Boy in Luv

by Jay Crownover

  Copyright Boy in Luv © 2019 by Jay Crownover & Rebecca Yarros

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission.

  A letter of copyright has been applied for through the Library of Congress.

  All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, address Jay Crownover LLC, 1670 E. Cheyenne Mnt. Blvd. Box# 152, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80906.

  Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the authors’ imaginations. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.

  Cover design by: Mayhem Cover Creations

  Editing and Formatting by: Elaine York, Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting

  Proofreading & Copy Editing by: Jenn Wood, All About The Edits

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Authors

  Distance sure as hell made his heart grow fonder… But it shattered hers into a million pieces.

  Langley Vaughn knows she’s never going to make the same mistake again.

  Who falls head over heels in love in a week? Langley did, and she’s regretted it every day since she handed her heart to a boy with too many secrets and too much baggage. Iker doesn’t fit into Langley’s world, and he made it clear he doesn’t want to. He left before she even got a chance to try and change his mind or to prove to him how good they could be together. Langley’s spent the last nine months healing her heart and making big plans for the future. Plans that absolutely don’t include Iker… even though he’s back, looking better than ever, and saying all the right things.

  Iker Alvarez knows he made the biggest mistake of his life.

  At first, the pretty blonde in the red dress was nothing more than a means to an end. But, she quickly became so much more. As soon as Iker walked away from Langley, claiming it was for her own good, he knew he screwed up. He left her so she wouldn’t worry about him when he deployed, so she wouldn’t waste her time waiting around for a guy who was never going to be good enough for her. Only, nine months and a deployment later, Iker still can’t get Langley out of his head… and he totally underestimated the hold she has on his hardened heart. He’s a guy who’s not sure how love should work, or how to go about winning his girl back…he’s about to get a crash course in both.

  Iker

  9 Months Later (Post-Deployment)

  “I’m glad you didn’t die.”

  The words were spoken softly and without a hint of humor. They were followed by a loud sniff and my little brother trying to subtly wipe at his eyes so I wouldn’t notice the fact he was fighting back tears. He was serious. He said the same words to me every single time I came back from a deployment, no matter what condition I returned in. And he always cried, which meant I always had to fight back tears of my own.

  I hooked an arm around Gael’s neck and rubbed the knuckles of my free hand against the top of his head, clearing my throat so I could speak through the emotion caught there.

  “Me too, kid. I told you I would be back in one piece. You know I always keep my word.” I wasn’t a guy who made promises I couldn’t keep, and I refused to let my baby brother down. Everything I did, every choice I made—both good and bad—were so that Gael could have a better life. So he could do more, be more, and live beyond the means I’d always felt held me back when I was his age.

  Promising him over and over again nothing would happen to me while I was deployed to some of the most dangerous places in the world was the only time I made a vow, knowing I might not be able to come through in the end. But the words made us feel better, even if we both recognized how empty and useless they were at the end of the day.

  I was lucky homecoming coincided with Gael’s first summer break from college. I’d spent nine months living in an emotional kaleidoscope of fear, anger, boredom, and regret. Seeing my baby brother struggling to look tough and keep his tears in check instantly launched me back into protective big brother mode and sent me crashing back to reality. I was no longer just a soldier, a cog in the machine of war. Now, seeing Gael instantly forced all the feelings I’d purposely locked down and hid away when I had a job to do, back to the surface. Far earlier than I was ready for.

  I left my truck with him when I left for the desert and he’d surprised me by driving halfway across the country and meeting me as soon as my boots were back on Colorado soil. This wasn’t my first or last deployment. But, it was the first time I’d ever come back and had someone I loved waiting for me. I purposely kept my ties to others minimal and loose. I didn’t want anyone waiting around, living half a life, while I was in some God-forsaken place, dodging bullets and doing things I couldn’t talk about. I usually even encouraged my brother and my grandmother—the only family I had—to give me a few weeks to decompress and shift out of survival mode before coming to visit me, or before I would make the trip home after a deployment. Gael showing up unannounced was one more reminder my little brother wasn’t exactly so little anymore. In fact, he seemed to have grown a couple of inches while I was away. He almost met me eye to eye now, and since we were on the same level, there was no missing the exhaustion and worry coloring his watery gaze.

  I used my hold on his neck to drag him toward my…his…truck. I knew he was going to try and leave the truck with me whenever he decided to leave, but I wasn’t going to take it. He needed it more than I did, and it was important to me Gael never wanted for anything.

  “Thanks for coming, but let’s get out of here. I’m starving.” I also wanted to sleep for a solid week so I could reset. “I can’t believe you came for the homecoming ceremony.”

