Change (Finding Anna Book 5)

by Sherri Hayes

  I must have stood there for ten minutes before I got up the nerve to reach out and take the knob in my hand. And another five before I turned the knob and pushed open the door.

  My feet were frozen to the ground as I stared at the interior, but I knew I needed to go inside. That’s what he wanted. For me to stand inside the playroom for at least five minutes. I needed to at least try.

  I put one foot in front of the other until I was right inside the door. It was only then that I realized I had no way of knowing the time or to figure out how long I was there. I had no watch and there was no clock in the room.

  Should I leave and come back?

  I didn’t know if that was a good idea. I didn’t know if I'd be able to get up the nerve a second time in one day. No, I was going to have to guess, which meant I was going to have to stay here until I was sure it had been at least five minutes.

  Focusing on my breathing, I looked around and tried not to get lost in my memories. It was impossible to block them out entirely, though. I wished I could forget, but that wasn’t possible. So instead, I placed a hand on my collar to anchor me to the present and embraced the emotions coursing through me.

  My gaze landed on something leather that was hanging not far from the silver ball thing I’d held the day before. It was about a foot long and about two inches wide.

  The flash of a memory hit me, taking me off guard. My legs were spread, held open by cuffs around my ankles. A man, not Ian, was standing between my legs, a wicked look on his face.

  I tried to breath like Dr. Perkins had taught me. But my chest hurt. It felt as if the air around me was thick and I couldn’t get enough of it into my lungs.

  Falling to my knees, I tried to remember Stephan’s face. To think about him smiling at me, holding me, loving me. I wasn’t with Ian anymore. Those men, they couldn’t hurt me. These things couldn’t hurt me.

  Ever so slowly my breathing returned to normal and I took the opportunity to leave before anything else could trigger another panic attack. I knew the very same thing could happen again the next time, but I’d deal with that when the time came. I understood Stephan’s reasoning for having me visit the playroom. I needed to move past my fear and the only way that was going to happen was if I confronted it head on.

  Stephan

  I’d heard Brianna go upstairs to the playroom and had been listening for any signs of distress ever since. Having her spend time in the playroom was going to be a challenge, but one I felt she was ready for. We’d been playing with rope, sensation toys, and vibrators since she’d returned from living with Cal and Jade. She was comfortable with those things, and given she’d brought up spanking the other day and she’d done well with it, I felt she was ready for the next step.

  She’d been up there for almost a half hour when I heard her footfalls coming down the stairs at a pace that let me know she was in a hurry. I stepped out into the hall in time to see her emerge from the stairway. Her eyes were a little wild and as soon as she saw me, she ran the remaining distance and flung herself into my arms.

  I held her tight, rubbing my hands along her back. She continued to cling to me, so I swept her up into my arms and carried her into the study. Since my desk chair wasn’t really meant for two, I headed over to the window seat. The large window overlooked our backyard and the river that skimmed the back of our property. She loved this spot and spent a lot of time here reading.

  Time passed as I waited for her to relax. Eventually, she ran her nose along my neck and sighed. “I had a flashback.”

  Given her response, I’d figured as much. As eager as I was to find out more details, I waited to see what else she’d say.

  “I don’t like remembering. I just want to forget.”

  My chest clenched at the pain in her voice. “I wish I could take the memories away from you, but I can’t.”

  “I know.” Brianna tilted her head up to look at me. “And I know I have to face what Ian and those other men did to me. I can’t let them control my life and keep me from enjoying things.” She scraped her teeth along her bottom lip. “I want to be able to go to Lily’s wedding and not be scared. I want to be able to walk down the street. To go to school.” She paused. “To drive.”

  I caressed the side of her face with my thumb. “You’ll get there.”

  She closed her eyes and nodded.

  “Tell me about your flashback and what triggered it.”

  The muscles in her throat moved as she swallowed and then began to tell me what had happened. I did my best to breathe through my anger. I hated learning the details of all the torture she’d been through, but I also knew it was good for her to talk about it.

  We ended up ordering pizza for dinner and spending the evening watching television. Tomorrow we were driving into the city. I would be leaving her in Lily’s care for several hours and meeting with Logan’s friend. As crazy as it sounded, I was a bit nervous about the meeting. I’d never consulted before. Ran an origination, yes, but I wouldn’t be the one calling the shots, only giving recommendations.

  Still, I was excited to consider this new opportunity. Both Brianna and I had been in a hold pattern of sorts for the last two years. Other than moving into the new house, our lives hadn’t changed much.

  Friday morning dawned and we packed up and began the one-hour journey into the city. I’d intentionally timed our departure so we would miss most of the rush hour traffic. It worked out well since the bridal store Lily had selected didn’t open until ten.

  I knew Brianna was anxious about the day, but she hid it well. The only tell-tale sign of her nerves was the way she held her hands in her lap.

  Lily was waiting for us when we arrived at the store. She rushed over when she saw us and embraced Brianna in an exuberant hug. “You made it.” Before either of us could respond, she took Brianna’s hand and began leading her farther into the store. “Bridget, I’d like for you to meet Brianna.”

