This Ain't Love: MC Romance (BDMC: Second Generation Book 1)

by A. M. Myers

  Her words run through my mind, just like they have been for the past twenty-four hours, driving me crazy with the things she’s revealed to me and everything else that I still don’t know, everything she keeps locked away inside her. The pain in her words was so potent that it hit me like a sledgehammer as I sat next to her on that bench outside the bar, desperately trying to understand. But she is an enigma. Last night, as I laid next to her in bed while she slept, unable to shut my mind off, I thought over the snippets of information she’s given me, trying to understand what this asshole could have done to her to hurt her so badly. The problem is that I can’t go too far down that road, think about it for too long without feeling like I want to start kicking some ass in her honor. She’d hate that just as much though.

  Glancing up, I watch her from the corner of the room where she and Stella are wrapping up their radio show for the evening. It’s the first time since the fire that she’s felt safe enough to come back into work and she has been in rare form tonight. Two hours ago, I couldn’t get a smile out of her to save my fucking life and I’ve been receiving the silent treatment since she left me sitting on a bench outside Moe’s last night but you wouldn’t know it by looking at her now. She looks like she’s on top of the goddamn world - firing off joke after joke all night long, each one more savage than the last, and roasting the men brave enough to call into the show with their opinion with absolutely no filter. Her laugh is loud and free, lighting up her gorgeous face, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. No one else may be able to see it but I do. I see past her little act. I see the way her eyes shift around the room like she’s scared Luca is going to jump out from behind the sound board and grab her. Not that I would let that happen though. I’ve got Henn and Maverick helping to guard the front door so there is no way in hell anyone is getting in here or laying a finger on her body.

  When I look up, she glances in my direction for just a second, locking eyes with me and past the show she’s putting on for the rest of the world, there is so much pain in her gaze that my stomach twists. Something clearly rattled her last night and still does but the wall has gone up, locking her securely behind it and shutting me out completely. I fucking hate it. It’s only been a day but I miss the way she looked at me before she freaked out - the way her eyes would light up and the teasing smile that always makes my heart skip a fucking beat. As my mind drifts back to the events of last night, I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. When we were out on the dance floor, I was riding high and when she gave me permission to kiss her in front of her friends, it felt like a breakthrough. The thing is, I fucked up. I jumped the gun and got ahead of myself, thinking that I had broken down a few of her walls but loving Izzy is a balancing act. One second, everything was perfect and the next, she was losing her ever-loving mind.

  There is a part of me, the naïve dreamer that I can never seem to beat out of my system, that hopes the reason she freaked is because she felt something for me. Something deeper than she was willing to admit, even to herself, but I can’t afford to go there yet. I pushed her too hard last time and I can’t make that same mistake again. That’s the thing though - I have to push her to make any kind of progress at all but I can’t cross the line and that fucker is always moving so I never know where the limit is.

  And now she’s fucking falling apart.

  This isn’t the end of the road for us though. It’s a minor setback and I will find a way to fix this and get us back on track if it’s the last thing I do. My mind drifts back to the woman I loved before Izzy, the woman I lost and my chest aches as I suck in a breath. When I was with Laney, it was the happiest I’d ever been up to that point and things were so fucking easy between us. We talked about getting married, moving to the suburbs, and having lots of babies. It was my dreams coming true and then Laney and those plans were ripped away from me with a knife and a pool of blood. I’ve spent years wondering if that had been my one chance at happiness and then Izzy waltzed into my life and it all came rushing back. God, I want her. All of her, all of the time but if the fragment of a story she told me last night is any indication, I’m up against an even bigger hurdle than I realized. The pain in her voice as she laid it all out haunts me and enrages me. What the fuck could this guy have done to her to make her swear off relationships for fourteen fucking years? What could he have done to make her sound like her heart was being ripped out of her chest at the mere mention of him? I swear to God, whatever it is, I’ll find him and I’ll even the score.

