Then She Roars

by Vanessa Evetts

  “Doubtful. Didn’t you know, distance makes the heart grow fonder.” He stole a quick kiss, then backed away from me mouthing ‘see you in your dreams’. My quaking body received his message loud and clear and sent its own without my knowledge.

  When I read ‘I love you’ on his lips, it was echoed by my own mouth before he spun around, and I watched his sexy tattooed behind walk itself through the hospital’s front doors. My X-ray vision was in full working order.

  “Sorry Ave, the coffee line was sooooo long.”

  I turned to find Sally approaching, without coffee.

  “What? You liar!”

  “No, seriously, there were sooooo many people, I just couldn’t—”

  “Seriously my butt, Sally – you were watching the whole time, weren’t you?”

  She nodded. “I couldn’t help myself, and I’m not apologising. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.”

  “Like watching a train wreck?” I said.

  “No, it’s like watching my favourite movie of all time.”

  “You know it has a sad ending, right?” I said, wanting to punish her for neglecting my need for caffeine.

  She shook her head. “Nope, I’m convinced the scriptwriters are going to rewrite it.” She hooked her arm in mine.

  I let the thought settle before I answered. “I hope you’re right. If you’re talking to them – him – whatever, can you put the pressure on?”

  “Every day, hun, every day.”

  “So … about that key.”

  Sally cringed. “Oh-oh. Are you mad?”

  “I should fire you – both as an employee and my friend.”

  “But you won’t because you love me, and you know that you love the fact that he snuck in at night to ravish you.”

  I shook my head. How could I deny it when it was true? “Don’t do it again?”

  “You and I both know there won’t be a next time. You’ve found your one and only.”

  Damn, she was good.

  I sighed. “Despite your refusal to do as you’re told, I don’t know how I could’ve got through these last few months without you, Sal. I’m glad you’re moving in.”

  “Me too.” She squeezed my arm. “Caffeine?”

  “You read my mind.”

  “I always do.” She winked, then her expression turned serious. “Ave, I’m really proud of you.”

  “What for?” I asked.

  “For letting him love you.”

  29

  I’d been in bed for hours but couldn’t sleep thanks to Harry’s words dancing around in my ears. I’ll see you in your dreams. I’d been up and down like a yo-yo, riffling through the cupboards for tools of seduction.

  I’d lit a multitude of candles and scattered them around the room. I’d pulled out my old and long-forgotten Dirty Dancing soundtrack and had been playing it on repeat for what seemed like an eternity. I’d showered twice and put on the sexiest lingerie I could find – as well as my red-soled shoes – and now, here I was at 1am in the morning struggling against the all-consuming battle cry of exhaustion.

  I woke when I felt Harry removing my heels, one by one. “Mmm,” I murmured against the pillow as he traced his fingers around the soft, sensitive parts of my feet, then trailed his hands up the backs of my legs.

  “I’m dreaming.”

  I felt the mattress shift as he climbed on. “Is it good?”

  My sleepy body sprung to attention when he brushed his hands over the curve of my cheeks. “You’ve no idea. There’s this sexy, half-naked man with his hands and lips all over me.”

  “Lips too?” He followed my lead.

  “Mm-hmm.” My toes curled into the duvet at the edge of the bed.

  “Like this?”

  “Mm-hmm,” I answered, my words breathless and heavy with sleep. “I’ve missed you.”

  He flipped me over and lay over me, his knees tucked so he could hold his own weight. “I’ve been here every night.”

  “I know, but I thought it was all in my head.” I traced my hands over his shoulders and laced my fingers together behind his neck.

  “You didn’t have to do all this, babe.”

  “Don’t you like it?”

  “You’re kidding, right? Do you have any idea how hot it was walking in to see the room lit up like a honeymoon suite in Thailand and you lying there on the bed, fast asleep in …?” He leant down and left a trail of kisses around the lacy edge of my bra. “This … and those shoes.” His eyes flamed.

  “Honeymoon suite in Thailand, eh?” I teased.