  The shock of seeing my baby brother in the crowd of excited wives and girlfriends and crying kids had finally worn off. If Gael and I didn’t look so much alike, I might’ve missed him altogether because I was conditioned to ignore the pang of remorse that I never let anyone in, never let anyone get close enough to wait for me. If one of my fellow soldiers hadn’t elbowed me and muttered, “Alvarez, is that your brother? He looks just like you,” I would’ve totally overlooked Gael.

  “I’ve wanted to come for a long time.” Gael pushed out of my headlock and lifted a hand to brush his hair back from his forehead. “You’re always so secretive and private when it comes to what you’re doing and where you’re going. I grew up with you knowing every single move I made. It never seemed very fair that I’ve always been on the outside looking in when it comes to you.”

  He’d always been a scarily smart kid, but he was now growing into an incredibly good-looking and well-rounded young man. Seeing him so composed and no longer looking at me like I hung the moon and had all the answers to everything in the universe sent warm tendrils of pride skittering through me. Maybe, just possibly, I’d done an all-right job raising the kid. Maybe it was time to breathe a little easier and start working at building a life of my own.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever had a choice to make that wasn’t hard. I doubt I’ve gotten it right every single time, b
ut you know, everything I’ve ever done, I always put you and your future first.” I dragged a hand down my face, knowing I looked gaunt and tired. “I’m not exactly at my best when I get back from a deployment.” It would take weeks until I started to feel like myself again.

  My brother snorted and bumped me with his shoulder. I stumbled a little at the contact and heard Gael suck in a breath in surprise. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as he shook his head. “Iker.” His tone was low and serious. “I don’t always need your best. After everything, after all you’ve done for me, all you’ve sacrificed…” I got another head shake and a narrow-eyed look. “I think you can cut yourself some slack.”

  He shook the keys in his hand in front of my face and shot me a lopsided grin. “You look like you’re about to fall over. Let’s get some food and I’ll take you home.”

  I sighed and nodded. I’d subleased my apartment while I was gone, so I really had no idea what “home” was going to look like, or what condition it was going to be in. But the thought of sleeping in my own bed was enough to make me ignore any lingering worries. There were all kinds of little details I needed to take care of, now that I was back on my home turf. Like getting my cell phone turned back on. I was going to have to move that to the top of my to-do list.

  Seeing Gael’s iPhone sticking out of his back pocket, I made a “gimme” gesture and ordered him to hand the device over. Being a typical teenager, he resisted at first, asking a million questions about what I wanted his phone for. I’d rather have all my teeth pulled out with a rusty pair of pliers before I told him the truth. It was tricky to admit to myself I wanted his phone to check up on a girl I had no right to still be thinking about. And no, there was no way I could wait until tomorrow to creep on her social media. The itch had been under my skin since the minute I walked away from her. If I was going to be honest about what I was up to, Gael would know exactly what I was like when I wasn’t at my best, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for him to see those jagged, uneven parts of me.

  After a short wrestling match, which I was going to win, no matter what, I got my hands on the phone. I pushed Gael toward the truck as I tapped on the screen, pulling up her info as my heart felt like it was tying itself into a million knots.

  I sighed when I saw her face. It’d been nine months, but it was burned on my brain. I could still see her sleepy, soft face, so innocent and unassuming. She had no idea I was going to leave her behind, that I always planned to walk away from her. She never asked, but I lied by omission, nonetheless.

  Langley Vaughn. Her name was as fancy, high-class, and unique as she was. She started way the hell out of my league, and I’d made sure it ended with her knowing exactly why the two of us could never work out. However, despite the purposeful and possibly cruel steps I’d taken to make sure she didn’t waste any more time hung up on me, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was really good at pushing everything and anyone who was a distraction out of my mind while I did what I had to do. But Langley Vaughn was the exception. She was always there, hovering, lurking, clinging to my every thought and feeling. I’d forced her to let me go, but I’d been unable to the same.

  Her sunshiny blonde hair was shorter than when I left her alone in that king-sized bed. She looked a little thinner, and I could tell her smile was forced in a handful of the photos she had posted on Instagram. I absently rubbed at the spot on my chest where my heart clenched painfully when I noticed in most of her current photos, she looked genuinely happy and carefree. I told myself over and over again it would be better if she got over me, but I guess I wasn’t really prepared to witness the proof she had.

  Sighing, I handed the phone back to my brother, noticing we hadn’t moved because he was too busy watching what I was doing over my shoulder. He tapped his phone on his thigh and asked, “Does she have anything to do with you managing to pay off my tuition last-minute, when that grant I was counting on fell through my first semester?” His dark eyebrows lifted, and I silently cursed him for always being so damn smart and perceptive. “You told me before you left you had a funny story to tell me. It doesn’t look like you’re very amused, though.”

