by Rachel Hanna
Meg still stared straight ahead, now at the muted TV. "I don't know. I don't feel… anything."
"You don't feel anything?"
She shook her head. "I thought I would feel happy, excited. But all I feel is empty."
Julie stood up and walked over to the sofa, sitting down beside her daughter. She put her arm around her and pulled Meg’s head to her shoulder.
"I am so sorry that I didn't notice you were struggling until now. But I'm going to get you some help."
Meg pulled away and looked at her, anger on her face. "Do you think I'm crazy? You think I'm not a good mother?"
Julie was taken aback. "No, honey, of course not. I just think you're struggling with postpartum depression."
Meg stood up. "Don't try to label me! I'm not gonna be put on some kind of mind altering drug to make me normal. Maybe this is just who I am now."
Julie shook her head. "Meg, it doesn't have to be like this. This should be one of the most exciting times in your life. Let me help you. I'll go with you to your next doctor’s appointment, and we can talk to the doctor about…"
“Mother, please leave. Thank you for the food, but I can't do this right now."
Julie was shocked. Christian poked his head out of the kitchen, staring at the situation. Julie was his only hope, and now she’d somehow made things worse.
"Meg, your mother is only trying to help," Christian said as he walked up behind her.
"You don't think I know this was a set up? I might be sad and depressed, but I'm not stupid. I know you must've told her to come over here. And after I asked you not to tell anyone about all of this."
“Honey, he was just worried about you. And the baby."
Meg’s head swung around, anger in her eyes. "The baby? You think I would hurt my own child?"
"Not on purpose. Maybe just forgetting about her or something like that… I mean, you’re mind is a little fuzzy right now.”
Meg's eyes opened wide. "You didn't want me to have a baby this young. I get it. That doesn't mean I'm a terrible mother. You think I would forget my kid? I'm just a little sad right now. I'm exhausted. Why does this have to be a whole big thing?"
"I think you're a wonderful mother. But, I do think you need some help right now. Some support. You have family that wants to do that for you if you will let us."
A stray tear rolled down Meg’s cheek. "I'm asking you nicely to leave. Please. I cannot do this right now."
Julie, wanting to burst into tears herself, refrained. She hugged Christian and then tried to hug her daughter, although Meg’s arms never left her side. As she walked over to the door, she turned around one more time.
"Meg, you know I love you. I'm here for you, whatever you need. Just don't forget that."
As Julie shut the door behind her, she never felt more helpless in her life. Her daughter’s mental health and her granddaughter's first months of life were hanging in the balance, and she had to do something to help them both. She stepped into the elevator, dropped her purse on the floor and burst into tears.
Chapter Three
Janine sat on the sofa, the remote control in her hand. After her lunch with William and a full schedule of classes, she needed some downtime. Her plan was to stare mindlessly at the television until her eyes wouldn't stay open any longer. Then she would fall into her bed and try to forget this day ever happened.
A part of her felt immature and ridiculous for getting upset with William for being offered a new opportunity. But the other part of her, which was unfortunately larger, felt betrayed by him even thinking about it.
Of course, he’d said he hadn't decided what he was going to do yet, but if there was even a question then it meant he didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him. There would be no way that she would ever leave him behind to take another job, so if he was even considering that, she had obviously misunderstood the depth of their relationship.
She dug her hand into the potato chip bag, taking out another handful. If she kept this up, they would have to roll her into the yoga studio. But right now, her appearance just didn't matter to her. There was nothing better than a big bag full of carbs to help with the blues.
Just as she was crunching on the last one and about to put her hand right back into the bag, she heard a knock at the door.
"Oh, good Lord. Who could be here at this hour?" she grumbled as she made her way to open it. She hoped it wasn't anyone important because they were about to see her standing there in her pajamas with a messy bun on top of her head and streaks of mascara down her face. It wasn't that she had been crying, but she hadn't taken the time to wash off her make up before rubbing her eyes.
"Hey," William stood there, hands hanging by his side, like he’d been defeated.
"Oh. Hello." She left the door standing open and turned back to the sofa, plopping down and picking up the potato chip bag once again.
A moment later, William finally walked inside and shut the door, looking at her carefully before sitting down in the chair next to the sofa.
"You look… comfortable," he said.
She glared at him. “Tread lightly."
He sighed. "Janine, I don't feel good about what happened today at lunch. I think you took everything the wrong way."
"Oh, really? Let me see if I can summarize. Your boss has offered you a cushy new job in a totally different state, and you're considering it. You have a girlfriend here who you claim to love, but you're willing to leave her behind for some extra cash. What am I missing?"
His eyes opened wide. "So that's how you see it?"
“That's how I see it." She dug her hand back into the bag and crunched a chip while glaring at him. She wasn't sure why she did it, except for emphasis.
"You know, I have supported you in your quest to open the yoga studio and make it successful."
"And I have told you a million times how much I appreciate it."
