by A. R. Kayne
“Yes. It’s an ocean planet; there’s only a very small land mass. It’s one of our research targets. People live there, but they don’t look much like us. They’re water creatures. One of our research teams will be working with them.”
“I never saw my own planet from space. Was it as beautiful as this one?”
Pryce realized with a pang that although she’d left Draco months ago, she still thought of it as her planet. Perhaps she always would. “Yes. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see it. We have pictures, but I know that isn’t the same.”
“No. It isn’t. I know it can’t be my home anymore, but I do miss it.” She smiled at him sadly, then she glanced at the rest of the room. “Pillows? A blanket? Are those typical for a place like this?”
“No, not at all. I thought we’d have a picnic.” Pryce unfolded the blanket, spread it over the floor, and arranged the pillows so they leaned against a bulkhead. He tugged her over to the improvised nest. “Sit. Get comfortable. I brought food.”
She toed off her shoes and sank to the floor with unconscious grace, discreetly pulling her skirt down to cover her knees. Clearly her etiquette lessons had taken hold.
“Do picnics always involve sitting on the floor?”
“Yes, or the ground. Usually they occur outside. Since we’re on a spaceship, this was the closest to outside I could manage. Outside is within view, at least. We can sit here, relax, and watch the planet spin by. Have you had a picnic before?”
“We never called it that, but we did eat outside.” She smiled at him impishly. “Did you pack any grubs? It isn’t an outing without sweet, juicy grubs wiggling their way down your throat.”
Pryce gave a bark of laughter. “No. That would be a big fat no. And don’t think I’m ever going to try them, either. I feel the same way about grubs that you feel about popcorn. You’re going to have to content yourself with standard non-wiggly foods and things that don’t try to escape when you eat them. I told the computer to have the synthesizer prepare your favorites.”
He filled a pair of glasses from a flask that had been tucked behind a control console.
“Is this wine?” Jess took one of the glasses and eyed the bubbles floating up through the liquid.
“Yes. It’ll help you relax.” And, hopefully, be more susceptible to his attentions. “Drink as much as you’d like. If we drink it all, we can get more.” He reclined against the bulkhead. “Computer, music on. Safety lights only.”
Soft strains of music filled the room. The main lights winked out, leaving only the dim glow of the safety lights and the magnificent view of the planet. He pulled Jess against his side and offered her the tidbits he’d stashed in the room earlier.
“You don’t have to put the food in my mouth,” she protested. “I’m not helpless!”
“It’s part of the service. How can you relax if you’re having to work against gravity to lift food to your lips?”
“Mmmm. I barely have to work as it is.” She snuggled close, and it was as though the fight in his office and weeks of tenseness had never happened. “Thank you for bringing me here. This view is incredible. Are those clouds?”
“Yes. We’re looking at clouds over water. When the land comes in view, I’ll tell you.”
They lapsed into a comfortable silence and enjoyed the wine, the music, and the scenery. After awhile, Pryce became conscious that she was leaning against him more heavily. It was a familiar sensation from their movie nights. When he peered down at her face, her lush dark lashes were fanned out against her skin and her chest was rising and falling rhythmically.
He pivoted toward her, wincing at the twinge in his back. Even with cushions, the floor was incredibly hard. Still, the picnic had gotten her back in his arms. That was worth a few minor aches. He stroked her calf and let his hand roam upward, beneath the hem of her dress, his thumb making circles over the surprisingly silky skin. It was familiar, tantalizing territory; he’d touched her there many times when she crawled on his lap to watch movies. His caresses probably meant something different to him than they did to her, though. She saw him as a friend, confidant, and occasional adversary. What would it take for her to see him as a man?
Perhaps he should push things further. He knew the steps of that particular dance very well. He could ease her down on the blanket and wake her with a series of kisses. He could easily seduce her and claim her as his mate before she was fully awake. Maybe she wouldn’t understand what was happening at first, but she’d submit to him. She’d reach fulfillment in his arms and the matter would be settled. Their life together would begin against the backdrop of an unspoiled world.
But those were the thoughts of a predator. Pryce drew his hand away, disgusted with himself. Yes, he could do as he liked and get away with it, but it wouldn’t be right. Seducing a sleeping virgin went well beyond the bounds of decency. It was no way to start a relationship and no way to treat the woman he loved.
“Sweetheart, are you asleep?” He nuzzled the top of her head. She smelled amazing. There were hints of flowers, nectar, and her own seductive woman-musk.
She shook herself awake. “Mmmm. Yes. Sorry. I think it’s the wine, or maybe it’s because I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I always sleep best when you’re holding me. You make me feel safe.”
She liked sleeping with him? He swallowed hard, fighting a lump in his throat.
“I’ll hold you any time. Just say the word. Whether you feel unsafe, lonely, or you just want a cuddle, I’m here for you. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes. Thank you.” She ducked her head shyly.
He stood and pulled her up. “You dozed off because I bored you. Come here. We have music; let’s dance.”
She laughed nervously and tried to pull away from him. “That’s not a good idea. I’m a terrible dancer. Everyone I’ve danced with has said their toes will never be the same.”
