The Bad Guys Chronicles Box Set

by Eric Ugland

  That settled, I smiled. And got dressed. And then I sat down at one of the workbenches I’d used to eat once.

  “So,” I said.

  “Yes?” Shae replied, stifling a yawn.

  “I figured we should probably talk about your living situation.”

  “You’re kicking me out.”

  “I didn’t say that at all.”

  “But that’s where this is going.”

  “Knock that shit off. Wait for me to be an asshole before you decide I’m one.”

  “So what are you saying?”

  “I’m asking what you want.”

  “I, what?”

  “What do you want? Do you want to stay here? Do you want to go somewhere else? Do you want to try and get your own place?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never had my own place.”

  “Now could be the time for that.”

  “It’s, I mean, I’m scared of being alone.”

  “There’s more than a million people around you in this city. You’re not alone.”

  “Knowing that makes me feel more alone, Clyde. I only know, I think, twelve of those million plus people.”

  “Bah, pretty sure half the neighborhood passed through the bar to stare at you last night. The other half was probably there tonight.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Don’t play that game. You know—”

  “I’m just saying, there’s not that many people that go through the bar,” she said, a slight smile creeping up at the corner of her mouth. “But you know that’s not the same.”

  “You can stay here, then,” I decided. “I’ll get Lothar to bring up another bed, we’ll set it up—”

  “You don’t need to do this.”

  “It’s already been done,” I said, getting to my feet.

  “You need to sleep.”

  I frowned, and tried to assess myself. I wasn’t feeling that tired. I’d gotten a bit of sleep the previous night and a bit of sleep this night. Not a ton, perhaps not enough, but I was wary of sleeping too much. I didn’t want to get into the habit of sleeping every night if I didn’t need to. I’d be giving up a giant advantage.

  “The thing is,” I said, “I really don’t sleep that much. So you should take the bed tonight.”

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “I am,” I said, and I gave her a smile, as genuine as I could. I got up, got all the various supplies I needed to survive in the outside world, and I left.

  Which, admittedly, was a bit of a mistake, because I think Shae wanted to talk more. It certainly seemed like it, but I didn’t want to talk. Especially since I had the distinct feeling that talk would be more along the lines of feelings and relationships, and that wasn’t something I was willing to engage in just yet. Not in this new world where there was still so much to be discovered.

  I went down the stairs quickly, before I could change my mind about anything, and I stepped out into the cold night thinking I’d do a little healing magic until the wound in my arm closed. But as I stood there outside my front door, I shivered a little. It was much colder than I’d anticipated.

  Which was weird. It was still summer, so why the cold snap?

  I didn’t feel like shivering for hours on end, so I went back inside and up to the third floor. Before I did anything, I peeked inside and took a careful look at Hellion.

  He was just chilling. Like a chest. As chests do. Though he seemed a mite bigger. And shinier. If I hadn’t been paying such close attention to him in recent days — one of the byproducts of having a monster as roommate and pet — I probably wouldn’t notice it, but the trappings of the chest had gone from iron to brass. The wood looked to be of a finer grain. It was a legitimately nicer chest. And all that because he ate someone. I wondered if he leveled up. Unlike some games I’d played back in the Old World, monsters seemed to get levels. So it was entirely possible the new level brought about additional options for Hellion’s physical appearance. I had no idea. Maybe I could convince the creature to give me a peek at his character sheet. I could probably cast the identify spell at him, but I wasn’t sure if Hellion would pick that up, if he’d know I cast a spell on him. I was worried he’d take it as an offensive gesture, and I didn’t want the mimic to lash his tongue out at me just because I was being curious.

  I got closer to the chest, carefully. Just a step at a time. I wasn’t sure how long his tongue was, and I didn’t relish the idea of getting licked and stuck into the mouth of the beast. And yet, I wanted to see the various bits of metal left over from the erstwhile and unlucky thief.

  There was the knife, of course, the gold tooth, and some coinage. And it was among the coins where I found the exciting stuff.

  Two account coins, one of which I recognized. Seemed like it was time to make another visit to Gideon. Twice in two days. Lucky me. At least now I had a reason to brace the cold.

  Chapter 107

  But it wasn’t cold out.

  I stepped through the door, wrapped in a blanket I’d found in my training apartment, and it was back to normal outside. One more step in the blanket, and I’d be sweating.

  Looking around, I couldn't see anything that would dictate a reason for such an extreme temperature swing. It was really creepy. I tossed the blanket back inside the building, and headed over to Gideon’s shop. It was time to close out another account.

  There were more guard patrols out than usual, and I was definitely a person of interest now. I got more looks that one night than I had any night before. There’d definitely been a shift in mood that day. I suppose that’s what happens when a member of government is suddenly impacted.

  No one confronted me though, even though they had every reason to question an Elf walking around alone at that hour. That’s when I realized that it was just for show. The minister had clearly rattled some cages, and whoever was at the top of the City Guard heap put more guards on patrol. But any orders to really crack down hadn’t been given.

