Boy in Luv

by Jay Crownover

  “Okay, I’ll call.”

  His breath was shaky as he hugged me even closer. “Don’t forget to love me.”

  “Never.” God, how was I going to do this? Drive away from him and our life? Why didn’t I say no to this job? Why didn’t I just take my dad up on his offer and stay here in the Springs, where I could be with Iker? Why the hell was I putting us through this?

  “I’m so damned proud of you, Langley. Remember that. Every time this is hard, remember that I’m at your back. I’m in this with you, you got me?”

  I tilted my head back, tears slipping from the corners of my eyes, but I managed to nod. “I got you.”

  Then he nodded, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. “I love you. The distance will suck, but we’ll make up for it with the time we get together. I. Love. You.”

  “I love you,” I whispered as pain took my voice right out of my throat.

  “I’ll see you soon. I promise. I’ll drive down on my first four-day.” He opened my door, and urged me into the seat.

  “Promise me?” I buckled out of habit and put my hands on his clean-shaven face as he ducked into the car to kiss me again. It was sweet, lingering, and entirely too short.

  “Of course,” he answered with a shaky smile. “After all, you have my hoodie.” He shut my door with a smirk and left me laughing like a heartbroken, lovesick idiot. Then he tapped on my hood as I started the ignition, and stood in front of my car, his arms crossed in front of his chest as I put my BMW into reverse and backed away from him.

  I was still crying as I crossed the Colorado border, but I stopped by the time I reached Texas. Now I could stop counting down the moments until I left, and start counting the ones until I saw him again.

  Iker

  “I have to give you credit, you have a lot of balls showing up here unannounced.”

  Langley’s father was looking at me with an equal mixture of anger and concern in his gaze. The older man knew I was currently tied with him for being the most important man in his daughter’s life, and Langley mentioned he had some choice words for her when she told him we were getting back together. He didn’t seem to think she should bother with a long-distance relationship while trying to settle in and start a new career. He had a valid point, so I didn’t take his opinion personally. I did, however, hesitate when it came to approaching him because Langley let me know her father knew about our deal for the wedding, and the money.

  It was embarrassing to have my girlfriend’s father be privy to one of the lowest points and worst decisions I’d ever made. I knew the complicated past between me and Langley was enough to make this man question if I had the best intentions when it came to his daughter.

  Which was why I’d shown up at his office out of the blue. I was worried he would refuse to see me if I tried to schedule something ahead of time. I figured a surprise attack would work in my favor. It’d gotten me in the door and a cool, but not hostile, reception.

  I twisted my uniform cap around in my hands and cleared my throat. “I’m here because of Langley.”

  Because I could tell she was crying every time we talked on the phone.

  Because she looked like she wasn’t sleeping at all whenever we FaceTimed.

  Because she was so caught up in missing me and Colorado, she was letting new experiences and amazing opportunities slip right by her.

  She’d been gone for two months, and I’d made the trip down there once, but I swore adjusting to the distance and change in our relationship had been the hardest thing I’d ever done…and I’d been in combat in more than one warzone.

  “I know when I ask you what I’m about to ask you, you’re going to think it’s for me, that I’m being selfish and problematic, but I wouldn’t ask, couldn’t bring myself to beg, if it wasn’t for your daughter.” I sighed and lowered my eyes to where my knee was bouncing up and down. “I’m really worried about her. I don’t want her to give up on the job and her future before she’s given herself a chance to succeed.”

  The older man laced his fingers together and placed them under his chin. “I heard through the grapevine you asked for a transfer before Langley left, and that it was denied.”

  I lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “Asking was the least I could do.”

  And as such, it was why I was here now, ready to plead my case for all I was worth. It was clear I couldn’t fix things the way I promised on my own. I needed help, but I had no clue if the man across from me was willing. He probably had lofty expectations for whoever he deemed good enough for his daughter. I was sure I came up lacking on all fronts, but I had to exhaust every avenue possible to keep Langley’s dream on track. She was out of control right now, and the last thing I wanted to do was stand by, helpless, while she crashed and burned.

  “You’re really worried about her, aren’t you?” Mr. Vaughn dropped his hands and leaned forward, placing them on the desk in front of him.

  I nodded and told him in all seriousness, “I am. I spent my whole life trying to get out of Texas. I only go back to visit my grandmother. I never gave much thought to going back until Langley told me she was moving. Now, I don’t care where I live as long as I get to have a life with her when I’m home. I’m supposed to be the guy who takes care of her forever, and I can’t do that from this far away.”

  Her father grunted and lifted his silvery eyebrows. “Do you think you’ve earned the right to take care of her? She was heartbroken when you left last time. I hated seeing her cry herself to sleep every single night. You were lucky you deployed. If you’d been in town, I would have had to track you down and teach you some manners.”

  I brushed my hand over my hair and forced myself to meet his probing gaze. “I screwed up. I knew as soon as I walked out the door. I will spend every minute of every day trying to make it up to Langley.” Again, that task would be much easier if I could close some of the distance between the two of us.

