by Ambere Sabo
After the houses are quiet, Alex creeps from her house into ours and makes her way into my room. We stayed in Selena's room until Alex said it no longer smelled like her and got upset. Now that room goes untouched. Like it’s awaiting her return. Everything is just like it was when Selena was still alive. A living tomb to the girl my sister once was.
Without a word she pulls back the covers and scoots in beside me, turning on her side before tucking her head into my shoulder. My heart clenches. I don’t want to ruin this night, but I have to tell her that I’m leaving. I can only imagine the pain it would cause for her to realize I’d left without telling her. Without saying goodbye. For now.
We’ll only have one year apart. She’s been working with private tutors since she was returned. Going back to school was too much for her. She’s worked her ass off and will graduate a year early, putting her at the university with me next fall.
Still, so much can happen in a year, and I can’t even begin to imagine how much she might change after I’m gone. Three hundred and sixty-five days to some may just be a blink of an eye. But to spend that many days away from the girl who owns my heart, will be an eternity.
“Alex,” I whisper as I lean back to look at her. Her beauty still takes my breath away. Not even the dimness of my bedroom can take away from it.
“What’s wrong, Adan?” she asks, scrunching her brow.
“I don’t even know how to tell you this,” I say with a harsh breath.
“You can tell me anything. You know that.”
“I know. I just don’t want to tell you,” I admit with a sigh, before looking away from her. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Really? Where are you going? Did you decide to go to the coast with the team after all?”
“No, Alex… I’m going to live with my father.”
“What?” she asks loudly, sitting up in the bed.
“Shhh,” I tell her. Reaching up, I cover her mouth, because I don’t want to deal with my mother if she hears her. She has to know, Alex stays here at night, but I don’t know what she’d say if she actually caught her in my room.
Pushing my hand away, she whispers, “What do you mean, you’re going to live with your father, Adan? I thought he was dead.” She searches my eyes for answers.
“He came here,” I explain, gesturing to the room. “After you and Selena were taken. That was the first time I’d seen him since I was ten years old. He did leave to take a job, and I still don’t know why he didn’t come back before. My mother was not happy he was here. And he wasn’t happy I thought he was dead…” I say trailing off and thinking back to everything that changed that night.
“Why are you going with him now? I thought we still had the summer together before you’d be gone, Adan. Why now?” she asks in a panic.
“My mother won’t let me stay,” I admit with disdain. “She said I was old enough to take care of myself now. He called not long after that to tell me he’d be here tomorrow to get me. I don’t even know how he knew she’d kicked me out.”
“Why would she do that?” she screeches. Her fingers twist the edge of the blanket as she takes in all I’m saying. After a few minutes, I see the determination come across her face. “Okay, I can fix this. I’ll tell her she has to let you stay,” she says, getting up from the bed.
Sitting up quickly, I grab her hand, stopping her from leaving the room.
“Let me go, Adan. I can fix this,” she pleads.
Shaking my head at her, my heart breaks at the sadness filling her eyes. “No Alex. I have to go,” I whisper while rubbing circles on her palm. “I need answers about where he went. And why he left me with her. I think if she could, she’d go back and change that. All I am is a reminder of the man she once loved, Alex. I haven’t been wanted here in a very long time.”
Letting go of her hand, I lean back on the bed and look at the ceiling. I’ve never told her how I felt. She’s never had the slightest idea I wasn’t wanted here. My mother’s always been careful to make sure Alex never saw that side of her.
She comes back to the bed and sits down beside me, “I can’t lose you too, Adan,” she whimpers.
Looking at her, I take her chin in my hand and tilt her tear-stained face to look at me. “You could never lose me, Alex. I will always be yours.”
Stretching up she puts her lips to mine in the softest of kisses and whispers, “And I will always be yours.”
***
Present…
Holding her in my arms that night was different. We may not have done anything more than share a kiss. But that kiss will forever be seared in my memory as one of the happiest moments of my life.
My mother was gone when I woke the next morning. And though I’d hoped she’d at least come say goodbye, I wouldn’t see her again for many years. My father came just like he’d said he would, and he wasn’t a minute late. He pulled up to the gates outside in a limousine at noon sharp.
Alex and I had said our goodbyes that morning. I had no clue who might be watching my father, and I didn’t want to give them any reason to take her again. Watching her walk away from me was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. But my mindset then was, if it kept her safe, it was necessary.
Over the next few months, I would learn things that would turn the world as I knew it completely upside down. Once again, that man’s truths had the ability to take away everything I knew and replace it with chaos. Chaos that would follow me for the rest of my life.
Chapter 8
Alex
The night before Adan left, was still the best and worst night of my life. Neither of us slept much. We didn’t want to lose any of our last moments together to sleep. I couldn’t believe I’d actually worked up the nerve to kiss him and pledge myself to him. It wasn’t exactly a full confession of my feelings, but it was a start. Lena would’ve been proud.
