by Shade, S. M.
“Got it.” He regards me. “Don’t leave the hotel with Hatch and have security with you when you’re outside of the room. He’s with you, Dani, or me at all times.”
“Understood.” We’ve been over and over this, but I know how nervous he is.
Satisfied, he heads for the door. “Security will be in the hall.”
Dani looks up at me after he leaves. “Do you feel okay being here alone with Caden if I go out for a bit?”
“Of course.”
“I’m just going to have a few drinks with Clara. Don’t worry if I’m back late.”
Once she’s out the door, I lie on the sofa watching TV for a couple of hours until I doze off. The sound of the door closing startles me out of a strange dream that flees my memory almost instantly, and I jerk my head around to see Dani practically tiptoeing through the sitting room.
It’s my turn to startle her when I sit up where she can see me. “Oh, hey, I didn’t think you’d still be up.”
There’s not a sign of intoxication in her voice and anyone with a brain stem would be able to see what she has been doing. Her clothes are rumpled, lipstick almost gone, hair hastily pulled back to disguise how messy it is. I’m glad someone is getting laid.
When I grin and raise my eyebrows at her, she smiles and shakes her head. “Don’t even.”
I stand up and raise my palms. “I wasn’t going to say anything. I’m heading to bed.”
“Good night.”
“Apparently was.”
Her giggle follows me back to my room. A few minutes of lying in bed reminds me that I’m one nosy bitch, because I wonder who she was with. There were plenty of guys on offer, and ones we’re both familiar with so it’s anyone’s guess. I know she doesn’t plan to move with us when the house Axton is having built is complete, and though I’ll miss having her around all the time, I’m happy for her. She needs a life too, and it looks like she’s trying to find one.
Maybe she can teach me how.
* * *
We’ve been backstage for almost two hours and Caden is getting cranky. Since the last tour, he has decided that the noise cancelling headphones are an affront to his existence and I have to put them back on him every few minutes. There’s no help for it since the music is loud, even back here.
“I know you don’t like them,” I say, putting them on him for the tenth time. “But you have to keep them on.” Swinging him up onto my hip, I step out into the hall and see the guys heading toward the stage.
Axton stops and drops a kiss on Caden’s head. “Be good, you little monster.”
“Da-di!” he screeches as Axton walks away.
“Let’s go watch Daddy. But you have to keep your headphones on,” I lecture. Dani pops out of the next room and joins us. The roar of the crowd when Axton steps out is deafening, and we get to the side of the stage just in time to hear them start playing.
He slides into his role of sexy rock star like he never left. At the first notes of Tragic’s biggest hit, cheers from the crowd overpower the music for a few moments, and he grins, shaking his head.
When it dies down a bit, he approaches the mic. “I can just play that part over and over if it makes you that happy.”
His teasing is met with more screams of approval, and I can’t remember the last time I saw him like this. Not just happy but lit up inside. He needed this.
The audience loses it again as he restarts the song, but this time he keeps playing. I’ve heard him play these songs before, but I could never get tired of them. The sight and sound of him, the way he sings with so much passion, whether it’s a fast rock song or a slower, bluesy number. He always seems to feel every chord and note, his facial expressions shifting from joy to pain to sadness with the lyrics.
I’m surprised to see him step off the stage during one powerful song and step up onto a platform right against the metal barriers holding back the crowd. As he sings, a mass of hands reach to touch him, landing on his chest, his sides, grabbing his arms. I’d have a heart attack with people pawing at me like that, but he just keeps singing while grabbing a random hand to squeeze here and there.
I notice one hand hasn’t moved the whole time he stood there singing. It rests on his chest, over his heart, and the girl it belongs to stares up at him with eyes filled with awe and admiration. He lays a hand over it and winks down at her before stepping back down and retreating to the stage.
His effect on people is amazing. There are always women drooling and lusting over musicians—god knows I’m guilty of it—but his effect on his audience is so much more than that. He forms this connection with them, makes them feel through the music. I understand wanting to feel his heartbeat, to put your hand over the source of that energy.
The song is almost over when Caden yanks off his headphones, and I hastily put them back on. He promptly removes them again and twists around, trying to get out of my arms. Squatting down, I set him on the floor and slide them back over his ears.
His response is to throw himself to the floor. His screams can’t be heard over the music, but I know when I’m beat. Before I can tell Dani that I’m going to take him back to the green room, she scoops him up and leans to talk into my ear. “I’ve got him. Stay. There’s only one song left. We’ll meet you in the green room.” She walks away before I can argue or thank her.
Axton pauses between songs to say something to Brysen, then nods. His smile has fallen away and dissolves into a frown when he glances over at me.
He must be upset that I sent Caden with Dani, but it didn’t break his instructions. He always had to be with one of us. For the first time, he seems a little stressed onstage, running his hand through his hair before stepping up to the mic.
“This is a new song from the upcoming album.” He pauses to let the roar fade before adding, “It’s called Breathes the World.”