  “Avery Bishop, that’s my biggest fantasy of all.” He shifted off to the side, sliding his arm under my neck and trapping my legs in between his as he pulled me in close.

  Tears brimmed in my eyes. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  As if it was a sign from the heavens, Otis Redding’s soulful voice filled the room, and I couldn’t help myself. Before I knew it, I was launching up into a sitting position and serenading Harry with all of my heart, as if I’d written these treasured lyrics myself.

  “These arms of mine, they are lonely …”

  Harry leant against the headboard, listening to my body and voice pour out the words of my heart. I was all in. I leant down on all fours and crawled towards him singing the last line.

  Then without warning, Harry took those wanting arms in his, broke out his best Otis Redding impression and blew my mind.

  “C’mon, c’mon baby …” I sat down on his legs and opened my heart to receive it all. Did I want to be his little woman, his lover? Hell yes! When he sang the final line, I unravelled in his arms and pressed my tender lips to his.

  Passionate songs from one of my favourite romantic movies of all time wove around us as we created our own candlelit masterpiece.

  It was three in the morning before we fell asleep in each other’s arms, after I begged him to not to leave.

  “You sure?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Stay with me. I want to wake up like this.” I curled into him. I meant now, and I meant, please don’t go to Samoa and leave me, but I would never say that part out loud. Never. I fell asleep thinking about his fantasy – us in a honeymoon suite in Thailand – and even though I knew it was exactly that, a fantasy, the idea of it filled me with warmth, and possibly even a little bit of hope.

  “Please rewrite the ending,” I whispered to the heavens.

  30

  Waking up in Harry’s arms made me feel like the last few weeks had never happened, and we were back in Taupo.

  “Is it the weekend?” I asked.

  “Today, and every day after.” He leant over to press light kisses to my cheek then flipped me onto my back and ripped the covers off. I curled around him instinctively.

  “Don’t hide from me,” he said.

  “I’m not – I’m stealing your hotness.”

  “My hotness?” He slid his strong hands down my back to pull me in closer.

  “Mm-hmm.” I smiled into his warm chest, my pulse racing.

  Half an hour later, we were still in bed, or a somewhat scragglier version of it. The covers were on the floor and the fitted sheet was hugging my leg rather than the mattress.

  I laughed, trying to detangle myself. Harry reached down to help then launched off the bed. “Time to face the world, babe.”

  “What if I don’t want to?” I pulled the sheet up to cover my breasts and rested back on my elbow.

  He held an expectant hand out. “I’m pretty sure you don’t deal with wants.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m defeated on that front.” I relented and slipped off the bed wrapped in the sheet.

  “By my hotness?” It sounded as corny on his lips as on mine.

  I laughed. “Precisely.”

  Harry slapped me on the behind and ushered me into the bathroom. “It’s a heels day.”

  “Yes, sir!” I saluted, then closed the door. He wasn’t wrong.

  I was basking in the beautiful African sun with Otis Redding’s voi
ce on repeat in my head when Abi walked in with Joanne. I wasn’t quick enough to vanquish the dreamy look from my face.

  Abi narrowed her eyes, then grinned. “You’re beaming, Dr Avery. What have you gone and done?”

  “Who? Me?” I said with Oscar-worthy dramatics. “I got some exercise this morning – before work – it must be that.”

  I smiled at Joanne whose eyes glistened with knowing. I picked up a glass and drowned my embarrassment.

  “Was that exercise with that doctor you were into but couldn’t have?” Abi asked without shame.

  I barely managed to swallow before fountaining my mouthful into the room.

  “Abigail! You can’t ask Dr Bishop such personal questions – it’s not appropriate,” Joanne warned.

  I raised my hand. “I kind of walked right into that one though, didn’t I?”

  “Even so,” Joanne said.

  Abi ignored her mother and stared me down, hungry for the truth. “Well? Are you together now?”

  There was no reason to hide it. It was a new day and I’d made a decision to stop fighting. I couldn’t hide it if I tried, not from this precious girl who had opened up the ugliest parts of herself and her life and laid herself bare.