  Gideon was in when I got to his shop. Naturally. The lights were on, the curtains pulled back and the door was open. However, he hadn’t regained his pallor from yesterday. He still looked pretty shitty, his skin almost elephant grey and droopy to the point where I questioned if his skin suit needed restitching. One more nail in the coffin of the man actually being human, which I didn’t believe at that point anyway. But it was interesting to see such obvious proof. It was almost like his human suit needed to be tailored a bit. If that’s what it was. I’m not saying he was wearing a suit, just, well, whatever. He was freaky-looking.

  “Evergreen,” he said with a slight bow as I walked in. “Two nights in a row. We are honored with your visit.”

  I smiled back at him, and put my coin on the counter. He picked it up, reached out to me, did the thing with the warm and the cold, and then put my coin back on the counter. Which I’d never really thought of before. How could he hold the coin at the same time as he was holding both my hands?

  “What is it we may help you with?” he asked.

  “I, uh,” I stammered a second because I kind of really wanted to ask him about the whole two hands and a coin thing. And yet, he loved secrecy. Maybe another night. “I found this,” I said, and I put the thief’s account coin on the counter.

  “Do you wish to claim the account?”

  “I do. This guy’s not coming back.”

  “Information we do not need,” Gideon said with a slight smile. “We will retrieve the holdings.”

  Gideon closed his eyes, and some of the little cloaked figures rushed out and opened crates and pulled apart boxes. One climbed up a set of shelves to pull a long case off of one of the rafters above. His storage system was a damn mystery, but not to his little workers. I guess that added a certain layer of security to things. A moment later, and there was a wide array of goods on the counter.

  “There is no credit remaining in this account,” Gideon said. “Merely these goods.”

  There was a pretty thick layer of dust
on some of the containers. I think Gideon noticed me noticing the dust.

  “It has been some time since that account holder has been here,” Gideon said.

  “Hopefully there’s something of value here,” I said.

  Gideon nodded ever so slightly, which I took as a sign of agreement.

  I started with the long thing case, which looked something like a pool cue holder built out of dark wood. I flipped the little latch open, and looked inside.

  It was a spear. It had a very long thin handle, starting dark and shiny at the bottom and then wrapped with something that looked like bandages. Tattered and somewhat yellowing though. The spearhead was, obviously, pointy. But the sides of the spearhead glinted in the light, and they looked really damn sharp. The bottom of the spear head was kind of bulbous, so, looking at it in the right way, it appeared as if someone had flattened a bell. And, given the slight yellow tinge to the metal, that might have been the case.

  “Can you identify this?” I asked.

  Gideon closed his eyes and nodded once.

  I felt a flicker of magic out in the world, and then it was done.

  Death Knell

  Item Type: Mythic

  Item Class: Two-handed Melee

  Material: Bronze, Obsidian

  Damage: 50-120 (Piercing)

  Durability: 800/1000

  Weight: 5.1 lbs

  Requirements: Str 12

  Description: A bronze haft tipped with an obsidian spear point, there are several muted bells attached with black ribbons below the spearhead. When Death Knell kills a creature, there is a chance the bells will sound. Any creature having suffered damage recently will be required to make a death save, or die.

  I was impressed with the weapon, but it didn’t seem like something I could use.

  “Selling that,” I said.

  “Credit?” Gideon asked, almost too excited.

  I sighed, and nodded. I needed to use up more of my credit getting useful items and not just identifying things I’d then sell back to Gideon.

  Up next was a small chest, about the size of a ream of paper. Opening it up, I found paper. Well, probably parchment. A stack of it. All full. Notes, hand-drawn maps. A real collection of information that might have been useful, or might have just been the ramblings of a drunk. Either way, I could see that Gideon had no use for the paper, but seemed itching to have his box back.

  “I’ll take the parchment,” I said.

  He nodded, and quickly stacked the paper in front of me. He passed the box to a waiting figure, who disappeared it into the back of the shop.

  Next was a crate filled with weapons, all common, all bladed, all small. Daggers and short swords and everything in between. I bet the old man had stored his armory with Gideon on the off chance he lost all his weapons. There wasn’t anything I was interested in. Nothing was better than the few blades I had on me, and I didn’t need a a massive collection of crap weapons.

  “Credit.”

  Gideon nodded.

  There was some more junk, a box of silverware and silver flatware, all sorts of silver really. It was a bit depressing really, because I felt like I was disposing of the man’s retirement fund. Or savings. Though he’d probably have been willing to kill me. I realized I’d never bothered to heal the wound on my arm. Maybe that’s why all the City Guards had been looking at me.

  Anyway, there was the silver, some rare books (non-magical, unfortunately), a few loose gems. Really just a collection of things the man had stolen but hadn’t gotten around to selling yet. From my estimation the spear was the highlight of the collection. And after twenty minutes opening containers and emptying them out, I had nothing really to show for it except a few more coins to my name at Gideon’s place. I really hoped he wasn’t about to pick up and take off. That’d suck.