  “What about the money? Ten grand isn’t pocket change. How do I know you won’t do something else drastic and reckless if you end up in another financial bind? How do I know you won’t hurt my daughter if you get desperate again?” He rapped his knuckles on the desk and stared at me unflinchingly.

  “I would do anything for my little brother. That will never change. I’m sure you know that Langley already provided a scholarship for a couple students to finish school. My brother was one of them, because Langley bailed me out when his financial aid fell through at the last minute. I won’t ever find myself in that kind of situation again.” I shifted on the leather wingback chair and pulled a well-worn check out of my pocket. Leaning forward, I placed it on the desk. “I tried to give Langley the ten grand back. I wanted her to know it was a loan, not me taking advantage of her. She refused to accept it. Take the check. Put it one of her retirement accounts or something.” I doubted she would ever notice, and the slate would finally be wiped totally clean.

  Mr. Vaughn reached out and slid the check across his desk with his index finger. “I wasn’t expecting that. You’re full of surprises, aren’t you, young man?”

  “I just want to do right by your daughter, sir.” I lifted a hand so I could rub the back of my neck. “I won’t sit here and say I deserve any kind of preferential treatment. Maybe I haven’t done enough, proved my worth, but Langley has. She has the best heart of anyone I’ve ever met. She’s selfless and kind. She deserves the best. So, this is me, trying to show you I’m what’s best for her.”

  A heavy silence fell between us as the older man continued to watch me with sharp eyes. Eventually, Mr. Vaughn tapped a finger on the check and gave me a strained grin.

  “She’s not as selfless as you might think. She doesn’t ever ask for anything, but when she does, it’s for something big and hugely important.” He tilted his head to the side slightly and the grin fell away. “She called me the first week she was gone and asked if there was anything I could do to push a transfer for you through. I know people who know people, and there are some powerful men
on Carson who owe me more than one favor.”

  He grunted and gave his head a little shake. “You’re right in being worried about her. She’s putting on a brave face, but she isn’t doing well. She jumped into the deep end, and it’s taking everything she has to tread water. If she’s handling things this poorly, when you can get on a plane and fly to Austin anytime you want, how do you think she’s going to handle it when you’re gone for months on end without any way to contact her? I don’t know if sending you down there will help or hurt her, if I’m being honest.”

  I had the same thought more than once, but all we could do was cross that bridge when we came to it. I was also not surprised in the least she’d already tried to pull some strings in order to end both our suffering.

  “All I know is that things can’t go on like they are. She’s miserable, and every time I hear or see her cry, I’m tempted to go AWOL. Either I’m going to do something stupid to get to her, or she’s going to bail on everything and eventually, she’ll resent what she had to give up, and me. She’ll start thinking about all the people she could’ve helped if she stuck it out. I don’t want her to live with regret. I spent nine months in the desert, consumed with doubt and remorse over leaving Langley the way I did. All I could think about was how different things might have been if we had a chance. I’ll do whatever it takes to give her her chance.”

  If he wanted me on my knees, pleading and praying, I would do it. Not for anyone or anything other than Langley. For her, there wasn’t a single thing I could think of I wouldn’t do.

  Mr. Vaughn climbed to his feet and started to pace behind his desk. “What if moving to Texas to give Langley her chance doesn’t work out in your favor? What if you have to lose a rank? What if the two of you break up and you’re stuck in a state you said yourself you didn’t want to return to? Giving Langley her chance very well might mean you lose yours when it comes to advancement. Have you considered any of those things?”

  I had. Maybe I couldn’t lose rank, but I could lose squad leader time, which would hurt me for the E-7 promotion list. I also decided none of it mattered in the long run. “I’m looking at a lifetime spent in the military, sir. If I take a step back right now, there isn’t much stopping me from taking ten forward as the years go on. I’ll be okay, wherever I end up and with whatever happens to me. I’m not so sure the same can be said for your daughter.”

  He nodded. “That’s a good answer. All any father wants to know is how much the man who is in love with his daughter is willing to sacrifice.”

  I’d give up everything if I had to.

  “I told Langley I couldn’t call in a favor of that magnitude just because she missed her boyfriend. I told her if you were the one who approached me, if you came and asked me personally to intervene on your behalf, I would consider it after hearing what you had to say. I didn’t think you could convince me helping you transfer to Texas was the right move.” Once again, he knocked his knuckles on the desk. “You proved me wrong. It’s clear you’ve thought through all the plus and minuses. It is also clear you are putting Langley first.”

  I gulped and wiped my suddenly sweaty hands on my pants. It felt like everything was on the line, and the tension was thick enough to choke on.

  “I’ve never been the type of person comfortable asking for a favor or a handout. I make my own way, and I take care of my own, on my own.” I didn’t love hearing that Langley already pleaded our case to her father, but I gave her some leeway since I knew how much she was struggling. I told Langley I would fix things, and in order to do so, I needed help. In a fight for survival, I was trained to use whatever advantage I could in order to come out on top. Corbin Vaughn was merely a tool to get the outcome I wanted. I could barely feel the sting of my pride burning under my skin.

  “You’re well on your way to being family, Iker. I’d like to think eventually you’ll be comfortable relying on me. Ultimately, we both want my daughter to be happy. That makes us allies, not enemies. I’ll make some calls, press some buttons, and see if I can get your transfer request looked at again. I obviously can’t promise anything.”