"But now here I am with a huge opportunity, and at the very mention of me even thinking of taking said opportunity, you're willing to just walk away."
She stared at him before slamming the bag down on the sofa next to her. "Excuse me but I'm not the one wanting to walk away. How in the world do you think we could maintain a relationship when I live on the coast of South Carolina and you're all the way in Texas?"
"I haven't even decided if I'm taking the job!"
"But, you haven't decided that you aren't, William."
"So you just expect me to only take opportunities that are right here in town for the rest of my life? I mean, do you ever plan to leave this place?"
She sat with that question for a moment. Did she? Janine had traveled all over the world for so many years that she had finally realized she never planned to leave Seagrove Island. It had become her home quickly, and her family was there.
"No."
"No? You're never going to leave this place? How can someone who has traveled as much as you have just decide they're never leaving this place?"
“Of course I'll take vacations, William. But I don't plan to ever live anywhere else. Why would I? This is my favorite place on earth. My family is here. I have new friends here. I have a great business here."
William blew out a breath. "Well, I guess that's the difference between me and you. You have everything you want here. I’m not sure I do.”
Her stomach clinched. "Then I suppose that is a very big difference between us."
"You know I love you. But, I have to grow as a person and in my career just like you do."
In a way, she understood what he was saying. She didn't like it, but she understood. She couldn't blame him for needing more in his career anymore then he could've blamed her for needing to open the yoga studio.
"So what do we do now?"
"I have to give my boss an answer tomorrow afternoon. I feel like I have to try this, Janine. I have to know whether I’m meant to go up in my company or stay here in Seagrove and build a life."
"William, if you have to even qu
estion whether you want to build a future that includes me, then I think you already have your answer."
As they just stared at each other for the next few moments, Janine knew things were never going to be the same. Just like always, she always ended up getting her heart broken in the end.
"I cannot believe what a beautiful picnic you set up," Colleen said. Tucker had gone all out, picking up their favorite foods from the local seafood restaurant. There was just something about sitting right there on the warm sand, the constant breeze blowing through her hair, the last hints of sunlight dancing across the waves. All of it made her feel at peace.
"Anything for the woman I love," Tucker said, smiling at her.
Their relationship had moved so quickly, much quicker than the one she had with Peter. But everything felt right about it. He treated her with so much respect, and they were already talking about future plans like vacations they’d take and where they each saw their careers going.
The “I love you” phase had happened within a couple of weeks of them dating, and she was okay with that because she really did love him. She couldn't imagine a man better than Tucker out there.
"Care to take a walk by the water?" he asked as he cleaned up their spread of food.
"Of course.”
For the next little while, they walked along the water's edge, holding hands and talking about all the latest gossip. Colleen told him about her concerns for her sister, and Tucker talked about the latest toy they were developing at work. It was going to be specifically for kids with sensory issues, like many who have autism.
Without warning, suddenly Tucker stopped in his tracks and stood there. He turned her around to face him, holding both of her hands in his.
"You know how much I love you, right?"
"I do. But you're scaring me a little bit."
He chuckled. "Ever since I met you, my life has been so much better. I can't imagine a future without you in it."
She smiled up at him. "Good because I feel the same way."
And then something happened. After the fact, she couldn't figure out how she hadn't seen it coming. In slow motion, it seemed, he lowered himself down to one knee and looked up at her, a small black box open in his hand.
"Colleen Marie Pike, I will love you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?"
She froze like a deer in headlights. She tried to muster up the courage to let words leave her lips, but she stood there silently, staring at him like some sort of lunatic instead.
Every girl dreams of that moment in her life, but right now she felt like she was caught in a nightmare. She couldn't get her mouth to work, her legs felt like they might buckle at any moment and she was pretty sure Tucker was feeling uncomfortable by now.
"Colleen?" he repeated.
She cleared her throat, trying desperately to get the words to come out. "What?”
He chuckled, a huge grin on his face. "I asked you a very important question. Will you marry me?"
And then she did the unthinkable. The worst thing ever. The thing no woman ever wants to do.
"No."
Julie pulled into her driveway, thankful to see her home but still reeling from her visit with Meg. She had stopped by Dawson's house, had a quick bite to eat with him and Lucy and talked more about his plans for the inn.
She had to admit it was good to get her mind off of her daughter for even a short time, although she and Dawson had gone outside, sat by the ocean and talked for quite a while.
She adored him, but his advice was limited. After all, he had never gotten the chance to be a parent since circumstances took that away from him so long ago. Still, he listened and supported her in ways she didn’t know a man could.
She thought a lot about what resources she could pull from in the community to help her daughter without losing her relationship with Meg entirely. She knew she had to tread lightly, being there for support but also not overstepping her bounds. It was going to be a very difficult balancing act.
She saw lights on in the living room and opened the door to find Janine sitting on the sofa, her face red and puffy, obviously from crying. She had an empty bag of potato chips sitting next to her and a half empty container of ice cream sitting squarely on her lap.
