A Mother Forever

by Elaine Everest

  ‘It’s rather sad, isn’t it?’ Stella said as they pointed out flags on buildings hung at half-mast.

  ‘Have you seen the black wreaths on the doors?’ Ruby answered.

  Wilf puffed on his pipe. ‘There’s a lot of important buildings around this way connected to the royal family as well as our government.’

  Stella peered through the window. ‘There’s nothing like it in Erith, although we do have a few posh houses up the Avenue.’

  ‘All the same, love, we live in an important street.’

  Ruby was puzzled. ‘Why do you say that, Wilf?’

  ‘Alexandra Road is named after the late king’s wife, because the houses were built around the time of Edward VII’s coronation,’ he explained.

  ‘You learn something new every day. George will be fascinated with that fact,’ Ruby said, wishing she’d thought to put a piece of paper and a pencil in her bag to write down any interesting snippets she came across. She and George had recently started keeping a scrapbook, cutting out newspaper articles about the death of their king and stories about the future king and coronation. While she was working in the Prince of Wales Hotel locals had been most helpful, giving her anything that would build towards George’s collection.

  ‘It’s a bit chilly, isn’t it?’ Stella gave a small shiver. ‘You’d not think it was the middle of May.’

  ‘The weather is right for the situation. Bright sunshine wouldn’t seem fitting while our king is lying dead not many yards from here,’ Wilf said thoughtfully. ‘At least it’s not raining as well. Bound to have to queue before we can pay our respects.’

  ‘Queue?’ Stella asked.

  ‘I did tell you that the lads down on the docks came up yesterday, and they said the queue runs right down to the river.’ Wilf raised his eyebrows at his wife. ‘You’ve put your best shoes on, haven’t you?’

  ‘I wanted to look smart for the royal family,’ Stella huffed indignantly.

  ‘Believe me, woman, when I say that if we do meet a member of the royal family, they will not be looking at your feet. You’ll not be fit for anything come tomorrow when your feet are sore.’

  Stella nudged Ruby. ‘He’s right – but I’ll not give him the satisfaction of knowing it. I’ve put me slippers in my bag.’

  Ruby tried not to laugh. Stella could be a tonic at times.

  ‘Look lively,’ Wilf said, getting to his feet a few minutes later. ‘This is our stop.’

  Waiting for the boys to join them, Ruby looked around her. What a grand place London was, she thought. She recognized Big Ben from the many pictures she’d seen, and wondered if she would hear the chimes when it struck the hour.

  ‘Keep together, now,’ Frank instructed them. ‘We have to cross the road, so hang on to each other so no one gets lost. The trams move faster here than they do back home.’

  Ruby clung on to George’s hand as if his life depended on it, while Derek took hold of her other hand and also his younger brother’s. ‘Are you enjoying the trip so far?’ he asked with a cheeky grin.

  ‘I’d like to have visited under different circumstances,’ she replied. ‘I’m surprised you’ve not brought one of your young lady friends with you?’ Derek was a popular lad these days.

  ‘It’s a family day today. Family and friends,’ he corrected himself. ‘Mum wouldn’t have been happy if I’d brought along a stranger.’

  ‘Your mother brought you up right,’ she grinned at him as they reached the other side of the road and joined the back of a queue that seemed to go on forever.

  ‘Do you think it would be rude if we had one of our sandwiches while we’re stood here?’ Stella wondered as she turned to check their party were still together. ‘My stomach’s rumbling like a good’n.’

  ‘I don’t see why not. There are others eating. Better out here on the street before we get any closer,’ Ruby said as she looked down the queue and then behind them. ‘Crikey – there must be another fifty people who have joined us already.’

  Stella dished out the food, telling the younger lads to stand still while they ate and to mind their best clothes didn’t get mucky.

  For two hours the friends shuffled slowly forward until at last the doors of Westminster Hall appeared in front of them. Ruby checked George’s face and wiped his cheeks with her handkerchief before running her fingers through his unruly hair. ‘There you are. You look respectable enough to say goodbye to our king,’ she said, stepping back to check him over before planting a kiss on the tip of his nose.

