This Ain't Love: MC Romance (BDMC: Second Generation Book 1)

by A. M. Myers

  “Yeah, that’d be great. I’m going to need it for my report.”

  My mind flashes to what Diego said about the other report going missing and I squeeze his hand. “Do you think you could send us a copy of that before you submit it?”

  “That’s highly against protocol,” he replies, his gaze bouncing between the two of us. Diego sighs, looking up at the house as indecision lines his handsome face. It’s almost like I can hear what he’s thinking now as he tries to decide if it’s safe for us to trust Captain Grier with this information. As far as I know, though, it’s just the police department that’s been dealing with corruption, not the fire department. Why would Luca even need a rat inside BRFD anyway? Unless he calls them to burn bodies for him…

  The man from the alley rushes to my mind and I shudder.

  “Reports have been going missing around this case,” Diego finally admits with a sigh. “We’d like to keep our own records… just in case.”

  Yeah, just in case I end up dead somewhere.

  Captain Grier nods. “I’ll send it off to you first then.”

  “Thank you.”

  I turn back to the house, looking up at the second floor where my bedroom is as I think about Lita’s ring again. It doesn’t look as severe as the bottom floor but it still looks badly burned.

  “What about the upstairs? Was there anything up there that made it through the fire?”

  “Things weren’t as bad up there,” Captain Grier says, glancing up at the second floor himself. “If you let me know what you’re looking for, I can have one of my guys go in and look for it.”

  I shake my head. “Oh, no. I can just go up there and get it myself.”

  “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but you can’t. It’s not safe, especially in your condition.” He glances down at my belly and disappointment rushes through me as I place my hand at the top of the bump.

  “What about me?” Diego asks. “Could I go up and get it for her?”

  My gaze snaps to him in surprise. Captain Grier just told us it wasn’t safe and yet, he’d still go up there and search for my Lita’s ring for me? Why? I mean, I know he’s promised time and time again to protect me and our baby but this goes above and beyond the call of duty. He glances down at me, flashing me a reassuring smile and I turn back to the house as confusion swirls through my mind.

  “I suppose I can let you go up but be quick and watch where you step.” He points to me. “You need to stay on the bottom floor.”

  I hold my hand up in surrender. “I got it.”

  Captain Grier walks off to talk to his men and Diego turns to me, pulling me closer as he cups my cheek and brushes his thumb over my skin. God, why does it comfort me so damn much when he does that?

  “Tell me what you need me to get.”

  I suck in a breath. “There was a jewelry box upstairs on my dresser and there was an antique ring inside with a giant white stone in the middle and gorgeous filigree on the sides.”

  “Okay, I’ll find it.”

  “Also,” I call, grabbing his arm as he tries to walk away from me. “There was a letter from my grandma in the bedside table. It’s written on pink paper and it’s one of the last things she ever gave me. I don’t know if it made it through but if it did, please find it.”

  “I’ve got it, Mama,” he says, kissing my hairline again. “You want to check out the first floor or hang out here while I go look?”

  My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I glance back at the house. Indecision wears on me. Do I really want to see the home I painstakingly spent years turning into an oasis burned to ash? Can I even handle that? Turning back to Diego, I’m still torn but when he takes my hand and laces his fingers through mine, I feel marginally more equipped to handle this whole thing.

  “Let’s go in together.”

  He nods, pulling me into his body one last time and pressing a kiss to my hairline as he cups my cheek with his free hand. “Behave.”

  My eyes flutter closed at the tiny hint of a growl in his voice and I fight back a smile. Only he could get away with ordering me around the way he does and if I was in a more amicable mood, maybe I would challenge him just for fun. But now is so not the time or the place. When he pulls away, I sigh.

  God, I hate that instant longing I get deep in my chest the moment he releases me.

  Diego leads me into the entryway, which is separate from the rest of the main floor, and the damage is not as bad as I was expecting here. But when I glance through the glass of the second door, all I can see is charred remnants of what used to be my home. Everything is black and it feels like there is a fist wrapped around my heart.

