by Rachel Hanna
Julie’s stomach clenched. “Do you think she might hurt herself or the baby?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so, but this isn’t the woman I know. I’ve tried talking to her, but she cries, and I hate when she cries.”
Julie reached over and squeezed his hand. She felt sorry for him, being in a new country, trying to work a new job and bond with his new baby. He looked haggard, as her grandmother would’ve said.
“I’m so sorry I haven’t been around to help more. I didn’t want to intrude, but it sounds like you need backup?”
He smiled slightly. “Yes, please.”
“How about if I come by after work and bring some dinner? I’ll see if Meg will talk to me. Sound good?”
He let out a breath. “Sounds great, actually. I think Meg really needs you right now, even if she doesn’t realize it.”
Christian stood up, and Julie hugged him. She’d really grown to like him since having the chance to get to know him the last few months. He seemed to be a good father, and she hoped he would make a good husband to her daughter one day. She didn’t ask about their plans for getting married, not wanting to cause a rift in her relationship with Meg.
As she watched Christian walk down the sidewalk, Dixie reappeared from the stock room. “Everything okay?”
Julie sighed and sat back down. “Not really. Christian said Meg is struggling.”
Dixie sat down across from her. “Oh, I surely remember those days.”
“You do?”
She chuckled. “I’m not a hundred years old, my dear. I can still remember things, even what I had for breakfast this morning.”
Julie smiled. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised to hear that you struggled.”
“Oh my, yes. After I had William, I thought I was losing my sanity. Back in those days, there was no room for women to talk about such things, though. There were times I cried all day for no reason. I was horrible to Johnny too. When I told my doctor, he called me a ‘hysterical woman’ and told me take a tranquilizer pill. Of course, I never did, but it took me months to feel almost normal again.”
“Wow, I guess I was blessed. I never had any issues after having my girls.”
“It’s a crapshoot, I suppose. Some women do fine and others struggle. They call it…”
“Postpartum depression.”
“Yes, that’s right. I watched a news report about it years ago. Maybe Meg is struggling with that?”
“I think you’re probably right. Listen, do you mind if I leave a little early? I promised Christian I would make dinner for them and bring it over. I need to go to the store and then go home and cook…”
“Of course, darlin’. You take all the time you need.”
Julie walked behind the counter and picked up her purse. “Oh, wait. Don’t you have a date this evening? I don’t want to mess up your plans.”
Dixie smiled. “Sugar, what’s happening with Meg is more important than a silly date. We’ll just go to dinner a little later. No big whoop.”
Julie laughed at Dixie’s sayings. Some of them she’d never heard before, and others made her feel right at home. “Thanks. See ya tomorrow!”
As Julie made her way out to her car, she felt a stirring in the pit of her stomach. Was she qualified to help her daughter through this, or were things worse than she feared?
Chapter Two
Janine sat at the table, tapping her fingers on the metal surface, as she watched people in the square. William was never late, and her stomach was growling like an angry lion. Teaching yoga classes burned calories like nobody’s business, and she’d taught three already that day. The pack of trail mix she’d scarfed down at ten o’clock was long gone.
“Sorry I’m late,” William said as he jogged up and kissed her on top of her head. She loved when he did that. It just felt so intimate and reassuring.
“No problem. I was about to start eating this menu, though,” she said, holding it up. “Let me get the server’s attention.” She held up her hand and smiled as she waved at Denitra, their favorite server at the sandwich shop.
“Hey, y’all,” Denitra said. “What’ll ya have today?”
William told Janine to go first as he quickly looked at the menu. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what was on it. They ate here practically every day. Yet, he always looked at the menu again, as if something had changed from the day before.
“I’ll have a chicken salad pita with chips and a fruit cup,” Janine said. “Oh, and sweet tea, of course.”
Denitra smiled. “Of course. Is it even a meal without sweet tea?”
“I think not,” Janine said, handing her the menu.
“I’ll just take…” William started to say.
“A Cuban sandwich with extra pickles, barbecue chips and a sweet tea with extra lemon,” Denitra and Janine said in unison, laughing.
“Am I that predictable?”
Janine smiled and reached across the table to squeeze his hand. “Maybe just a smidge.”
Denitra took Wiliam’s menu and headed inside to place their orders. “What can I say? They have the best Cuban sandwich on the planet.”
“You know, I love the predictability of our relationship.”
“Oh yeah?”
She leaned over the table and planted a soft kiss on his lips. “I do. Most of my life was spent traveling around, not having real roots. I like knowing where we’re eating lunch, what you’re ordering, what TV show we’re going to binge watch this weekend. It’s nice. It’s comfortable.”
He looked at her for a long moment. “Is that what you want? Nice and comfortable?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, but it’s great right now. We have our whole lives to be adventurous. I’m just enjoying the monotony for a change.”
“Monotony?”
“That sounds like a bad word to most people, but I’m relishing routine now. I love my class schedule, knowing how much money I’m making, having family dinners on Sundays.” She noticed he looked distressed. “Are you alright?”
