by Gigi Birtie
“Well that's great pops. I'm so happy you'll be around, and we can spend some time together.”
My dad gives me a big smile and another gentle hug.
“Alright then, I'll see you for dinner and get some rest, Sloane. Now Dane, don't stay down in my daughter’s room too long and leave the door open.”
I roll my eyes at my pops warning, turn and give Reese a kiss on the cheek.
“Will you be going back to campus after visiting with dad?”
“I'll come see you before I go.” Reese says.
“Okay.”
I turn to Dane and grab him by the hand, giving him a sly smile only to have the same smile returned to me.
As I lead him to my room, I realize that Dane's never been in there, and all of a sudden, I'm feeling shy. Plus, I can't remember its condition, the last time I was in there. Usually I have clothes thrown everywhere as I never know what to wear. My heart is racing with having a boy in there as well. This would be a first.
I open my bedroom door and close my eyes taking a deep breath in.
“Is this your first time having a boy in your room?” The amusement on Dane's face starts to make me mad, how did he know exactly what I was feeling and why.
“No Reese comes in here all the time.” I say rolling my eyes.
“That doesn't count,” he laughs.
I look down suddenly feeling stupid and not wanting to go in, so I turn taking Dane with me to go to the lounge.
Suddenly, he picks me up like I weigh nothing, holding me like a baby and takes me into my room. I bury my face into his chest as he looks around. I don't want to see his reaction to my personal space.
It's really a simple room just the way I like it, painted white with a big king size bed in the middle of the room with a bright and colorful bedspread. However, when you enter my room, that's not what catches anyone's eye first, no my wall of framed photos that I have printed through the years do. There is no uniform in size and the frames are all white, black and gold. Every photo that's framed is in black and white except my latest one.
While still carrying me, Dane walks over to my wall and starts to look at my work.
“These are amazing, Sloane.”
He barely gets above a whisper, as I shrink further in his arms, not wanting to see his reaction to my photography. I know there's one photo that will bring up an awkward conversation.
I feel him move down the line and then stop abruptly.
“Sloane, when did you take this?” He asks with surprise laid thick in his tone.
I say into his chest with my face still covered, “I took it before we officially met, but the same night that we did. I printed it out when I was at school, it was the same day I had to run some prints over to Mr Cutter for the coffee shopI just thought you looked good the way you were leaning against that Camaro, with that smile that I really enjoy and the way the street lights along with the headlights illuminated your form, it's my favorite picture right now. Well beside the one where Mona and Tala are dancing in the other one.”
Dane lifts my face from his chest to look me in the eyes, his features are soft with the same smile that's in the picture. He leans in and kisses me on the lips, ever so soft and sweetly. I melt right to him pressing myself further to him. When he kisses me, I have that feeling as if I can never get close enough, as if my body is starving for every touch of him that I can get.
After a minute I'm laid gently on my bed. Dane is still above me kissing me with his hands tangled in my hair. As I begin to explore Dane's finely sculpted body he pulls away leaving me feeling bereft.
I let out a small sigh and instantly pull my lips into a pout.
Dane just smiles down at me and touches my cheek, then turns back to the wall of my photography.
“Why is the only picture of me on the wall in color?” He asks.
I stared at him, debating whether or not I want to tell him the real reason why, as it's cheesy but to me it's so very true and meaningful.
“I'd rather not say but there is a meaning behind it.” I say looking down as I twist a ring around my finger.
“Tell me Sloane, I promise I won't laugh.” He flashes me that smile even wider than I've ever seen it, making me crumble at my resolve.
Rolling my eyes and giving a slight laugh to Dane, I sit up further prepared to ask why.
Taking a deep breath, I just go for it.
“That was the very first time I ever laid eyes on you, moments before actually meeting you, it was also the first time I felt time stand still. It was the first time I ever wanted any man to be mine and to know what it would be like to experience a loving relationship.” I let out a jagged breath feeling a bit exposed at my confession, looking up I see him just staring at me with his mouth slightly open with his eyes smiling wide.
“I'm sorry…I…”
Before I could finish Dane has set me on my feet in front of him with his hands on both sides of my face as he leans in ever so softly to give me a kiss as he pulls back, looks me in the eyes with that wide grin that I'm coming to love so much and says laughing, “I knew you liked me first.”
I play slap him on his chest with my good hand and begin to fake cry.
Dane scoops me up again to set me on his lap in the middle of my bed.
“Sloane, you act tough and I know you're holding back because you're afraid to get close, but your brother likes me and so does your father, we are happening. This relationship has an actual good shot in working, without family influences, understand? So, stop with the expectations of this ending tomorrow and just enjoy what we're building. This,” his hand points between the two of us “is ours, you and I will do what we feel is best for us and what I feel is wanting to make you happy and to take care of you. So, Sloane the moment I laid eyes on you I wanted to make this official I want to be your boyfriend but only if you want to be my girl.”
