The Bad Guys Chronicles Box Set

by Eric Ugland

  I'd been a fool, but the curiosity — I mean, really it just about always got the better of me.

  Boris resumed the lead, and we moved quickly up a stairway, down a corridor, through a big open room with what I guessed was a dried-out fountain in the middle, and finally got to a massive balcony looking over the broken city below. We came through one entrance to the balcony, and on the opposite wall was another hole, clearly something the kobolds had made.

  As a group, we moved silently across the balcony and went through the somewhat onerous process of boosting kobolds into the hole. First the adults, and then the babies, who were then re-latched onto their mounts, and finally the sling full of babies went up to Shae. I went up last, stealing one more look through the cavern just in time to see the end of the fight between the reds and the grays. The reds were victorious, and the grays retreated quickly. I thought I was about to watch the reds give chase to beat down their fleeing opponents, but, instead, the reds set upon the dead and injured with equal gusto. From beatdown to buffet in two seconds flat.

  Chapter 162

  After a quick trip through more kobold-dug tunnels, we came to the next kobold hide-out. Something that seemed quite a bit older and more run-down, like it had been abandoned. There were definitely small creatures hiding in the piles of trash that had been left behind, and they scurried when they heard us. The kobolds didn’t stop or really even pause as we made our way through what had to have been, at one point, a kobold home.

  Instead, we just walked back out into the sewers again, moving along the brick walkways in single file. Once again, we would pause whenever Boris paused, and no one bothered to ask why. Mostly, I didn’t think there was a reason for the pausing. But he claimed to have dangersense, so presumably that was providing him the ability to tell us when we needed to stop. Stranger things were possible.

  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we left the sewers and returned to the basement of the bakery. As soon as all of the kobolds were inside, Boris closed the makeshift door.

  Everyone stopped, and looked at me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Where we go?” Boris asked.

  “Uh,” I stalled, then looked over at Shae.

  She just smiled at me.

  “You’ve got plenty of room here,” she said.

  “In the basement?” I asked.

  “You’re as bad as them,” she said with a laugh, her eyes twinkling.

  It was annoying how pretty she always was. Even covered in actual shit, and layered in baby kobolds, she was gorgeous. I didn’t want to be in the position of liking anyone. But I liked her.

  “Fine,” I said to Shae. Then I turned and glared at Boris and the rest of the kobolds. “No more holes unless I say it’s okay, got it?”

  Heads nodded.

  “I don’t know how you want to split things up,” I said, “but the building on the other side of the Heavy Purse is ours now too. Shae is in charge.”

  Heads turned to Shae, and I got my notification.

  Congratulations! You’ve completed a QUEST!

  Rebuild the Guild V - Shae

  You assisted Boris in saving kobolds from the sewer.

  Reward for success: Shae will join your guild.

  “Now can someone get these babies off me?” I asked.

  Chapter 163

  The first stop for me was a shower, but I took the convoluted hidden path to get there — I went through the Heavy Purse’s basement, found the secret ladder hidden among the barrels, and climbed until I got to my apartment.

  I stripped off my clothes and hopped into the shower. The water was hot and clean and delicious. I stood there, just luxuriating for a few minutes before I got deep into the scrubbing. Then I was merciless, scraping my skin with rough washcloths and using more soap than I’d ever used here in Glaton. I felt disgusting in a horribly new way, so I wanted that sewer off me. I let my mind go, letting it drift into any place it liked. At first, that was just enjoying the feeling of the water, but then it went down into the ruins.

  What were they? How did they get there? Was it a city that had sunk beneath the ground? Did people in Glaton know there were ruins beneath them? Would they care even if they did? What about the cannibals who lived down there? Were they some other sentient race, or just mutant humans? How long had they been there? Obviously, I couldn't help but compare them to Morlocks from The Time Machine — they had the same the characteristics as the underground troglodytes springing from HG Wells' fevered brain. So were they troglodytes? That could certainly be true. Troglodytes were a thing in games I'd played in the old world, and considering the crossover between there and here, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility that I'd just seen Vuldranni troglodytes infesting ruins below me. I felt decent about that bit of logic, so I got out of the shower and grabbed a towel.

  Stepping back into my giant studio apartment, I went and looked at my collection of clothes. Frankly, it was embarrassing. Not that I needed to look amazing, or even have a whole bunch of fancy clothes — it just seemed like I shouldn't exclusively wear the noobie threads I'd looted off of my own corpses. Sets a weird precedent, you know? I decided that instead of doing some training, like I’d planned, I’d take some things over to Gideon to sell, and maybe buy some clothes while I was at it.

  Since the noobie threads were all I had at the moment, I pulled the starter gear on, ignoring the smell of recent death on them. Why had I even bothered to take a shower if I was going to smell like that? I tore the clothes off and tossed them to the floor in frustration. Then for good measure, I ripped the drawers out of the dresser and upended them. Great. Now I was left with with a pile of clothes on the floor. And a naked me.

  I looked around the apartment. I hadn't done much to it since taking ownership. And by much, I mean next to nothing besides replacing some things that had been broken. Etta’s old projects were still cluttering up the workbenches along the walls. Nothing there for me to wear, though.

