by Brynn Paulin
“I’m going to clean up the kitchen then head to bed,” I told him.
“It’s…barely seven,” he protested, glancing at his watch. “I’ll help you, then…maybe we could watch a movie or something.”
“No, you cooked. You know the rules. Besides, you were cleaning up as you worked, so there’s not a ton to do. You’ll make someone a good husband, someday,” I quipped, pulling out one of our old jokes. The pain of regret immediately slashed through me. I shouldn’t have said that. I couldn’t stomach the idea of him with someone else.
“I guess you’ll find out because there’s zero chance I’m marrying anyone but you.”
“Daniel…”
“We can work this out,” he insisted. “Our biggest problem is that we stopped talking. And I need to tell you—”
“Please not tonight,” I interrupted, striding toward the kitchen. I’d been ignoring the random churns of my stomach, and if I got any more upset, it was all over. I’d be losing dinner in the bathroom.
When I turned toward the sink, he was there beside me. I clutched the edge of the counter and dropped my head forward. Needing to get in control, I drew in a slow breath through my nose. Instantly, I regretted it. The scent of the oil he’d cooked with hit me along with the smell from the drain—which in normal circumstances I wouldn’t have even noticed—hit me hard, agitating my nausea. Opening my mouth, I panted and prayed.
Nope.
“Oh my God,” I gasped. My hand covered my mouth and I heaved. Forcing my way past him, I dashed for the bathroom.
“Kenna,” he exclaimed, and I heard him barreling after me. I didn’t care. I just ran. I was on my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks with the force of my heaving when he came in behind me. I heard the water run then felt a cool cloth to my neck. Daniel knelt behind me. The size of his powerful body, his warmth against my side, soothed me while I lost control. When I calmed, he helped me straighten and handed me another cloth.
“Are you okay?” he whispered while he supported me.
I nodded then shook my head then nodded again.
“Alright,” he murmured. When I started to rise, he helped me to my feet then stood watchfully while I brushed my teeth. “Would some Sprite help your stomach?” he asked.
I almost burst out laughing. At the moment, nothing would help. No, that wasn’t true. Daniel’s presence did help. I couldn’t lie to myself about that, even if I wanted to. “Maybe,” I conceded. “And maybe, some saltine crackers, too.”
He nodded. His worry rolled off him as he studied me, and if I knew him, he was trying to figure out how to cure me. I’d never met a more sensitive soul than Daniel, which was why the “future children refusal” had surprised me. He’d never wanted to hurt me. He didn’t want anything to hurt me, and when I was ill, he worried more than I did.
“Was it the chicken?” he asked, guiding me into the bedroom and helping me to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Not specifically.”
His brow furrowed. “Why don’t you lie down and I’ll get you the drink and crackers.”
“‘Kay,” I agreed, my energy and fight depleted.
Daniel disappeared into the other room, and I got up then quickly changed into a loose white tee and my red-flannel jammie pants. When he returned, I was curled on my side on the bed. I almost laughed. He’d changed into nearly the same thing as me—a white V-neck undershirt and pajama pants that matched mine. We’d bought them at the same time last Christmas. Because we were that couple. I’d always thought we’d be the family in matching PJs on the cover of our annual Christmas card.
Sighing, I pushed the thought from my mind. None of my wishful plans mattered now. Things were different.
“Nice jammies,” he commented as he padded across the thick carpet in his bare feet.
“Yeah, you, too.”
He set down the drink then handed me a couple saltines before placing a few more beside the glass. Circling to the other side of the bed, he climbed in.
“What are you doing?” I gasped.
His palm made wide circles on my back. “Sitting with you.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I’m not going anywhere.” His firm tone left no room for me to argue. I knew nothing would budge him. His soothing circles never ceased. I didn’t want him to go anywhere, anyway. Ever.
I kept my face averted from him, not wanting him to see my emotions. They’d been out of control for weeks, and with him here, everything seemed more amplified. Tears burned in my eyes, and I tried to ignore them as I slowly chewed one of the crackers. Once I’d had the second, I sat up slowly and took small sips of the soft drink.
I didn’t manage much. Closing my eyes, I lay back down and burrowed into the pillow. Daniel’s soothing touch never ceased. He never tried for anything more than offering comfort. He was a good man; I’d always known that. I just didn’t understand how we were on such different pages.
After our discussion about children, he’d shut me out. He’d never explained why his no was so adamant. It wasn’t as if I would have forced him. I would have tried to understand, given a reason.
But now, I was pregnant. And he didn’t want us to be.
“I never wanted to go,” he whispered beside me. I knew he sensed my turmoil. Or maybe it was his own bubbling forth. “I love you more than anything in the world.”
He didn’t love me enough, though. I could have lived without a baby, but the way we’d started arguing. Whenever I’d tried to talk to him, he’d started snapping. Neither of us could live like that.
I hated it. But I didn’t hate him.
I wanted him. But I couldn’t have him.
I missed him. But we couldn’t stay together.
Still, when I felt him shift then spoon behind me, holding me, I didn’t say a word. I didn’t push away. I couldn’t make him leave. Not tonight.