***
Eighteen years ago…
“I hate to say goodbye to you,” Adan says, cupping my cheek.
“Then don’t yet. It’s still hours until noon. I could wait with you until your dad comes.”
Panic flashes across his face for a brief second before he schools his features.
“As much as I’d love that, every minute I spend with you next to me today, just makes it harder for me to go. And I have to go. Please don’t make it harder. It’s already torture knowing it’ll be a year before I can hold you again.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. He’s right, each second with him makes me want to beg him to take me with him. “OK,” I whisper.
We spend a few more moments together in silence. Each of us soaking up as much of the other as we possibly can.
“I should go now,” I say in a tone so soft, it’s barely audible.
“OK.” He pulls me into his arms and squeezes me as tightly as he can. “You’ll be on my mind every minute of every day.”
“And you’ll be in my heart every second of every day.”
He presses a kiss to my forehead, then steps back from me. “Goodbye, my Alex.”
“Goodbye, my Adan.”
I turn and run across the yard to my parents’ home. Once I’m safely inside, I park myself by the front window. The heavy lace curtains shroud me from view. But they allow me to watch him as he waits for his father and then as he walks away from the life we share for the foreseeable future.
Watching Adan leave made my heart hurt. I finally had him only to have him taken away. How could fate be so cruel? Haven’t we both suffered enough already?
In the months that follow, I barely speak to Leti. I don’t understand how a mother can be so hateful towards her own son. What did he ever do to deserve being thrown from his home the day after his birthday? She’s tried to talk to me many times since he left. Says there are things I need to know about Adan, about his father. But I refuse to listen to anything she has to say.
As best friends do, Lena and I had talked about their father many times over the years. He was loved
by both of his children, and they were devastated when they were told he was dead. I can only assume Leti lied to them both. As he’s very much alive and well.
It hurts me to know Adan didn’t feel like he could tell me his dad was alive. But what hurts more is knowing Lena will never know him, and she went to her grave believing he was dead. Hopefully, one day I’ll get to meet him. But Adan doesn’t know if that can happen.
Apparently, he doesn’t live near here, and that’s why he didn’t come to visit before. I don’t understand how someone can just walk away from their children. But since I don’t know the man, I’m trying very hard not to judge him unfairly. As long as he’s good to Adan now, that’s all that matters to me.
The few times we've spoken since he left, he seems to be happy. As far as I can tell anyway. I feel like he’s holding something back. There’s something he's not telling me. He brushes it off as just being distracted by classes and the team. He says he’d rather hear about my life, but nothing here has changed. If anything, it’s only become emptier since he left, but I try not to tell him such things.
He tells me that his life has lost its light without my smile in it. I know exactly what he means. But soon enough, we’ll be together again. Then all will be right in my world.
Chapter 9
Adan
Seventeen years ago…
“Adan,” Alex screams across the courtyard before she races over to me, jumping into my arms.
Chuckling, I spin her around, loving the giggle bursting from her when I do. God, she’s a sight for sore eyes. Fourteen months. It’s been fourteen long damn months since I’ve held her in my arms. I don’t want to ever let her go again. But the look her father gives me as he walks up, lets me know he wants me as far away from his daughter as my father does.
Her father clears his throat as he comes up beside us. It kills me, but I place her on her feet and take a step back before putting my hand out to him.
“Mr. Miller,” I say with a nod as I shake his hand.
“Adan,” he replies, quickly shaking my hand, before letting go to put his arm around Alex’s shoulder. “I didn’t know we’d be seeing you today,” he finishes with a raised brow.
“Daddy, I told you Adan came here,” Alex says looking up at him with a frown.
“Yes, darling, you did. I just assumed you knew because Leti had told you. I didn’t realize he’d know when we’d be arriving,” he tells her before looking at me with nothing short of disgust. He never did like our friendship. Looks like college or not, to him I’ll never be anything more than the son of the hired help.
Anger consumes me at this realization. He doesn’t have a clue who the hell I am. If he only knew what I could do to him, he wouldn’t treat me like this. The more I think about how much I want to hurt him right now the angrier I become.
It seems my life is controlled by anger a lot these days. Not wanting to say, or do, something I might regret later, I say, “Why don’t I let you find your dorm and get settled. I’ll see you later, alright?” I say to Alex through gritted teeth before giving her a quick hug and turning to walk away.
I already know exactly where she’s staying, so I can see her later after her father has left. Ironically, he and my father agree on one thing—the other’s child isn’t good enough for his. Her father sees me as nothing more than the son of his paid help, while mine sees her as nothing more than a silly, little spoiled American girl who’ll only be a distraction.
“Adan,” she calls after me, but I just keep walking heading to the only place that can offer me solace right now. The field.
***
For hours, I’ve been doing drills on our practice field, and sweat drips down my body in streams. I should’ve gone to see Alex by now, but I can’t seem to find the energy to go to her. I shouldn’t have walked away from her like I did, but the rage that consumes me these days isn’t something I want her to witness. Ever.
