There was more I wanted to say but the words escaped me.
“Leigh-Leigh, please listen to me. It wasn’t a maybe.” He paused and adjusted his arms around me, bringing me closer. I didn’t want to be closer, I wanted to be far, far away from him.
“I was exposed to radiation. My whole team was. Everyone was tested and the level was low enough, no one thought much about it. Until one of the guys reported he and his wife had been trying for a baby and they couldn’t conceive. Turns out, the problem was him. That meant we all got tested again. Baby, it had been years since the accident and my sperm levels were still low. I couldn’t have kids and I’ve made peace with it. But that night, us talking about all the babies we wanted to make, I broke. I had to admit I wasn’t enough for you. I’m half a man who cannot give his woman—”
“You’re so fucking stupid.”
“Come again?”
I ignored the hurt in his voice. I ignored my pain and anger. I was completely detached from the situation. This couldn’t be real. Years of heartache for nothing.
Fucking asshole.
“Low sperm count doesn’t mean you can’t have children. Did you get a second opinion? Did you talk to a fertility specialist or did you just take the word of an over-worked Navy doctor? I can’t believe you did this to us. After you explained, part of me understood, or at least I could empathize enough to forgive you for leaving me. Never being told I couldn’t have children, I couldn’t fully put myself in your shoes and how the shock and pain of that would lead you to run away from me—but I could forgive you because I know it would kill me to find out I couldn’t carry a baby.”
I shook my head. “We had so many options, Holden. I heard you when you said you didn’t want to put us through that, but you didn’t get to make that choice for both of us. Yet, I still forgave you.”
I pushed at his arms still encircling me. “I don’t think I can forgive you now. You took a maybe and turned it into a worst-case scenario and ran with it. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me, to talk to me about what the doctor said, to have a conversation about options, to let me be there for you while you were in pain. You took all of that away from me—from us. I thought I could, I wanted to, but I can’t.”
“Can’t what, Charleigh?” His voice had gone deathly quiet.
“Be with you. Make this work. Build a life and a family with you.”
He stiffened. “You can. We can. I’m so sorry. I was wrong, so damn wrong.”
“You were wrong. I love you, Holden. But—”
“Hold on to that, Leigh-Leigh, and fight. We can get through this.”
“I don’t—”
“Goddammit, don’t give up. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Fight, Charlotte. Yell at me, kick, punch, scream, but do not walk away.”
It wasn’t lost on me the regret that shone in his eyes. The sorrow in his words.
There was a knock on the door. Holden jolted and closed down.
Great. Splendid. More drama.
“Who’s here?” I asked him.
“The guy on the phone. Rhode. Let me answer the door and I’ll explain why he’s here.”
Dead. Cold. Distant.
Whoever this man was, he didn’t come knocking first thing in the morning on a Saturday to deliver good tidings.
Holden left the kitchen but I remained rooted, wondering how my life had once again gone to shit. Just like the first time it happened, it happened in the blink of an eye. One moment, we were discussing our future, the next that future was ash.
Maybe love wasn’t enough. Maybe love didn’t conquer all. Maybe love wasn’t kind. Maybe love was brutal and ugly. Maybe it left you in tatters.
Hours later, I would come to know the true devastation of love. It would be then, I would feel the crushing blow of regret. My life would be forever changed again.
28
With each step, Holden felt like he was walking toward his execution.
How had one bad decision rippled into catastrophe? One wrong choice, and he’d ruined everything. Dread filled him as he made his way to the front door. He’d waited too long; once again, he’d been a coward and put off telling Charleigh about the box until it was too late.
Rhode was there on the other side of the door. A panel of wood was Holden’s last defense. He didn’t have to open it. He could tell Rhode to go away, that they didn’t want to know what Paul had left behind. Holden could bar the door and save himself from the hell that awaited him.
What was supposed to be a beautiful Saturday with his girls had turned into an epic clusterfuck.