It was my turn to be rendered speechless, and all I could do is nod and smile while my cheeks turned the pinkest I've ever felt.
“Babe promise me now that you'll enjoy and relax in what we're becoming together but continue to be yourself and grow all while you're doing it.” Dane says.
My heart never felt so full. I wish this is what it was like with my first boyfriend. To feel this empowered by someone I could see myself loving was unlike anything I've ever experienced yet knew this is what I deserved all along. I felt my eyes prick with fat tears teetering on the edge of my eyelids as I stare at what was now mine.
Once I vow my promise to Dane, my tears spill over and he leans in kissing them away which makes me cry even further.
“Why are crying beautiful?”
“I'm just feeling a bit emotional is all.”
I didn't want to tell him this is how it should have been for my first relationship, as I've already heard from my girls that sometimes you have to experience the worst, so you can appreciate and welcome the absolute best.
Out of that thought came my curiosity, so I have to ask Dane if he knows about Taze.
“No, your brother never went into full detail, but he did say that your first go in dating didn't happen as well as it should and that he couldn't stomach seeing it happen again, so he just made sure all guys stayed away.”
“Oh.” I say softly, knowing now I need to tell him the sordid story.
“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Sloane, I don't want to make you relive something that was obviously a negative impact on your life.”
Dane's hand tucks a stray hair behind my ear, then moving into a soft caress of my face.
“I would love more than anything to let it go and to never have to worry about him, but sadly it’s only a matter of time before he resurfaces and when he does it will be something I will have to deal with. But know it's a very dangerous situation and that matter isn't closed to say the least.” I say.
I feel regretful to even have to speak those words but it's true, in the back of my mind I'm always on edge for when Taze will show
back up ready to snatch me up like he intended the first time.
Chapter 10
Dane and I sat on my bed for a moment holding each other in silence, before I decided to tell him what my freshman year was like.
“Now, before I let you in on what possibly was the worst experience of my life, you have to promise me that you will remain calm and not do anything to jeopardize your future by trying to search Taze out. Promise me Dane, that you won't do that.”
I have to make sure that I don't lose Dane to my past, as he seems like the type that can make people disappear.
“I really don't want to make that kind of promise babe. You are my girl now, and it's my job to always see that you're safe and protected as well as properly cared for.” He says as he lifts my chin so that we are eye to eye. He finishes by saying; “I can never say that I won't take care of my girl if there is someone making her life unbearable. Understand?”
I nod and pull my face from his tender touch rethinking of telling him what was my past.
My stomach is turning making me feel nauseous that this is a bad idea.
“You know I think I'm going to go with my gut on this and leave the past where it is and if it decides to resurface I will take care of it accordingly. I can't risk my past destroying my present and future with you.” The resolve spreads through me like warm butter melting over a hot cinnamon bun.
Dane looks at me with soft features and love in his eyes.
“I understand if you won't tell me, but I will get the story and if I have to get it from Reese then I will, but believe me I'd rather hear it from you, I don't want to be in the dark on this. I promise my future will not be jeopardized neither will yours and you and I will be fine.” He vows firmly.
Letting out a sigh of regret, I go into what happened three years ago.
“Okay, but this story will not be repeated only Reese and I know what happened beside Taze and his friends. I won't be able to handle this getting out to more people than what it already has and when I'm done you'll sit here calmly, and we will discuss it okay?”
Dane nods his head slowly as I make myself comfortable sitting next to him now.
Taking a deep breath, I let my story be heard.
“It was the last month of summer before starting high school. I was staying with Mona one night and we decided it would be a good time to go to her cousin’s house in Oakland. In the jingle town district to be exact. She has some less than desirable family that her mom and dad prefer that she didn't hang out with, but we did anyway.
That night when her and I went there, there was a small party happening in the backyard at her cousin’s house. We wanted to fit in, so we were drinking beer and smoking weed, laughing and having a good time. That's when I meet Taze. Mona had said he was staring at me the whole night. I was excited that a good-looking guy around my age was interested in me. He had finally come up to me and we had talked for a few hours, he was kind then with showing a lot of interest in me and asked if I would like to go somewhere private.”
I look to see how Dane was taking it so far, but his face was blank with his full attention on my story. So, I continue…
“So, I tell Mona and she was giggling and said she would be there waiting for me so not to worry. Taze took me across the street to this old industrial brick building that was under construction at the time, this is where he led me to the roof. We continued to talk and enjoy the view of downtown but then we started fooling around and I was excited that this was my first time having that kind of experience. He seemed to really like me when all the other boys at my school didn't, so I couldn't help but get caught up in it all. I had never had sex before, but we were quickly headed that way. He had pulled down my pants and turned me roughly around bending me over the ledge as he angled himself to fuck me. Someone had come to the roof causing me to pull my pants up quickly, before anything could happen. I was mortified in being caught. As any girl my age would be, but Taze just laughed it off. He was older and had just graduated high school, so he had plenty of experience with nothing to be ashamed of. The person who had come up there ended up being one of his friends, saying Mona was looking for me and that it was time for me to go back to her cousin’s house. Taze said it could wait a minute and that his buddy could join us and we all could finish what him and I had started, all I could do was laugh and say I need to get back before I had Mona's whole family up there. I should have known when the two of them gave each other a concerned look that something was wrong, that Taze’s intentions were not good, and that I would find out later just how twisted they were.”
