I felt my legs finally give out.
“I hate him,” I whispered against Silver’s shoulder. “I hate all of them. They all knew.”
Kennedy’s baby bump pressed against my side, the feel of it reminding me of everything Holden lost out on. All the things she and Jameson took for granted. Holden never got to feel Faith kick, he never got to see an ultrasound, he missed her coming into the world. Everything. We lost everything.
“Jesus, fuck,” Weston grunted. “I gotta call Chasin and tell him to keep Evie away from Holden. Anyone know where Bobby is?”
“On her way and she’s bringing Evie,” Silver answered.
Then I was shuffled out of the foyer and guided to a chair. I sat, Jameson swept all the papers scattered on the table back into the box, and I vaguely wondered what else was in there.
I was so numb nothing felt real. How, why, why, why would Paul marry me knowing Faith was not his?
“What else is in that box?”
“Nothing that matters right now,” Jameson told me.
There was more. There had to be—Jameson wouldn’t be trying to get rid of the papers as fast as he was unless there was something he didn’t want me to see.
“It matters, Jameson.”
“Charleigh—”
“I get you’re trying to protect me, but don’t you think it’s better if everything hits at once?”
“No, I do not. I think you need to process Paul’s letter and what that means for you, Faith, and Holden. The rest of it can wait.”
He was wrong. I didn’t want bad news trickling in. I didn’t want to draw out the pain. But before I could tell him that, I heard Faith’s happy voice, then I heard Rory, then Macy telling the girls to go upstairs.
How was this my life?
I closed my eyes and thought back to the day I told Paul I was pregnant. He was happy. He didn’t so much as blink, flinch, give any indication that the baby couldn’t be his. He told me he wanted to keep the baby and marry me. He was insistent. He was sympathetic and told me he knew it would take time for me to get over Holden, but in time he would make me love him. He told me he wanted to make me happy. He told me he already loved me.
Paul didn’t love me, he was obsessed. What kind of man pretended to be the father of a child that was not his to get the mother to marry him? Who did that?
He knew.
Nothing made sense.
Not a damn thing.
If the Towlers knew, why didn’t they use that to get the money?
“I’m gonna take Faith back to my house.” Macy’s soft voice pulled me from my thoughts. “She’s more than welcome to spend the night.”
“I should say goodbye.”
“No, honey, you shouldn’t.” There was motherly compassion in her eyes. “Trust me, you don’t want her seeing you like this. I promise we’ll take good care of her.”
I must’ve looked like hell if no one wanted Faith to see me.
“Thank you, Macy.”
“No need to thank me. We love you both.”
My throat started to tingle, therefore, I couldn’t speak so I nodded.
“When you’re ready to talk, all of us are ready to listen.” And with that, Macy left the living room and my eyes went back to Jameson.
His jaw was set in an angry clench and his eyes were focused on me. I couldn’t stop myself from squirming.
“I didn’t know,” I blurted out. “I would’ve told him. I never would’ve kept Faith from him. I swear, I had no idea.”
Jameson carefully masked his fury, and with a good amount of effort, I watched him force himself to relax.
There was a commotion in the other room, the front door opened, then closed, and silence stole over the room.
I glanced out the window to see Macy helping the girls into her SUV, Alec going to the driver’s side. Nixon and McKenna walked to Nix’s truck. Doors slammed and vehicles drove away. All of that happened surprisingly quickly. My daughter was being whisked away so she wouldn’t witness my meltdown.
I didn’t know if I was grateful or if I felt like the world’s worst mother. Shouldn’t I have been able to keep my shit together for the sake of my child?
“None of us think that about you, Charleigh. We know you’d never do that to Holden. And more, we know you wouldn’t do that to Faith. Holden knows that, too.”
“Does he?” I snapped.
“Hundred percent, he knows,” Weston assured me.
“Then why isn’t he here? Why’d he leave me, again? He begged me to fight for our future, he pleaded with me to forgive him for leaving me. But he left me, again.”
“I’m not making excuses for him,” Jameson started. “But, Charleigh, he didn’t leave you. He left so he could go somewhere and beat himself up. For him, this is the best and the worst day of his life. Finding out that Faith is his after all these years thinking she was Paul’s, but knowing the true depth of Paul’s betrayal, knowing that he denied a child that at the time he truly believed couldn’t be his, losing you and Faith, missing eight years of his daughter’s life.”
“And what about me? I just found out the depth of Paul’s betrayal, too. None of you understand the shame I’ve lived with thinking I slept with him. None of you understand the guilt I feel for wishing that night never happened. None of you understand how lonely I’ve been. How much I missed Holden. How fucking hurt I was.”
Shouldn’t the shame have been washed clean now that I knew the truth? Shouldn’t I feel better knowing I never had sex with Paul? But nothing felt better or good. It felt more screwed up. How stupid could I have been? How weak? Why didn’t I demand Holden take a DNA test?
Pride. I let my damn pride stand in the way. At the time, I thought Holden was rejecting me and the possibility the baby was his. His refusal to acknowledge the baby hurt so bad, I slithered away to lick my wounds and let my parents force me to marry Paul and stay quiet about Holden.
