“Can we make floats?”
“You sure can.”
“Yippy!” Faith squealed and started for the stairs. “I’m gonna get the dollhouse so it’s ready when Rory gets here.”
I watched as my excited daughter bounced up the stairs to get the wooden dollhouse she and her friend would spend hours gluing together, and reminded myself that was why I was fighting the Towlers. I was protecting that exuberance and free spirit. They didn’t want her, they wanted to punish me. They didn’t love and care about her well-being, she was a pawn in their disgusting game.
The PI the Towlers had sent to Kent County to dig up dirt on me was not a very good one if Nixon had found him hours after his arrival. Nix had called to tell me the investigator was in town and he’d send me a picture so I knew who to look for. He’d also ensured me he’d had a chat with the man and made it clear he was not to approach me or Faith. If he did, I was to call Nix or one of the other guys right away. So far, I’d seen the PI but he hadn’t gotten close. Even if I hadn’t received the picture, I would’ve been able to spot the man. He wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. Though, if I hadn’t known who he was, I would’ve marched my happy ass straight to him the first time I saw him lift his camera in my direction and kicked him in the balls.
I couldn’t say I was pleased some creep was taking pictures of Faith and me, but I could say I was mighty happy that even though Beatrice had taken out a second mortgage she still couldn’t afford the best. This lawsuit was going to eat through my savings quickly enough as it was.
My gaze went out the window and I smiled when I saw the piles of snow. Later today, after Rory and Faith were done putting together the dollhouse, I’d take them outside to build a snowman. There was a small courtyard between my front door and the restaurant next door—it would be the perfect place to let the girls have some fun without worrying about Alec losing his mind because his daughter’s picture had been taken.
There was a knock at the door and a tingle went up my spine. I knew that feeling, the same dread I had whenever Holden was near.
“Is that them?” Faith yelled down the stairs.
I turned and found her looking down at me from the landing.
“No, baby. Rory’s not getting dropped off for another few hours.”
“I thought maybe she was early.”
“Nope. Macy would’ve called.”
Without further complaint, Faith rushed back up to her room.
My plan to ignore the door was dashed at the very loud pounding.
I wanted another altercation with Holden—never. But more than that, I didn’t want to have one with my daughter around. I wasn’t a very reasonable person on a good day; being confronted by Holden’s presence sent me over the edge, straight to insanity. I was still in deep denial, telling myself I no longer loved him.
Now I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about how destroyed he looked when he told me he couldn’t have kids. No way he’d lie about that, would he? No. I quickly shoved that thought aside. Holden could be an ass but he’d never lie about that.
I wanted her to be.
I wish she was.
God, why did he have to say those things? It had taken all of my strength not to rush to his side and pull him into my arms. Despite everything he’d done to us, it killed to see him in so much pain.
But I couldn’t. He didn’t want me to console him. He didn’t want me to touch him. He didn’t want me, period.
How the hell could he blurt out something so huge, then not elaborate, not talk about it, not tell me if that was why he’d left me? And if that was the reason, I didn’t know how I felt about that. Furious came to mind, but so did sadness.
Time. I just needed more time and one day I’d forget about him. But when the third knock came, I knew today would not be the day he started to fade into the back of my mind.
No, today was going to be the day I made it clear, he was never to show up at my house uninvited, and since I’d never invite him, he’d never be welcome.
I was on the bottom step when the fourth bang started.
“Keep your pants on.”
I threw the door open and froze.
That single moment of extreme fear was a moment too long. I started to slam the door but a very large man shoved it open.
Then my world went black.
Faith.
“Charleigh.”
Someone called my name. Though it sounded like I was in a tunnel. A long, dark tunnel. I was running, trying to get to the end—I had to get to Faith but I couldn’t do it. Every time the end drew near, the road in front of me would lengthen and I’d have farther to go.
Why was Faith running from me?
“Why isn’t she waking up?”
