” Jasper declared cynically.

  Reese slapped me on the back. “I’m glad it was you. I thought for sure you’d blame me. Tegan didn’t want me. She didn’t want anyone, but I guess you must have changed her mind. I’m good with you two, and I hope it works out.”

  “You and me both.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Tegan

  I woke up feeling sick, guilt slapping me in the face. After four days, Ronnie still wouldn’t even look at me after she found out I had a miscarriage. I still couldn’t believe I’d been pregnant. I was a horrible friend. I should have told her the truth about Kai, because now it was too late. She was hurt.

  I pulled on terry shorts and a tank. After using the bathroom, I ran the brush through my hair, then clipped it up. I was still pale, and my eyes were swollen from crying.

  My hand swept across my belly. How could I not have known? Had I ignored the signs? Weren’t women supposed to have a maternal instinct?

  I dragged myself out to the living room. My appetite surprised me; I was famished. The food was sitting on the nook table outside with Ronnie.

  “You shouldn’t have let me sleep so long,” I said softly.

  “I figured you needed it. The food was delivered fifteen minutes ago, so if you’re hungry, eat. I have no appetite,” she uttered dryly.

  I sat on one of the chairs. “Please, Ronnie. I am so sorry I didn’t tell you everything. I didn’t have a clue I was pregnant. You know my periods are either feast or famine. You have to forgive me.”

  Ronnie finally looked at me. “I do forgive you, but you knew you had sex, and you obviously didn’t trust me enough to share that information. Instead, you made up stories of what you were doing. I’m not upset because you were getting laid. I’m hurt because we’ve always shared everything.” She paused to drink her coffee. “Have I done something to screw up our friendship? Are you mad at me? Is that why you kept me out of the loop?”

  My hand reached out to her. “God, Ronnie, you are my best friend. I love you. But this thing… I couldn’t share it with you. I knew you would go crazy and convince me to end it. But I couldn’t. No matter what happens with him, I can’t change my feelings. I love this man.”

  She squeezed my hand. “You should have been honest with me. I’d understand. I want you to be happy. Don’t tell me it’s Reese, because I’d have to do a complete mental adjustment to accept that.”

  “No, it’s not him.”

  “Well, then where the hell was he? The man you supposedly love wasn’t even with you when you needed him. I don’t get it. Yo
u sure it’s not Reese?” she probed.

  “Stop, Ronnie. I swear it’s not Reese. Please don’t make me think about why he wasn’t with me. I’m still trying to figure out why he took off without telling me.”

  “You’ve been with him for how long?” Ronnie questioned.

  “It doesn’t matter. I always knew once I left here, it would be over. In the beginning, it was adventurous, but then I fell for him, fully aware that he would never stay with someone like me.”

  “What the fuck do you mean someone like you?” Ronnie asked angrily.

  “Old and fat.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? Any man would be lucky to have you. You’re beautiful, have an amazingly compassionate heart, and you’re a respected and wealthy business owner. You’re definitely not ready for social security anytime soon, and you’re already down what, two or three dress sizes? Sure, you’re a retired adult film star, thirty-seven, and adore cupcakes. Whoever he is, he would be stupid to pass up such a person, and if he can’t see past the flaws, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

  A loud knock on the door interrupted us.

  “You sit. Eat something. I’ll get it. You’re supposed to rest,” Ronnie said as she stood.

  A few moments later, I heard Ronnie snap, “Shit. Seriously?”

  I looked up to see Kai, who appeared weary.

  “I am so sorry,” he said.

  “There’s a lot of that going around. I can see why you didn’t tell me, because you’re right. I would have lost it. You do understand this guy is just a player and fucking you was either a bet or some kind of joke?” Ronnie seethed.

  “Can you leave so we can talk? This is neither a joke nor a fucking bet. Stop positioning her against me,” Kai roared.

  “I didn’t even know you were the guy until two seconds ago. Where the hell were you when she needed you? Oh, let me guess. You were fucking someone else. That’s your MO, isn’t it, Kai?

  Color flooded his face. I couldn’t bear to know he had left to be with someone else because I wasn’t good enough.