Would there ever come a time when the past wouldn’t hurt them and send their lives spiraling out of control?
When Holden opened the door and found Nixon standing beside Rhode, he knew the answer—today would not be the day he and Charleigh moved forward. Today wouldn’t bring healing. The universe wasn’t done fucking with him. He had more reparations to pay.
Fuck.
Holden wordlessly stepped to the side to allow the men to enter, his gaze going to the cardboard banker’s box that would serve as his noose. Whatever was in that box was bad enough that Rhode felt he needed to bring Nixon along.
Christ.
“Who’s that?” Faith’s sleepy voice filled the foyer and Holden inhaled sharply.
He hadn’t had a chance to call Alec or Jameson to ask one of them to come pick her up.
“Hey there, little lady. My name is Rhode.”
“That’s a funny name.” Faith’s cute face scrunched. Any other time, Holden would’ve melted seeing that look, but right then all he wanted to do was scoop her up, grab Charleigh, and flee. Take them both someplace where evil bitches and unknown horror-filled boxes didn’t exist.
“Faith, that’s not nice,” Charleigh chastised.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it bad.”
“It is a funny name,” Rhode smoothly interjected. “The story goes, my mom wanted to name me Preston, but my dad was a biker and he wasn’t gonna name his son Preston. So after I was born, he waited for my mom to take a shower, then went to the nurses’ station and changed my name. Word has it, my momma was fit to be tied, but then my dad explained why he named me Rhode and my mom forgave him.”
“Why’d he change it?” Faith asked, totally enthralled with Rhode’s story.
“I don’t know. Neither of them will say. But I was stuck with a funny name.” Rhode winked at Faith and she smiled.
“My mom named me Faith because when I was born I gave her strength and faith after Paul died.”
Paul?
Charleigh gasped, and it was a wonder she hadn’t inhaled all of the oxygen in the room. When did Faith start calling her dad Paul? Holden’s lungs felt like they were on fire as he struggled to breathe. And when his gaze sliced to Charleigh, he saw the same.
“What’s in the box?” Faith inquired.
Fucking hell, could the room get anymore uncomfortable?
“Breathe,” Holden muttered as he made his way to Charleigh.
Her startled eyes came to him and she nodded but didn’t follow his orders.
“What’s going on?”
“Let’s you and me go for a walk, Faith,” Nix said. Holden didn’t take his gaze from Charleigh.
“Mom?”
Charleigh jumped and looked around. She read the room correctly when she settled on Faith and said, “It’s okay. Go with Uncle Nix. Maybe you can show him the bird nest you found by the dock.”
“Okay.”
Moments later, the back door opened then closed and the vibe in the house changed from uncomfortable to hostile.
“What’s happening?” Charleigh asked, her voice tinged with rage.
“This is Rhode,” Holden began.
“I know that. Hello, Rhode, nice to meet you. Now why’s he here and what’s with the box?”
Fuck.
“When we were looking for Faith, Rhode was our man in Virginia Beach. Actually, before Faith was taken, he was investigating th
e Towlers, digging up whatever he could to help you when you went to court. But he was goin’ easy so that he didn’t alert Bea or Patty. After Faith was taken, easy shifted and so did our objective. Rhode searched Bea’s house for clues where they’d taken Faith. He found that box and took it. Last week, he called me and told me that it belonged to Paul and we needed to see what was in it.”
“What’s in it?” She looked back and forth between the two men.
“That’s why Rhode is here to show us.”
Her brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t,” Rhode rejoined. “And I wouldn’t have insisted on bringing it to you if it wasn’t important, and I’m sorry that I didn’t go through it sooner. I was actually going to throw it away, but there’s some stuff you both need to see.”
“Fine,” Charleigh snapped, then her shoulders sagged. “Sorry. I’m being a bitch to you and you helped save my daughter’s life. Thank you for everything you did.”