The lights fade to a deep blue, and he slips a metal tube over his ring finger before he starts playing. The notes are low, giving the song a moody sound from the beginning, and the way his fingers move while the tube slides over the strings, changing the pitch, paints goosebumps on my skin.
Then he begins to sing.
Enthralled by cracks of blue,
the rumble and the sting.
Reveling in the bruise
of pristine everything.
She breathes it deep.
She feels it all.
She breathes the world
and makes me small.
Color is what she sees
in interlocking gray.
Chaos in the serene,
order in disarray.
I have to remind myself to breathe. He didn’t say my name. Maybe it isn’t really about me at all. So, we talked about how I loved storms, a lot of people do. And maybe that first verse isn’t even about a storm. I could just be reading into the lyrics. My hands are clasped together at my waist and I can’t take my eyes off of him as he continues.
I’ve never felt so torn.
All that I know of joy
is the eye of my storm,
all wrapped around my boy.
Before I can try to find some way that last line isn’t talking about me and Caden, he glances toward me and it’s like a punch in the stomach. The expression on his face says it all. He wrote a song about me. That’s why he frowned when he looked my direction before, not because Caden was gone, but because I was here. He didn’t want me to hear a song that must’ve been written before everything fell apart.
They’ll be wrapping up any second and I don’t want to be here when he walks offstage. I need some time to process the emotions leaping around inside me. He cared enough to write about me. Called me his joy, the eye of his storm. It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard which makes the devastation of knowing I’ve lost it even worse.
Dani sits on the couch in the green room with Caden asleep beside her. “Tantrum wore him out,” she says. Her scrutinizing gaze sweeps over me. “Are you okay?”
“
Fine, yeah. I’ll go ahead and take Caden back to the room. Security can take us over.”
“If you want to go to the after party—”
“No.”
Her eyebrows jump up at my quick response.
“I mean, thanks, but I’m tired. I’ll just put Caden to bed. You go and have fun.” Caden doesn’t stir at all when I pick him up. Once this kid is asleep, he could sleep through a tornado.
An idea suddenly leaps into my mind. When Patrick mentioned he didn’t have any Thanksgiving plans, I thought about asking Axton if he might want to invite him along on the band’s getaway. I know he said it was a family thing but there are obviously others coming that aren’t in the inner circle. Whoever Jude brings, for instance. Now it sounds like an even better idea. If he’s there, I’ll have a friend to hang out with and maybe be able to put more distance between Axton and me.
“Hey Dani, have you talked to Patrick since we’ve been here?”
“Only for a minute or two. He seems excited about opening for Tragic on the tour.”
Caden snores lightly, and I shift his weight in my arms. “He is. He mentioned that he didn’t have Thanksgiving plans. His family is out of town. I thought maybe Axton could invite him to go with us to Wisconsin.”
“That’s a great idea. It’d be good for him to get to know the others better before we’re all living in each other’s pockets next year. I’ll suggest it.”
The hall is filling with people when I step out holding Caden and gesture to one of the security guards to join me. I don’t get a chance to ask him to escort me back to the hotel before I’m looking up into Axton’s impassive face. “Where are you going?”
God, he’s beautiful. Sweaty and mussed from his performance. It’s hard to talk with those fierce green eyes boring into mine. “Back to our room to put Caden to bed.”
A long moment passes where our surroundings seem to fade as we regard one another. There’s so much I want to ask that I can’t. When did you write it? Did you love me? And the most vital and terrifying question. Is there a trace of those feelings left for me?
When I’m sure I’ll explode from one more second under his gaze, he waves to another guard. “Both of you escort her to her room, please.” He looks back at me. “There should be another guard posted outside the door.”
With that, he strides away into the throng of musicians and roadies. Not to mention the groupies that have wormed their way backstage to drool over all of them. It doesn’t matter. I’m here for the little boy asleep in my arms.
Chapter Eleven
Axton
The performance went great, and the after party rages around me as everyone celebrates. The elation from being onstage doing what I was born to do faded at the sight of Naomi’s face. Any hope I had—which wasn’t much—that she wouldn’t listen to the lyrics or that she wouldn’t understand their connection died the moment she rushed backstage.
Fucking management. Of all the new material that’s the song they insisted we debut.
Two drinks do nothing to calm me down, and all I want is to get away from everyone. Dani walks up and hands me a beer. “Why are you brooding in a corner?”
Her lips twitch when I glare down at her. “I’m not brooding.”
“Oh, before I forget. How would you feel about including Patrick Thorn in our Thanksgiving? He doesn’t have anywhere to go this year. It might be good for all of you to get to know each other better since you’ll be touring together soon.”
I haven’t given Patrick a second thought since the end of the last tour. He wasn’t one of my favorite people, mainly because he seemed a little too interested in Naomi, but there’s no real reason for me to say no. Especially considering Brysen walks up in time to overhear her and now I’ll look like an asshole if I don’t include him. What am I supposed to say? No, fuck that guy? Let him spend the holiday alone?
“Fine, invite him. As long as he agrees not to disclose where we’re going. No social media posts or anything.” The point of picking a remote area is to avoid the necessity of security breathing down our necks constantly. To feel normal for a while.
