Soap Opera Uncensored: Issue 12
Page 5
SOAPILEAKS: This Week’s Hottest News, Gossip, and Reviews!
THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL, CBS/CTV — A Two-For-One Macy Sale: Eakes Returning?
• Brad Bell sure knows how to do pull off a location shoot, huh? Now if he could only pen a worthy storyline to match the visuals then we’d be off to races! Poor Scott Clifton! After winning his long deserved Emmy award last year for Outstanding Younger Actor, the witty star has been saddled with one bad story after another. But thank God for his new toned and lean bod of his! Yum. And who knew his best co-star ever would be a mariachi band?
• Is Bobbie Eakes re-joining the show? That’s what DIGEST wants to know in its latest issue. Winsor Harmon weighs in, stating he doesn’t care if Macy has died twice on the show citing Hunter Tylo’s two — count ‘em two — back-from-the-dead returns. Also, DIGEST hears B&B may be SORAS-ing Thorne and Darla’s daughter, Aly. Hey, how about Kristen Alderson? She could play much younger than she really is. The moral of this item? Give Winsor a freakin’ storyline, damn it, before Harmon goes postal at the CBS studios.
• In story 411, Bill bribes a doctor to tell Steffy and her family that she could have a stroke and die at any moment forcing Liam to stick by his wife’s side.
• Emmy winner Wayne Brady returns to the Bell soap on Jan. 8 when he guest-stars as himself when Pam and Nick appear on his game show, LET’S MAKE A DEAL. In 2004, Brady appeared on Y&R for a special Mother’s Day episode In 2004 appeared with his grandmother, Valerie, the woman who raised him. Maybe this cameo will help us forget the nightmare that was his hosting gig at last year’s DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS show. Yeah, I doubt it.
• We’re not in Genoa City or Pine Nuts anymore, kids! Rick and Amber grow closer as the vixen offers Rick her designs as his own in his attempt to take over Forrester Creations. Ugh. Almost every single character on this show has taken a stab at designing at one point or another. Who’s next? Liam?
DAYS OF OUR LIVES, NBC/GLOBAL — Gay-mailing Will!
• Santorum, who? Most of us thought EJ’s upcoming blackmail scheme involved threatening Will with exposing his homosexuality. Nope! Turns out EJ throws the fact that he knows Will shot him back in 2007 — and not his father, Lucas! That doozy probably explains why Bryan Dattilo is hightailing it back to Salem. In exchange for EJ’s silence, the DiMera orders Will to sabotage Abe’s mayoral bid. But Will is rewarded with gifts like a new car for his reluctant efforts. Maybe for Will’s next reward EJ will let his former stepson see him in the buff. Oh, Nellie: get your mind out of the gutter.
• In other story 411, Nicole gets physical with Quinn at the spa. And that sneaky Alice Grayson Horton has yet another secret! Yep, she’s loved S&M and was addicted to meth.
• Salem Whispers: Someone else may be returning to DAYS. And yep, it’s a fan fave! Guess who?
GENERAL HOSPITAL, ABC/CITY — The End of Franco! Port Chuck Mutiny?
• Haters, rejoice: James Franco will last air next week as the most ill-conceived stunt character in history. Yep, those never-ending scenes the Oscar-nominated film star taped last fall are still freakin’ airing! But Steve Burton tells DIGEST, Franco’s reign of terror on viewers — and Port Chuck — finally concludes next week. The man who may have raped Sam and impregnated her may be back, though. While it’s Jason and Franco’s “final confrontation,” Burton warns, “He’s Franco, you know?” But then again, if Franco does return (barring his new BFF, Jill Farren Phelps’ permission, natch) new show-runners Frank Valentini and Ron Carlivati would no doubt pen a fascinating storyline with the art freak that would really having people talking… and wait for it… actually watching the show.
• Speaking of Cartini, there appears to be a mutiny over at GH. A superstar may have been fired. Myriad actors are also up in arms over Cartini’s arrival. One actor told SOAPS IN DEPTH magazine that he/she checked out ONE LIFE and thought the show was horrible and is deeply concerned with Cartini migrating to Port Chuck. Clearly this dumb douche doesn’t have any taste — and doesn’t watch his or her own show. Dead air would be better than what we have to endure on GH each weekday. Well, those of us who are still watching, that is.
• Say goodbye to Jax-erella who departs Port Llanview on Jan. 23. Come back, Ingo Dingo; we miss you already!
• Casting Censors: Whew! We may have dodged a bullet there. Turns out that genius Garin Wolf wanted to bring in more family for Kate, but casting has been scrapped until Cartini figures out what the hell to do with this mess. I suggest a Bobby Ewing-inspired dream, er, nightmare!