Turning my eyes back to Dane I see he was hanging on my every word I felt safe telling him, but my stomach was twisting into knots as I knew I was about to get to the revolting part. I take a deep steadying breath and close my eyes and let the rest out. I can't look at Dane when I tell him this part.
“So, as we got back to the party Taze gave me his number and told me he wanted to see me again. I was thrilled a guy wanted more and it made me feel good. Being home alone most of the time I wanted to have a boyfriend. I always did but this was my first and it was exciting like I knew it should be. Before Mona and I left that party, her cousin pulled me aside, telling me Taze wasn't a good guy and that he wasn't someone I wanted to get involved with, that he did bad things to the girls he dated. But for some reason, that only made him more appealing.”
“I had later called him, and we formed a relationship. One night he had me sneak out of my house, when my dad was home, to meet him at his house That was that night I lost my virginity while he had a pillow shoved over my face as he rammed himself into me as I cried.”
Big fat tears started to fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks, as I relive my first time and how I know now that it wasn't right in what he did.
Dane kisses away my tears, pulling me back on his lap. I open my eyes to his words.
“You can do this, Sloane, tell your story. You're a stronger woman now and that piece of shit can never hurt you again.” He says as he rubs circles on my lower back easing my tension.
I wipe away some tears, but they just flow freely now with no stopping them. I lean onto Dane resting my head on his chest and continue..
“Well, I can't say my first time was rape, as I was a willing participant, but it was nothing how a young girl fantasizes about. So anyway, we continued on seeing each other and having sex every time we were together, but it never felt like love or a connection really. We never left his house, but he always had other guys there. One day I got tired of the lies I had to say in order to see him, and I was physically tired of having to sneak out late at night to go see him then get up so early to go to school. Even though he just lived across town I was too scared to use the bus, so I always walked the 4 miles to his place. Anyway one night I had told him it wasn't working out, he sprang from his seat so quickly it scared me as he got in my face. He grabbed my right arm and with the cigarette that he was smoking he took the cherry to my skin and held it there as I screamed. He twisted my arm telling me to shut up and said if I left him he would tell my dad what I was doing with him this last month and would see to it that I would pay. I panicked I didn't know what to do but say I'm sorry and that I was wrong and that's when he stopped snubbing that cigarette out on my arm.” I took up my sleeve to show him my scar “That day he had a friend over as well and said if I really wanted to make it up to him I would have to sleep with his friend.”
My body began to tremble, and I shut my eyes even tighter not wanting to see Dane's face. but I had to continue.
“So, after further harassment I caved and slept with his friend on his bathroom floor, while Taze watched from the door. I cried the whole time. I felt dirty and ashamed. I questioned exactly what I had become. I never felt like his girlfriend, and in that moment I became his prostitute. Once he was done, I was told to clean myself up. The friend of his stayed with me and cleaned up as well, never saying a word. As we went downstairs he had thrown some money on Taze’s coff
ee table and left. But as he left new friends of his came in and the way they were looking at me I knew I was in serious trouble, and in that very moment I didn't care if he told my dad or Reese what had happened or what we were doing. I couldn't work in the sex trade, I wasn't a hooker. That wasn't a life I wanted. So, I casually walked to the house phone and called Reese. I had never been more scared in all my life, and if he hadn't answered his phone I don't even want to think of what might have happened. I calmly asked him and his friends to come pick me up, that going to evening mass was a great idea and that he should come get me right then, so we could be on time for church. One Reese didn't have his license yet, but had access to one of our pops trucks, but only in emergencies and two we didn't go to church it was always code that one of us needed saving.”
I let out a laugh at what our code still is.
“Taze gave me the dirtiest look and I knew he planned to have me work his next group of friends. I acted like I didn't have a clue what was about to happen, but it all made sense in that moment in just how furious Taze looked. Luckily, driving to Taze's only took five minutes so Reese was at the door with his friends for back up and even then he wasn't a small guy, so it was pretty intimidating. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew that he just had to get me out and that's exactly what he did. They all surrounded me, and we left, but sadly that wasn't the end of it. Taze tried for days to get a hold of me on our house line as that was the only number he had for me. He got up to about a hundred calls a day at all hours. He called so much I had to leave the phone off the hook. A few days later I was home alone, and he finally showed up with a very large friend of his. When I looked through the peep hole I saw they both had guns in their hands. When I didn't answer Taze was trying to open the door to see if it was unlocked, but it wasn't.”
