Then She Roars

by Vanessa Evetts

  “You’ll be sweet, Prince. Fantasy and fun, remember?” I teased, slipping into the office ahead of him.

  “Is skydiving one of yours?” he asked after we’d settled into the paperwork.

  “One of my what?”

  “Fantasies.”

  I smiled. “Since always.”

  He hesitated before signing on the dotted line. “You seriously owe me for this.”

  “If it’s anything like the last time,” I whispered, leaning in, “I can’t wait.”

  His eyes gleamed with anticipation as he closed the gap and stole a quick kiss.

  Next thing we knew, we were trained, clothed, thrown on a small plane, attached to professional skydivers, and soaring several hundred thousand feet in the air. Harry was holding on for dear life.

  “You alright, babe?” I touched his arm.

  “I’ll do it,” he said, determinedly.

  I laughed. “Who are you trying to convince?”

  “Me. I figure if I commit to it out loud, I’ll have to.”

  “Find your lioness, babe.”

  The skydivers behind us laughed, but Harry didn’t. He knew those creatures were fierce. We communicated silently from then on.

  When it came time to jump, Harry decided to go first so he couldn’t wuss out. I was glad, because I didn’t want him to know I had doubts he’d actually do it.

  Much to everyone’s surprise, he didn’t hesitate, and we jumped a few seconds after.

  The minute that rushing air cushioned me in its embrace, I closed my eyes and breathed it in. As freezing and violent as it was, it was pure freedom. I let go of the straps and flung my arms wide.

  “Are your eyes open?” The question whipped past my ear.

  My eyes sprung open to see the world rushing towards us – it was exhilarating. Harry and his instructor appeared beside us. The wind was catching Harry’s lips and making all the loose skin around his mouth flap; I opened my mouth to show him how ridiculous he looked. He reached his arms towards me. It took an effort to coordinate enough to grab hold, but we managed it. The connection was broken a few seconds later when the instructors tapped on our arms just before we were both sucked back into the sky. Disappointment tried to steal the magic as the parachute caught the wind and we began gliding towards the ground, but Harry’s joy-filled expression reminded me to stay in the moment.

  When we landed and made it back to the group, neither Harry nor I hesitated when the instructors asked if anyone wanted to go up for seconds. By the end of the day, we’d both done four runs, and I’d never felt more alive. Superman had well and truly broken in his cape.

  “Hot spa,” Harry announced as we walked into our room and dropped our bags on the floor. I slipped out to turn the taps on, then returned to find Harry perched on the edge of the bed beckoning me. I kicked my shoes off then tucked myself between his legs.

  Harry grabbed me around the waist and tugged me closer. I traced my fingers around the rim of his shirt and slid it over his head. When he made a move for my singlet, I pushed him backwards onto the bed and climbed on, trapping his arms above his head.

  He laughed. “What now?”

  I pressed a passionate kiss to his lips, then pulled back before he’d had his fill.

  “Ave,” he moaned.

  I released his arms and traced my fingertips down his torso, followed by my lips.

  This man possessed something I couldn’t resist; his very pulse sounding in my ears was both exhilarating and terrifying. What was it about him that made me throw caution to the wind? What was it that made me surrender despite my better judgement, despite fear? What was it about him that made every cell in my body cry out for his touch?

  I touched my lips to his again then lowered myself to his chest. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of this.”

  “My muscular form?”

  I laughed. “All of this – all of you.”

  He shifted beneath me. “It’s all yours, Ave. This weekend and every day after.”

  I sat up and studied his expression. Despite my revelations, protests and fears, every single word he spoke was laden with truth and promise.

  He rose to his elbows and motioned towards my singlet. “Take it off.”

  I reached behind my back, unclipped my bra, then slid the straps off my shoulders with masterful seduction.

  Harry threw his head back. “God save me.”

  I pressed my lips to his torso, one, two, three times just to torture him, then lowered my feet to the floor and stepped away.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he said, sitting up. I took another step backwards before tucking my hand into the front of my singlet, sliding my bra out in slow motion, then flinging it across the room. All hesitation and doubt had been left in the sky; this man was everything.

  He slid off the bed and stood in one swift move answering my invitation with passionate abandon. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he lifted me off the floor and moved towards the spa room where he shucked our clothes with expert skill … without robbing me of his touch or mouth for even a second. I was breathless when he lowered me into the thermal waters, craving everything he had to give.

  “Time for one of my fantasies,” he whispered.

  25

  There was a profound aching in my chest when I woke on Sunday morning wrapped in Harry’s arms. Today was our last day here in the fantasy world we’d created, and it was getting harder to ignore the realisation that our time together was coming to an end.

  “Avery.” Harry’s voice, heavy with sleep, interrupted my dangerous ruminations. He brushed his hand down my arms, then tucked me into his deliciously warm trap. “You promised me the whole weekend, remember? Fantasy and fun.”

  “Fantasy and fun,” I repeated, wiping silent tears from my face. “How did you know?”

  “I could feel it … roll over.” He lifted his arm so I could do as he’d asked, and I filled my senses with him.

  “I love you,” I whispered into his chest.

