Boy in Luv

by Jay Crownover

  Iker: I envy your shoes. What does that say about how desperate I am?

  You’d just use them to walk out on me again. My thought was instant, but my response wasn’t.

  Langley: Admit it, you miss the Broadmoor, even with all the snobbery.

  It was the closest to teasing I’d gotten with him, even if it held a note of the truth. Even if he was sorry, and I did give him a chance, what was it good for? He hated the world I lived in, and flat-out said I couldn’t handle his. Plus, I was moving soon, so why put us through it?

  Iker: I miss you. And I’d happily put on a damned tie if it meant I could be near you.

  He didn’t need a tie. I didn’t need the Broadmoor, or his sweet, over-the-top gestures. I’d needed him, and that painful ache in my heart told me maybe I still did.

  The next day, he sent me a crate of pineapples. An. Entire. Crate. The note had been an address. I was guessing his. I shook my head at the fruit, and then flat-out lost it, laughing like a mad woman. What was I supposed to do with all this? And why wasn’t I as mad as I should have been? Frustrated? Yes. Confused? You bet.

  I hefted the crate into my arms and headed for the car. Pineapples buckled into the passenger seat, I popped the address into the GPS and headed where the British woman in my car’s system told me to go.

  Fifteen minutes later, I found myself outside an apartment complex south of downtown and close to Fort Carson. It wasn’t too far from the dive bar I’d met him at, which had only been a couple of miles from my dad’s.

  I’d lived so close to Iker and never known it for all the years he’d been in the Springs.

  Pineapples hefted on my hip, I climbed the stairs to the third floor, then knocked on the door that corresponded with the address.

  A minute later, the door opened, revealing a very surprised, very casual Iker.

  His hair was military-short at the sides, but the top looked ruffled, like he’d just gotten out of bed. His jeans were his typical dark, ripped-up ones that made me want to ask him to turn around just so I could watch him walk away, and his T-shirt was gray and stretched tight across muscles that hadn’t been as big when he’d left Colorado, and his tattoos rippled when his hands flexed on the doorframe. I hated how good he looked almost as much as I hated my reaction to it.

  That warmth in my belly sure as hell wasn’t anger.

  “Seriously?” I asked, then pushed my way past him to walk into his apartment. It was neat, but screamed his bachelor status. Funny the only thing he left a mess was me.

  “Hey, Gael,” I said with a smile as I put the crate of pineapples on the sturdy, bar-height kitchen table.

  “Langley,” he said slowly from the couch, his eyes flying toward his brother.

  “You’re here,” Iker said, just as slowly.

  “You sent me a crate of tropical fruit, and your address. What else was I supposed to do?”

  His eyes did a fast sweep of my body, and that warmth only spiked hotter. Suddenly, I wished I’d taken more time than my cut-off jeans and pink tank showed. Shit, I hadn’t thought about makeup or my hair, which was piled on my head in a knot to keep it from sticking to my neck when walking the dogs.

  “I did send you the pineapples.” His gaze cut to Gael. “But the address?”

  Gael shuffled to his feet with an overly innocent smile. “You know what? I think I’m going to get some fresh air on a walk to…well, anywhere that isn’t here.” He slapped Iker’s chest on his way out the door. “You’re welcome, big bro. Langley, his actual note is written on a notebook by my seat, if you’re curious.” He left the living room with a wink, leaving me ten feet away from Iker.

  We stood there, staring at each other, the tension building until I was afraid one of us might snap. “Don’t be mad at him. He’s a good kid,” I said with a shaky smile, using his own words against him.

  His eyes flared in surprise, and then he smiled. God, I’d missed that smile. They were rare and always had to be earned. “How can I be mad when he got me exactly what I wanted?”

  Okay, now that made me melt.

  “You have to stop sending me stuff,” I chided, but it didn’t come out as harsh as I wanted.

  “These remind me of you because they look all prickly, but they’re sweet once you get under the skin. That’s what the note was supposed to say.”