"Oh no, you're using a tablespoon. That's never a good thing. What happened?" Julie asked as she walked over and sat down beside her.
"I think I broke up with William."
“You think you did?"
"Today, his boss offered him a new job. A better paying, great opportunity type of job."
"That's wonderful! So you broke up with him because he got offered a better position?"
Janine stared at her and then shook her head. "The job is in Texas."
"Ohhh… Now I understand the puffy eyes and the carbohydrate coma you're trying to put yourself into."
"Right. I thought we were doing so well."
"Did he already accept the job?"
"No, but I know that he will. I mean, the fact that he's even considering it means that he doesn't care as much about me as I do about him."
Julie chuckled. "I think you might be reading too much into that."
Julie walked into the kitchen and started to make a pot of coffee, something she knew she shouldn't do so late at night. But she had a feeling that she and Janine would be up for hours talking about this, as she had her own things to worry about too.
Janine followed her into the kitchen, her hands on her hips. "So you're taking his side?"
Julie rolled her eyes. "I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm just saying that because he's considering a fantastic opportunity doesn't mean he doesn't love you."
"Oh really? And how would you feel if Dawson suddenly had an opportunity across the country and was thinking about leaving you to pursue it? You're telling me that you wouldn't have some hard feelings about that?"
Julie paused for a moment. She could see her point. "Fine. Maybe I would be upset. But perhaps this is the wrong approach."
"What do you mean?"
Julie poured water in the top of the coffee maker and shut the lid. "Maybe by you supporting him, you could use a little reverse psychology and he'll actually stay here."
Janine shook her head. "I'm not into playing mind games anymore. I want a real relationship. I want a house and a dog and stability. I've spent my whole adult life moving all over the world. I'm ready to stay in one place."
"Janine, don't take this the wrong way, but a relationship is about two people. If you get your needs met, but William doesn't, what kind of relationship is that?"
Janine walked back to the sofa and sat down. She picked up the ice cream container and dug out a big scoop, filling her mouth with it. "See? I knew you would take his side," she said, her mouth full.
Before Julie had a chance to answer, Colleen swung open the front door, slammed it shut behind her and burst into tears.
Julie didn't know what was going on in the air tonight, but she just about couldn't take anyone else's emotional outbursts.
"Colleen, what's wrong?"
"Do we have any more ice cream?" Colleen asked through her tears.
Janine held up the carton. "I'll share. Just get a spoon."
Colleen walked into the kitchen, opened the drawer and took out another tablespoon. Without a word, she plopped down on the sofa next to her aunt and took a big bite.
"Again, Colleen, what’s going on? Did you and Tucker break up?"
Colleen shook her head. "No… Actually, I don't know."
"You don't know? Why do I feel like I am in the twilight zone tonight?" Julie said to herself, softly. "Let me try asking this a different way. Why are you crying?"
Colleen leaned her head back against the sofa. "Tucker proposed tonight."
Janine jumped up off the sofa and clapped her hands. "That's amazing! How romantic! Where’s the ring?"
She immediately reached down and picked up Colleen’s left hand which, of course, was naked.
“Wait. He didn't
give you a ring?" Janine asked.
Colleen sniffled. "I said no."
Janine's eyes grew wide. "You said no? But he's amazing! I thought y’all were really hitting it off?"
“Janine, please," Julie said. Janine slowly sat back down on the sofa and picked up the ice cream container again.
"I really do love him. The future I see is with Tucker, but I wasn't expecting him to propose so quickly. I mean, we really haven't even discussed marriage. I just got out of an engagement, and I… I'm just not ready."
Julie sat down beside her daughter, as she had her other daughter just a couple of hours before, and held her hand. "Did you tell him that?"
"I tried. But he barely said anything. You should've seen him, down on one knee, looking up at me with the little black velvet box and big puppy dog eyes. It was a beautiful ring. He’d set up a whole picnic. He went to so much trouble and then all I said was no."
"Honey, you have to go with how you feel."
"I know, but I think I broke his heart. I don't know that our relationship can survive this."
The three women leaned back against the sofa, each of them with their own brand of inner turmoil. Janine, full of potato chips and ice cream, continued digging in the carton before leaning her head back against the sofa and sighing. Colleen took another scoop, licked it off the spoon and laid her head back. Julie looked at both of them, really wanting to judge them. Instead, she took the spoon out of Colleen's hand, plunged it into the ice cream and took her own bite before laying her head back against the sofa too.
Why couldn't things ever just be easy?
Janine picked at her food, barely taking more than a few bites in the thirty minutes they had been sitting there. But Julie couldn't worry about her sister right now. Adult relationship problems were way down on her list of priorities as she sat across from Janine, thinking about her own daughter.
“Maybe I should just drive over to her apartment, pick her up and take her to the doctor. She's tiny. I think I can take her."
Janine chuckled softly. "I'm not sure that's going to be the right approach."