  I jumped to my feet and reached out to shake his hand. He gave my fingers a tight squeeze and lifted his eyebrows as he asked, “Want to ask my permission to marry her while you’re in the process of requesting the impossible for her already?”

  I balked and must’ve paled because Mr. Vaughn tossed his head back and let out a loud belly laugh.

  “I’m kidding. I’m glad you aren’t rushing into marriage. Though, I did propose to Langley’s mother after only knowing her for three weeks. Sometimes you just know when it’s right.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave me a little shake. “I do expect you to talk to me before you decide to take that step.”

  I nodded like a bobblehead doll. “I will, but I gotta tell you, there is no way in hell our wedding will be anything like that fiasco you had for your stepdaughter.” No way. No how.

  Langley’s father chuckled. “Fair enough.” He waved a hand in the direction of his office door. “Cross your fingers. I’ll be in touch when I have more information. Try and keep Langley afloat the best you can.”

  I swore to do my best and slipped out the door, shaking more than I had when I walked in. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t turned me away and told me to suck it up. He was so nice and sincere, it was easy to see where Langley got her compassion and empathy from. I couldn’t believe he so readily accepted me into their affluent family. He didn’t look at me like I was an interloper at all, and I didn’t want to be all sappy and emotional, but it had been kind of cool to be on the receiving end of authentic fatherly advice for once in my life.

  Growing up without either of my parents around, I’d missed out on moments like that, and instead had to fill the role for my brother. The Vaughns brought so much into my life. I would be eternally grateful they were so forgiving.

  For the first time since she drove away, I felt a small spark of hope start to glow in the center of my chest. I didn’t want to get my expectations up too high…because the crash back down to Earth would be devastating. Instead, I planned to keep my fingers crossed like Mr. Vaughn suggested, and put as much good luck and good will as I could muster out into the universe, in the hopes I might get paid back tenfold.

  Langley

  I blinked as the numbers in the financial report on my desk began blurring together. Late hours had become my norm, not just because there was so much work to be done, but because throwing myself into work was the ultimate coping mechanism.

  “Hey, Langley, don’t stay too late, okay?” Jessica Hallstrom said from my office doorway.

  I glanced at the corner of my computer. “It’s only six, no worries.”

  “It was only eight more than a few times this week,” she chided. “I love your enthusiasm, and we’re lucky to have you, but you’re going to burn out if you keep this up. Now, go home and get some rest. That’s a direct request from your boss.” She gave me an understanding smile.

  I gave the next fund’s analytics a longing look.

  “Oh no, you don’t. I’m waiting right here until you walk out with me.” She crossed her arms, her purse already over one shoulder. “And no taking work home, either.”

  Well, shit. Grumbling, I shut down my computer and abandoned the few files I had on my desk. It was nothing that couldn’t wait until Monday.

  “So, I moved here from Maryland,” Jessica told me as we rode the elevator to the parking garage beneath our high-rise office building.

  “Really?” Given the soft drawl she had when she pronounced some words, I hadn’t caught on.

  “Yep. Moved here a little over ten years ago, straight out of college. That transition was awful. I missed my friends and my family all of the time.” She looked at me meaningfully.

  “It’s been rough,” I admitted. “I miss my family and my boyfriend.”

  “That’s normal. So is spending long weekends back in Colorado. I get it. I just want you to know th
at it will get easier. You’ll adjust in little ways until one day, you’ll realize you have your feet under you.” The elevator dinged at the P1 level and we walked into the garage. “When is the next visit with your boyfriend?”

  “Two weeks,” I answered instantly. The date was marked on the calendar with a big red circle. “We missed last month because he was in the field, so it’s been a while.” A while was an understatement. By the time Iker’s feet touched Texas soil, it would have been close to two months since I’d seen him last.

  The army threw a whole different wrench into our relationship. Not only were we struggling to find long weekends to make the trip, but then he’d leave for a month with his unit for training and it didn’t even matter if I splurged on an airplane ticket for a normal weekend—he wasn’t there anyway. He’d gotten back a couple of weeks ago, but when I tried to head up to the Springs this weekend, he’d told me he was going to be in the field again.

  “That’s got to be hard.” Her expression softened. “You know, if you ever need some time, we can make it happen so you can get back there more often. God knows you work enough overtime to more than earn you a few three-day weekends.”

  “Thank you. I really appreciate it. I just don’t want to take advantage of you or this job. Doing what I love has been so rewarding,” I told her as I reached my car, noting with more than a little sadness that it boasted Texas plates instead of my pretty, green, Colorado ones. Such a stupid little thing to get me down, but it was one more piece of me—or rather my car, I guess—the move had cost me.

  “You’re good at it.” She and I both opened our driver’s doors, looking at each other over the tops of our cars. “You’re already making a difference in the two funds you’ve been analyzing and adjusting, and I can’t wait to see the quarterly returns. I’d be interested in your suggestions about where to move some of those profits. We already support a wide variety of charities, but I know I tend to get super invested in a fund when I know it’s benefiting one of my personal passions.”