“Sure.” Faith shrugged and Holden released the breath he’d been holding. “I heard Uncle Jameson tell Aunt Kennedy you’d make Mom happy.”
It amazed him that just a week ago, he’d been deliriously jealous of his friend’s relationship with Faith. Now he was eternally grateful she had good men in her life who would look out for her. And as it were, help pave the way for him being in Charleigh and Faith’s lives.
“I’ll make you happy, too, Faith.”
An odd expression marred her pretty face, and when she averted her gaze, Holden started to worry.
“What’s wrong?”
“What’s a bastard?”
Holden’s heart sank and he prayed to God Faith hadn’t overheard him calling Paul a bastard. “Where’d you hear that?”
“Grandma Bea called me a bastard child.”
What. The. Actual. Motherfuck.
Fucking bitch.
“You’re not that, Faith. Beatrice was being mean. It is not a nice word and a grandmother should never speak to her grandchild that way.”
A gold medal was in Holden's future, he was sure of it. Fuck that, he deserved more than a medal, he deserved a great big, huge plaque that he could hang on his wall for holding his tongue and not saying what was really on his mind which was—Beatrice and Patricia Towler were total cunts. Who spoke like that to a child? Especially one who was your blood? Nothing could ever excuse Paul’s behavior, but Holden did wonder how the man had escaped those two relatively intact. They were vipers.
“I don’t want to have to see her again. She makes me feel funny.”
Jesus, fuck.
“You won’t ever have to see her or Patty again,” he vowed. “What does that mean? She makes you feel funny?”
Holden hoped to God they hadn’t hurt her more than he already knew about or he’d post the bitches’ bail himself, then he’d be the one waiting for them when they got out of jail.
“I don’t know. My stomach hurts when she talks. She says bad things about Mom. I don’t like it. And she always says I ruined her life. She thinks me and Mom stole something from her.”
The fucking money. It always came down to the goddamned money.
“Your mom didn’t steal anything from them.”
“I know that. Mom says stealing is bad.”
“Your mom’s right, it is. I’m sorry Bea was mean to you, doll. But that’s over for you and your mom. Neither of you will have to see them again.”
“Because they’re in jail?”
“No, honey, because I will never let them get anywhere near you guys again.”
Faith looked like she had more to say, but as the seconds ticked by, she remained quiet so Holden prompted, “Do you have any other questions?”
“When can we move in with you?”
“When you and your mom are ready.”
Faith nodded and went back to eating her sundae.
Holden did not eat his; anxiety churned in his gut. He was all for the three of them living together as soon as possible. But something struck him as strange that Faith would ask the question. She was eight. Sure, she was smart, Leigh-Leigh had told him she was always at the top of her class and her reading and math scores were way above grade-level, but still, something felt off that Faith would ask about moving in with him.
Or maybe he didn’t know what the hell he was doing and Faith’s question was totally innocent and normal.
The only thing he was sure of was, he wanted them all living together in a house with a puppy running around causing havoc. He wanted more mornings with Faith and the chaos she created when she was getting ready for school. He wanted Leigh-Leigh in the kitchen grumpy, waiting for the coffee to brew. He wanted to go to sleep and wake up next to his woman. He wanted his girl down the hall in her room. He wanted more dates with Faith and nights alone with Leigh-Leigh.
He wanted the dream.
27
Thank God for Saturdays. I wanted nothing more than to stay in my pjs and laze around all day long. That, and I needed to talk to Holden. Last night, after they got back, Faith was wired. She rambled on about seeing Zack, who incidentally she had a crush on, something that Holden had cottoned on to halfway through Faith’s retelling, which led to him frowning until deep lines formed around his lips. Somehow, the fierce look only made him sexier.
But after that, Holden became watchful and contemplative. I didn’t get a chance to last night, but I needed to get a read on his mood-change, stat. I wasn’t worried about him running off—at least that was what I was telling myself, but my gut was telling me something was wrong. It was the way he’d studied Faith, it was almost like he was weighing each sentence and scrutinizing it.