  “You want to stay here?”

  I glance up at him, ripping my gaze away from the devastation. “Sure…”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Not really,” I mutter, scoffing at the ridiculousness of his question as I turn back to my home. “But I’ll manage for a few minutes by myself.”

  “I’ll be right back,” he vows, going in for a quick but fierce kiss before he releases my hand and moves farther into the building. My hands shake violently as I follow after him, stepping out of the entryway and into the hallway. Right across from me is a bathroom - one I spent countless hours finding just the right fixtures for. When it was first designed, it was a gorgeous all white space with hints of gray veining in the marble tiles I chose for the walk-in shower but now it’s burnt beyond recognition and I turn away. It’s not like the rest of the house is any better, honestly. The hallway from the bathroom leads into the living room and kitchen and just like Captain Grier said, everything is trashed. I kick stuff out of my way as I walk farther into the space.

  My foot hits something heavy and I look down, tears welling up in my eyes when I see the sand jar I picked up on a spring break trip to Cancun with Ali and Carly. Remembering that wild week brings a smile to face every time I think about it and we got our names written in the sand in the jar so we would never forget. Pain claws at my chest as I crouch down and try to brush the vase off so I can see the design inside again but the glass remains marred by the fire and a sob bubbles out of me. All around me, the pieces of my life lay in ruins - some of it turned to ash by the flames and the rest of it, singed too badly to ever be saved - and all I want to do is sit in the middle of the room and cry until it doesn’t hurt anymore.

  “Iz,” Diego calls, coming down the stairs in a hurry. “I think I found it.”

  I stand up, reckless hope churning my insides as he comes closer. He stops in front of me and presents my Lita’s ring to me, a proud smile on his face. Gratitude surges through my body and a sob is ripped from my throat as I throw myself into him and cry. His strong arms wrap around my body, holding me, supporting me, as I try to release some of the agony bottled up inside me.

  “I’ve got you, Mama,” he whispers and I bury my head into his chest, letting his scent comfort me. One of his hands slips into my hair and he holds the back of my head as he presses his lips to the top, whispering that everything is going to be okay and he’s got me. Slipping the ring onto my finger, I stare down at it, sending up a prayer of thanks that it survived the inferno. “I found the letter, too.”

  I jerk back. “You did?”

  He nods, handing me the familiar pink pieces of paper with a smile. The edges are worn from all the time I’ve sat up at night and read her last words to me, over and over again, and I can’t resist doing the same now. A feeling of comfort washes over me as I open the letter and stare down at her elegant handwriting.

  My precious Isabelle,

  You may still be too young to understand this but when your time is coming, when death is closing in on you, it’s something you can feel, deep down in your bones. Ever since Papa passed, I’ve felt it and I know my time on this earth is short. Yesterday, it occurred to me that once I’m gone, there will be no one left to tell you the story of Papa and me. I know how much you love hearing it and I couldn’t stand the idea that you’d have to go the rest of your life
without it so I wrote it down for you here…

  “Thank you, Diego,” I whisper, tears in my eyes again as I rip my gaze from the words and look up at him. He can’t know how much these little pieces of paper mean to me and if I had lost them, the pain would have been astronomical. His brows knit together and he cups my cheek, dragging me close to press his lips to mine. I sigh. The kiss is soft and sweet, exactly what I need in this moment, and I grip his forearm as I try not to melt into a puddle on the floor. And just as I wonder if that’s a real possibility, he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer, pressing his forehead to mine as he looks into my eyes.

  “I’ve got you, Izzy.” The way he says it makes me think there is something deeper there, something that he’s trying to tell me that he can’t just come right out and say. My heart gallops in my chest as I stare up at him. Is this more than just the father of my baby looking out for the both of us? Have I completely lost control of this situation?