  There was one last thing I could wear. It would be a bit ostentatious and a little ridiculous, but I could deck myself out in the nobleman's threads I picked up for the ball. But would that make me more visible to Tollendahl? Was it possible that someone would recognize me?

  I figured I had little real choice in the matter, and since I was going straight to Gideon's to sell some things, it probably wouldn't be a big deal. I pulled the fancy clothes on, but they were quite a bit tighter than I remembered. I'd put on weight. Or muscle. Let’s say it was just muscle. Then I went around and gathered up all the things I had to sell, which meant covering myself, mostly, in various bags, pouches, and knapsacks.

  I looked ridiculous.

  But I smelled decent.

  People didn't seem to care. At least, I didn't see anyone looking at me more than what felt normal. It was dark out, but dawn wasn't too far off. Workers were heading to their jobs, guards were patrolling. It was cold, with a heavy fog sitting low over the city. Definitely felt like something nasty was about to happen.

  Regardless, Gideon's store was open. As always. And it was warm inside. A small iron stove tucked behind the big man sent out waves of heat. Gideon looked better than he had the last time I’d seen him. Still weird and inhuman, sure. But his color and verve had returned. Giving me the Summon Outsider Guardian spell really had done a number on him. Even though he kind of skeeved me out, I was happy to see him recovered.

  "Good morning," Gideon said. "We welcome you."

  I put my coin on the counter, and held my hands out. He grasped my hands with his, and I felt a pulse of warmth through my body.

  An eyebrow shot up on Gideon's face, but he didn't say anything to me.

  "Evergreen, how may we help you today?"

  "I'm here to sell some things.”

  He nodded and spread his hands wide, indicating that he was ready for me to put my wares down on the counter.

  I took the first bag, and I dumped it out. It was full of the books from my starting gear. />
  "We remember these," he said, "you have found more?"

  "I, uh, yeah. I mean, I had these already. Just, uh, making room in my inventory."

  He nodded as if he bought my lie, but in Gideon’s line of business, I was sure he knew it wasn’t true.

  "Our price has not changed," he said. "Will you want this in credit?"

  "I may be needing coin soon, but for now, credit."

  He nodded, and gestured. The cloaked figures swarmed out from behind him and pulled the books off the counter. Then, quick as can be, the books were deposited in containers.

  Next up, the rings. I had eight that I'd snagged from the Iron Silents.

  "Might need a little identification on these," I said. "And these."

  Out came the five chains, the talisman, three bracelets, three swords, nine pouches, and the thing I thought was a bag of holding, the one I'd taken off of Arthur.

  Gideon looked over the treasures I’d spread out. Though it was really slight, I felt the tingle of magic as Gideon cast his identification spell over and over.

  No reaction from the man, though, until he finished.

  "Are you selling these?" he asked.

  "Maybe," I said, looking over what I had.

  Thankfully, all the rings were magical, so I hadn't wasted money on identifying somebody’s accessories. There was water-breathing, which I kept, darkvision, which I sold, a ring of grip that supposedly made you a better climber, which I kept, and then a few rings of protection. Those I put in the sell pile.

  Three of the chains were just decorative, so those went over to sell. One warded against fiends, demons, and devils. I kept it, but it was so gaudy I was tempted to sell it off. I didn’t want to look like a d-bag.

  One bracelet was pretty and gold.

  One bracelet was very tempting:

  The Bracelet of Ambidexterity

  Item Type: Rare

  Item Class: Accessory

  Material: Gold, Tungsten

  Durability: Good

  Weight: .3 pounds

  Requirements: n/a

  Description: A bracelet made of hands alternating gold and tungsten, the Bracelet of Ambidexterity allows the wearer to use their non-dominant hand as well as their dominant hand.

  Having an extra hand that was just as good with a sword as the main hand could be a huge advantage. It could really change the tempo and tenor of fights. And yet, I could see it becoming dangerous, if you were foolish enough to become dependent on the magic for your fighting style. If I lost it, I’d be screwed. I put it in the sell pile. I didn’t want to become dependent on a magic item for anything. Especially with all the problems I had coming my way from the Iron Silents.

  The final bracelet looked good at first, but its magical use fell apart under scrutiny.

  The Bracelet of Hardening

  Item Type: Rare

  Item Class: Accessory

  Material: Tungsten

  Durability: Good

  Weight: .3 pounds

  Requirements: n/a

  Description: A simple tungsten band, the bracelet of hardening causes all worn armor to harden significantly.

  Making armor harder was a good thing, right? Hardened leather would be better at stopping certain weapons, but it would also restrict movement. And harder metal armor meant more brittle armor. Or armor that didn’t dent to absorb a blow. That could be painful. I tossed the bracelet in the sell pile.

  The talisman was probably my favorite item in the haul.

  The Talisman of the Rogue

  Item Type: Rare

  Item Class: Accessory

  Material: Iron

  Durability: Good

  Weight: .1 pounds

  Requirements: n/a

  Description: A small medallion with a carved face covered by a mask. It suppresses your character sheet, and allows certain changes to be made, protecting your personal information from any of those who seek it.