I knew their “date” had gone well and Holden even asked Faith if he could take her to dinner next weekend—just the two of them. When she happily accepted, he told her that the following week it would be my turn and asked her if she’d be all right staying with Jameson and Kennedy. Of course, my daughter had jumped at the prospect of spending time with Tank.
So, all was good in Holden and Faith Land, but something was bugging Holden, and I intended to find out what it was. I’d learned the hard way never to let things fester or go. If we were going to make a go at being together, I needed total and complete honesty from him.
It was on that thought I walked into the kitchen and found Holden already sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee in front of him.
“Morning,” I greeted as I made my coffee.
“Missed you last night,” he grumbled.
My lips twitched at his disgruntled tone. “Did you now?”
“You know I did.”
Yeah, I knew he missed me. Faith had been wound up and it had taken me forever to get her to sleep. And by the time I knew she was down for the count, I was too tired to get out of bed.
“And a text, really, Leigh-Leigh?” he complained.
The carafe in my hand started to wobble, and my shoulders shook as I tried and failed to hold back my amusement.
“We need to talk.” I sobered instantly at the jarring change of tone. “Would’ve found time last night if you’d come back down.”
That was unlikely. He would’ve started kissing me, then the rest of the world would’ve fallen away. After that, I would’ve been a boneless, exhausted pile of goo and would’ve gone to sleep. Which meant he wouldn’t have found the time to tell me what was bothering him. But I didn’t point that out, instead, I finished making my coffee and sat across from him.
Holden didn’t delay. “First, I want this kid Andy’s dad’s phone number. The man needs to talk to his son and tell him if he tries to kiss Faith, I’m gonna wring an eight-year-old-boy-neck.”
I stared at Holden unblinking—he was serious. Totally and completely serious. And that time when my shoulders shook with humor I couldn’t hold back, I busted out laughing. I did this for a long time, so long, my stomach started to cramp. Oh, boy, Holden was in for a world of hurt if an eight-year-old could get under his skin. Wait until Faith was sixteen and…
My laughter froze in my throat and I went still. So still, I didn’t think I was breathing. Sixteen? That was eight years from now, eight long years and I’d naturally, without pause, thought Holden would still be with us.
“I don’t know why you’re laughing, Leigh-Leigh. I’m perfectly serious.”
“I know you are,” I whispered.
“Thankfully, Faith says the kid smells. That’s good news—for now. Until he takes a shower, then Faith might not mind if the little shit tries to kiss her. And I’m telling you right now, I am not down with that shit. I was a boy, I know what boys are thinking about. Third grade is way too early for that shit to be happening, but apparently, it is. Did you know this Andy punk asked her out so he could fucking kiss her?”
That “Andy punk” was a shy, quiet boy who didn’t stink. But, he did smell—from the cologne he wore because he had a sweet crush on Faith. However, at that juncture, I wasn’t going to tell any
of that to Holden.
“I know Andy asked Faith to be his girlfriend. We talked about it, and even though she told him no, I still told her she wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend until she was fifteen.”
“Fifteen…fifteen?” he sputtered. “I was thinking more like twenty-five.” My jaw dropped open and I was trying to form words when he continued. “I’m sure you’ll find that to be ridiculous, but by then a boy has turned into a man and has burned out all the wild.”
“Um, yeah, it’s ridiculous to think she’s waiting until she’s twenty-five to have a boyfriend. And if you keep thinking that, her teenage years are gonna be mighty painful for you.”
There it was again. I was assuming he’d be around for those years, and God, I hoped he was.
“Fine, sixteen. No car dates before then.”
Were we really negotiating when Faith could date? We hadn’t even figured our own shit out yet. Talk about putting the cart before the horse.
“What’s happening here?”
“You know what’s happening, Leigh-Leigh.”
“It sounds like we’re talking about when Faith can date, but, Holden, there’s a deeper meaning there and that’s what I’m asking about.”
“Again, you know what’s happening.”