  “Well…” I huffed. “I don’t have a good, snarky response for that.” I folded my arms under my breasts. “You look bigger, by the way.” Oh, shoot me now. I cringed. “Not that you were small before. And not that I was looking… Just an observation.”

  Great, now he was flat-out grinning, those straight, even teeth catching part of his lower lip and making me wet my own subconsciously. His grin faded when he saw me do it. “When you’re deployed, you get a lot of downtime on days when you’re not running missions. I spent my free time working out and thinking.” He moved toward me slowly, but didn’t crowd me.

  “What did you think about?” I asked as he opened a drawer in the desk that sat across from the table.

  “My family,” he answered, pulling out an envelope, and turning to lean against the desk. I was incredibly grateful for the space, even as I debated crossing it. “And you.”

  I swallowed as heat flushed my face. “I thought that thinking about me was the reason you didn’t want to be together while you were deployed? You said I’d be too much of a distraction, right?” My voice was soft, even if the words grated.

  The envelope in his hand crinkled as his grip tightened on it. “You have no idea how many times I wish I’d done things differently. But then we lost two guys in Alpha Company and I couldn’t help but think that I did the right thing by you. Because, what if I was next?”

  Anger. Sadness. Regret. It all slammed into me from so many directions, I didn’t know what to feel. “I’m sorry your fellow soldiers died. Were you friends?” I couldn’t imagine waking up and not knowing if you’d live through the day, if the people you cared about would.

  “Not friends, but I knew them. And thanks.” He looked away, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was still the guy I’d fallen for, and if not, what parts had changed? “Do you get it? Why I didn’t want that for you?”

  “No,” I answered. “You took my choice and made a huge decision for me because you didn’t think I was capable of making what you considered to be the right one. You spent that whole week telling me to stand up for myself, to break free of the dictates of the world I come from, and then you turned around and did the dictating and undermining yourself.”

  He blanched. “I wasn’t...that isn’t what I…” His hand swept over his face. “God, you tie me in fucking knots. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “I was hurt the minute I realized you’d left without a real explanation, much less a kiss goodbye. I worried about you every day,” I admitted. “I tried to forget about you, that’s true, but you were in my head, even when I wished you weren’t.” It hadn’t mattered that he didn’t want me as much as I had wanted him, my heart had just been too stubborn to let go.

  “Same here.” He moved forward, pushing off the desk. “Look, I fucked up. It won’t happen again.”

  “You’re right,” I answered, retreating backward until my lower back connected with the table. “It won’t.”

  “Because you won’t give me a second chance?” He pushed up in my personal space.

  “Iker…” I shook my head, not trusting my mouth.

  “Give me a shot, Langley. You won’t regret it.” His voice slid over me like that damned chocolate over the strawberries—dark, luscious, and sinfully good.

  “I already do.” He was close enough I could feel the heat of his skin through our clothing. I missed him. I wanted him. If he touched me now, I was going over, and I knew it.

  “Are you scared of me now?” he whispered.

  “No, not of you. I’m terrified of the way you make me feel.” The confession spilled out, and I flinched, knowing I’d
just handed him the power.

  His hand slowly rose to cup my cheek, and he brushed his thumb over my cheekbone with a mixture of relief and awe on his face. “Yeah, well, you scare the shit out of me too. This?” His hands moved to my hips, and the air swooshed from my lungs. “What happens when I touch you? It doesn’t exist anywhere else for me.”

  He put the envelope on the table and lifted me with an ease that sent jolts of need throughout my body and set me on the table, then stepped between my knees.

  I was so royally fucked.

  My pulse beat erratically, my breath came fast and harsh, and my traitor of a body went all soft and pliant when it should have locked up with a do-not-enter sign. Instead, my thighs opened wider.

  “Give. Me. A. Chance.” His demand came with that intense, smoldering look that had stripped me out of my clothes more than once. “Come on, Langley. You know how good we are together.”