  ‘Urgh, get off,’ he said, scrubbing his nose. ‘Someone might see. I’m not a kid any more. I’ll be a working man when I’m fourteen. You won’t be kissing me then, will you?’

  ‘That’s four years off, George, and I’ll keep kissing you until my dying breath, so you’ll just have to put up with it,’ she laughed, pinching his cheek. ‘I take it you aren’t too old to hold your mum’s hand, are you?’

  ‘I’m only joking, Mum. You can kiss me as much as you like, and I’ll keep kissing you until I’m an old man too,’ he said, taking her hand as they entered the sombre building.

  ‘What do you think you’ll remember most about today?’ Frank asked Ruby as he sat next to her on the train home, supporting a sleeping George who was slumped against him.

  ‘I suppose you think I’m going to say the grandeur of the building and the solemnity of the occasion,’ Ruby answered, a faraway look on her face. ‘But I’m more inclined to picture the thousands of people who silently passed by the coffin, no doubt remembering this was the son of Queen Victoria.’

  ‘I can understand how you feel. Did you travel to London to see the queen’s funeral procession?’

  ‘No. George was a baby, and I didn’t want to leave him with Mum as I’d have worried too much. Eddie went, though, and told me all about it,’ she said. ‘Perhaps I’ll take George to watch the coronation. He would enjoy seeing the parades and the posh carriages. It seems strange to think Queen Victoria has not been gone ten years and already we are talking of her grandson being king. Imagine if my mum had been queen – I couldn’t even contemplate taking over her crown while still mourning her loss,’ she said sadly.

  ‘The royal family know no different. They were born into it,’ Frank said as he shifted slightly to get more comfortable. ‘George may only be ten years of age, but it’s like propping up a sack of potatoes,’ he grinned.

  ‘Here, let me take him for a while,’ Ruby said, holding out her arms to take her son. ‘He can squeeze in here next to me.’

  ‘No, I’m fine now I’ve stretched my arm. If you like, I’ll give him a piggyback home?’

  Ruby chuckled. ‘Just like a sack of potatoes?’

  ‘He’s no trouble. You must be proud of him. I don’t know a brighter kid. He knocks our Donald into a cocked hat.’

  Ruby felt proud that Frank thought well of her son. She’d found him to be an intelligent man, so his words meant something to her. ‘I do wish I’d been able to give him a brother or sister. It is good he has your Donald to talk with, but now Donald is that bit older I fear George will appear too childish to have hanging on his shirt tails.’

  ‘There’s still time. You’ve not reached old bones yet,’ Frank said, lowering his voice so fellow travellers didn’t hear.

  Ruby rubbed the window with the cuff of her coat, trying to look out into the darkness to see where they were. ‘I could say the same of you, Frank Green. I’ve not seen you go courting as much as other men your age,’ she smiled as the train came to a halt. ‘My goodness, this is our station,’ she added as a whistle could be heard, with the stationmaster announcing they’d arrived in Erith.

  The group of friends walked in companionable silence, apart from Frank. He’d noticed his mum was wearing her indoor slippers now, and joshed her playfully about not being able to take her anywhere posh. Stella was quick to answer that the person they’d gone to pay their respects to would be none the wiser.

  Ruby fell behind to walk with Frank who, des
pite him saying otherwise, was struggling with the sleeping George on his back.

  ‘Come here, you weakling, let me take him,’ Derek said, taking George from his brother and sweeping him up in his arms with ease. ‘If you did a man’s job you’d have the muscles,’ he grinned good-naturedly.

  ‘And if you had the brains you’d not be working down in the brickfield,’ Frank was quick to reply as they watched Derek move at speed ahead of them.

  ‘It’s a joy to see you brothers get on so well,’ Ruby said as Frank offered his arm and relieved her of her heavy bag. Slipping her arm through his, she thought how lucky she was to have such good friends.

  ‘There’s something I wanted to ask you,’ Frank said as they approached Alexandra Road. ‘Can I come in and have a few words?’