“It was my pleasure, and I don’t take offense. No one wants their past to invade their present, especially when everything was starting to smooth out. I promise, I wouldn’t be here unless I knew what was in this box could provide answers you both need.”
Rhode handed the box to Holden but paused before he let go.
“I’m sorry, brother.” Motherfuck. Holden felt that straight to his bones. “I’ll be outside with Nixon and Faith.”
Rhode let go and suddenly the box felt like it weighed a ton instead of a few pounds.
Charleigh stared at the box like it was about to explode. “We don’t have to—”
“We do, Leigh-Leigh. No more running. Whatever’s in here, we’ll work through it.” Holden walked into the sitting room off the foyer and fortified his resolve.
No matter what, Charleigh and Faith were his. He’d fight to the death to keep them. He’d beg and plead and get on his knees. Whatever it took to prove to Charleigh he wasn’t ever going to leave her again.
This time, they would win.
They’d come out victorious. Even if it took until he was eighty, he would not leave this earth until Charleigh was his wife.
Holden opened the box and tipped it over. The contents spilled out and he didn’t understand why Rhode thought they were such a big deal.
“Paul’s service awards?” Charleigh shuffled through the papers. “I don’t get it.” Then her hand landed on an envelope with her name scrolled across it in heavy block letters. When she turned it over, the envelope had been opened.
“I’ve never seen this,” she told Holden and pulled out a piece of lined paper.
Holden’s throat clogged. He knew what was in that envelope. Back in the day, he’d written one, too. His jaw clenched and his stomach roiled. Paul was reaching out from the grave.
Jesus, fuck.
There was no mistaking the tightness in Charleigh’s face as she scanned the letter, tightness which triggered his. But it wasn’t until he watched her start to tremble did he finally lose patience. Holden had tried to be respectful and allow her some privacy as she read the words of a dead man. But seeing his woman wracked by violent sobs was too fucking much.
“Baby.” He reached for her just as she dropped the letter and her knees buckled.
“No,” she cried. “No. No. No.”
Holden knelt, but before he could reach for Charleigh, she launched herself at him. His ass hit the floor at the same time she crawled into his lap and shoved her face in his neck.
“No,” she moaned against his throat. Her vise-like grip damn near choked him.
“Baby?”
Unbelievable fear terrorized his mind. What the hell could be so bad?
Holden reached for the paper and Charleigh batted it out of his hand.
“Nononono,” she repeated.
“Leigh-Leigh, I need to read it,” he told her and picked it up again.
Unable to do much more than hold a sobbing Charleigh in his arms, he brought the paper up enough to see Paul’s simple print.
Charleigh,
If you’re reading this, I didn’t come home and now I owe you the truth, but first I need you to understand how much I loved you. From the first time Holden brought you to that hog roast at the beach, I was in love. You were so beautiful, God, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I watched you all night. The way you smiled at the guys but only had eyes for Holden. The way you’d go off and talk to the wives and girlfriends but you always made your way back to his side. I’d always wanted that. A woman to love me so completely that on a crowded beach with a bunch of rowdy SEALs she only saw me. With that said, I knew it was wrong to feel the way I did and I tried to forget you, but every time I turned around you and Holden were there. You were there. And my feelings for you only grew.
I tried to do the right thing, I swear, honey. I stayed away for as long as I could. But when Holden left you, I had to take my shot. I’d regret not trying for the rest of my life. So I did, I overheard you were at the bar and I took my shot. You told me you and Holden were through and I felt like I won the lottery. Nothing was gonna stop me from showing you how much I loved you. We went back to your place—
Holden had to close his eyes against the bile rising. Fucking Christ, he didn’t want to read this shit. First, because the sick fuck didn’t love her, not the way she deserved to be loved. And second, he didn’t need to know how Paul felt about the night they’d made Faith. He was doing his best to forget that night ever happened. But he braced and forced himself to continue because so far he hadn’t read anything that warranted her reaction.