“But—”
“Straight up, baby, you know I would not be sitting across from you having this conversation if I didn’t intend to be that man barring the door when teenage pricks come knockin’. No way in hell would I be digging my way into Faith’s life if I didn’t intend to be the man who’s walking her down the aisle to one of those assholes. And I absolutely would never have taken you to my bed if I didn’t intend to keep you there for the entirety of our lives.”
He glanced down at the coffee mug still gripped in his hands then back up at me. “Full disclosure, I asked Weston for the name of his realtor. Her name is Jodi, she’s got a listing near Nix and Weston. She texted me the address, I’ll forward it to you so you can take a look. You don’t like it, I’ll ask her to send more. I’m gonna be honest, I’m not a development kinda guy. I like lots of space and no neighbors, but if you want a neighborhood for whatever reason, find a house and I’ll look at it. If you’re firm on living in town, I’ll leave my Airstream at Chasin and Evie’s. If I want to take Faith four-wheeling we can go there and ride. Bottom line, you find something you like—the more you can take on finding us a house would be appreciated. I have zero interest in talking to a realtor and no time to look at a million houses.”
There was so much to that, I couldn’t begin to unpack all the emotions swirling around in my mind. But what’s more, I couldn’t process the fullness I felt. I thought I was going to burst.
“You’re buying a house?”
“Yep. You’re never going back to that apartment, all of us won’t fit in my Airstream, and as Gucci as this place is, it’s a damn mausoleum, it’s not a home. At least not my kind of home.”
I agreed with him about the house. It was spectacularly beautiful, but it was cold and grandiose. The mansion screamed money and class, not warmth and family.
I took a sip of my coffee. “So, last night you were contemplating strangling an eight-year-old when you came home?”
“No, I was contemplating all the ways I’m going to fuck the Towlers. I was also reevaluating my morals and how I felt about hitting a woman. And, Leigh-Leigh, it might make me an asshole, but I had to dig really fucking deep to remember the man I am, and that I would never strike a woman. Because if there were ever two women who deserved to be on the receiving end of my anger, it is them.”
I didn’t want to know but I had to ask. “Did Faith say something?”
“Did she tell you Bea called her a bastard child?”
My eyes closed and my heart sank. I hated them. Absolutely loathed them. Bea and Patty were vile, evil, spawned-from-Satan creatures that I wished with everything inside of me would go away and never return. “They’ve called her that, yes.”
Holden muttered a bunch of expletives that had me shrinking back. He was pissed. Super-pissed, and for the first time, I was worried about the Towlers’ safety.
“You can’t—”
“I’m going to destroy them,” he cut me off. “I told you, this shit ends. No more, Charlotte. Their days of terror are fucking over. Before, I was going ruin them, now I’m gonna blow their shit up.”
“Hold—”
“They called her a bastard child,” he whispered and my lungs seized. “They called her that to her face. Forget the shit they talked about you. I’m no expert but I’m not stupid so I’m sure that calling a child’s parent bad names has some sort of impact, most of which you can’t see because it might take years for it to come out. Obviously, this shit is weighing heavy on her mind because she brought it up. I didn’t ask, she straight-out told me they were mean to her and made her feel funny.”
He gripped his coffee mug so tightly I was shocked he hadn’t shattered it. “Now, I know you’re not down with that, having your girl get a stomach ache because those bitches talked that shit to her. But I know you’re a good person, a kind person, you’ll turn your cheek and take care of your daughter. Me? I’m a vengeful son of a bitch. No one calls my girl a bastard child. No lip, Leigh-Leigh.”
“All right,” I readily agreed.
I was so down with him destroying the lives of the women who’d harmed my child. Something I wish I had the means to do myself, but since I didn’t know how to ruin a person’s life, I wouldn’t stand in Holden’s way. As a matter of fact, I’d be glad for it. I needed Faith to be safe from them.
Before Holden could reply, his phone rang and I glanced at the microwave. It was just after seven in the morning on a Saturday—way too early for a friendly chat. Apparently, Holden felt the same way because he didn’t delay getting up and picking it up off the counter.