There it was again, a whisper of a voice. I wanted to wake up and get out of this nightmare.
“I’ll be back.”
Holden.
He was there. Was he taking Faith? Why couldn’t I catch her? Where’d she go?
10
Holden had known terror. He’d known dread. He’d felt the gut-clenching fear of a firefight, moments when you weren’t sure if you or the men by your side would make it out alive. But he’d never felt those things when they were coated in love. Seeing Charleigh’s blood spilled in the foyer of her apartment had almost been his undoing. In the single most difficult moment of his life, he had to hold himself together. Push away every emotion so he could find Faith. He couldn’t think about what had happened to Leigh-Leigh or he’d lose control.
“Are you sure you want to go before she regains consciousness?” Chasin asked when they stepped out of Charleigh’s hospital room.
Fuck no, he didn’t want to leave her side. But he knew Charleigh would put Faith before herself. That was the only reason he was leaving her in a hospital bed with a fractured skull and a concussion.
“Faith’s been gone for three hours, it doesn’t matter what I want. I need to find her,” Holden replied, nearly choking on the words.
“Where are you gonna go? We have no leads,” Chasin reminded him.
They had jackshit because when Macy had found Charleigh, she was sprawled out on the floor, a pool of blood waterfalling down the stairs where Charleigh had cracked open her head. After a call to 911, she called Alec, who called the rest of the team and everyone descended on the scene at the same time.
Faith was gone.
They’d looked in every closet, under every bed, in the cabinets, in the attic space, anywhere and everywhere Faith could’ve hidden, they looked.
Just gone.
And no one saw a thing. There were no security or traffic cameras in the area. They had nothing to go on. Except Holden did. His gut screamed the Towlers had taken her. The question was, how had they overpowered Charleigh. Beatrice was old, Charleigh would beat the hell out of the woman if she’d threatened to enter. Patricia might be able to take Charleigh, but with Faith on the line, he doubted it. Besides, Charleigh had no defensive wounds.
No, she had a fucking possible fractured skull and a missing child.
“I’m going with you,” Chasin said.
“I need you to stay here with Charleigh.”
“The rest of the team and the women will be here.”
Holden grappled with how to explain to his friend why he needed him to stay with Charleigh. He didn’t understand it fully himself but he needed Chasin to keep her safe.
“She’s closest to you.” Holden pointed out.
“She’s close to all of us.”
“No, she was always closest to you. Before she married Paul, she sought you out. And then there’s Genevieve…”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
It was no secret—Genevieve pretty much hated Charleigh. Bobby was a tossup. That left Micky and Kennedy to keep Charleigh calm, though Macy and Silver would pitch in. But Holden needed Chasin to monitor the situation.
“You know Evie, you know Charleigh’s not her favorite person, but I am. She�
�ll worry about me and likely that’s gonna make her on-edge. I need you to keep Charleigh safe until I can bring Faith home.”
“Evie would never hurt Charleigh,” Chasin snapped. “But you’re right, Evie’s gonna be worried for you.”
“Let’s hit the road.” Chasin and Holden turned to find Jameson stalking toward them. “I’ve got my truck loaded up.”
“I’m—”
“Heard what you said to Chasin and I agree, she’s closest to him so he should stay. But that doesn’t mean you’re going alone.”
Holden didn’t have the time or patience to argue about who was going or staying. Moreover, Faith didn’t have the time. He needed to get on the road—he should’ve done it the moment he’d realized Faith had been taken—but he’d needed to lay eyes on Charleigh before he left.
“You’re gonna find her.”
Chasin’s proclamation hit him square in the chest and threatened to crack the reinforced walls he’d built. He couldn’t allow a single twinge of emotion to color his anger. He had to stay completely detached or he’d find himself crumbling under the debilitating fear. His friend meant well, but none of them had any idea how close he was to breaking down.