  I sighed again and closed my eyes. I tilted my head to the side so it could rest against the passenger’s side window. “I needed money fast, and she has a lot of it. She needed a date who would rub her very rich family the wrong way, and I was free. Our paths should’ve never crossed, but they did.” And I’d felt off-balance and uneasy ever since. “She’s a good girl. Sweet as can be.”

  Gael started the truck and muttered something I couldn’t hear under his breath. I cracked open an eye and gave him a questioning look. “What did you say?”

  He frowned as he maneuvered my truck from the parking spot, out into the flow of traffic. “You like her.”

  It wasn’t a question. Which was a good thing, because the last thing I wanted to do was start lying to the one person who could see through me.

  “Yeah. I like her.” More than liked her. She was the one person I wanted to hold onto, even though I knew she had been slipping through my fingers from the start. “Doesn’t matter. I made sure she doesn’t like me anymore before I left. I didn’t tell her I was deploying and dipped out on her almost as soon as she decided she could lean on me and trust me.”

  “Are you going to let her know you’re back? Maybe explain why you left the way you did.” It was hard to hear the hope in his voice. It was even more difficult to keep that same feeling from taking root in my heart.

  Squeezing my eyes and letting my hands curl into loose fists, I muttered, “She’s better off without me.” Because, unlike him, Langley had seen me at my worst. She knew I could play the role of the villain, just as easily as I jumped in to be the hero.

  It looked like she’d already started to move on with her life, and it would be best if I did the same thing.

  I reached out a hand and clapped it on the back of my baby brother’s neck. “Feed me, kid. I’m dying over here.”

  It was a clumsy way to change the subject, but effective. Gael fell silent and I realized our roles had flipped.

  I was used to being the one taking care of and constantly worrying about him. Today, Gael was the one who showed up and proceeded to take care of me. It was the first time I came back from an active war zone and had someone there to keep me upright and steady while the world shifted and settled around me.

  The only person who would ever know I secretly wondered what it would feel like if it was an elegant, classy blonde waiting for me instead of my baby brother, was me.

  Langley

  “You’re certain you won’t let me throw you a party?” Dad asked as I locked my apartment door.

  “Nope.” I nearly dropped the phone from where I had it wedged between my ear and shoulder as I struggled with the deadbolt. It slid home and I grabbed my messenger bag from the hallway floor as my neighbor passed without waving.

  I waved at them anyway.

  Maybe it wasn’t the friendliest building in downtown Colorado Springs, but it sure beat the sorority house. Not that I hadn’t enjoyed living with forty-four of my Greek sisters the last couple of years. Having every meal prepared was a definite bonus, especially during finals; however, I wasn’t exactly setting myself up for adulthood if I couldn’t manage to make my own grilled cheese. After living solo this last year, I wasn’t a half-bad cook. MasterChef wasn’t banging down my door or anything, but I survived.

  “Nope, meaning you won’t let me throw you one, or no, you’re not certain you want one?”

  “No, you can’t throw me a party.” I grinned and shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me.

  Pretty sure everyone on this side of the Rockies heard my father’s overly dramatic sigh of disappointment.

  “Come on, you hate parties just as much as I do.” I opened the door to the stairwell and clicked my way down a flight of stairs in my favorite pair of red-soled heels.

  “Not when I get to celebrate my daughter graduating
college, I don’t. Maybe I want to shout it from the rooftops. You know how proud I am of you, Langley.”

  “I do, and I appreciate it.” I pushed through the door that led straight into the parking lot and headed for my car. “Just having you at graduation is enough to make me happy.”

  “Make sure she gets those seats!” I heard Virginia call through the phone.

  Not having to live with my stepmother during breaks and holidays away from school was yet another perk of having my own apartment.

  “I’ll do no such thing,” Dad answered. It came through muffled, like he held his hand over the phone’s mic. “I don’t give a damn if Camille thinks it’s too far to walk. No, Virginia, she does not qualify for special consideration.”

  I unlocked my car and swung my bag into the passenger seat before climbing behind the wheel as they continued bickering.

  “Because she’s pregnant, not disabled!” he barked. “And if she were the one graduating, maybe I’d care. Tell her to wear some flats and deal with it.”

  “Dad, I need to head out to my interview,” I said, when there was a lull in their back and forth. The engine purred to life, and I made my way out of the lot as the call connected through my Bluetooth.

  “Right, I’m sorry. At least let me take you to dinner. You and your boyfriend. What was his name? Steve? Simon?” His voice came through the speakers, full of amusement.

  “Yes, Sam’s coming tomorrow, but he isn’t my boyfriend, remember?” I pulled out into traffic and checked the clock. Good, I left myself a good twenty-minute buffer before my interview. And sure, maybe it was only ten minutes away...in really heavy traffic, but you never got a second chance to make the best impression, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be late. I wanted this internship more than anything. I would have even put up with living with Virginia for the summer if it meant I got to put Overland Financial on my resume.