  I smiled. “We are, although he leaves in a few days.”

  “Where to?”

  “The islands … for a whole month.” I made a feeble attempt to keep the details light.

  “Why?”

  “Work.”

  “Is that why you said you couldn’t have him … ’cause he was going away?” she asked.

  “Abi, you’re not here to talk about Dr Bishop’s love life – it’s very personal,” Joanne said.

  “She doesn’t mind, Mum, otherwise she wouldn’t answer. Besides, what I’ve talked about is way worse.”

  Joanne relaxed when she saw my subtle nod.

  “So?” Abi asked again.

  “I said I couldn’t have him, not because he was going away but because I might be, and I didn’t want him to get hurt.”

  “Oh.”

  “Where are you going?” Joanne asked, looking from one of us to the other as if we were in on a major secret and she was out in the dark – which, of course, we were … and she was.

  “She might be going to see Dad,” Abi said.

  I watched in silence as the words hit Joanne in the heart. She raised her widened eyes to mine.

  I nodded. “I have breast cancer. I’m undergoing treatment, but as you know, I’ve got a big fight on my hands.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Joanne took her daughter's hand in hers, her eyes glistening with tears. “Abi, are you okay with this? Do you think you can handle this? If …”

  Abi’s brow creased and she nodded. “I’m okay. She gets me.” She pursed her lips with determination. “And Dr Avery’s not going to die.”

  I heard her words and panic whipped through me. Now, I had two people I could ruin if this cancer took me out. Damn. For the first time since I’d told her, I regretted it.

  I studied her resolute expression looking for signs of trouble, but there weren’t any. She was feeling strong; I’d let her have her faith.

  I swallowed the heavy feeling in my gut and banished Sandy to the shelf for the day. “Okay, enough about me. Tell me about your week.”

  Joanne told me about contacting the police and reporting Curtis.

  “Is that what you wanted, Abi?” I asked.

  “Not at first, but yeah. I don’t want another girl to go through this.”

  I smiled. Hello, lioness. “So, what happened?”

  “He's on tour with the band at the moment, so it’s a bit complicated,” Joanne said. “But they’re confident they can prosecute, thanks to this amazing girl.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked. I was painfully aware how difficult it was for rape victims to prove their attack, especially if time had passed.

  “She kept the clothes,” Joanne said, her face beaming with pride.

  Abi laced her fingers in her mother’s as tears touched both of their cheeks. “I kept them in a ziplok bag in my wardrobe. I thought maybe I’d need them one day.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears … this little girl who was so broken managed to do something so brave and so smart.

  “I’m blown away, Abi. Every session, you come in and surprise me.”

  She shrugged. “I like CSI.”

  My shock at her nonchalance sounded as a quick burst of laughter. She said it as if it made perfect sense – as if it was normal.

  “It was incredibly brave, Abi. I’m very proud of you.”

  “It was hard.”

  I nodded.

  “They let Mum stay in the room. She wasn’t allowed to say anything, but it helped to have her there.”

  Joanne raised her hand to her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut. I could only imagine the heartbreak she’d experienced having to listen to her own daughter giving details of her attack, knowing she’d been powerless to stop it.

  Abi squeezed Joanne’s hand. “I’m okay, Mum.”

  I passed her a handful of tissues. She wiped away her grief, then brought her daughter in for a good squeeze.

  For a second, it was as though I could see golden threads weaving between them, binding together all the broken pieces. It felt miraculous.

  “How are the arms?” I asked when their focus turned back to me.

  Abi slid her sleeves up to reveal the insides of her forearms. Seeing there were no fresh marks filled me with gratitude.

  Her own pride danced in her eyes.

  “Well done, Abi. What are you doing differently?”

  “I’ve been talking to Mum.”

  I nodded. “That’s great.”

  “There’s something else too,” she added, her smiling eyes darting towards Joanne’s as if they had a juicy secret to share.