  “Miss Hutton,” someone calls, dragging our attention across the room as Diego and I break apart from each other. Captain Grier is standing in front of my fridge with the door open and a weird look on his face. “I think you need to see this.”

  With a scowl, I pick my way across the room, avoiding all the debris on the floor and my heart thunders in my chest as my mind spins. What could possibly be in my fridge that I would need to see? I study Captain Grier as I approach him and his gaze keeps bouncing between me and whatever is in the fridge that made him call me over here. Sucking in a breath, I turn.

  There, on the middle shelf, is a large slab of meat. Someone put it on one of my dinner plates before shoving it into my appliance and the blood fills the entire dish, making it look like something out of a horror movie.

  “Oh my God,” I whisper, unable to stop myself from taking a step forward. The more I look at it, the more the particular slab of meat looks familiar to me but my mind is blank. After trying to process everything that has happened this afternoon, I have no brain power left for anything else.

  “Is that a fucking heart?” Diego asks, his large frame positioned behind me as we both stare into the fridge.

  Captain Grier nods. “That’s what it looks like.”

  “Is it human?” I hiss, an image of the man from the alley racing through my mind and I stumble back, into Diego’s waiting arms. Captain Grier shakes his head.

  “It’s hard to tell at the moment. It’s possible but we’ll have to get the police down here. The lab should be able to test it though and give us some answers.”

  “How long will that take?” Diego asks but if Captain Grier answers him, I can’t hear it. Static fills my ears and all I can think about as I stare at the organ in front of me is that it could belong to the man whose death I witnessed. Hell, if I had been just a second slower, it could have been mine. My stomach churns and my chest aches as images from that night assault me, reminding me of the fear I felt as Luca chased me down that alley. A shiver runs through me and I swear I can feel his hands on me, tackling me to the ground. I can feel his weight on my body as he held me down and the cold blade of the knife against my throat.

  My knees give out as I remember the way he tried to slice my neck open but I don’t fall. Diego wouldn’t ever let me fall. Instead, he sweeps me up into his arms and I bury my head in his neck, closing my eyes. I wish it gave me some relief from the memories but not even the comfort he gives me is enough to force them from my mind. They torment me on a regular basis and I’m barely still clinging to the hope that one day this will all be over and they will just be a part of my story, not the end of it.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Diego

  I’m at the end of my fucking rope.

  Watching Izzy stand amongst the burnt remnants of her home a week ago runs through my mind at least once an hour. Each tear that slipped down her cheek was a knife to my chest and it’s left behind gaping wounds that sting like a bitch. And the funk she’s been in since is driving me to the point of madness. I know she doesn’t realize it yet but things have changed between us in the past three weeks and in that time, she’s become mine. Mine to protect, mine to love, mine to cherish, and it fucking kills me that Luca is still walking free somewhere, breathing air that he doesn’t deserve when he should already be in the damn ground.

  Not that I can’t even blame anyone else for the fact that we still haven’t managed to track him down. Streak has been meticulously combing through the security feeds in and around the restaurant, sending me stills to show Izzy but we still haven’t been able to catch a shot of our guy. The worst part is that the longer this takes, the more the whole situation takes out of Izzy and I can’t do a damn thing to fix it.

  I grit my teeth as I glance down at my watch, irritation eating away at me. Storm gathered us all in the war room fifteen minutes ago for church but before we could get started, Ali called him away to handle something really quick so we’ve all just been sitting here, waiting. At this point, it’s grating on my last nerve. Jumper and Gear are riling each other up, as usual, and the rest of the guys are bullshitting amongst themselves, happy to wait. But all I can think about is getting out of here and taking Izzy home where we can lose ourselves in each other again.

  My mind jumps to this morning when she walked out of the bedroom with a smile on her face, something that has been severely lacking in the past week. My t-shirt reached the top of her thighs and when she jumped up on the counter as I was making breakfast, I realized that she wasn’t wearing anything but the shirt. I close my eyes, remembering the way she flashed me that smile of hers that draws me to her like a damn siren, opened her legs, and told me to fuck her.