• Has former executive producer Jill Farren Phelps found a job at TVLand? That’s the rumour….
• Memo to Jen Lilley fans: Campaigning for the newcomer to stay on as Manic Maxie is pointless. Kirsten Storm took a medical leave, so her job is secure —unless ABC wants yet another lawsuit on its ratty hands.
But Tilley fans will enjoy next week’s shows. After Anthony convinces Tracy to marry him, the deranged mobster blackmails Maxie into being his wedding planner! “It’s some really lovely mafia blackmail,” enthuses Lilley. Yeah, we bet. Thanks for the warning, Jen.
• In a special episode, GH airs a mobster musical, “Plug Me, Hard,” starring Kristen Alderson. Exec Frank Valentini jumps for joy: “That’s our Emmy show!”
• Carlivati finally has a chance to write a popular rapemance: Luke and Laura, when Genie Francis is on loan from Y&R. Forgetting which soap she’s on, the Emmy winner bites Tony Geary’s nose. He sues.
• Port Charles wakes up from a nightmare! Turns out the past five years were all a dream! Julie Marie Berman drops to her knees and screams, “Praise Jesus, er, Cartini!”
• There’s one hell of a scary picture on page 15 of SOAP DIGEST: Former ABC Daytime President (how cool is that to say, finally?) Brian Frons (with bushy hair) from a SANTA BARBARA fantasy sequence with Joe Marinelli and Lane Davies. Make sure you don’t eat lunch before reading this section. And hurry: before Frons cancels DIGEST, too.
ONE LIFE TO LIVE, ABC/CTV2 — One Worldwide Trend To Cancel!
• Emmy winner Judith Light has been added as a guest on THE VIEW’s ONE LIFE tribute show. The actress, who couldn’t find five minutes to tape a small cameo return to Llanview before it leaves the airwaves (you know, the show that made her a star, gave her the best material she’s ever had, and brought her two Emmys), apparently has time to appear on the hit talk show. Oh, of course, she did! Also, Jim DePaiva (you know, the superstar who wasn’t invited back to the show he helped make popular in the 1980s) has joined the panel as well. Anything to keep the focus off of six-time Emmy winner Erika Slezak, who will be co-hosting the bitch-fest.
• Run — don’t walk — and purchase SOAP OPERA DIGEST’s kick-ass tribute to ONE LIFE. It’s the best show finale issue I’ve ever read. Adorning the cover, ONE LIFE is celebrated and mourned with interviews with Ron Carlivati, Frank Valentini, Trevor St. John (who has already moved out to L.A.), Agnes Nixon, Ellen Holly, and former ONE LIFE stars form other soaps, including Matthew Ashford and Shawn Christian. Also, DIGEST re-prints classic ONE LIFE covers, along with reliving iconic super couples, stories, characters and pictures! It’s a must-buy. And don’t forget to buy DIGEST’s stand-alone book on the best darn soap opera evah on newsstands now.
• What if you cancelled a soap opera after 43 years and 11,096 episodes — and it began trending worldwide each day it aired?
• And then there were five: Hopefully, Ty Treadway will be nude during the last week of ONE LIFE. I mean, seriously, Ron and Frank. What’s the point of bringing back Colin/Troy (I forget which one is still alive) and have him clothed? Most disappointing comeback ever!
• I was pleasantly surprised that this week’s mega prison break storyline was highly entertaining because I was a tad worried. I’m most thankful that my hubby, Josh Kelly, wasn’t on, especially with all those bullets flying. The only holes Josh should be concerned about… oh, never mind…
• What a sight for sore eyes: Catherine
Hickland killed it this past week as escaped convict, Linds. Atonement never looked better or sexier. Why doesn’t Hickland have an Emmy?
• See ya, Fords: I don’t think the Ford brothers are long for Llanview. And James should be shot for wearing that hideous shirt all week.
• When emergency recasts are a good thing: Van Hughes was ah-mazing as nuCole. Boy can act! Welcome to daytime, Van. Well, for the next three seconds…
• According to DIGEST, Cartini did in fact tape in place of Rich Frank for the final episode, but if you read my Ilene Kristen interview above, it seems the cameo was nixed by Prospect Park who now seems to be dictating the show’s narrative. Hmmm… I guess we’ll all find out what airs next week.
• Hooked on Psychotic Prophets: Does ROSETTA STONE have a Mitch Laurence-ese edition?
• In finale 411, expect a death, a birth, and one surprising proposal. The final show. Jerry verDorn reports, “Erika Slezak — as it should be.” Hey, sure beats a gun shot. Though while I was watching ONE LIFE today, my sister walked by and remarked: “Why are you watching GH? I thought you hated it?” Yep, this past week