Even after Paul died, my parents pushed me to play the part of the grieving widow. A thought nagged the back of my mind, a hunch that wasn’t fully formed, but pieces started to click into place. The Towlers. My parents. Court appearances.
“What else is in the box?” I demanded to know.
“Charleigh—”
Determination infused my spine and I stood. “No more hiding. I have a right to know and frankly, so does Holden.”
By the time I’d walked across the room, Jameson had placed the box on the table. But he hadn’t taken his hand off of it.
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
With a stern jerk of his chin, he reached into the box, pulled out a stack of papers, and handed them to me.
These didn’t belong to Paul. They were bank statements dated after he’d died. I shifted through the papers noting there were highlighted lines—deposits—but they were meaningless to me.
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither did Rhode. So he dug deeper. For eight years, there’s been a reoccurring two-thousand dollar deposit.” Jameson reached back into the box and handed me another stack of papers.
More statements. I scanned the first page and froze.
First National Bank.
Edward Axelson.
I didn’t need to look through the bank records to know what my parents had done. I didn’t give the first fuck if the Towlers were blackmailing my parents or if it was my parents’ idea to give Beatrice hush money.
I didn’t give the first two shits my parents had wasted a crapton of money.
They knew.
My own fucking parents had known all along.
Fuck them. Fuck everyone.
I bolted from the room. Kennedy shouted my name, Jameson said something, but I didn’t stop until I was in the room I was sharing with Faith. I locked the door, found my phone on the nightstand, and called my parents.
Luckily, my father answered.
“Charlotte,” he clipped.
Asshole.
“This will be the las
t time I ever call you.”
“What on earth—”
“I know, Father.”
“I don’t like your attitude.”
The nerve.
The gall.
Edward didn’t like my attitude? Well, I didn’t like his deception. I didn’t like how my whole life I’d been treated like I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t like how their standing at the country club was more important than me.
“Then you’ll be happy to know after today, Faith and I do not exist for you. Not that we ever truly mattered, but we’re gone nonetheless. You will not contact me, you will not attempt to contact Faith. And you absolutely will not reach out to Holden and cause him anymore trouble than you already have.”
“Seriously, Charlotte, why does it always come down to that piece of trash?”
“You do not call him that!” I shouted. “You don’t ever say his name again. You knew, all these years, you knew Holden was Faith’s father and you gave money to those horrible people after all the things they did to me. They took me to court and you gave them money! You lied to me. You’re the piece of trash. You and Mother are vile pieces of shit.”
“Char—”
“Shut up and listen. I hope your reputation was worth losing your daughter and granddaughter. I hope you and Mother are happy knowing you destroyed my life and your granddaughter missed growing up without a father. This is your only warning—if I ever hear from either of you again, I’ll make sure everyone knows what you did. If you ever try to speak to my daughter, so help me God, I’ll unleash Holden on you.”
“Char—”
“Fuck. Off. Father.”
I disconnected the call, tossed my phone on the bed, pulled on the clothes I wore yesterday, and headed for the door.
When I opened it, my breath caught in my throat.
Evie, Bobby, Kennedy, and Silver all stood there with matching smiles. No one said a word but they didn’t have to. None of them masked their approval.
“Are you ready?” Evie asked.
I didn’t need her to clarify her question, therefore, I didn’t.
“Yes.”
“Good. He’s at the farm in his Airstream. Chasin’s there making sure he doesn’t do something stupid.”
Like hitch his rig to the back of his Suburban and drive away.
As fast as that thought flitted into my mind, it disappeared. Holden wouldn’t leave Faith. Hell, I knew he wouldn’t leave me.
I understood he needed time to process the news he had a daughter, but his time was up.
“I need a favor.”
“Anything.” Evie smiled.
Once I instructed the women, I was out the door.
I’d lost my family once.
I was not losing anymore.
30
Daughter.
The word was foreign as it rolled around in Holden’s mind.
He had a daughter.
Incomparable joy morphed into pain. Sheer anguish made his heart ache.
The piss of it was, he couldn’t blame Paul, not fully.
Sick fuck.
Holden stared at the shiny metal above his head. Guilt crushed him to his small mattress, and the longer he lay there contemplating his mistakes, the harder it was to comprehend how badly he’d fucked up.
Pride goes before destruction.
Long ago, Holden had destroyed his life. What he hadn’t known at the time was the repercussions would be lasting and devastating. He’d hurt Leigh-Leigh, but worse, he’d unknowingly turned his back on his child.
I’m that asshole.
The door to his Airstream creaked open and he didn’t bother lifting his head when he roared, “Out!”
There was no response but Holden didn’t need there to be. The air around him charged and crackled with unhappiness.
“I’m not leaving.”
“I thought you were Chasin,” Holden explained but still didn’t get up. Didn’t even glance in Charleigh’s direction as she walked through his small space.
“He’s worried about you.”