Holden had seen the blood, had watched Charleigh get loaded into an ambulance, he’d searched her house, he’d heard the doctor’s assessment. The woman he loved more than anyone else on earth was lying in a hospital bed and her daughter had been kidnapped. With each breath he took he’d disconnected, he’d separated from the overwhelming agony. He had to, he owed it to Charleigh.
To Faith.
Sweet Christ, Faith. He couldn’t go there. Couldn’t think about how scared she had to be. Absolutely could not think about what she’d seen. Did someone carry her down the steps? Had she closed her eyes so as not to see her mother bleeding out from a head wound? Had she been forced to walk down the stairs and step over her mother’s prone body? Had she stopped to try to wake up Charleigh? Had she kicked and fought?
Stop.
Holden shoved his thoughts away and stared at Jameson. Before Kennedy, the rage on his friend’s face was typical. The perpetual scowl was so normal, no one paid it any mind. But after Kennedy, that deep frown had vanished. Jameson had found happiness. He’d found love, acceptance, a good woman he was smart enough to make his wife, and they were making a family. It had been so long since Holden had seen Jameson’s anger surface, it startled him. A stark reminder of how fucked the situation was.
“We’re headed to Virginia Beach. I’ll call Rhode on the way. Keep me up to date with Charleigh.”
That was all he could ask. He couldn’t bring himself to tell his friend to tell Charleigh he loved her, that he was sorry he couldn’t sit by her bedside. Though he desperately wanted to stay.
Faith. Everything had to be about Faith.
“Brother, you’re gonna give yourself a heart attack if you don’t calm down,” Jameson griped.
Not taking his eyes off the long stretch of roadway in front of him, Holden gritted his teeth. They were thirty minutes outside of Virginia and Holden was losing patience. He wanted to yell at Jameson to drive faster. He wanted to rail at Rhode for not finding anything useful at Beatrice Towler’s house. But having a bitch-ass temper tantrum wouldn’t help. What if they’d wasted three hours driving south? What if Holden’s hunch was wrong and he’d put Faith in more danger? She’d been gone six hours.
“Do you ever remember Paul mentioning a vacation home? Or a place his family vacationed?” Jameson asked.
The mere mention of Paul had every muscle tightening.
“Wasn’t close enough to the man for him to share his vacation plans. Nix or Weston might know, those two seemed to be the only ones who could stomach listening to his bullshit.”
That was because Nixon had been their leader, he’d felt it was his job to pull the team together, to keep them a cohesive unit. Nix had managed to do that while they were on the battlefield—there was no room for personal dislike if you wanted to stay alive. However, stateside had been a different story. Paul had been an outsider, his constant ego-driven need for competition had gotten old fast. He was exhausting to be around. Weston had seemed to be the only one in the group who could put up with him on a personal level. Chasin had tried at times but it never lasted long. Jameson had straight out disliked Paul from the beginning—he’d actually had words with Nix to try to get Paul placed on another team.
“What if—”
“Don’t go there,” Jameson cut off his morose thought. “Rhode didn’t find anything at Beatrice’s house. He hasn’t been to Patricia’s yet. If he doesn’t find anything by the time we get there, we will. They have her, Holden, we both know it. We just have to find where they took her. And there’s a possibility they’ll call in a ransom demand. They want Paul’s death gratuity and life insurance.”
Christ. Holden hadn’t thought about a ransom. He picked his phone up off his lap and dialed Nixon.
“Yeah?” Nix answered.
“Do you have Charleigh’s cell?”
There was a beat of silence and Holden knew Nix was putting together the pieces.
“Fuck. I don’t know. I didn’t think to look for it. I’ll ask around and if we don’t have it, I’ll send Alec to her apartment.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to ask about Charleigh. The warring inside him had grown to an all-new high. Holden wished he could clone himself. He’d never felt such a crushing need to be in two places at once.
“There’s been no change here. How far out are you?” Nix tore through his inner turmoil.
“No change? Are the doctors concerned? She should’ve woken up by now.”
