This Ain't Love: MC Romance (BDMC: Second Generation Book 1)

by A. M. Myers

  Hell, I’ve scared the shit out of myself, too.

  After a moment, they break apart and come back to the truck - Logan slipping behind the wheel and Ali getting into the passenger seat in silence. I can feel their questions hanging over all of us like a guillotine. As Logan pulls away from the hospital, I think about the conversation we’re going to have to have when we get back to their house and my stomach twists. It’s not something I’m looking forward to, at all, but I know it has to be done.

  Chapter Five

  Isabelle

  My stomach flips violently as I sit in the back of Logan’s truck, the silence deafening as we make the ten-minute drive back to the compound. My mind is consumed with the hard conversations I now need to have with the people in my life. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared and unsure so my choices made sense to me but now…

  I kept this all a secret for too damn long and it doesn’t matter that the plan was always to tell my friends and the baby’s father about all of this starting today. I’ve been backed into a corner by Luca and now it looks like I was going to hide this pregnancy right up until the end and I hate knowing that is what they’ll think. I had imagined that I would find a way to tell the father and then take my girls out to lunch and tell them the news. They would have been shocked but they would have been happy for me and we would have shed a tear or two about my little peanut. Glancing down, I place my hand on my belly and tears well up in my eyes as my sweet baby gives me a soft kick right in the middle of my belly.

  Worry eats at me as I look up at my best friend in the front seat, wondering what her reaction will be to the news now and the fact that I’ve hidden this from her, from all of them, for so long.

  I just hope she understands.

  Logan pulls the truck up to the front gate of the two-hundred-acre piece of land that the Bayou Devils MC calls home and I suck in a breath, clasping my shaking hands together. He presses a button on his visor, prompting the front gate to slowly start sliding open and I breathe a sigh of relief. The property is large but despite that, the seven-foot-tall stone wall that surrounds the entire property makes me feel safer than I have all night. The large clubhouse comes into view as Logan pulls into the parking lot and I glance behind us as the gate closes, desperate to make sure that I am truly safe. Once it closes, I turn back to the clubhouse and my mind drifts to the last time I was here. It was a little over six months ago when they had a joint birthday party for a few of the brothers. It was a crazy damn night with good music, good people, and the alcohol was flowing freely.

  The clubhouse is quiet tonight, which isn’t all that surprising given the time and the fact that half of the brothers have families and homes further back on the property. A few people are standing out on the back deck, around the fire pit, talking and drinking beer, and they wave at us as we drive past. I drop my gaze and turn toward the opposite window in an effort to hide my face. I’m sure that by tomorrow evening, every single person on this compound will know about what happened to me tonight but for now, I’d rather they didn’t.

  Ali and Logan’s house is about one hundred yards behind the clubhouse, something he insisted on when they started building this place three years ago, but the entire plot of land is heavily wooded so each house comes with a sense of privacy – something I’m extremely grateful for tonight. Logan slows down and turns the truck onto the forty-yard gravel road that leads to their house far quicker than I would have liked. My stomach does a little flip and my heart hammers in my chest as we pull up out front of the modern farmhouse Ali designed and Logan turns the truck off.

  Oh, God.

  The front door opens and I suck in a breath as Carly and her husband, Chance, step outside to greet us. Carly wrings her hands together as Chance wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side as concern lines both of their faces. I feel exposed despite the fact that I know they can’t see me yet and I press my hand to my belly, closing my eyes as I take a deep breath, hoping to steady my nerves.

  It doesn’t work.

  Opening my eyes, I release the breath just as Ali and Logan open their doors and hop out of the truck before looking back at me. I grip the handle, suck in a breath, and open the door as my heart hammers in my chest. When I turn back toward my friends, Carly takes a step forward but stops short when her gaze lands on my face. Her jaw drops and her eyes widen.