With a frown, he answered, “Rhode. Everything okay?” There was a pause and Holden’s relief was palpable. “Right. Yeah, I’ll talk to her and call Alec or Jameson. I’m sure one of them wouldn’t mind taking Faith for the day.” Another pause, this one longer. “No, it’s fine. I just haven’t talked to Charleigh yet. I didn’t think you’d be here until tomorrow.” Holden’s gaze came to me and I didn’t like the fear I saw. “Sure, see you then.”
“What?”
“Drink your coffee, baby, I’ll—”
“Oh, no.” Irrational panic started to well. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I will. I need to make a call first. Just—”
“Last time you left me, there was something wrong and I missed it and then you left and I didn’t know. I. Didn’t. Know. For years, I didn’t know, Holden. But now, I see it. Whatever this guy Rhode said, I see it—fear. It’s all over your face. You said you wanted me to fight. This is me fighting to keep my family whole. You’re not leaving this room until you tell me what’s wrong.”
All the color had bleached from Holden’s face. That was all I was concentrating on, the pallor of his skin as he stalked across the room. So, I missed the other changes—the sadness in his eyes, the deep lines on his forehead, his downturned lips. I missed it all until he was right in front of me. Then everything hit me at once. The sheer terror at the thought he’d leave me again.
“Jesus, fuck.”
Everything happened at once. My heart pounded and anxiety rushed through me. I was breathing heavily, yet I couldn’t breathe at all. I felt hot and cold at the same time. My muscles were taut but I felt them twitching.
He was going to leave me. I knew it. This was the beginning of the end.
“Christ, Leigh-Leigh, look at me, baby.” I was looking at him—right at him and I saw it. So much fear in his beautiful brown eyes. Then I lost sight of the fear, the worry, the trepidation when his lids closed.
Had he done that before? Simply closed me off from his pain so I couldn’t see it? Had he distracted me from what was bothering him?
Slowly, he opened his eyes and his focus came back to me
. The intensity rocked my world.
“You didn’t miss anything, baby. Is that what you think? That there was something you should’ve caught?” He didn’t wait for me to answer before he went on. “Jesus, Charleigh, you did nothing wrong. Everything about our life was perfect.”
“It wasn’t perfect or you wouldn’t have left me.”
“Wrong. Our life was perfect. It was me that wasn’t. After Doc told me I’d most likely never have kids, I was in denial. For weeks I just—”
The world froze in place.
“Wait. What?”
Words jumbled together in my mind. My brain felt like it was on the fritz, it had to be. I had to have heard him wrong.
“I wanted a family with you so badly. I wanted the future we’d talked about. I don’t know why that particular night everything crashed around me, but when it did, I couldn’t stop it. I wanted you to have everything you wanted. I knew you’d be an excellent mother. I knew I couldn’t deny you—”
“Stop, Holden. Most likely never have kids, or couldn’t have kids?”
“Same thing, baby. I couldn’t take that chance.”
Same thing? It wasn’t even remotely the same fucking thing. ‘Most likely’ and ‘never’ weren’t even in the same ballpark. Holden left me over “most likely”.
Fury consumed me. Righteous rage took over and I lost control.
“You asshole.”
I barely recognized my ravaged growl. In the far corners of my mind, I heard a tiny, little rational voice telling me to calm down. But it was too late. My temper flared, my heart shattered, my vision blurred. Anger took over and I was a woman possessed. If it could’ve, my head would’ve spun around in circles and my eyes would’ve caught fire.
I don’t remember how it happened, just that I felt the sting on my palm, heard the crack rent the air, Holden’s grunt of pain. Then my arms were trapped but I wasn’t done, I kicked and kneed and struggled and jerked my body this way and that, wanting to free myself so I could attack.
“Charleigh,” Holden grunted.
“Most likely,” I cried. “Most fucking likely. You left me over a maybe.”
Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6) Page 22