  It was a small medallion, barely the size of dime, and I could probably wear it on any part of my body, somewhere simple to hide its use. Incredibly useful for a man like me, especially in hiding my growing list of illegal spells.

  The pouches were an interesting surprise. All magic and all able to hold much more than they should. Which meant I needed to see what was in them.

  "Mind if I open these up here?" I asked.

  "You may," he said.

  "Any idea on how to do that?"

  A creepy smile spread across Gideon’s face, and he reached his overly large hand out. One long finger dropped down to tap on the pouch.

  "Empty," he said.

  The drawstrings of the bag untied themselves, and then the opening of the pouch just, well, spread open. Coins shot up and out, stacking up in nice, neat piles all around the pouch. It just kept coming and coming and coming.

  "One thousand gold," Gideon said, with a slight bow of his head.

  "Shit, man," I replied, "you count quickly."

  "It is the limit of this sack."

  "Ah," I said. "So the rest will likely be coin? Can it store other things?"

  "They are useful for small objects, mostly coins. Some use them to sort their coins — you can pour various coins inside, and then all you have to do is check the bag to see exactly what you might have."

  I emptied the bags one at a time. It turned out to be all coinage: three with gold, two with silver, one with platinum. A veritable fortune.

  There was a single book, a basic-looking journal. I peeked inside, and immediately knew it was something worth keeping. It looked a whole lot like a transaction book, but one that had been written in a code. If I could crack it, I’d know how the Iron Silents were earning money. Interrupting their gold supply would certainly be a good way to cut the feet out from under them. Besides, I didn’t think Gideon would be keen on buying the book.

  The next pouch had coins, but not of the monetary variety. More along the lines of medallions. But as soon as the first one hit Gideon’s counter, he hissed, rearing away from them as if they could hurt him.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, also taking a step back from the counter, just in case.

  “They are summoning tokens,” he said under his breath. “Meant to ease the spells used to bring entities to this plane. And judging by the symbols on them, they are for horrible creatures.”

  “Ah. Bad news, then?”

  “Yes. Very.”

  “Don’t suppose you want to buy them?”

  “I would prefer they were destroyed.”

  “Is this a, uh, you know, do I need to pay for their destruction?”

  “If you will allow, we will destroy them for you,” he said. Then softly added, “at a small cost.”

  I’d avoided getting into the summoning game, but that was before I got all the necromantic powers. Maybe now it would be a more viable strategy to world domination. Or you know, not dying.

  “Destroy them, please,” I said. “And, you know, deduct the fees from my credit.”

  “As you wish,” Gideon said.

  The last pouch was disgusting. Ears of all varieties and sizes. One of the Iron Silents assholes was a sick dude.

  “Maybe destroy these as well,” I said.

  Gideon just nodded his head slightly.

  The three swords I’d snagged were magic, naturally. I was beginning to see a theme. But only one really caught my eye, a Vorpal Blade. I wondered if it went snicker-snack when I swung it around...

  Vorpal Blade

  Item Type: Rare

  Item Class: One-handed Melee, Two-handed Melee

  Material: Blessed Steel

  Damage: 50-120 (Slashing)

  Durability: 20/20

  Weight: 4.8 lbs

  Requirements: Str 8

  Description: A straight bladed sword having a cruciform hilt with a grip for one or two handed use. Its blade is enchanted to ease the act of beheading your opponent.

  I needed a sword, so I decided I’d keep it. At least, for the moment.


  Then there was the large bag, the one Arthur had been carrying with him.

  The Bag of Stasis

  Item Type: Mythic

  Item Class: Inventory

  Material: Infernal Leather

  Durability: Good

  Weight: 3 pounds

  Requirements: n/a

  Description: A bag which allows access to an interdimensional space where time does not seem to pass, or, at the least, passes so slowly it does not appear to pass. Items stored in the bag do not seem to age or deteriorate.

  I reached out to touch it and empty it, but Gideon’s hand blocked me.

  “This one you may not open here,” he said. “There is no way to tell what is inside. Given the other items you have brought today, we must insist you either agree to sell this item to us, and we will accept the danger, or you take it with you and explore its contents outside of this store.”

  I frowned, thinking.

  “This keeps something alive?” I asked.

  “It would, yes,” he replied. “At least for a length of time.”

  “What kind of length of time?”

  “That is dependent on the magic of the bag. And how many occupants are in it.”

  I nodded, and then took the bag back. I tied it around my torso so it hung down on the opposite side from my sword, about the same level.

  “A wise choice,” Gideon said with another nod.

  The smaller figures swarmed out from behind Gideon to collect everything in the sell pile.

  “The coinage,” he said.

  “I’ll keep these,” I said, scooping the gold in one and the platinum in a second.

  “The rest will be added to your account. Would you like to keep the pouches?”

  “It seems like you’d really like to buy them?”

  “They are immensely useful,” Gideon said, “yet more common than you might imagine. We will give you a fair price.”