  “Izzy.” The horror in her voice reminds me just how bad my face looks right now but I hold my head high, refusing to show any kind of weakness. Yeah, maybe I fell apart earlier but I will not let Luca get the best of me. She searches my face, taking it all in as pain fills her eyes and I know seeing me like this has to be bringing back some painful memories for her – memories that she would rather keep locked away.

  Shit.

  I hate that I’m doing this to her.

  “It looks worse than it is. Promise.”

  She shakes her head, clearly not buying my obvious lie, but I ignore the look on her face and the pit in my stomach as I march up the front porch steps with Ali and Logan trailing behind me. As soon as I reach the top, Carly steps in front of me and gently touches my face, just below the bruise across my cheek as tears gather in her gray eyes. My chest aches at the gesture. Before I can stop her or warn her to be gentle, she wraps me up in a hug and pain shoots through my body.

  I hiss, my muscles tensing and she jerks back, searching my face with concern and I can feel the questions lingering between us. Shaking my head, I force a smile to my face and try my best to reassure her that I’m okay but just like with Ali, having the support of my girls is making it hard to keep an iron grip on my emotions.

  “I’m good, Car.”

  “No,” she answers, a scowl on her face as she releases me. “You’re not. What the hell happened to you?”

  “And please tell me the other guy looks worse,” Chance adds, flashing me his signature easygoing smile as he pulls his wife a little closer. Chance likes to make everyone think he’s the carefree one, the guy with a joke always ready but I know how seriously he takes keeping the people he cares about safe. Behind the mask of cocky jokester, I can see the toll the evening is taking on him and the worry in his eyes.

  “Let’s get inside so we can sit down and figure this all out,” Logan says as he and Ali join us on the porch, Logan on my right and Ali on my left. My gaze bounces between the two of them and tears sting my eyes at the love and support they’ve shown me from the moment I called them at the hospital. It’s not often you find people in life who will jump in a car in the middle of the night to rescue you at a moment’s notice, no questions asked, and I wish they knew how grateful I am to have them in my life. I’m not good at that kind of thing, though, and I can’t remember the last time I was this mushy in front of other people.

  “Before that…” I pause, sucking in a breath as I try to step out of my comfort zone. “I just want you guys to know how much I…”

  Ali places her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t. You’re our family, Iz, and there isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for you. You don’t have to say anything.”

  “I just don’t want you to think I take it for granted. I know I’m not so good with the feelings and all that but… I love you guys.”

  Looking up, I meet Chance’s eyes. He’s staring at me like I have three heads and I can’t help but laugh, despite the tears threatening to fall. My behavior tonight is so far from my usual self, as evidenced by the bewildered look on his face, but with everything I’ve been through in the past few hours on top of pregnancy hormones, I’m feeling particularly emotional.

  “Izzy,” Ali whispers and when I meet her gaze, I almost burst into tears again. “We love you, too.”

  “Of course we do,” Carly adds, nodding as her lips wobble.

  “Right…” Logan drawls, his gaze bouncing between the three of us as he clears his throat. “That’s enough of that. Why don’t we get inside and figure out what’s going on?”

  He steps past
all of us, taking charge of the situation as he opens the front door and stands back before ushering the rest of us to enter the house. The house is quiet as we step inside and I resist the urge to stroke my belly as a flutter of nerves dances through me. Logan closes the door and walks to the front of the group, taking charge again as he leads us into the dining room. We all sit around the large wooden table and an uncomfortable silence coats the room.

  “How were the kids?” Ali asks, lacing her fingers together and placing them in front of her on the table. Carly leans back in her chair, shrugging.

  “Didn’t make a peep.”

  Ali nods in response and my knee bounces as I watch the two of them make small talk and try to come up with a way to start this conversation. I’m going to have to tell them about the pregnancy but I have to keep the father’s identity a secret until I can talk to him so I need to be careful. God, I hate lying to them though. Chance scoffs, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “Can we focus on the matter at hand here, please?” He turns to me. “What the hell happened tonight, Izzy?”