  He flexed. “You speaking to my ripped chest or me, the person?”

  “Both.” I snuggled in closer.

  He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “I love you too, Avery Bishop.”

  They say love is all-powerful, that it heals, that it can right all wrongs, that love will find an answer – is the answer. They say a lot of things. But isn’t it just a fairy tale we’ve wrapped reality around?

  “Can we just stay here, hide away and never go back?”

  “Reality beckons,” Harry said, brushing my hair from my face.

  “I prefer the fantasy.”

  “Life has a way of chasing you down, Ave. It’s better to face it head on.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  Harry squeezed me tight. “We’ve got today, then we’re going home to deal with that thing we’re not talking about because it is still the weekend.”

  “Harr—”

  “No,” he answered with finality. There was no room for protest. “What’s the plan today? I’m hoping there’s food involved, because I’m famished.”

  I lifted myself onto my elbows, my own exhaustion settling into my bones. “Did I tire you out, lover boy?”

  He pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose. “Completely.”

  “No regrets?”

  “Never,” he added, moving away.

  “Hey, where are you going?” I asked, feeling the absence of his presence. He tapped the side of his nose.

  When I heard the shower start, I slipped off the bed and followed his lead.

  “Hey, sexy lady,” Harry said, making room for me.

  “You don’t mind?” I pulled the shower door closed behind me.

  “We’re past that, don’t you think?” he teased, tugging me under the water and raising my chin towards his face. “Besides, I left the door open.”

  “Is that your way of inviting young maidens into your lair? Leaving doors open when you’re naked?”

  “My lair?” H
arry laughed. “As long as I get to have my way with you, you can call it what you want.”

  I reached up to plant one on him.

  He wrapped his arms around me possessively. “As for young maidens … there’s only one maiden I want in my lair, and I believe I’ve already captured her.”

  “I’m pretty sure she entered voluntarily.”

  Harry’s body roused. “The question is whether she’s going to attempt an escape.”

  I brushed my lips across his. “Not today.”

  “We’d better make the most of it then.” Harry’s eyes darkened before he spun me around, pressed me against the shower wall and gave me a taste of the life I’d be turning my back on.

  An hour or so later, we found a café on the main stretch of town opposite the adventure park and demolished a full breakfast each as well as two coffees then grabbed a handful of croissants for the road.

  “What’s next?” Harry asked, taking my hand in his.

  “I thought we could do white-water rafting or something adventurous, but to be honest, I think I’m done.” I lowered my head to his shoulder.

  “With the weekend or just the adventurous stuff?” He wrapped his arm around me.

  “Just the crazy stuff.”

  “You okay, babe?” He twisted towards me.

  “I’m okay.” I raised my hand to his chest and nodded, confirming silently I’d understood what he was asking. “I’m just tired.”

  “Movie in bed?”

  I nodded. That simple suggestion made me love him even more.

  “What time do you have to get the car back?”

  “It belongs to a friend from work, so sometime tomorrow is fine.”

  “Rich friend,” I said.

  “Yeah, he is. He sacrificed a lot to build a successful career over the last three decades. The car was his reward.”

  “It was kind of him to lend it to you. I’d think he’d be obsessively protective.”

  “He’s a generous guy, and he knows he can trust me.”

  “Can you thank him for me? It’s beautiful.” I slid in and let Harry close the door behind me.

  Harry chose a movie and I woke during the credits to find him closing the front door.

  “Did you go out?”

  He put a small black shopping bag into his backpack.

  “I thought I’d check out the shops while you slept.”

  “I’m sorry – that was a waste of an afternoon.”

  “It wasn’t wasted.” There was a gleam in his eye, but I couldn’t name it. “And you don’t have to apologise for being tired, Avery. Especially when I’m the one who tired you out.”

  “Thank you.” I climbed off the bed and into his arms.

  “For what?”

  “For letting me be … loved by you, even just for the weekend.”

  Harry’s expression protested my insistence that this was something that would remain packaged in the weekend and shoved into the back of a wardrobe somewhere to feast on when reality failed to satisfy me. Which, as it turned out, would be every moment of every day.

  “It’s not over yet.” He lifted me into his arms and carried me into the spa room, which he’d obviously prepared earlier. He backed me up against the wall, raised my arms above my head and pressed his body against mine. If this was his final offering into my shoebox of memories, it would keep me going for a lifetime.

  “Don’t move.” He removed my singlet and pressed his lips to my skin. “Stay still,” he warned, pressing my arms back up into place when I tried to participate. He unhooked my legs from his waist and stripped me of my jeans and my control; I was under his command and watched on helplessly as he got naked, taunted me with a hungry kiss then turned his back on me and stepped into the pool.

  “You just gonna leave me here, quaking?”

  “Quaking?” Harry smirked then raised his finger and beckoned me in silence.

  I shucked the rest of my clothing and slipped into the water, my whole being craving him.

  “I wish I could take this spa home.” I leaned against the sides and closed my eyes in an attempt to reclaim just a sliver of control.