  The conversation we had on the day I picked her up from Storm and Ali’s place flashes through my mind and I scowl. She told me she got pregnant when she was eighteen and then last night, she said she was eighteen when they ran off to Vegas to get married so this guy had to be the father of the baby she lost. But what happened after that? I wish knowing that provided me with some answers but all I have is more questions. Hell, I don’t even really know if they went through with the wedding or if things fell apart before they could make it to the chapel.

  My gaze drops to the phone in my hand and I debate asking Streak to look into Izzy’s past to find me answers to some of my questions. Gritting my teeth, I clench the phone in one hand and tug the other through my hair. I made a conscious decision when she first started staying with me to avoid reaching out to Streak, the club’s tech guy, to dig into her life because I wanted to earn her trust. In my ideal world, she’d come to me and open up, tell me all about the pain she carries around with her everyday. It seemed like the right answer at the time but now, I’m dying to fill in the gaps of her story.

  Shaking my head, I look up and catch her boss, Aiden, watching her from the sound booth. His arms are crossed over his chest and there is hunger in his eyes as his gaze lingers on her tits. I clench my fist, forcing myself to take a breath as I turn back to look at her. Her dark brown hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun tonight, a few tendrils falling near her face. It shows off her neck and all I can think about is the way I wrapped my fingers around her throat yesterday in the shower, the way her eyes widened and the hint of a smile that tugged at the corner of her lips. If I were reasonable, I couldn’t blame Aiden for being attracted to Izzy but when it comes to her, I’m anything but levelheaded and I hate that the fucker wants her.

  “We’ve got time for one more caller,” Stella says into her mic, her voice warm and inviting as she presses a button on the table in front of her and points to Izzy. Izzy nods, pasting a smile onto her face but it’s… lackluster to say the least.

  “Hey, caller. What’s your name?”

  “Seth.”

  Izzy’s eyes brighten in an instant and her smile becomes more sincere as she peeks over at me. It’s just a split second before she turns back to Stella but it punches me in the chest. “Ooh, Stella. You know how much I love it when guys call in and do all the hard work for me.”

  “I do.” Stella laughs, rolling her eyes. “What can we do for you, Seth?”

  “I’m looking for some advice,” he answers, so sure of himself and I scoff at his confidence as Casey throws his head back in what I can only assume is booming laughter. Aiden shakes his head, fighting back a grin as he keeps his greedy fucking eyes on my woman. Stella leans into the mic, a scowl on her face.

  “Sweetie, you know what show you called, right?”

  Seth sighs. “Of course, I do.”

  Izzy tosses a pen down on the table and leans back in her chair, a devilish grin on her face. “We’ll give it our best shot, Seth. What have you got for us?”

  “What the hell do women want?” Seth asks, frustration bleeding through in his tone and I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing. Izzy’s eyes flash to mine, the fire I love so much shining back at me.

  “Can I get a little context here, Seth?”

  “Sure,” he seethes, more and more of his anger seeping through in his voice. “So, I was seeing this girl, right? We went out a few times and after the third date, when it came time to get physical, she fucking bails so again
I ask, what the hell do women want?”

  “Kinda sounds like you can’t close the deal,” Izzy says, rolling her eyes. “What’s your go-to move, Seth?”

  “I bought dinner. What the fuck else do I need to do?” Seth shouts and I wince as Izzy’s jaw clenches. Leaning forward, a new kind of fire shines in her eyes as she narrows them and pulls the mic closer.

  Oh, hell.

  “Let me just get this straight… are you saying that the girl is obligated to sleep with you just because you bought her dinner?”

  He scoffs. “Three fucking times! Everyone knows after the third date, a girl should put out especially if you paid for her fucking food.”

  “Okay, sweetie. You seem about as sharp as a marble so let me lay this out really simply for you - buying a woman dinner does not mean she’s obligated to sleep with you. Food does not equal sex and she’s not a prostitute.”

  “That’s fucking bullshit,” he hisses as something crashes in the background. Izzy arches a brow and I sit forward in my seat, a feeling of unease running through me. “I spent my hard-earned money on a woman and I expect to be reimbursed.”