  Four pairs of eyes lock onto my face and I swear to God, I almost pee myself as my heart jumps into my throat. I shove my shaking hands into the hoodie pocket and nod, my mind blank.

  Right.

  The moment of truth…

  But what the hell do I say?

  Do I just blurt it out?

  After a moment, I decide it’s just easier to start at the beginning but I’m still not sure how to force those words past my lips so I pull the ultrasound out of my pocket and lay it down in the middle of the table. Ali and Carly glance down for a split second before their eyes find mine again, shocked as hell. The boys, however, take a little longer to catch up.

  “What the hell is that?” Chance asks, his brow furrowed, and I roll my eyes. About six weeks ago, Chance and Carly found out they are expecting their first baby so he should know what that photo is but he still looks confused and I sigh. Ali doesn’t give me a chance to say anything, snatching the ultrasound off of the table and staring at it before she looks up at me again.

  “You’re pregnant?”

  I nod. “Yeah…”

  “No, you’re fucking not,” Carly whispers, leaning over in her chair to study the ultrasound in Ali’s hand. “You’re not even showing and this ultrasound is from someone who is like… way further along.”

  Ali’s gaze flicks to the top corner of the photo where my name and today’s date is printed before she meets my eyes again. Her brows furrow as she glances down at my belly and shakes her head. “Is this a joke?”

  Oh, boy.

  I guess I’m going to have to show them.

  Sighing, I stand up and turn to the side before lifting the sweater to display my little bump, placing my hand on the top as I wait for their response. They stare at me with wide eyes, all four of them sitting at the table like goddamn statues.

  “Jesus Christ, you guys,” I mutter as I remove my hand and drop my sweater, rolling my eyes at their over-the-top reaction. “With as much sex as I have, this can’t be a huge shock.”

  “I just…” Ali whispers before shaking her head and meeting my gaze again. “How far along are you? And what does this have to do with tonight?”

  Plopping back into my seat, I clasp my hands in my lap as I sigh. “I’m twenty-six weeks yesterday…”

  “Bull-fucking-shit, you’re tiny,” Carly says.

  “Just lucky, I guess,” I answer, letting out a sardonic laugh. I sure as hell don’t feel lucky after what I went through tonight but I know women who would kill to not gain a ton of weight during their pregnancy. Ali leans back in her chair, crosses her arms over her chest, and narrows her eyes at me.

  “This is why you’ve been avoiding us?”

  I nod, picking at my nails as I refuse to meet their gazes. I didn’t intend to isolate myself from my friends but I knew that if I came over here and was hanging out with them, I might slip up and say something I didn’t mean to say, reveal secrets I wasn’t ready to divulge, and I couldn’t deal. I barely had a grasp on how I felt about this news so I didn’t have the strength to deal with everyone else’s opinion.

  “Look,” I answer with a sigh, fiddling with the hem of my hoodie. This is a lot simpler in theory but being forced to face the consequences of all my choices lately makes me want to run from the room. “The past six months have been hell. I’ve been so fucking… lost and I’ve had to come to terms with this baby and what it means for my life, which is why I haven’t said anything until now.”

  “And the father?” Logan asks and my muscles tense as I shake my head, my brain screaming at me to tread carefully as I peek up at him. He’s studying me intently, his arms crossed over his chest as he waits for my answer.

  “I’d rather not talk about that right now.”

  He nods, accepting my answer far easier than I expected him to. I breathe a sigh of relief.

  “Fair enough but is he the one who did this to you?”

  “No,” I say, dropping my gaze to my lap for the hundredth time tonight as the events of the evening come rushing back to me again. “The father… he’s… it doesn’t matter right now but he’s a good man. He would never do something like this.”

  Chance leans forward, placing his hands flat on the table and motions to me. “I realize we’re all shocked here and I sure as hell want to know who knocked her up but I’m far more concerned about the more immediate problem.”