  My willpower teetered on the edge, and he saw it, damn him.

  “Look, I know about the boyfriend—”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend,” I blurted, then cursed my lack of control around Iker.

  “Beard-O?”

  “Oh, Sam? We’ve seen each other a couple of times, but we’re not serious, or exclusive. He’s kissed me once, but there’s no spark. I very much wish there was fireworks between us for obvious reasons. But, nothing.”

  His confusion turned into a smirk, and I immediately regretted telling him. “No spark?” His grip tightened and he tugged me forward until our hips met. “I don’t think we have that particular problem.”

  Given the way my blood turned molten and his eyes darkened, I would have agreed with him.

  “Attraction was never our problem.” It had just created more of them in the long run.

  “I was the problem,” he retorted. “And now I’m going to be the solution. Ditch the beard and let me take you out. Give me a chance to really date you. To prove I’m invested in you, in what we could have together if we fight for it.” He must have seen me waver because something like hope sparked in his eyes and he looked away to grab that envelope he’d ditched a moment earlier. “Here. Take it. It’s ten thousand dollars.”

  My eyebrows hit my hairline. “What?”

  “It’s the money you paid me for the wedding.”

  It was only the sheer nervousness on his face that kept me seated. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to throw the envelope in his face. “This is money you earned. In a mutually beneficial transaction.” Then again, given the number of orgasms he’d given me on top of pissing off my family probably made it a bit more of a benefit to me.

  “Money I need you to take back.” He stared me down and his jaw twitched.

  “No. You paid Gael’s tuition with that money. Well, obviously not that money, since it’s in an envelope. And not a bank. How the hell did you even get ten thousand dollars?” If it had been that easy for him, he wouldn’t have needed me in the first place.

  “I sublet my apartment while I was gone. Plus, it’s not like I had anywhere to spend money while I was deployed. My truck is paid off, so nine months of pay is sitting in my account. I know it’s nothing compared—”

  I slapped my hand across his mouth, then immediately regretted that decision when he scraped his teeth across my palm. Act, regret, act, regret. That seemed to be my pattern with him today. I snatched my hand away and glared at him. “Don’t finish that sentence. And I’m not taking your money. You worked for that!”

  “I can’t keep it. Not knowing that you paid off Gael’s tuition—”

  “You were never supposed to know about that! They promised it would be anonymous!” I took a calming breath. “It wasn’t just for you…or Gael.”

  “I can’t have that fucked-up power dynamic between us. So please take it, so I can date you. Please.” He put the envelope in my hand.

  It was odd how ten thousand dollars from my trust fund felt insanely lighter than ten thousand dollars he’d bled for. It was heavy in my palm, and the plea broke me like a giant with a twig. Snap.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “Okay?” His eyes widened.

  “Okay, I’ll go on one date with you. Just one. And it’s only on the condition that you stop sending expensive stuff to my place and you never try to give this money back to me ever again.” I took the envelope and pushed it against his chest. His very built, very tattooed, very close chest that was only separated from my hand by the thin cotton of his T-shirt. Was there any wonder I couldn’t feel a spark with Sam? There was no one on this freaking Earth who lit my fuse and heated me up like Iker.

  His jaw ticked again. “One date.”

  “One date.” I nodded.

  “You won’t take this money.” His lips pursed, but his hand covered mine, warm and strong. Hands that knew exactly how I liked to be touched.

  “If you ask again, I’m walking out that door, and this offer goes with me. Those are my terms.” The logical side of me hissed at my stupidity. The part of me that hummed in his presence practically purred and begged to rub up against him.

  “Fine, I accept your terms.”

  “Good.” It was the second deal we’d ever made, but I already knew there was way more riding on this arrangement.

  He lowered his head slowly, giving me every opportunity to pull away, but I couldn’t. I was powerless against those brown eyes and the way he looked at me like I was equal parts infuriating and enchanting.