“Janine, we need to talk,” he said. Denitra set their drinks on the table, gave Janine a worried look and walked away. Even she knew that “we need to talk” was never a good thing.
“Okay. You’re scaring me a little bit.”
“You know I adore you, right?”
“If you were going to break up with me, could you have not done it in public? Or were you afraid I’d punch you, so you figured it was safer in public?” Her face turned red, evidence of her Irish heritage betraying her.
“Janine, relax. I’m not breaking up with you,” he said in a loud whisper. She took in his words, trying to will her blood pressure to go back down to a normal level.
“You’re not?”
“No, and I never will now that I know you plan to punch me,” he said, chuckling.
She took in a deep breath and blew it out. Part of her was really bothered by how quickly she became upset at the idea of him breaking up. She didn’t want to depend on a man for her happiness, but that’s exactly how it felt in that moment. She would have to work on that about herself.
“So, what do we need to talk about then?”
He cleared his throat and took a long sip of his tea. “I, um…”
“Here ya go. Enjoy!” Denitra said, putting both of their sandwich baskets on the table. She glanced at Janine, obviously wondering if everything was okay. Janine smiled and nodded.
“Thanks,” William said as Denitra walked back inside.
She stared down at her food, dying of hunger but also too anxious to take a bite. “Will, come on. Don’t keep me in suspense.”
He sighed. “I had a meeting with my boss today. We’re opening a new office, and he wants me to head the whole thing up. I’ll hire the new employees, get the office space designed and built out, and I’ll be responsible for getting it up and running. There will be a VP there to help me get everything up and running, but then I’ll be on my own.”
/> “Oh, that’s wonderful, William!” she said, smiling, as she finally picked up her sandwich and took a bite.
“Yeah, I mean it’s a great opportunity. I’ll get a thirty percent raise and a company car. They’re even offering me quarterly bonuses if I meet certain goals.”
She looked at him. He still wasn’t eating and was staring through her rather than at her. “Then why do you look like someone just stole your puppy?”
He put his face in his hands and groaned before looking up. “Because the new office is in Austin, Texas.”
Janine froze, her pita falling from her hands and back into the basket, a glop of chicken salad falling out. “What?”
“He said he’s been impressed with my work and the growth I’ve brought to the office. And even though it’s my choice, I got the feeling that if I say no, I won’t get any opportunities in the future.”
“But, it’s Texas. I mean, that’s so far away…”
“I know. He said that he also picked me because I’m not married, and I don’t have kids, so it would be easier for me to leave.”
Janine swallowed hard. “Is that true? Would it be easier?”
His face softened. “Of course not, Janine. Are you serious? I feel like I want to throw up. I had no idea this was happening.”
“When would you have to be there?”
“Next week.”
“Next week? That’s awfully quick!”
“I know. They’ve already rented an apartment near the new office out there.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. How long would you be there?”
He let out a long breath. “At least a year.”
She sat with that information for a few moments. “So, are you… leaving?” She couldn’t help but ask him. Her heart had been broken so many times over the years that she just didn’t know if she could take it again.
Janine wanted him to say no, of course he wasn’t leaving her and his mother and all of his friends and their cool new relationship. She wanted him to laugh, shake his head, pull her into his arms and assure her he wasn’t going anywhere. But that wasn’t what happened at all.
“I don’t know yet.”
He didn’t know? What? Their whole relationship started flashing through her mind. Had she just been a fun hobby for him while he waited for his real life to start? Did she care more about him than he did about her? She suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.
“Okay,” was all she could think to say, and even that barely came out of her mouth. Right now, she wanted to go home, crawl into her bed and wait for Julie to come home later and feed her bowls of ice cream. Probably not the healthiest reaction.
The other part of her wanted to be proud of William, that he was doing so well at work that they were giving him this huge promotion. Maybe she just wasn’t that big of a person because she couldn’t summon the words to say that and actually mean it.
“This opportunity is what I’ve been working my whole career for. The clients we can sign in Austin would put the company in a great position, and maybe even give me a chance at becoming an owner.”
She reeled in her emotions as best she could. “That’s great, William. I’m very happy for you.”
He looked at her. “I didn’t say I was going.”
“You didn’t say you weren’t.” She crumpled up her napkin and tossed it on top of her food. “I’m not very hungry anymore, so I think I’m going to go.” She stood up and draped her messenger bag over her shoulder.
William stood up. “Janine, please don’t go…”
She smiled sadly. “I have to. Please.”
He sighed and nodded. “I never wanted to hurt you, Janine.”
She looked at him without saying anything and then turned toward her yoga studio.
Julie ran around her kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to finish the dinner she was cooking for Meg and Christian. She’d also bought some extra diapers and baby wipes at the store so she could help out as much as possible with little Vivi’s needs.