  “Are you fucking joking?” Stella whispers, staring at the booth with wide eyes. Aiden shakes his head and leans down to speak to Casey but we can’t hear them in the room.

  “Listen here, you little fucking cretin,” Izzy spits, leaning forward in her chair and getting even closer to the mic. “I am so sick and fucking tired of pathetic little boys like you who think you’re fucking owed the world over the tiniest amount of effort. I’ll say again, buying a woman food doesn’t mean you have a right to her body. Sometimes, it takes time for little dick weeds like you to reveal their true nature which is probably why she hadn’t slept with you up until that point. Then, you took her out a third time and I’m assuming you said some bullshit like this to her and she got out of there as quick as she could. And while we’re having this nice little chat, let me just say that thank God she did because I know she doesn’t need yet another encounter with a Brock Turner wannabe. Now, kindly fuck off.”

  “Oookay,” Stella says into the mic as she presses the button to mute the husk of a person that was previously Seth. Izzy falls back into her chair and pulls her mic along with her, looking spent. “That’s all we’ve got for tonight, guys. We’ll be back with you tomorrow night.”

  “And remember,” Izzy says, a smile on her face but it’s clear as day that she’s raging inside. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  The red light flashes off and as soon as it does, Izzy shoves the mic away from her with a snarl of disgust. I watch her as she stands, shaking out her hands as she takes a couple of deep breaths. Her chest heaves with the effort and she starts pacing, her jaw clenching. When she passes by me on her lap of the room, I reach out and grab her hand, hooking my fingers over hers. Her eyes snap to mine.

  “You okay?” I ask despite the fact that I can clearly see she’s not but it seemed like my best bet at getting her to admit why this punk is affecting her so much. As she stares down at me, I can see the struggle in her mind and I hold my breath, waiting to see if my sentence has been vacated. Finally, she nods.

  “Yeah… just… Luca said almost the exact same thing to me outside of the restaurant that night…”

  I nod, standing from my chair and pulling her into my body. “So, Luca is also a little fucking cretin? Are you really surprised?”

  “No. I suppose not,” she answers, fighting back a smile. Even that tiny, minuscule hint of happiness from her feels like a massive victory after the last twenty-four hours and if it wouldn’t piss her the fuck off, I would fist pump.

  “Anything I can do to help?”

  She shakes her head. “No. I clearly handled it.”

  “Yeah,” I whisper, nodding as I meet her eyes and pray she doesn’t look away from me. “But try and remember one thing here - I’m on your fucking side. You have made it obvious that you rarely need anyone to protect or defend you but I’m here, Izzy. I’ve got your back and I always fucking will.”

  My words hit a mark that I didn’t realize I was aiming for and as I stare into her gorgeous eyes, I can see the walls erecting themselves again, locking her away from me. I fucking hate it. She squirms in my arms, pulling away from me as she twists her lips together and glances over at the door.

  “We should head back.”

  Nodding, I resist the urge to rip my hair right out of my head as I tuck my phone into my pocket and turn toward the door. Izzy may be the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met in my life but I won’t stop. I won’t give up until I find a way to make her realize she can trust me. I won’t stop until I do whatever it takes to convince her to be mine.

  Unless I lose my mind first.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Isabelle

  Diego shoves the door open, letting the warm Louisiana night air breach the hallway and I suck in a breath as the heat washes over me, soothing me. It’s the perfect night for sitting out on the porch with a glass of wine and letting go of the day-to-day shit that weighs you down. On a night like this, you can close your eyes and listen to the grasshoppers sing or stare up at the stars as they twinkle down on you and nothing else matters but that one quiet, blissful moment. My mind drifts back to the second-floor balcony at my house and doing just that with Diego during our weekend together. The memories flood my mind and I can’t help but peek up at him. There is a deep scowl on his handsome face and the muscles in his jaw flex. The irritation lining his face makes my heart fall into my stomach and my chest ache. This incredible man has done nothing but support me unconditionally since the moment he found out I was carrying his child and I haven’t been fair to him. In fact, sometimes I’ve been a downright bitch and he doesn’t deserve that shit.