Chapter Four
~ Daniel ~
Last night was the best sleep I’d had in weeks. Kenna had fallen asleep in my arms and stayed there most of the night. I’d woken when she’d gotten up at three a.m., but when she’d come back, she’d crawled back into my arms and buried her face in my chest.
Now, she was up again, and I heard her getting sick. Worry filled me. What was going on with her? Had she picked up a bug? Jumping from bed, I rushed to take care of her, and she groaned when she heard me coming in. She looked so small and frail hunched there, leaning weakly on her arm. I dampened another washcloth and handed it to her.
“Thanks,” she murmured, wiping her face.
“Are you okay?” I asked, more inquisitive and worried than I’d been last night. A knot formed in my belly. I hated that she looked so miserable.
“I will be.” Getting up, with my assistance that she probably didn’t want, she flushed then turned to the sink. She didn’t look at me, and I knew she wanted me to leave. I couldn’t.
Stepping close, I pressed the back of my fingers to her forehead. No fever, though she looked ashen and her skin seemed sweaty.
“Are you…sick?” I asked brokenly. If anything happened to her… I knew I was being melodramatic, and she probably just had the stomach flu or something, but I’d just gotten on the road to getting her back.
She shook her head.
“Don’t tell me you’re not ill. This is twice you’ve thrown up. And…you wanted to go to bed before eight last night. You’ve always been a night owl.”
“Daniel, I don’t have some deadly illness,” she said, cupping my cheek. “I’ll be fine. But I do need to get ready for work.”
“You’re working from home, right?” How much getting ready for work was there? She could wear her pajamas all day.
She reached for her toothbrush. “Yes. Where are you going to work?”
I shrugged. “Kitchen bar. There’s room for both of us there, right?”
“Sure. Just don’t read over my shoulder.”
“Editing sex today, huh?”
Kenna rolled her
eyes and stuck her toothbrush in her mouth. I grabbed mine to do the same. I fully intended to get my lips on her soon, and I wanted to be minty fresh and ready.
Afterward, I headed for the storage area where I’d stowed my stuff and dug around for my clothes, choosing jeans and a long-sleeved gray tee. Kenna was in the shower, and I willed my dick to behave. It actually made me sad, knowing she was in there alone. Once upon a time, we always shared. Soon… Soon, I’d get this fixed.
* * * *
“I don’t think that position is actually possible,” I commented, taking a sip of coffee. I was supposed to be working on my storyboard for a heart drug commercial, but for the past fifteen or so minutes, I’d been reading the manuscript Kenna was editing. “I mean…yeech,” I continued with a grimace. “That takes a lot of balance and an extra arm.”
“Daniel,” she groaned.
“So it’s an alien sci-fi kind of book?”
She snorted and inserted a comment in the document. “No, just a plain old vanilla billionaire.”
“Doesn’t seem very vanilla to me.”
“You promised,” she reminded me, struggling not to laugh.
I held up my hands. “My bad. Back to the drug ad. I can’t believe the announcer has to tell viewers not to take this if they’re allergic to it. I mean obviously. But how would they know if they are if they haven’t taken it, right?”
“Daniel.”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up and work.”
“Right. Right…right. On it.”
Smiling, she shook her head and typed. Making her smile was a good sign, but I was super restless.
“Do you need anything to eat or drink?” I asked. “Tea. More toast.”
“Nope, I’m good. Working.” She didn’t look away from her screen.
“You need to eat, babe. I’m getting something,” I said, sliding off the stool and going to the cupboard where I’d stowed the cookies I’d brought in yesterday.
“Are those Oreos?”
“Um-hmm.” I turned as I was stuffing one in my mouth and raised a brow at her. Usually, she gave me crap for what I snacked on and didn’t sound as if I was eating food of the gods. I held the package toward her.
“Thanks,” she said, taking one then changing her mind and taking two more.
“Since when do you eat Oreos?” I asked, moving to stick the package back in the cupboard then changing my mind. I set it on the counter between where we were working.
She shrugged and didn’t look up from her laptop as she delicately took a bite of the cookie. Grinning, I circled back to my computer, trailing my fingers along her shoulders as I passed.
“Daniel,” she whispered. God, I loved my name on her lips. I wanted to hear it again and again. I needed to hear her scream it while I made her come.
I spun away from my chair, unable to sit right now. Pacing into the living room, I made circles with my arms then dropped down and did twenty-five push-ups. When I stood to do a set of burpees, I noticed Kenna watching me.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Burning off some energy.”
“Uh-huh,” she said slowly with a nod.
“I can’t get rid of it the way I want, so this is how it is.”
Her tongue swept over her lips. I suppressed a groan as I watched the flash of pink. I needed it sliding against mine. I needed to devour that mouth with her under me, our bodies moving together while—
“And what do you want?” she asked, pulling me from my thoughts before they got too erotic.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I closed the space between us and showed her.
Chapter Five
~ McKenna ~
I gasped as Daniel’s lips crashed over mine. Though I knew I should push him away, that I couldn’t fall into our old relationship or my deep love for him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. We groaned together as he shifted me so he could step between my legs and pull me closer. My sensitive breasts pressed into his hard, hard chest. I could feel myself getting wet for him, and it was…
Bad, bad, bad! Even if it felt perfect.