  I bite back a groan.

  Fuck this.

  I just want to be alone with my girl.

  The thought makes me smile. I love being able to call her mine, even if it is just in my head for now, because it’s like I’m speaking it into existence. She is the woman I want and I’m not going to stop until there is a damn ring on her finger and she has my last name. Not that I expect it to be that easy. Nothing with Izzy is ever easy but I know what I want and if she tries to leave after she has the baby, I have no fucking idea what I’ll do. I’m obsessed, head over heels in love with that stubborn woman and I can’t think of a single thing I wouldn’t do to keep her. Jesus, that sounds fucking insane. Believe me, I know it does but so does just letting her walk away and out of my life. Not that she would truly be out of my life since we have a kid together but that might be worse and going back to a cold, empty house when I know how good things could be would kill me.

  I’ve been through some serious shit and I’ve had loved ones ripped from me, ruthlessly, and for so fucking long, it left me broken. Before she showed up, pregnant with my baby and on the run, I had resigned myself to this lonely, sad excuse of a life but I know now that I can’t go back to that. Fuck, I wasn’t even living. I was just drifting through the years, like a shell, and I refuse to be that man again. It wasn’t good for anyone – me, the club, or my family – and I won’t go back to staying at the office until one in the morning and drinking myself to sleep in the clubhouse just to avoid how alone I was.

  No.

  It’s just not an option.

  Which means I need to find a way to convince Izzy that she can take a chance on me, on us. We could be a family. We could really make this work and build a beautiful life for ourselves. But how? How in the hell do I convince that headstrong woman that she can trust me and take a chance on us when I don’t even know what’s holding her back? The pain in her eyes is so potent sometimes that just seeing her like that makes it hard to breathe and I’ve tried asking her about it a few times but I haven’t gotten anywhere. If she doesn’t ignore the question outright, she just says she doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s driving me crazy. The funniest part is that she thinks she is keeping me at arm’s length, that what’s happening between us is just sex, but she doesn’t feel the way her body melts into me like I’m her safe
place or the way her eyes light up when she catches a glimpse of me. God, the look in her gorgeous honey eyes when I’m inside her tells me everything I need to know. It says she’s falling for me just as much as I’m falling for her. I’m almost completely convinced she doesn’t even realize it though and that will be a fun day when it finally hits her.

  “Sorry about that,” Storm says, walking into the room with a satisfied smirk on his face that makes me think whatever Ali needed him for wasn’t actually all that important. He closes the door behind him and nods in greeting to us as he strides to the head of the table. As he sinks into his seat, he grabs the gavel and slaps it down on the table. “Let’s get started. Streak?”

  Streak nods. “Right. This week we’ve kind of got a weird one. Andrea called the clubhouse line three days ago and said she wants a couple of guys at her place to make sure things stay civil as she moves all of her shit out of her ex-boyfriend’s place.”

  “She thinks he’s going to do something to her?” Smith, our sergeant at arms, asks and Streak makes a face like he’s not quite buying it.

  “Hard to tell. She didn’t want to say too much on the phone but she did say that he’s crazy, possessive, and jealous. Basically, she just wants to get out of there and move on with her life.”

  “So, it’ll be an easy job then,” Jumper says, leaning back in his chair and I shake my head, leveling a glare at him. Jump’s been on my shit list ever since he acted like a fucking idiot in front of Izzy and I’m not letting him off the hook yet.

  “Don’t ever go into a job assuming that it’ll be easy,” I say. “Crazy, possessive, and jealous is a bad fucking combination and even if he’s never laid a finger on her before, it doesn’t mean that he won’t in the heat of the moment.”

  Fuzz nods. “Exactly. If she felt the need to call for backup, we need to take it seriously. Don’t be a dumbass.”