—I knew you were drunk and I knew I was taking advantage of the situation but, Charleigh I need you to understand, I loved you so much and I thought once you were over Holden I could make you happy. We were in your room, things were progressing, then you called me Holden. After that, you fell asleep. I put you in my shirt and got into bed next to you. The next morning you assumed we’d slept together and I didn’t correct you. Then when you came to me and told me you were pregnant, even though the baby wasn’t mine, I wanted it—
The next morning, you assumed.
Assumed.
Even though the baby wasn’t mine.
Faith wasn’t Paul’s.
Holden’s head spun until he was dizzy. His chest caught fire and burned so hot it was in literal pain. Agonizing, helpless, bitter pain that took his breath.
Motherfucker stole his life.
Stole his child.
Faith.
Inconceivable anger engulfed him.
He’d lost eight years of his child’s life.
Holden shook as he pulled Charleigh off his chest and set her aside. Then he was on his feet. His hands raked through his hair and he yanked until his scalp screamed in pain. He’d needed to do something, anything to take away the burning in his heart.
“Holden?”
His gaze sliced to Charleigh but her devastation didn’t register. Nothing did. Not the way her arms were wrapped protectively around her middle. Not the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Not the sadness in her eyes.
Eyes.
Faith’s eyes.
The dimple.
Jesus Christ.
“I have to go,” Holden blurted and stormed out of the room.
“Please don’t.” Charleigh’s hand wrapped around his biceps but he didn’t stop.
He couldn’t be there.
He couldn’t stand to be in the same room as that fucking letter and Paul’s from-the-grave confession.
Bastard child.
Those motherfucking bitches knew. They’d known all along that Faith wasn’t Paul’s. Murderous intent saturated his whole body.
“Holden, please.”
He stopped with his hand on the knob and craned his neck to take in Charleigh.
So beautiful. Perfect. His.
“I need time, Leigh-Leigh.”
“Stay.”
“She’s mine,” he growled. “Mine. What the fuck have I done?”
29
What now?
What was I supposed to do now?
What was I supposed to tell Faith? How did I explain to my child that the man I told her was her father, was not? That he’d lied. That his family knew but didn’t tell me. Why would they do that? Why wouldn’t they have told me right after Paul died?
Why can’t I feel my legs?
I needed to do something but my feet were rooted in place. I had to…shit, I didn’t know what I needed to do. I needed Holden but he left me, again.
“Charleigh?” Kennedy’s voice. I twirled around to find her, Jameson, Silver, and Weston behind me. “Come into the living room.”
She knew.
Oh my God, they all know.
“I need to get Faith.”
“Macy and McKenna are outside with her. She’s fine. Let’s go in the—”
“No. Nononono.”
I was well aware I sounded like a crazy person. I didn’t need Kennedy’s wide eyes or the way Silver was approaching like I was a wild animal to confirm what I knew—I’d finally lost my mind.
“Charleigh, Macy’s gonna bring Faith in to get dressed. It’s not a good idea she sees you like this. Come into the living room. We’ll take Faith upstairs and—”
“Nononono.”
“Charlotte,” Jameson’s voice boomed and I jerked in surprise. No, my body jolted in horror as I took in the pity in his eyes. “Know it’s a shock, Charleigh, but right now we need to see to Faith. We can’t let Macy bring her in until you’re in the living room. We’re all gonna help you figure this out. But let’s get Faith out of here first, yeah?”
No. I didn’t want Faith to leave. I wanted to pack her up and leave. Holden had the right idea; running sounded like the best option. How had this happened?
“Why would he do that?” Silver came closer and I put my hands up to ward her off. “How could he lie? He said…he said he loved me but he took everything away from me. He ruined me, he broke Holden, and Faith…ohmigod, what am I going to tell her? She’ll think I’m a…”
I didn’t finish partly because I couldn’t utter the words but also because both women had descended. Silver’s arms wrapped around me from the front and Kennedy came up from behind and in some sort of weird three-person-hug, they held on tight.
Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6) Page 23