I hate knowing that her father thinks I’m no more than trash, and I’ve had to keep myself from hitting my own father on more than one occasion when she came up.
When I miss the goal, and the ball goes flying off, I grab my hair in frustration. Squatting down, I try to catch my breath.
I don’t know if I can be the man I’m expected to be. My mother was honest about one thing when it came to describing the man my father has become. He is a mafioso, and he wants me to follow in his footsteps. Something I just don’t know if I can do.
I wish Selena was here. She should be the one here today—going to college with Alex. Not me. She had the fight in her for all of this. She would’ve taken the life I’m expected to embrace with open arms and made it hers. Me, all I want is to finish school, become a simple accountant and love the woman of my dreams. Nothing more, nothing less. It would be perfect.
I don’t want to be who I am. The son the world thinks died as an infant in his crib. The hidden heir to the devil himself. Diablo wasn’t the person my father took a job from. He was my father, and he’d do whatever it took to continue our family’s legacy. Even faking the death of his own child—something my mother knew nothing about.
If only he’d done the same courtesy for Selena, she’d still be here today. We’ve fought a hundred times about that since I went with him to learn who he was. And no matter how he tries to twist the facts, in the end, her death is on his hands. It's something I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for.
A ball hitting my calf draws me out of my internal battle, and I look up to see the smile of the only person who can make me feel like my life isn’t imploding all around me. My Alex is walking towards me with her hands on her hips and a pout on her face. Standing up, I pull her to me and just hold her. She calms the fire that burns inside of me. She makes the world stop, if only just for a moment.
“Adan,” she says from my chest. Stepping back, I look down into her eyes before she smiles and tells me, “You stink.”
I can’t help the laugh that erupts from me. As her smile grows, so does the calm washing over me.
“You hungry?” I ask her.
Nodding, she tells me, “You gunna shower first?”
Chuckling I grab her by the hand, and we walk back to the locker room. She waits outside while I shower. Then I take her to eat.
***
Present day…
That night was the first meal of many. Much to the disapproval of our fathers, Alex and I spent every waking moment together when we weren’t in class. She even came to most of my practices and never missed a game. The first night she snuck into my dorm was the best night’s sleep I’d had in months. After that, one of us was usually sneaking into the other’s room.
There was never a conversation about us being together, about our relationship status. It just was. I would always be hers. Had been since the first time I saw her. Time and distance hadn’t changed that. But finally, we both knew the other held our heart, and it was perfect. Even if only for a little while, those years in college were absolutely perfect. Now, those years are like that one perfect summer everyone had as a kid. Memories of only the good times, and nothing can compete.
Chapter 10
Alex
Birthdays were special. Growing up, I always loved them—mine and those I cared about. After Lena’s last birthday turned into a nightmare, I didn’t look forward to them quite so much. And then when Adan’s eighteenth birthday marked the beginning of our year-long separation, I hated birthdays even more. But eighteenth birthdays were special milestones, and mine was the one to turn around my bad feelings about birthdays.
***
Seventeen years ago…
As soon as I open my eyes, strong arms tighten around my middle. I snuggle back into his embrace. “Morning,” I mumble.
“Happy birthday, mi Amor. Do you feel like an adult?” Adan’s words send a warm breeze across my ear, making me giggle.
“Nope. I just feel like me.”
He nuzzles my neck and kisses the hollow of my shoulder. “I
like how you feel,” he quips. His lips trail across my shoulder, nudging the strap of my pajama shirt away, then back up my neck to suck on my earlobe. My stomach flutters, and heat rushes to the surface of my skin. Not wanting my dorm neighbors to hear me, I swallow the moan that threatens to break free. Over the past six months, our make-out sessions have gotten pretty intense. I love the way they make me feel breathless and light-headed.
I’ve heard other girls speak of their boyfriends pressuring them to go beyond making out. But Adan has never put one ounce of pressure on me. When I worked up the nerve to ask him about it one time, because I was afraid his needs were being met elsewhere, he told me that he didn’t think he could truly miss what he hadn’t yet had. So, he was fine with waiting until I was ready. His patience will soon pay off. Maybe.
“What does the birthday girl want to do today?”
“Be with you.” Despite my wealthy upbringing, I’m not a high maintenance girl. He’s all I need.
“Good, then I have our whole day planned. Starting with breakfast at that little diner you like.”
At his words, my stomach growls, causing us both to burst into laughter. I pull myself from his arms and get up. His legs swing to the floor beside me. As I step away, he swats me on the butt. “Hurry up and get ready. I’m starving, and I need a cold shower before we can go.”
I squeal and dash to my bathroom door. Before I turn the knob, I look over my shoulder at the masterpiece perched on the edge of my twin-sized bed. My mouth runs dry, and my blood runs hot as my eyes take him in for a second. That cold shower doesn’t sound so bad after all.
We spend the day strolling the streets downtown and doing whatever I wish. Eventually, we return to my room so we can change for dinner.