  I tilted my face up to his and my lips parted, already heavy with the expectation of—

  “Hey! Oh, whoa. Bad timing.” Gael’s voice broke through the haze of arousal, and I shoved at Iker’s chest.

  “You think?” Iker snapped at his little brother, but he moved at my insistence.

  “Nope! It was perfect timing. Really.” I poked my head over the crate and pulled my keys out of the fruit where they’d fallen.

  “I’ll just be going!” I gave Iker a thumbs-up, which was pretty much the most awkward, cringy moment of my life, raced out of his apartment, and nodded to Gael before I pulled the door shut with excessive force.

  What the hell had I just done? Hadn’t I learned that playing with fire was going to end up leaving my heart burned and turned to ash? What was I thinking, sticking my hands back into the exact same flames that had left wounds I was still trying to keep from becoming scars I couldn’t ever get rid of?

  Iker

  I tugged at the silk knot of the tie at the base of my throat for what had to be the thousandth time that night. Every time my fingers touched the expensive material, I got a look from Langley. She was usually an open book. I could read whatever it was she might be feeling by looking into her eyes. The blue depths were clear and expressive. Tonight, they were shuttered and cool. I couldn’t tell if she was having a good time, or if she would rather be anywhere else instead of sitting across the table from me at this five-star restaurant.

  Her gaze lingered on the fabric of the tie as she reached for the glass of red wine on the table in front of her. The awkward silence was almost unbearable. Before I screwed everything up between the two of us, we could talk about anything. Our differing life experiences and wildly opposite upbringing always made for interesting conversation. Because we were so inherently different, it was always a challenge trying to get the other person to see a situation in a new light. Being together forced us to be more open and accepting so we could appreciate all the trials and turmoil the other went through in order to become the person we loved now.

  Tonight, none of that easy banter could be found. We were both stiff and formal with one another. Langley barely touched her dinner, and she hadn’t seemed overly thrilled with the exhibition on Native American art I’d taken her to before it was time for our reservation. I spent more time than I wanted to admit trying to plan the kind of date I thought she was used to. The kind of date a classy chick like Langley deserved. I needed to prove to her I could step it up and she wouldn’t miss out on anything i
f she agreed to give me a second chance. I wanted the effort I put into making amends to be obvious. I was desperate for her to understand how serious I was about undoing all the damage I’d done.

  However, the beautiful blonde sitting across from me seemed far more annoyed than she did impressed. She’d been hesitant from the get-go when I told her what I was planning for our first official date. I figured she simply still had doubts about my sincerity and staying power. She was reluctant to let me get close when I’d already hurt her, and I couldn’t blame her for that.

  But, it was driving me nuts that she wouldn’t tell me what she was thinking, and that I couldn’t read if she believed the risk of giving me another shot was worth the reward. I spent the whole night bending over backwards to give her an unforgettable first date, and all I got in return were a few narrow-eyed looks and one-word responses to everything I asked her.

  Fighting back the urge to shift nervously in my chair, I ran my palm over the luxurious material of the tie and forced a grin. I knew the moment would make the dimple in my cheek pop out, and for once this evening, I knew exactly what Langley was thinking. She’d been weak for that dimple from the very beginning. Finally, a spark of something bright and lively lit up in her cool, cerulean gaze.

  “Now that you’re done with school, what are your plans? Are you going to work for your dad?” I still wasn’t sure what an economist did, but had no doubt she would kick ass at whatever she chose to do for a living.

  Langley shifted in her seat and swirled the wine around in the obviously expensive glass. “He wanted me to work for him, but I picked a different company. I wanted to stand on my own two feet. I also wanted to focus on a company and career path that focuses more on non-profit and charitable investments. No matter what line of work I go into, I know I want to be able to help people. I already have a job lined up and I’m pretty excited about it.” She cleared her throat and looked like she was choosing her next words with deliberate care. “The new job comes with a lot of big life changes. I think I’m up to the challenge, though.”