  A young woman around Lily’s age stood. She had long blonde hair and looked to be around five-six. The thing that stuck out most to me, however, was that she was eyeing me as if she were deciding if I was something she wanted to eat and completely ignoring Brianna and Lily. Not exactly the best first impression from my view.

  After eyeing me up and down, she turned her attention to Brianna. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Bridget and I have been friends since college. We used to do everything together,” Lily said.

  Bridget released a dreamy sigh. “Oh yes. Fun times.”

  She and Lily laughed.

  A woman dressed in all black entered the small seating area. “Good morning. Who’s my bride?”

  “I am,” Lily bounded over to the woman and extended her hand in greeting.

  The woman smiled. “I’m Carol and I’ll be assisting you today.” She looked at the three of us, and then back to Lily. “And who do you have with you today?”

  “This is Bridget and Brianna.” When Lily noticed the woman looking at me, she added, “That’s Stephan, but he’s not staying, right?”

  Such a brat. I don’t know how Logan put up with her as a sub. “No, I’m not. I have an appointment to get to.” I brushed my lips against Brianna’s.” I’ll be back to pick you up in two hours. Call me if you need me before then.”

  “I will.”

  I gave Lily a hard look, hoping to convey that I was trusting her to look after Brianna. It wasn’t that I was worried about her being able to cope with trying on dresses, I didn’t think anything would come up that she wouldn’t be able to deal with in that regard. My main concern was this Bridget person. I didn’t know anything about her, I hadn’t even known there would be anyone else here today besides Brianna and Lily, and I didn’t like that feeling.

  As soon as I was out of ear shot, I pulled out my phone and dialed Logan. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon. How’d the meeting go?”

  “I’m on my way there now.” I decided to cut right to the chase. “What do you know about Lily
’s friend, Bridget?”

  “Not much. She and Lily were best friends in college, and they’ve kept in touch ever since. Every year they have a girls’ weekend in Chicago and Lily comes home with bags and bags of clothes.” He paused. “Why?”

  “I met her at the bridal shop.”

  “Yes. And? Did something happen with Brianna?”

  I liked the fact that his first concern was for Brianna. He may not be as protective of her as I was, but he still didn’t like the idea of anyone hurting her. “No. It wasn’t that.” I opened the door to my vehicle and got inside. “She was a little . . . aggressive.”

  “Aggressive?”

  “Maybe that’s not the right word. It’s been a while since someone looked at me like that.”

  He chuckled. “Hit on you, did she?”

  I rubbed my hand on the back of my neck. “I guess you could say that, although she didn’t say anything. It was the way she looked at me. And she’d known I’d come with Brianna.”

  “Some women don’t care about that. You know that as well as I do.”

  It was true. And I wouldn’t have put it past her to have noticed that I wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.

  Ring or not, I was committed to Brianna. I only hoped that whatever had been going through Bridget’s mind, it didn’t affect the way she treated Brianna, or she and I would be having words.

  I glanced at the clock and grimaced. “I need to go.”

  “Call me later. I want to know how your meeting goes.” He paused. “And don’t worry too much about Brianna. Lily will look out for her.”

  Luckily, the office building I was looking for was only about a mile from the bridal shop. By the time I made it to the tenth floor where Helping Hands was located, I was already two minutes late. Not exactly the best first impression.

  I straightened my tie before entering. The reception area was small, smaller than my study at home. An older woman with dark brown hair greeted me. “Welcome to Helping Hands.”

  “Thank you. I have an appointment with Josh Berkley.”

  Her smile grew. “You must be Stephan.”

  “I am.” While I figured she might know about the meeting, her response was a little friendlier than that of an average receptionist.

  “Come with me. I’ll show you to his office.” She stepped out from behind her desk and guided me down a long hallway. “I’m Stella, by the way. Josh’s aunt.”

  Family. That explained the overly friendly response. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

  She stopped at the last door on the right, knocked twice, and then opened the door. “Stephan Coleman is here to see you.”

  “Come in. Come in. I was just getting some paperwork together.”

  I walked into the office and kept my attention on the man behind the desk. He gathered a bunch of papers into a pile and set them aside before coming to shake my hand. “I’m excited to talk to you about my company. We’ve been wanting to expand things, but fundraising isn’t my specialty. I’m more of a hands-on kind of guy. Sucking up isn’t something I do well.”

  I grinned back at him. “Well, let’s see if I can help with that.”

  Chapter 10

  Brianna

  There was a knock on the changing room door. “Come in.”

  Carol peeked inside and handed me another dress to try on. This was the fifth one I’d tried on. “Getting tired of trying on dresses yet?”

  I grinned as she hung the dress up on the little hook. This one was purple. “A little. How many more are there?”

  “This is the last one. I think.” I liked Carol. She’d been really nice to me. “Come out when you’re ready and we’ll see how it looks.” Then she ducked back out the door as quickly as she’d come in.

  Lily was going with a Christmas theme, so our dresses would be burgundy. However, since the shop didn’t have every style of dress available in every color, the color of the dresses had varied. We’d only tried one on that was burgundy.

  I was almost finished putting on the new dress when I heard Bridget in the hall. She was . . . interesting. Lily liked her, so that helped, but I still wasn’t sure. When Stephan had left, she’d sent me a look that I hadn’t understood and then later she’d asked me how long Stephan and I had been together.