  Harry lifted my legs one by one and proceeded to massage my feet, my calves and then every inch of my skin as if savouring the feel of it. We talked, we kissed, and we made love with an intensity reserved for goodbyes. The fantasy and fun were over and we both knew it.

  26

  The return trip to Auckland was full of silent touches and heartfelt glances with neither one of us attempting to hold a conversation. Before we reached the city, Harry asked where home was, and I told him. I was too exhausted and too heartbroken to even consider driving home.

  Next thing I knew, he was tucking me into bed and climbing in beside me. I knew I should have stopped him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead, I turned towards him and laid my palm on the side of his face.

  “I’m sorry, Harry. I didn’t want this for you.”

  “I know. It’s okay,” he answered.

  “It's not okay, though. It’s not. I don’t want this for you.”

  Harry pressed my hand to his lips and then lowered it between us. “I know what this is, Avery. I’ll take it.”

  “No, you can’t. I can’t let you. We need to leave it here – as the perfect weekend I can fantasise about. You need to move on without me.”

  “I can’t do that, Avery,” he countered.

  “You have to,” I said throwing my fists against his chest in childlike protest.

  “No.” He wrapped his strong hands around my wrists.

  “I can’t lose a life with you in it.” The words sounded like they were drowning in my mouth.

  “Well, I can’t live a life where you still exist and are not mine.”

  “Harry, please …” I begged.

  “No.” He held my hands to his lips and covered them with kisses. It killed me inside and made me feel alive all at once. “And besides, it’s 10pm.” He released my hands and tucked me into his embrace. “It’s still officially the weekend, so stop your moaning, and just let me love you.”

  When I woke, Harry was gone. I rolled over to lay my hand on the pillow where his head was last night, then lifted it to my face and inhaled his scent. Climbing out of bed was harder than usual; every part of my body was reluctant to leave the weekend, oblivious to the fact the damn weekend had left me.

  “Wake up!” I screamed as I dragged myself into the bathroom. “I need you now.” I stared into the mirror willing my lioness to roar to life. She didn’t.

  I stepped into the shower and washed off the night, all the while haunted by the memories of his hands on me, his words, his breath. And I grieved all over again.

  I told you not to go there.

  “Shut the hell up!” I yelled at the silent voice and dove back into my memories.

  I’ll take it, he’d said, and he’d meant it. It’s enough, he’d replied when I told him no, when I gave him a way out, when I told him I had nothing left to offer.

  It was worth it, I’d thought in the lake when I’d decided to silence the voice and surrender to him. It was worth it, I told myself again as I turned the faucet off and stepped out of the shower.

  The second I entered the walk-in wardrobe, I saw an outfit hanging on the display hook next to my full height mirror that I hadn’t left there. My favourite black jeans and blouse … and resting on the carpet were my sexy red-soled heels. The exact outfit I’d worn on my first day of chemo – also the first time Harry had asked me out.

  When I stepped closer, I noticed a note attached to the hanger. I sat down on the ottoman and unfolded the letter with shaking hands.

  Hey, beautiful,

  I know today will most probably feel like a trackies, slippers and oversize hoodie kind of day, but you need to shake off that hangover vibe and feed the fearless in you. This is the outfit you should wear today, because this is your lioness outfit – the one you wear with confidence and courage. She knows what she’s doing; don't silence
her – she’s a master at choosing clothes and, from what I hear, men. Trackies have their place and I’d find you sexy in those too, but right now, for today, you get dressed, put those damn hot heels on and strut your roaring self into that ward. You’ve got this.

  P.S. I picked up your car. The keys are on the hook by the front door. I love you. Harry

  I read the note three times before I decided to take his advice. I found some lingerie, dressed myself in confidence, raised my chin to my reflection and waited for her to turn up.

  “Hey, hot stuff,” Dr Privit said when I walked into my appointment ahead of my chemo session.

  “Hey yourself.” I lowered myself to the chair and crossed one leg over the other.

  “Did you have a fun weekend?”

  I smiled. “Yes.”

  “Did you follow my advice?”

  “You mean the doctor's orders part? It wasn’t just advice, was it?”

  She laughed. “Definitely doctor’s orders, but only if it was amazing.”

  “It was,” I answered. My lioness was standing guard, banishing every thought laced with fear and regret. That’s a good kitty. I heard the thought then shook my head, thankful the crazy wasn’t coming out of my mouth.

  “I’m glad to hear it. Okay, are you ready?”

  I nodded.

  Half an hour later, I was back with the girls, and I was so happy to see them that I ran around and gave them all a hug before I took my seat.

  “Where the hang have you been, Hollywood?” Tracey asked.

  “Oh, just having the best weekend of my life,” I said, surprising myself. I told them about the treatment change, then I told them about Prince Charming and our incredible weekend away together. I left out the juicy bits, but they all had a pretty good idea of what may have been going on between the skydiving and driving Maseratis and whatnot.

  “Well, your hot weekend of lovemaking aside,” Sammie piped up from the corner, “we had a wee bit of excitement last Monday.”

  “Oh really?” I settled into my seat and glanced around the room as it filled with ‘mm-hmms’ from the cheap seats. “Please do tell.”