  Ruby felt her heart lurch. If he was going to swear his undying love to her, it wasn’t the right time. She loved Frank as she would a brother, if she’d had one. To let him down could cause pain not only for him, but also Stella and Wilf, and that was the last thing she wanted – especially when they were all tired after the trip to London, and George needed his bed. ‘For a few minutes,’ she said as Frank took the yawning boy from Derek’s arms and she made her thanks. Opening the front door, she ushered them inside and turned to look back at the street she’d come to know and love so well. With the row of houses bathed in the glow of the streetlamps, there was a certain magic in the air. Ruby prayed that nothing would change her life, but as she wondered about the future, a shiver ran through her body.

  ‘Bless him, he didn’t need any persuading to get to his bed. It was all I could do to get him undressed and run a flannel over his face,’ Ruby said as she joined Frank in the front room. He’d lit the two gas lights on the wall either side of the chimney breast and had carried in a tea tray.

  ‘You are lucky to have a gas stove. Mum went on for ages until Dad relented when the coal stove took too long to get going.’

  Ruby sat down and took the teacup he handed to her. ‘It wasn’t my doing. You can thank the chap who owned the house before my landlord got hold of it. Surely you must have known the owner?’

  ‘We never really crossed paths. Dad said he left pretty quickly.’

  Ruby told Frank the story of how the house had been lost due to the man’s addiction to gambling and Eddie being in the right place to take on the tenancy. ‘It was one of the best things to happen in my life. Here we are as near as damn it five years later, with a lovely home.’

  ‘But no husband,’ he said, watching her closely to see how she would react.

  ‘I’m happy as I am, Frank. I do miss Eddie – whatever you may think, there was a time when he was a good husband. In hindsight, I can see that he changed around the time we moved here. Perhaps I am to blame for what happened. I wanted a nice home and the perfect family. Even that went wrong when we lost Sarah. I must claim some responsibility for my marriage failing. I should have thought more about Eddie than about having a comfortable home.’ In the time since Eddie had left, Ruby had thought long and hard about him straying from the straight and narrow, and her current thoughts were that she must have contributed to his decision to leave.

  Frank placed his tea on a side table and knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his own. For a moment Ruby froze – was he going to propose? Please God he wasn’t going to say anything rash. ‘Ruby, you must never think you are to blame for what happened with Eddie. I only knew him after he moved here, but he must have once had some very good qualities for you to fall in love with him. You’re no fool, Ruby Caselton. I just want you to know that I’ll be your friend – the best friend I can. I love you, and I feel that in another life we would have been soulmates.’

  Ruby looked down at his earnest expression and pulled her hands away from his. ‘Please, Frank, please don’t do this. Don’t ruin our friendship . . .’

  ‘Ruin it?’ Frank cried out. Then he put his face in his hands and took several deep breaths. ‘No, all I wanted you to know was that I would always be your friend, and . . .’

  Ruby fell to her knees next to him and pulled his hands away so they could look eye to eye. ‘Oh Frank, was that all you wanted to tell me? There was me thinking you were going to propose – not that I’m free to marry again,’ she laughed, feeling embarrassed. ‘However, you did prompt me to think about Eddie and realize I still love him, for all his faults. Come what may, I’m his until death us do part. We made our vows and I’ll stick to them. Even though I’m no churchgoer, I do like to keep a promise.’

  ‘That’s as it should be. And if the time should ever come when Eddie is back in your life, I want to be able to look him square in the face and say I was a true friend and nothing more.’ Frank took a deep breath and looked away. ‘I’ve never told a living soul this before, but . . . I’m different from most men. I have no interest in having a wife,’ he said, looking back at Ruby to see if she understood.

  ‘Oh . . . I think I understand.’ Ruby knew that men were breaking the law for having relationships with other men, and had to keep their feelings to themselves. She didn’t wish to know what they did behind closed doors – the very thought of it shocked her. However, if a man loved another man in the way she’d felt love for her Eddie, she saw no wrong in it. Frank was a good and gentle man, and he deserved to experience love. She could see now that his love for her was that of a good friend – a brother. She nodded in agreement before looking a little puzzled. ‘But didn’t you walk out with that girl from the Co-op?’