  I could blame the pregnancy or the crazy hormones that go along with housing a whole ass human in my body for nine long months but it would be a crock of shit. The real problem is that he gets to me like no one else can, he sees through all my bullshit and even worse, he calls me on it. He holds me accountable for my shit in a way that no one else does and he’s so good at it that I don’t even realizing it’s happening until it’s too fucking late. He peels back layers of me with an ease that turns my whole world on its head and quite frankly, it’s unsettling and infuriating.

  And so I lash out.

  But he never wavers, never holds it against me, and never backs down. Sure, he hasn’t pushed me since our date the other night but I’m nowhere naïve enough to believe that he’s just giving up. Diego doesn’t throw in the towel and call it quits when things get hard. That’s not who he is. Plus, all I have to do is meet his warm brown eyes to see that same dogged determination he flashed me when all of this started, the persistence that wore me down to begin with, and the same tenacity that will wreck me.

  “Hey,” Diego says to Maverick and Henn as we step out of the building. Daryl, the usual security guard, stands off to the side, smoking a cigarette and he nods to me in greeting. Diego lets the door close behind us and shifts closer to my body but he doesn’t touch me. “How is it going out here?”

  Maverick nods. “All quiet.”

  “Ah, Jesus Christ, man,” Henn groans, pulling a pistol out from the waistband of his jeans. “You just had to go and say some shit like that, didn’t you?”

  “You superstitious, Henny?” Maverick asks, a teasing grin on his face as he watches Henn scan the parking lot. Henn flicks an annoyed glance back at him as he nods.

  “You’re damn right I am. Saying the Q word is asking for goddamn trouble.”

  Maverick’s grin grows, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “What? Quiet?”

  “Motherfucker. I’m gonna fuck you up, I swear to God.”

  Maverick just laughs. “Whatever you say, brother.”

  “Listen, asshole,” he growls, transferring his gun to one hand as he takes a step toward Maverick. “It’s a proven fact that saying dumb shit like that is a sure-fire way…”

 
His words are swallowed up by the loud bang that pierces the air and echoes off of the other buildings on the empty street. I jump and my heart climbs into my throat, lodging itself there as my mind struggles to find equilibrium. Something tears through Henn’s shoulder. Warm liquid spatters all over my face as a chunk of the brick façade of the building shatters to my right, a fraction of an inch from where I’m standing. With shaking hands, I reach up and swipe a drop of the moisture from my skin before pulling my hand back to inspect it. The lone light hanging above the door into the building illuminates the red liquid coating my fingertips and I gasp.

  Blood?

  What is happening?

  It feels like everything is moving so quickly and in slow motion at the same time and my head is fighting to make sense of the chaos that’s raging inside me and all around me. But it’s impossible.

  “Move!” Diego yells, his voice breaking through the thick fog of my confusion and I try to turn to him but he takes control of the situation, wrapping his strong arms around my body. He starts dragging me away from the parking lot. Maverick and Henn follow us, walking backward with their guns drawn. Everything is rushing around me, frantic and out of control, but I swear we’re moving in slow motion as I stare out at the lot, trying to sort through the calamity of the last five seconds. A familiar head of brown hair pops up from behind Diego’s truck and as I stare at Luca, pointing a gun directly at me, it feels like all my organs shrivel up inside me. Another shot slices through the quiet night and a second chunk of brick crumbles to the ground not far from me.

  Out of all the stupid things I’ve done when it comes to dating and men, my biggest regret is Luca. I know they say hindsight is twenty-twenty and all that but how the hell did I let this happen? Diego’s comment about my shit affecting our baby pops into my mind and I grit my teeth to fight back the tears as Diego hauls me around the side of the building. Of course, he was right. The only reason I even went out with Luca was to desperately cling to my former life so I didn’t have to accept that I was pregnant and everything was changing.