He placed a hand at the small of her back, pulled her close, and smiled down at her. She was tiny compared to him. That contrast always made him feel intensely male and protective.
“Your feet are bare, so I’ll risk it. The real problem is that you’ve been dancing with the wrong men. The right one – me – will guide you through the parts you’re unsure of and cheer you on when you’re confident.” He planned to do plenty of both when he got her in bed, hopefully that very night.
He slid his hand over the curve of her bottom and encouraged her to sway with him. Mmm. Smooth. Was she naked beneath the dress? Since she was awake, Pryce saw no harm in letting his hands roam over her body, testing the theory. The fabric of her skirt, whatever it was, slid very nicely over her dips and curves.
She tilted away and frowned at him. “What are you doing? Why are you grabbing at me?”
“I was trying to figure out where you hide your knives.”
He grinned at her and let his eyes drift to her breasts. Oh wow; he could see right through the lace. Were those her nipples?
“Knives? Why would I carry knives?” She looked up at him through her eyelashes, feigning innocence.
He chuckled. “Nice try, sweetheart. I’m well aware that you’re armed. The only question is where you have them stashed. I heard about your scaring my security team. By the way, looking up at me through your eyelashes totally works. I’m melting. Ask me for anything right now and I’ll give it to you. Have you been practicing that?”
She flushed and looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She rested her cheek against his chest. “I can’t believe I’ve never asked you this before, but did you and your family live on a ship or on a planet?”
Pryce stifled a snort at her less-than-adroit attempt to change the topic. “Some of both. My family was stationed on a planet at first, but we spent plenty of time in space.”
“What were your parents’ professions?”
“They were Fleeties. They still are, as a matter of fact. My mother was captain of a warship until she was forty. My father was her first officer.”<
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Jess looked up at him curiously. “They were partnered and they worked together?”
“Nooooo, not exactly.” Pryce shook with laughter. “For years they simply worked together. From what I’ve been able to piece together, my mother had no intention of getting involved with anyone or having children, ever. Yet somehow she fell pregnant by her first officer, my father. Funny how that happened. I never have gotten all of the details. When I ask, my father always smirks and she changes the subject.”
“What happened then?”
“They were chewed out, demoted, and assigned duty planetside. That was actually mild, as disciplinary action goes. After having me, they had a couple more kids. It took years for their careers to recover. My mother is still mortified about the demotion. I think she overcompensates by acting extra stern.”
“Oh.” She nestled against him and allowed him to guide her through the steps of the dance. “Do you think you’ll ever partner with anyone?”
“I hope I will. I really want to. I used to think my career was enough. Now I know it isn’t.”
He gripped her tightly and dreamed of never letting her go. The months since she’d come on board had been the happiest of his life. Each time he got off shift, he rushed back to their quarters, eager to see her. He craved a lifetime with her and longed to express his love with his body, the way men and women did.
She peered up at him. “Have you dated?”
“Yes.” As he uttered that single word, he realized it covered a range of borderline sleazy situations he now found embarrassing. He hoped she’d never learn about them. He’d always had strong drives. Until meeting her, he hadn’t seen the point in trying to throttle them back and he’d never tried to do so.
She blushed and fiddled with the insignia on his chest. “Have you more than dated?”
He knew what she meant, despite her oblique turn of phrase. “Yes. I have.”
Her face fell. She ducked her head and swiveled to face the planet. Her shoulders were hunched over and she was hugging herself. Pryce watched her a moment, puzzled by her behavior.
“Jess, are you upset? Is something wrong?”
“I’m fine.”
If there was one thing Pryce knew about women, it was that the words “I’m fine” meant the exact opposite. She was upset about something, but what? Then it dawned on him: she’d pulled away after asking about his sex life. Was she jealous? That was good, wasn’t it? It meant that she was interested in him, at least a little.
His smile faded. Jealousy also meant she was hurting. He’d felt he owed her the truth. He wanted a life with her, one based on respect and honesty, not just the purely physical transactions he’d had with other women. But the truth might be too much for her right now.
His birth culture was very relaxed about sex. His parents had always been frank about such matters, and during puberty he’d engaged in the usual sorts of experimentation.
What had her culture been like? More restrictive, probably. She certainly didn’t have flirtations, stolen kisses, or a slow build of desire for the opposite sex. Once the Ghul came, there were only compounding horrors and years of isolation.
Was she given any form of sex education, other than the bare minimum required to deal with hygiene issues? Probably not. She’d made bizarre statements about barbs and multiple penises when they met, a sign that most of what she believed came from observing wildlife. That might even be for the best. Her grandmother’s teachings sounded almost deranged at times, if well-meaning. He suspected that the woman had a form of dementia, and only Jess’s efforts had kept them alive.
How strange it must all seem to her. She’d only been on the ship for a few months. She was so brilliant and lively that he often forgot that she was struggling to understand things he’d had years to absorb. How was she supposed to make sense of any of it?
He was determined to have a deeper relationship with her, and for it to happen sooner rather than later. However, he would have to tread gently.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Jess
Jess felt like a fool the instant she asked the question. Had Pryce ‘more than dated’? Of course he had. All of the adults on the ship had except for her. Still, it was a shock. She couldn’t help imagining him in the place of his almost-twin from the video, naked and writhing against some blurry-faced woman.