  “Right,” Logan answers, nodding as his gray gaze locks onto me again. “What happened tonight?”

  Just like that, memories from the evening return and slam into me like a freight train. I suck in a breath and clench my shaking hands.

  “When I first found out I was pregnant, I didn’t know if I was going to keep the baby and to say I didn’t handle it well would be an understatement. I threw myself into dating, trying to avoid the truth…”

  “And what does this have to do with what happened tonight?” Logan asks, interrupting me as he scowls at me from across the table. It makes it ten times harder to tell this story and despite the fact that I know him well enough to know that he’s just focused, not angry, I still fidget in my seat.

  “I went out with this guy…”

  “What’s his name?” Chance cuts in and Ali scoffs, slamming her hand down on the table as she levels a glare at each of the guys.

  “Jesus Christ, will y’all let her tell this story without fucking interrupting her?”

  They both have the decency to look apologetic as they share a look and nod before turning back to me, quietly waiting for me to continue. Ali shakes her head as she turns back to me and offers me an encouraging smile.

  “His name is Luca and as far as I was concerned… he was nobody. We went on a few dates at the beginning of my pregnancy and he was… not memorable.” I scoff at the thought because after tonight, I know I will never forget Luca. “I ran into him again tonight when I was picking up food after work and he was a dick…”

  “Oh, no,” Carly whispers, fighting back a smile and I return the grin despite the tears stinging my eyes. “How bad was it?”

  I laugh as a tear slips down my cheek. “Uh… pretty sure I called him a limp dick motherfucker and called him out on his micro penis.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Chance spits out, a grin on his face as he shakes his head at me. He can act surprised all he wants but these guys know me well enough to know what my reaction was going to be.

  “So, you put him in his place?” Ali supplies in an effort to push the conversation along and I’m grateful for it.

  “Yeah, you could say that. I ripped him a new one and left him standing on the sidewalk as I went into the restaurant to get my food. When I came back out, I heard this man cry out and I was worried that he was hurt or something so I followed his voice into the alley. I peeked around the corner and saw two men advancing on a third as he cowered away from them. One of the men had a knife in his hand and when he took another step forward
, he came into the light and I realized it was Luca.”

  Logan leans forward, drawing my gaze up to him as his brows furrow in concentration. “He saw you?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper, nodding as that moment flashes through my mind - four pairs of eyes turning to me in an instant. “I gasped when I realized it was him and they all heard me. Luca handed his knife off to the other man with him before pulling a second blade out of his boot. The other man… he stabbed the third guy… so many times… I don’t know. I lost count and then… Luca came after me.”

  “But you got away from him?”

  I shake my head. “Not at first. He tackled me in the alley… it’s how I got the bruise on my face and he was going to cut my throat but I fought him as hard as I could… somehow… I managed to get away.”

  “What’s the bandage you showed me on your chest, Iz?” Ali asks, tears in her eyes and I shudder as I think about how close the knife came to slicing my throat open.

  “That’s where he tried to slit my throat,” I whisper, my voice sounding unfamiliar to me as I lay that harsh truth out there for the whole damn world to see. The words hang in the air between us and I can’t stop picturing that moment.

  “Oh, God,” Carly breathes, falling back in her chair as tears drip down her cheeks and she presses her fingers to her lips, staring at me in horror. I can’t say that I blame her. Even thinking about the way Luca looked at me in that alley has me ready to burst into tears again. I bite the inside of my cheek as my eyes burn with the tears I refuse to let fall. Glancing up, I meet Ali’s gaze. Tears drip down her face and I can’t help thinking about how close I came to losing it all tonight.

  “What about the second guy?” Chance asks, reaching across the table and laying his hand on mine. It grounds me back in the moment as I turn to him. “Did you get a name on him?”

  My mind flashes back to the alley in an instant and I nod. “Luca called him Gio.”