  Excitement sparked. “What is it?”

  “We’ve found a place.”

  “What do you mean? Are you moving?” I asked.

  “No, we’ve found a place to roar,” she said in a way only a teenager could, and I laughed.

  “Both of you?” I asked, glancing at Joanne.

  “Hell, yes. I had no idea how amazing a good roar felt.” She leant forwards in her chair. “Who knew I had a lioness hidden away inside me?”

  I couldn’t help smiling; the difference between these two was palpable. I could feel it in the air – the bond they’d forged in the pit. “So, where is this place?”

  “Over near Muriwai, by Woodhill Forest.” Her brows rose to check I knew where she was talking about. I did – I’d been mountain biking there a few times with Coop when we were kids.

  “It’s only about twenty minutes from where we live. Dad used to take me there camping – all the time.” This time, speaking about her dad didn’t illicit a pain response.

  “Did you go camping?” I asked.

  “This crazy nutter pulled out all the camping gear and loaded it in her dad’s truck while I was at work,” Joanne interjected. “I had no choice in the matter.”

  Abi laughed. “If I’d given her one, she’d have said no, like she used to when Dad asked her.”

  “True,” Joanne admitted.

  “So?” I asked.

  “I’d been home half an hour and barely got myself changed before she forced me into the car, starving and afraid. I’d never been camping a day in my life!”

  “We got Burger King on the way, and you loved it.” Abi nudged her mum with her shoulder. “The camping, not the BK, although you scoffed that down too.”

  “It was food … kind of.” Joanne laughed. “And lucky I did too, because it took us two hours to get the campsite set up in the dark.”

  “It was hilarious,” Abi answered gleefully as if the first half of this session had never happened.

  I stayed silent, refusing to ruin the magic of what was occurring as these two told their story.

  “She forgot to pack insect spray,” Joanne added. “So, by the time I climbe
d into the tent, I was covered in bites.”

  “I didn’t forget, it was just empty … and she complained about it all night.” Abi started playing mini violins with her fingers.

  I laughed and marvelled at their intimate connection.

  “I did not,” Joanne protested, shoving her daughter with her shoulder forcing her to drop the violins.

  “I taught her to fish,” Abi said. “Kind of,” she added as an afterthought.

  “Honestly, she taught me how not to fish,” Joanne teased, “but at least it gave us heaps of time to talk.”

  “And cry,” Abi added, leaning into her mum.

  “That and the fact we only had four-year-old baked beans and two-minute noodles to eat for the next two days,” Joanne said, her eyebrows raised. “I’ve never farted so much in my life!” And with that, the whole office filled with raucous laughter.

  “So, it went well then?” My eyes darted between them.

  “Yes.” Joanne looked at Abi. “I got my daughter back.”

  “And found your lioness,” Abi added.

  Joanne nodded with enthusiasm before throwing her arms in the air. “Oh my god, yes. She’s awesome!”

  “She is.” I smiled, then turned to Abi. “Did you tell your mum what Cooper said?”

  “Who’s Cooper?” Joanne asked.

  “Cooper is Avery’s hot doctor brother who lives in Kenya,” Abi reported.

  “I never once said he was hot,” I argued.

  “It fits the picture, now shush!”

  “She shushed me!” I looked to Joanne for support.

  “She’s found her fire, that’s for sure.” Joanne raised her eyebrows at me in jest. “I love it.”

  “I do too.” I smiled at Abi. “Now what was it my ‘hot doctor brother’ said?”

  “He said,” she paused for a second to gather her thoughts, “she’s your strength, your courage. Don’t silence her, and she’ll fight when you can’t.”

  “Even when it gets hard,” I added.

  Joanne nodded. “Especially when it gets hard.”

  “On that note, there’s one more thing I want to discuss this session.”

  “What’s that?” Abi asked.

  “Music.”

  Abi’s shoulders dipped with a sigh.

  “I understand why you don’t want to play or listen or sing anymore. I do. But music is a part of you – it’s woven through all the memories of your dad.”