  “See you later, Gideon,” I said.

  “Evergreen.”

  Chapter 108

  I headed north. I had plenty of time to kill before work, and I figured I’d go explore the city. Look for trouble.

  I’m sure you’re shocked to hear that I didn’t get very far before trouble found me.

  There I was, just minding my own business, strolling up the street like I had somewhere to be. I noticed two shapes step out in front of me, and go along in the direction I was traveling.

  Which wasn’t that odd in itself, except that I also heard people walking behind me. A glance over my shoulder revealed two people walking about ten feet back.

  The men in front stopped. I stopped, which meant the two behind caught up to me and grabbed me under the arms. They frogmarched me into an alley and then shoved me onto the floor of a waiting carriage. It wasn’t the nicest sort of thing, it had a real utilitarian flair to it but was ultimately kind of a piece of shit. But since I didn’t even have a piece of shit, I had no choice but to envy this piece of shit.

  I picked myself up off the floor and got up to a seated position. Almost as soon as my butt hit the poorly-cushioned seat, the carriage began bumping along the cobblestone road.

  A familiar man sat across from me, dressed elegantly in all black and eating very plump grapes.

  “Hatchett,” he said, “Clyde Hatchett.”

  “Isn’t that my line?” I asked.

  “Saving you the trouble.”

  “Due thanks.”

  He smiled, and offered a grape.

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  He shrugged, and popped another into his mouth. I could hear it burst as he bit down.

  “I felt it was time we had a meeting,” he said.

  “The Iron Silents.”

  “You remember! How pleasant.”

  “I try.”

  “On the one hand, I am happy to tell you that our desire to purchase your building has waned. We are no longer planning to pursue that project.”

  “Good.”

  “It was an interesting chat we had with your handlers. That dandy you sent after us was really quite the talker. I admit to being rather surprised that you are in the same game as us, and yet you never let us know. Nor did you seek membership in our organization.”

  “I just figured you were too elite for the likes of me.”

  “Now now, no need to go about being so modest. We’ve seen some of what you’re capable of, and though others amongst the Iron Silents prefer to remain unimpressed by much of anything, I was pleasantly surprised to see how you handled yourself in the Bright.”

  I wanted to hide my surprise better than I did. The asshole just smiled.

  “You’d be surprised by how much we see around the city,” he said. “And just what connections we have.”

  “I don’t suppose you’re about to tell me?”

  “That ship has sailed, Mr. Hatchett. Unfortunately, we find ourselves on opposite sides of things. You chose poorly, and so you are on the losing side.”

  “I didn’t know we were fighting each other.”

  “Our business is a zero-sum game, Mr. Hatchett. I don’t expect you to know the term, but it means there can only be a single winner.”

  “I don’t think that’s the case.”

  “That’s because you lack intelligence, Mr. Hatchett. I have seen your kind before.”

  “Is this a weird sort of threat?”

  “This is professional courtesy,” the man replied. “This is us letting you know that you’re operating within our territory. Should you wish to continue, you’ll need to pay a tax.”

  “A tax? A thieving tax?”

  “You can call it what you will, Mr. Hatchett, but we expect 2,000 gold once a month.”

  “And if I don’t pay?”

  “We will ask you to leave Old Town.”

  “By leave, do you mean you’re going to kill me?”

  “That remains to be seen. We expect to receive payment once a month. Now, since it’s the beginning of the month, and we’re feeling a tad generous, the tax will be due on the first of next month.”

  “And what do I get by giving you
this payment?”

  “You get to remain in Old Town.”

  “That’s it? You’re not going to offer, like, protection? That’s how this racket goes normally, right?”

  “Maybe if you were some shopkeeper we were hoping to swindle out of money. But you’re in the game. You know the reality of the situation. So why add layers of nonsense we don’t need?”

  “I mean, you should at least take me out for a drink before you bend me over like this. Two thousand gold? That’s not chump change.”

  He just smirked. I really wanted to punch him in the mouth, but considering that his stooges were all riding the carriage, I knew that wouldn’t go over well.

  “Again,” the man said, “you chose poorly. I believe, however, this is your stop.”

  I looked out the window, and saw something unfamiliar. It was a deeply purple stone wall that rose up rather high into the sky. Behind the wall came an ethereal and creepy green glow.

  “I think you’ve got my destination a bit wrong.”

  “No,” the man said, “we don’t. This is where you need to be. Get your levels up. If you had been, say more forthcoming with us, we probably would be willing to help you, but you seem to, instead, enjoy being glib and sassy. We are betting on you, so a good performance might elicit a little leniency on our part. Do try not to die. Which is really the lesson you need to learn tonight. Enjoy!”

  “What do you mean you’re betting on me?”

  The door opened, and the four men were right there again. They grabbed me before I could react, and carried me across the street to an iron door.

  One of the thugs pounded once on the door, and then it opened. It got pulled up into the wall.

  The thugs tossed me through the portal, and I landed on soft dirt on the other side.