  There was no time to worry about that now, so I opened the door and stepped into the hall. Lily saw me first. “Ooo. I like this one.”

  “I don’t know,” Bridget said from a few feet away. She turned and looked at the back of her dress in the mirror. “You don’t think it makes my butt look fat?”

  “Men like big butts, so that should be a good thing.” Lily turned to me and whispered, “More area to spank.”

  The hint of a smile tugged at my lips. I knew Lily was trying to include me. Plus, I’d gotten the impression that Bridget didn’t know about Lily and Logan’s lifestyle.

  Bridget huffed. “What do you think, Brianna?”

  My eyes went wide. I didn’t like being put on the spot. “Um. I . . .”

  “Why don’t you come take a look at yourself in the mirror,” Carol said.

  I felt self-conscious as everyone seemed to be waiting for my opinion. The dress was pretty. It was knee length with what Lily called an A-line that flared at the waist. The top half of the dress reminded me of a strapless gown, but it had a sheer layer over the top that came up around the neck. It was pretty and it reminded me of something a nineteen fifties housewife would wear. In other words, it was very Lily. “I like it.”

  Lily clapped her hands and came to stand behind me. “It has that fifties vibe, don’t you think?”

  I nodded.

  Bridget looked at her reflection in the mirror again. “It does have that retro feel to it. Is that what you’re going for?” She twirled. “What about your dress? Have you already picked something out?”

  “I did!” Lily turned to Carol. “Do you still have the sample I tried on so we could show them?”

  Carol nodded. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll pull it. It might be a good idea to try it back on and stand beside your bridesmaids. This way you can see how it all looks together.”

  Lily was bouncing on her toes again as she waited for Carol to return with her dress.

  As promised, Carol returned a few minutes later carrying a long white gown. I didn’t get a good look at it before she and Lily went into one of the dressing rooms, but I was sure it was going to be beautiful. Lily knew everything about clothes.

  Bridget plopped down on a nearby chair. She leaned back and turned her head in my direction. “Do you live in the city, too?”

  I shook my head. “No. Stephan still has his condo here, but we live near Le Sueur.”

  “So, you and Stephan live together?”

  “Yes.” I didn’t understand why she was asking.

  “Are you two married?”

  I shook my head again.

  “Interesting,” she said, sitting up. “But you said you’ve been together for over four years. He’s never asked?”

  “No.”

  “Hmm.”

  A weird feeling churned in my gut and I didn’t like it, but before Bridget could ask any more questions, Lily and Carol exited the fitting room. Bridget gasped and I understood her reaction. Lily’s dress was stunning on her. It had a top similar to the bridesmaid dresses we were wearing, but whereas ours were knee length, hers went to the floor. And of course, Lily’s was white.

  “Well,” Lily said, her arms in front of her, palms open. “What do you think?”

  “Is there anything you don’t look gorgeous in?” Bridget said. “Wow. Just wow.”

  Lily beamed. “You love it?”

  Bridget circled around Lily. “Logan is going to be drooling when he sees you in this dress.”

  “You think so?” It was the first time I’d ever seen Lily not one hundred percent confident. “Brianna? What do you think?”

  “You look beautiful.”

  Some of the stiffness went out of Lily’s shoulders
and the smile was back.

  “Let’s get you three ladies in front of the mirrors together so you can see the dresses side by side,” Carol said.

  We all took our places in front of the mirrors: Lily in the middle and Bridget and I on either side.

  Carol straightened the train of Lily’s dress. “Keep in mind the bridesmaid dresses will be burgundy.”

  A tear slid down Lily’s cheek. “This is really happening. I’m getting married.”

  “Of course, it’s really happening. That’s why we’re here, silly.” Bridget bumped her hip against Lily and she laughed.

  Carol came to stand beside me so she could look at all of us from the front. “So, is that a yes on the bridesmaid’s dresses?”

  Lily nodded and laughed. “Yes. They’re perfect.”

  “All right, then,” Carol said. “Let’s get you ladies back in the fitting rooms. I’ll take some measurements, so we can get the dresses ordered. With only five months until the ceremony, we don’t want to wait.” Then she turned to Lily. “Your other bridesmaid is still coming in on Monday?”

  “She is.” It was the first time another bridesmaid had been mentioned. There would be three of us?

  I tried not to think about it too much as I headed into the dressing room and waited for Carol to come take my measurements. There was no reason to get myself worked up. The other woman could be nice. She was Lily’s friend, right?

  But I still wasn’t sure how I felt about Bridget and I’d spent the last hour and a half with her.

  Taking a few deep breaths, I closed my eyes and thought of more pleasant things. I was safe. Lily was nearby. And Stephan would be here to pick me up soon. All good things.

  After helping Lily back out of her dress, Carol knocked on my dressing room door. The next fifteen minutes consisted of me getting poked and prodded by Carol to make sure the dress was going to fit my body perfectly. Normally, someone other than Stephan touching me like that would make me uncomfortable, but Carol had a gentle way about her that I liked. In a way, she reminded me of my mother.