“Is that why you came over here, to tell me that Chasin’s outside pacing, waiting for me to start tearing things apart?” Holden paused and blew out a breath. “Sorry, that was a dick thing to say.”
“Actually, I think he’s out there to make sure you don’t run.”
That made Holden sit upright.
“I’m not—”
“I know,” she sighed.
His heart skipped a beat when he saw her red-rimmed eyes and blotchy face.
Fuck.
They stared at each other for a good long while. There was so much to say, but Holden couldn’t find the words. He felt his mouth get tight and tighter still as realized in the space of a few hours, he’d been given everything only to have it taken away.
How could he ask Charleigh to forgive him yet again? For another monumental fuck-up. His first offense was bad enough—leaving her had scarred her. Leaving her and their unborn child—unforgivable.
“How are you?” she whispered.
“Me?”
Everything about Charleigh relaxed seeing that Holden tensed. He was about to ask her if she was shitting him asking him how he was.
He was wrecked.
Totally and completely disgusted with himself.
Eight years and some months ago, he had everything he ever wanted within his grasp. Every. Last. Thing. It had been right in front of him and he’d turned it away.
“Never mind, I know how you are.”
Doubtful. She hadn’t missed out on her child being brought into this world. She hadn’t denied she made a child.
“Leigh-Leigh, I think—”
“No, Holden. I gave you time to get yourself together. Now we need to talk.”
He swung his legs over the side of his bed and clenched his jaw until he managed to wrangle his temper.
“Think I need a little more time to get myself together.”
“And you’ll do that with me here.”
God, he wanted that so badly. Selfishly he wanted her by his side, and in return, he’d be by hers. Together, they could face the betrayal. Together, they could do anything. But it was ridiculous to believe Charleigh would stay. And he didn’t blame her.
“Charleigh—”
“My parents knew,” she blurted out. “I don’t know how it went down, but my parents started giving Beatrice money shortly after Paul died. When I called to tell my father that Faith and I were dead to them and if they tried to contact us or you, I would ruin them, I didn’t think to ask. Not that it matters whose idea it was. I don’t care if Bea was blackmailing them, or my father decided the best thing to do was to throw money at the bitch to keep her quiet rather than telling his daughter that the man she loved was his granddaughter’s father. No, not him, their reputation was more important than our daughter. Bottom line is, they’ve known all these years. You need to know that. Yes, Paul started the lie but my parents perpetuated it. I believe that Beatrice would’ve been all too happy to show me that letter after her son died if my parents hadn’t paid her off.”
He felt his body go numb. That was good; numb was better than the overwhelming urge to strangle her parents. The Axelsons had hated him from the very moment Charleigh had introduced them and they didn’t hide their disdain. Holden would never be good enough for their daughter. He’d never wear polo shirts and pink shorts and belong to the damn club. He would never kiss their asses and pretend to be someone he wasn’t at a cocktail party.
Paul wouldn’t have played their games either, but he had something Holden didn’t—honor. He’d died in combat, he was a war hero, and to them, he was nothing more than a good story they could tell at a dinner party.
Arguably, the Axelsons were worse than the Towlers.
“Did you hear me?” Charleigh mumbled. “I’m so sorry, Holden.”
He felt the pressure build, the cold slide into his veins, but that chill didn’t last long before it morphed into fire. Oh, he’d heard
her all right. He’d heard that her parents had prolonged their misery, had deprived him of knowing his daughter, had begrudged Faith a father. But there was still no denying if Holden had done what he should’ve done instead of what he’d done none of this would be happening.
“I don’t know how you can stand there and apologize.”
Charleigh jerked and folded her arms over her chest. The protective gesture made his blood sizzle. “You don’t have a goddamn thing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t lie. You weren’t a fucking idiot and took the word of a fucking doctor without questioning it, without a second opinion.”
Holden dropped his elbows to his knees, bowed his head, and closed his eyes. “You didn’t miss the birth of your child. You didn’t miss her first steps. You didn’t miss her first day of school. You didn’t do a fucking thing wrong, so don’t you fucking apologize.”
The warmth of her hands hit his shoulders and Holden felt his jaw get tight again.
“I have a lot to apologize for.”
“No, you don’t,” he argued.
“We were both wrong, Holden. Both of us could’ve done a number of things differently. I could’ve asked for a DNA test. I could’ve been stronger and told my parents to fuck off. When Bea and Patty stormed my house and took Paul’s stuff, including that box, I could’ve told them to get out. I didn’t do any of those things because I was scared and hurt and so damn lost. It’s embarrassing how weak I was. We are both at fault.”
She squeezed his shoulders. “But you know who isn’t? Faith. She’s innocent in all of this. So the question is, can we get our shit sorted and give her what she deserves? Have we learned anything from the past? God knows I have. Have you?”
His head slowly lifted and he took her in.
Christ, so beautiful.
And for the second time in his life, she was right in front of him with her heart on her sleeve as they stood at the precipice of greatness—of happiness, of a beautiful future. It was right there, so close all he had to do was step off the cliff and freefall.
She’d catch him.
Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6) Page 24