Pulling back, I shook my head. “Daniel, we can’t.”
“We sure as hell can,” he growled, going back in for another kiss. His easy-going people-pleaser demeanor slid away, revealing his demanding side. It was one thing I’d always loved about him. It turned me on that he had this secret part of him that only I got to experience.
Right now, it frightened me. I wasn’t scared of him. I was scared of how easily my feminine side gravitated to him. Helpless to my own needs, I met his mouth with equal fervor and threaded my hands into that soft hair I loved so much.
“This won’t solve anything,” I muttered against his mouth.
“It’ll solve my hardon for a little while. I bet if I slide my hand inside your panties I’ll find you’re all wet for me, too.”
That was true. But the problem between us was bigger than sexual need and getting bigger by the day.
Gathering my strength, I pulled back. Ruthlessly, I ignored my regret and the screaming desire inside me. Letting this happen wasn’t fair to any of us. “Daniel. No. Not without… No. Not unless we work out things between us.”
He blew out a breath through his nose and stepped back. Staring at me, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen, his eyes full of disappointment, he didn’t say a word to argue with me. And why did I feel like a big old bad guy? I was doing this to save him from getting trapped into something he didn’t want.
“I do want to talk. I’ve wanted to talk for weeks,” he demanded.
“That’s not true. You shut down on me.”
“I do want to talk,” he insisted. “First, I’m going for a walk. Calming down before I say something hot-headed. At least, that’s allowed during this stay-at-home order. When I get back, I promise we’re having a long overdue discussion. Don’t change the locks on me.”
“I’m not going to change the locks,” I growled, suddenly annoyed. Now, he insisted that he wanted to communicate. Except not right this second… Argh! Men! What the hell!
Good God, my emotions were all over the place. I knew my hormones were really…hormone-y and playing the high-low roller coaster game, but geez, they were giving me whiplash since Daniel had been escorted here yesterday.
He cupped my cheek. “I’m not giving up on us. Three weeks ago, leaving to cool off was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done—other than letting us get to that point because I was afraid.”
“I had an equal part in that,” I offered. The separation had been a mutual decision. It might have even been more my decision than his, since I’d discovered a few days into it that needed to figure out how to break the baby news. On the fourth day, I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t bind him like that. Not when he was adamant he didn’t want a child.
That hadn’t changed.
“We were both dumb. I love you. You love me. We’re going to work this out. We aren’t meant to be apart. I refuse to let you go.” Reaching into his laptop case, he pulled out a small envelope and placed it on the counter beside my computer. Then he leaned forward and kissed my temple. “I love you. I’m going to go walk off some of this…” He huffed a breath and waved a hand in front of him to indicate to his body. “Energy.”
Before I could stop him or say anything else, he strode out the front door. It locked with a hollow thunk behind him as the hydraulic closer shut it. The sound echoed through me like a death knell of loneliness.
Why did I have to want him so much? We were so compatible…except for one thing—the one thing I wanted and he didn’t. I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore, though. Once he knew, it would be hard being stuck here together in this little apartment. But how much more difficult would it be to keep our hands off each other? Less than a full day with him back here and look what was happening. I couldn’t let Daniel have hope when there wasn’t any.
Remembering the note he’d left me, I ripped it open.
> I love you. Don’t give up on us. I won’t give up and I’m not letting you. We can work this out. I’m sitting here in my van and I hate it. It’s not the van I hate, because I could go somewhere else if I wanted to. I could move on and get a new place. But I don’t want a new place, Kenna. I want you. I hate being away from you and not being able to reach for you and hold you and make love to you and tell you how much I fucking love you…that I would do anything for you. I pray that we can find a way to move forward. I can’t wait much longer for you to call and tell me I can come home. I’ve tried to be patient. I can’t anymore. A few more days and I’m coming for you. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to. Ever.
Daniel
He’d been waiting for me? I’d been waiting for him. Now, I had to tell him. Let him make a decision.
Oh, Daniel…
Tears filled my eyes. I wanted forever with him, more than I could even tell him. But he didn’t want children.
My stomach roiled, and I dashed for the bathroom again.
“Fuck,” Daniel whispered when he came upon me there some twenty minutes later. My stomach just kept heaving and wouldn’t stop even though there was nothing left in me.
Rushing into the room, he dropped down beside me and rubbed circles on my back. “That’s it. I’m taking you to the ER.”
“Not sick,” I managed. I grabbed a hand towel and pressed it over my mouth. Closing my eyes, I tried to take breaths through my nose.
“You are fucking sick,” he growled.
I shook my head and struggled to my feet, shaking from exertion. Once I was done cleaning up at the sink, I let him guide me into the bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed while he went to grab shoes for me.
“I’m not sick, Daniel. I need to call my doctor, but I’m not sick. I don’t need to go to the ER.”
“Kenna…we’re going. Whatever it is, I’ll—”
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Six
~ Daniel ~
I stared at her, my heart plummeting, a thick shard of ice piercing straight through my chest. My legs staggered and I caught myself with a hand on the wall. “What?”