  ‘Only because Mum pushed us together. She soon got tired of me. She’s engaged to someone on the cheese counter now.’

  Ruby felt her cheeks start to twitch and when she spotted the twinkle in Frank’s eyes, they both started to laugh. ‘Blimey, Frank, I thought I had a problem with Eddie going missing. We’re a right pair, aren’t we?’

  They got to their feet and hugged before sitting back in their armchairs and finishing their tea.

  ‘Do you mean to tell me your parents really don’t know about you being . . . different?’

  ‘What, that I read more books than the rest of the family put together, you mean?’

  Ruby laughed with him, but then a great sadness washed over her as she considered her friend’s situation. ‘You can’t make jokes for the rest of your life. You can’t live a lie.’

  ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you’ll understand why I want to change my life and move away from Alexandra Road.’

  Ruby frowned. ‘But what will you do? Where will you go? I’ll miss you, and our chats about books. Who will advise me on the best books to read?’

  Frank looked exhilarated. ‘Well, you could come with me – that’s if you want to.’

  ‘Come with you . . . but where? What about George and my house? My job in the pub? Frank, this is all such a shock. You have a good job at the coalyard. Why throw it all away because you are unhappy with your love life? Why not tell your family, so that you can stay here?’

  Frank shook his head, laughing. ‘Dear, sweet Ruby – I am happy with my life. I’ve simply come to a crossroads and made a decision to travel on the road that means gambling with my future. There is no one in my life at the moment, and possibly never will be. I just know I don’t wish to court and marry a woman.’

  ‘That’s your choice and I respect it, but how does this plan include me? I have no money to speak of, and even less if I leave my job and come with you. And I have George to consider . . .’

  Frank reached into his pocket and pulled out the notebook he always carried with him. ‘Let me explain. You know I love books and I came to think how good it would be to work with them all day long.’

  Ruby became excited. ‘You mean you’re going to write books?’

  ‘No – if only I had the talent, I’d have started doing that years ago. I prefer to read them. I want to run a second-hand bookshop, right here in Erith. What do you think?’

  Ruby thought for a moment. ‘I think that’s a blooming go
od idea. You love books, and your customers will know that from your enthusiasm. Why, you’ll be able to encourage people to read who have never bought a book before. But where would you find these second-hand books to stock your shop?’

  Frank opened the back of his notebook and pulled out a clipping from the local newspaper, passing it over to her with a grin. ‘A couple of weeks ago, I decided to test the water. I placed this advert in the Erith Times, asking for people to get in touch if they were interested in selling their books. I was worried Mum and Dad would wonder why I received so many letters and start to ask questions, and want to tell them about my plans in my own time – when I have premises secured, and not before. So I started to hang about by the front door before heading off to work, to intercept the post. It’s always on time. I did have to take a chance Mum wouldn’t ask what I was up to if anything arrived in the other two post deliveries of the day, but I managed to get away with it. Ruby, I had over fifty letters! Some people want to get rid of whole collections of books that have been owned by deceased members of their family; other people enquired about me taking ten or twenty books off their hands.’

  ‘Have you bought any? Were any of them any good? How exciting!’

  ‘Well, so far I have one hundred and fifty books,’ he said.

  ‘Where have you put them? It’s not as if you can hide that many books in your bedroom. Stella would be extremely suspicious about your reading habits.’

  Frank shook his head. ‘I’ve rented part of a barn up the top of Crayford Road. It’s clean and dry, so it will do for now. But I’ll need plenty more books before I even open the shop, and more than that to loan them out. I must admit, the idea of a lending library appeals to me too.’

  ‘Have you seen any shops you could rent? I assume that will be rather expensive,’ Ruby said thoughtfully.

  Frank chuckled. He could see the enthusiasm shining from Ruby’s face and appreciated her questions. ‘There is a shop at the top end of Pier Road. I’ve spoken to the landlord, and as it has stood empty for a while and needs a lick of paint and a thorough clean inside, he said I can have it for half the rent for the first six months. Of course, I need to build bookshelves and sort out the counter – and most importantly, I need someone to work with me.’