Or maybe it was better she was unconscious and not caught in a living nightmare. Leigh-Leigh would freak out when she woke up and found Faith had been kidnapped. She would lose her ever-loving mind and probably need to be sedated. Yeah, maybe it was best she was asleep.
“They’ve assured us that she’s stable and her body’s doing what it needs to heal. I called her parents. They’re on their way up. I held off as long as I could but there will be things that doctors will need consent for and her mother had medical power of attorney.”
All sorts of horrible visions invaded Holden’s mind.
“Consent to do what? I thought she was—”
“Slow down, brother,” Nix admonished. “Charleigh’s gonna be fine. But her parents had the right to know. There’s some scans the doctor wants to do, that’s all.”
Holden didn’t believe his friend. There was more going on. However, he was grateful for the temporary lie. He had to push back the fear and find Faith.
“We’re almost there. I’ll be in touch soon.”
He disconnected without thanking Nixon for watching over Charleigh. Separate. I have to keep everything separate, he reminded himself.
“This isn’t the best time to bring this up, but we need to talk about it.”
Holden braced for the onslaught of guilt and anger to explode—part of what he’d been trying to avoid. He couldn’t let his guilt prevent him from accomplishing his mission.
“I’m barely holding on,” he admitted. “And every minute that passes, my fingertips slip closer to the edge. I can’t go there. If I think about Faith, about what I’ve done, the years I’ve wasted, I will not be able to control myself.”
“I think you’re already out of control. That’s why we need to talk about this now. Before we find her and you lose all sense of reality. You’re going to need to keep a tight rein on your anger. Faith cannot see you unleash the beast.”
Jameson was right about that. Faith couldn’t see the type of man he really was.
“You take Faith and get her safe. I’ll handle the rest.”
“No, Holden. You’re taking Faith and I’m handling the rest.”
“James—”
“I know why you left Charleigh.”
It took Holden three long, slow blinks for Jameson’s words to penetrate his brain. He knew? That was impo
ssible.
“You might think you know, but you don’t.”
“I do. You likely don’t remember telling me because you were so trashed it’s a miracle you didn’t die of alcohol poisoning. You came back to my place after Charleigh told you she was pregnant and you started drinking. By the time I got home, you were fucked-up and ready to talk. I’d never seen a man so destroyed. You told me everything, including being a royal dick and sending Charleigh to Paul.” Jameson paused and he let out a long sigh. “Damn, Holden, I tried to talk you around, begged you to let me call Charleigh and stop her so you could explain. I was reaching for my phone, not caring what you wanted, but something you said stopped me.”
“What’d I say?”
“Actually, it was more the way you looked. I’m not trying to unman you right now, but when the toughest brother you know breaks down in tears and pleads with you, it’s hard not to cave. You told me that you wanted it to be yours so badly that you couldn’t witness her carrying Paul’s child. At the time I didn’t get it, I thought there was a chance the baby was yours and I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to know. But I did understand you were in extreme pain. I thought I was doing the right thing. I see now, I did wrong. I shouldn’t have let your alcohol-clogged mind make decisions about your future. I should’ve sobered you up and made you talk to her.”
“She can’t be mine,” Holden croaked. “I knew it then, just like I know it now. I can’t have a family.”
“I know that,” Jameson conceded. “You told me what the doctor said, but doctors can be wrong. No matter how slim the chance, you should’ve found out. If she is yours, you’ve lost eight years that you’ll never get back, and you gotta know my part in that weighs heavy.”
It didn’t surprise Holden to hear that he’d told Jameson the truth. He could still remember the day Charleigh had followed him from outside the compound’s gate. He’d spotted her the moment she’d pulled away from the curb. He hadn’t seen her since the night he watched Paul take her home. That hurt, but what hurt the worst was when he told her the week before that he was putting an end to their fucked-up non-relationship and he never wanted to talk to her again. He’d devastated her with his words. Her tears had been like a thousand razor blades slicing his flesh.
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