“I’ll have Naomi invite him.”
My body stiffens and I try not to show it. “Why?”
Dani shrugs. “It was her idea.”
Of course it was. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. A woman I recognize but can’t recall her name waves to Dani for her to join them. As soon as Dani walks away, I slip out the door before Milo or anyone can complain.
My intention was to return to my room. Throw some music on, have another drink, try to decompress, but I find myself standing just outside Naomi’s door. A security guard sits a few feet away. “Great show, Mr. Todd.”
“Thanks.” He’s probably wondering why I’m just standing here like an idiot, but I don’t know, and I don’t really give a shit at this point. Another battle with myself is lost when I slide the keycard into the lock and step inside Naomi’s room.
“I figured you’d be out all night with your mystery guy,” Naomi says as she walks out of the bedroom, drying her hair with a towel. She’s wearing a thin blue camisole and dark blue shorts. Her damp hair falls wild around her shoulders when she stops short to stare at me. Words seem to escape us both until she utters, “I thought you were Dani.”
“She’s at the party. I wouldn’t expect her soon.”
With a nod, she tosses the towel over a nearby chair. “Caden’s asleep.”
“I assumed.”
Her swallow is audible when I approach her. The faint smell of her soap, something with coconut, drives me almost as crazy as the heat I see flare in her gaze.
“What are you doing here?”
“Fuck if I know.” Any further comment from her is prevented by my mouth on hers. A groan escapes her as she plunges her tongue between my lips without a second of hesitation. What we do to each other, it isn’t normal and I’m sure it’s far from healthy, but it’s powerful and neither of us is willing to fight it tonight.
Maybe it was singing that damn song, making me remember the best night we had together, how we were before. “Naomi,” I warn, when she unbuckles my pants.
“You started it.” Her hand strokes me through my pants. “Are you telling me to stop?”
Not fucking likely. A stronger man may be able to resist, but around her, that’s just not who I am. I can turn down women all day long, just like I did at the party, but she’s different. It’s terrifying.
When I don’t answer her, she shoves my pants and underwear to my ankles and gestures to the couch behind me. “Sit down. I want you in my mouth.”
I’m one to give orders, not take them, but she’ll get no argument from me. I step out of my clothes and sit down. She walks up between my legs, and I pull off her top, catching a nipple between my lips and sucking it. Her palm rubs across my jaw, and to the back of my neck while she looks down at me. Her fingers tug at my hair, releasing it from the hair tie.
She keeps her gaze on me while she takes the tie from my hair and uses it to pull hers back into a ponytail as she kneels in front of me. Fuck, this woman is going to kill me, and she hasn’t even touched my cock yet.
She runs a hand over it, stroking lightly, then licks me from base to tip. My cock jumps at the feel of her tongue and she takes a moment to smirk up at me. She knows what she’s doing and loves that she has me under her control like this. And she does. Because I’d do just about anything for her to keep going.
No worries there.
The next few minutes have me cursing and hissing her name. Pulling her hair and panting while sweat leaps out of my skin. She sucks me like it’s the only thing she’s ever wanted to do. Her hand swaps between stroking and massaging my balls while she blows my fucking mind with her mouth.
I’m battling between never wanting it to end and craving the approaching moment like a drug. By the time I feel the tingle start in the base of my spine, I’m desperate for it. “Naomi,” I utter, my body already losing control. “Go
ing to come.”
The last thing I really comprehend before the world grays into nothing but sensation is the feel of her swallowing. My cock in her mouth as she’s swallowing.
Fuck.
This woman.
A shiver runs through me, and I look down to see a self-satisfied smirk on her face. She starts to get up, but I grab her hips and walk her a few steps back to the wide wooden coffee table. Her shorts and panties get tossed beside my clothes. Her chest rises and falls rapidly when her bare ass lands on the table. “Lie back.”
“Ax,” she says, hesitating.
“Naomi, if you think I’m not eating you after you blew me like that, you’re out of your fucking mind. Now put your legs over my shoulders before I decide to put you over my knee first.”
Her mouth falls open, and I love the shocked expression she quickly reigns in. “That’s not exactly a threat,” she replies, her cheeks reddening.
Somebody help me. “Lie back,” I repeat, pushing her back to lie on the table. I grab under her knees and drape them over my shoulders.
“Oh,” she gasps as soon as my tongue touches her. I can feel the tiny spasm under my tongue. She’s right on the edge already.
“Look how turned on you are. How wet. You loved sucking me,” I taunt, peeking up at her.
Her face glows red in the brightly lit room. “Hold the self ego stroking until you make me come.”
The words are there but none of the usual attitude, and I know how worked up she is. Time to have a little fun. I lick and suck softly at her clit, letting her get so close, right on the verge of an orgasm, then retreat and leisurely explore her with my fingers and tongue. By the third time I’ve brought her to the precipice without letting her fall, she tries to bring her hand down to help, and I shove it away. “Mine.”
“Quit torturing me. Fuck.”
“This doesn’t feel good?” She groans as my fingers rub her spot on the inside while I lick her again.