She adored her granddaughter. Now that she was gaining some weight, her cheeks were starting to fatten up a bit, just enough for Julie to give her a big, wet kiss every time she saw her.
As she pulled the meatloaf out of the oven, she tried not to fixate on her worries about Meg. Since she hadn’t experienced any kind of depression when her daughters were born, she hadn’t really been looking out for it. If that’s what Meg was going through, it made her feel like a terrible mother for not noticing sooner.
“Hey. What smells so good in here?” Colleen asked as she came home from work and trotted into the kitchen, her nose in the air like a bloodhound.
“I’m making dinner for Meg and Christian,” she said, covering the hot casserole dish with aluminum foil.
Colleen laughed. “So I get nothing unless I have a baby?”
Julie looked at her, not smiling. “First of all, not funny. And second of all, Christian asked me to.”
“Really? Why?” She pushed herself up onto the counter, her feet dangling like they did when she was a kid.
“Has Meg acted strangely to you lately? I mean, since Vivi was born?”
“Well, she’s tired a lot. We texted a few times this week, but she doesn’t always answer my texts. And I invited her to lunch a couple of days ago, but she said she’d been up all night with the baby. Why?”
“Christian came by the bookstore and said she’s really struggling.”
“Struggling how?”
“It sounds like she might have postpartum depression.”
“Oh. Wow. I never even thought about that. I just figured new moms are tired.”
“And that could still be it, but Christian is exhausted with all of it, and he asked me to be back up. So, I’m going in with meatloaf in hand.”
“Let me know if you think there’s anything I can do.”
“I will. So, what’s your plan for the evening?”
Colleen grinned. “Tucker is taking me on a candlelight picnic on the beach.”
“Oh, well that sounds awfully romantic. Things are moving along quickly with you two, huh?”
“I guess you could say that. But, I’m really trying to take it slowly after what happened with Peter.”
Julie touched her knee. “You’re still young, so you need to take it slowly. Nobody really knows who they are at your age. You need to experience life and get to know a person before committing.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know, Mom. Boy, you can really suck the fun out of a romantic date.”
Julie laughed. “I’m talented. What can I say?”
Julie stood outside of Christian and Meg’s apartment, her arms full of dinner and her knuckles hesitating in front of the big brass door knocker that was shaped like a lion’s head. What would she say to her daughter? She herself had never dealt with postpartum depression, so would she have anything to offer?
The weight of the responsibility was almost too much to bear. She had to be strong and guide her daughter out of this dark place, but she had no idea how to accomplish that. Being a mother never ended, no matter how old the child was. There was always a deep longing to make sure her girls were happy and healthy, and watching either of them struggle in life was hard for her.
Realizing that she was going to drop all of the food pretty soon, she knocked on the door and Christian answered. He looked even more tired than he had in the bookstore. He smiled slightly, appreciation written all over his face.
"Oh, hey, Julie! What a surprise!" he said. Julie almost laughed because he definitely wasn't going to become an actor anytime soon.
A few feet behind him, she saw Meg standing there, the baby pulled to her chest and covered with a blanket as she breast-fed.
"Mom? What are you doing here?"
Julie tried to not take offense. Her daughter certainly didn't sound excited to see her, and her face lacked any kind of emotion whatsoever. She looked pale and tired and distant. Julie almost started crying right there.
“Well, I know how it is to be a new parent, so I thought it might be a nice surprise to bring you both some dinner. I made meatloaf. You've always loved it."
Again, Meg stared at her blankly, almost as if she was looking right through her. "Oh. Thanks." She turned and walked over to the sofa and sat down.
Julie glanced back at Christian and saw the look of despair on his face. This was worse than she had anticipated. Her daughter was obviously not just suffering with a little bit of feeling blue. She was struggling in ways that Julie hadn't imagined.
When she thought about the fact that Meg had had her baby so young, she wondered what the whole hormonal process might have done to her still growing body. Even though she was twenty years old now, Julie had never thought of her as an adult. She was a tiny little thing, and she would always be Julie's baby girl.
Christian took the food from Julie and disappeared into the small galley kitchen. Slowly, Julie walked over to her daughter, who was now putting the baby in the car seat carrier that was next to the sofa. Vivi was asleep, obviously having been filled with nutritious breast milk.
Meg sighed and leaned back against the sofa. The news was playing in the background, but nobody was watching it, so Julie reached over to grab the remote and mute the TV.
"How's the baby?"
Meg smiled slightly, obviously forcing herself to seem happy. "She's good. I took her for a check up a few days ago. Right on target."
“And how are you?" Julie asked, wishing she had asked that question first. One problem with new mothers was that they felt neglected by society. People rarely asked how they were doing, and instead focused all of their attention on the adorable new baby.
"I'm fine."
Meg had always been her bubbly daughter, but right now she seemed like a shell of a human being. This went far beyond just being exhausted and getting up at night with the baby. Julie was getting more concerned by the moment.
"Meg, I can tell something’s wrong. I'm your mother. How can I help you?"