She ducked her head and turned toward the planet to hide her face. Pryce crept up behind her and pulled her against his chest. As he nuzzled her hair, he spoke in very gentle tones.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I don’t know. Unsettled, I guess.” A partial truth. The greater truth was that she hurt. But why?
“I’m sure things on the ship seem odd to you at times. Different groups of people have different customs, that’s all. I don’t know what Draco was like, but on most Alliance worlds, people begin dating and experimenting with sex during their mid to late teens. When they become adults and choose a partner, they quit wandering.”
“How old were you when you …?” She couldn’t finish the question.
“Fourteen.”
That young!
“Does my past bother you?” he asked.
“I shouldn’t have asked. It’s a private matter.”
“I can’t lie to you, Jess, and I can’t change my past. I had lovers before you arrived on the ship. But there hasn’t been anyone else since I met you, nor will there be.”
She swiveled to look at him. “You’ve been with more than one woman? Did you love them?” She didn’t know whether it would feel worse or better if he had.
He looked very uncomfortable. “No. Not even a little bit.”
“But you mated with them.”
“I had sex with them,” he admitted. “I regret it now. Most of them needed more than I could give them.”
“How many have there been?”
He was silent for so long that she wondered if he’d answer. “I don’t know,” he said at last.
She shook her head in disbelief and disgust. “You’ve been with so many women that you can’t remember them all, haven’t you? It meant nothing to you, nothing at all. How could you do that? I couldn’t bear to share my body with someone I didn’t love.”
The incident with Eiric had made her ill. Kissing the men she’d dated had been awkward, at best. She couldn’t imagine mating with any of them. She pivoted away from Pryce and began to pace. He watched her with a worried expression.
“Sweetheart, please don’t let my past bother you,” he pleaded. “Yes, I’ve had sex, but that’s just one type of experience. Having it or not having it doesn’t define who a person is. You’ve had many experiences I haven’t.”
A bitter laugh erupted from her belly. “Yes, that’s true. I have experienced many things you haven’t. Unfortunately, by the rules of your society, your experiences are normal and mine have made me a freak.”
“No. You’re amazing. You’re the most enchanting woman I’ve ever known.”
“The men I’ve dated would disagree. It’s funny how they scramble away when you casually mention that you had to be dewormed.”
“Then they’re idiots who don’t deserve you. How is the dating going?” There was an odd note in his voice.
She shrugged. “It isn’t. I’m done.” Perhaps her grandmother had the right idea about staying away from men. Even the man she respected most, Pryce, had a past she couldn’t comprehend.
“Why?”
“I’m just tired,” she lied. “It was nice meeting people and doing things, but it was also exhausting. I have a few friends like you, Abron, and Liam, but I have to hide who I am from most people. It’s best to focus on my studies.”
“Did you get your questions answered?”
“Which questions?”
When she glanced back at him, he was glowering, his arms folded across his chest. He bit out his next words, all but snarling at her.
“Weeks ago, we had a fight in my office. You
shouted at me. You accused me of holding you back. You wanted to run around with men and learn about attraction. Do you understand it now?”
“No.”
“No? No?!” His voice picked up volume. “Hasn’t Dr. Ales been helping you? She and Kellis threatened to cut off my head and shit down my neck if I didn’t step aside. I had to watch you prance around the ship with other men, wearing dresses that barely covered your ass, and you didn’t get a fucking thing out of it?”
“I expected something different.” She glanced back at him. He was clenching his fists and a muscle in his jaw was twitching. If anyone other than Pryce behaved that way, she’d be wary. She’d never been frightened of him, though, even when they were standing toe to toe shouting. “Why are you yelling? Are you angry?”
He ignored her question and continued to glare a hole through her. “Like what? Exactly what did you expect? What did you think was going to happen?”
She drew in a deep breath. “I don’t know. I feel foolish now. I didn’t know anything about dating and I guess I expected it to be the way it is in videos. Things are always simple in them. The woman meets the man she’s supposed to be with. They kiss and touch, and it’s clear they belong together. Maybe it is that way for some people, but it wasn’t for me. Being with men was just messy and confusing.”
“So men touched you,” he growled, prowling closer. “Men put their hands on you and kissed you. Who did that?”
“Some. Yes. I tried kissing a few times.” She decided not to mention the incident with Eiric. “At best it was awkward. I talked to Abron about it. He warned me to not force it or take it any further if it didn’t feel right.”
“Good advice.” Pryce nodded once and smiled grimly. “I knew I liked Abron. Out of all the worthless little shit stains you’ve dated, he’s the only one who isn’t a waste of oxygen. So there hasn’t been anyone on the ship that you enjoyed touching? No one at all?”
“No. I don’t think I’m ever going to mate with anyone. The whole thing frightens me, actually. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Evidently you and your countless lovers didn’t have that problem.” Her mouth twisted at the thought, then she was annoyed with herself. What was it to her if he’d mated with no women or dozens? Why did she care? Pryce was just her friend.
