by Raathi Chota
“No, it’s not gonna work out between us.”
“What happened?” I asked as I rested my arm on Levi’s shoulder.
“Nothing, it’s just…we weren’t meant to be.”
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea, Uncle Griff. Any woman would want you,” Levi said.
“Yeah, I think I’ll lay off the whole dating thing for a while. Have to focus on my class, my family.” Griffon smiled. “I’ll always have you guys…unfortunately…but yeah, I’ll always have you two.”
“For that, we’ll always love you,” Levi said as I nodded in agreement. Uncle Griff laughed as he pulled us in for a hug.
***
Afterward, we ate the delicious food Mom and Jade made. When Levi and I spoke to Griffon in the kitchen a bit more, he was back to his old self.
“I don’t think they need babysitting. Well, Lana doesn’t. Don’t know about you, though.” Griffon pointed at Levi.
“I’ve matured!” Levi raised his arms in exasperation.
“Yeah right,” Dad, Richard, and I said in unison.
“Remember when I was babysitting you two and I brought that girl Samantha over and she wanted to watch Legally Blonde?” Griffon asked as Mom and Jade turned to him.
“You brought women to our house when you had to babysit them?” Jade asked.
“Yeah, Mom, we were like his wingmen,” Levi said as I laughed.
“That’s not the point!” Griffon rushed out. “As I was saying, these two watched that romantic comedy with us, and Levi kept asking why Lana wasn’t blonde.”
“Oh, I remember.” I glared at Levi.
“Then what?” Richard asked.
“Then he wanted to make me blonde, yet he didn’t know how, so he lit my hair on fire!” I said as everyone laughed.
“I was only ten!”
“I had a bald spot for four months!”
“I even offered to cut my hair to give to you.”
“Oh, you two.” Jade laughed.
“Then when Lana first mentioned Yale, you though it was some church group,” Griffon said. Everyone laughed as Levi shrugged.
“Speaking of colleges, I’ve heard you applied to a few here in Illinois, Lana,” Jade said.
“Have you heard from Yale yet?” Mom asked.
“No, I didn’t app—”
“Oh, since you were sending in applications to the other colleges, I sent one to Yale.”
“You what?” I demanded as I dropped my fork.
“Lana,” Dad warned, and I mumbled a sorry to Mom.
“Since you were sending in so many, I thought you forgot,” Mom said.
“I-I didn’t forget. I don’t even have all my results yet, Mom. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Don’t you wanna go?” Levi asked. When I looked at him, I felt as if he still blamed Benny.
“Every year we come you talk about it, Lana,” Richard said.
“Applications close the first of January, so I just assumed,” Mom mumbled.
“Don’t worry. As long as you’ve sent in an application, you can send the rest of the stuff in throughout January,” Griffon assured me.
“Yeah, Griffon can help you, and I’m sure your school has counselors,” Dad said as I stared at the table.
“Yeah, sorry.” I sighed, then continued to eat. After that, there was small talk between the adults. No one spoke to me as they decided to give me space. I felt Levi’s hand on my thigh, yet I instantly shrugged it off.
***
Christmas morning was spent opening gifts and finally having my cinnamon rolls for breakfast. I asked Mom and Dad if I could go to Ethan’s house to exchange gifts, and they were okay with it if I returned for lunch. So we sat in Ethan’s living room and swapped gifts. Aidan and Blake weren’t here because they were too busy with family. Liam insisted that we get into the Christmas spirit, so we had on Santa hats. Ethan got Miranda, Melissa, and me Nike Air Max Thea, and the guys got Adidas Zx Flux. Liam literally pecked him on the cheek and said that he was the real Santa.
“I know that you’ve been eyeing this for a while now.” I gave Melissa the bag she always looked at in the mall yet still debated on whether she should get it.
“Oh my god, Lana!” she cheered, then gave me a hug.
“Here’s your gift. That night of Homecoming you looked fabulous in heels, so…I got you these.” She gave me a shoebox. I opened it to see a pair of red ankle-strap heels.
“Wow, these are high, high heels.” I took one out and observed it.
“I know, right? You can wear it to the New Year’s Eve party.” She wiggled her brows.
“Party?”
“Yeah, it’s your boyfriend’s turn to host,” Melissa said.
“Don’t you just love my boyfriend? He got me a Naked 3 Urban Decay kit!” Miranda squealed as she plopped down between us.
“I was going to get you two, but you’re already pretty so I didn’t want you looking prettier than me,” Melissa said as she looked at the kit.
“Wow, you’re a real friend,” I said as Miranda stared at her.
“Dude, no way!” Liam yelled. We turned our heads to see Liam with a piece of paper. Benny stood next to him with a grin plastered on his face.
“Yeah, so you’ll tone down on your addiction to the show,” Benny said as Liam smiled.
“Hug me, brotha!” he quoted from Drake and Josh. We watched in amusement as Liam literally picked up Benny as they hugged.
“What is it?” Miranda asked.
“Tickets to Comic Con, dude!” Liam jumped up like a five year old. He continued to cheer and boast about his tickets for the next five minutes. I stood up and walked over to Benny, then wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Merry Christmas…again.” I chuckled as I took out the envelope from my back pocket then handed it to him. He pecked my lips, then opened the envelope. I stepped back and eagerly bit my lip as I watched him open it. He read the tickets. His expression immediately changed as his eyes widened.
“No fucking way!” he exclaimed.
“What?” Ethan asked.
“Tickets to the Chicago Bulls versus Brooklyn Nets game on Wednesday,” Benny said, then looked at me. I wish I had my phone out to take a photo of his reaction. Ethan snatched the tickets, then observed while Benny pulled me in for a hug. “Shit. Thank you so much!” he said, then cupped my cheeks. He left a long, persistent kiss on my lips, then stared at me. “It must’ve cost a lot for those type of tickets.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I waved off then hugged him again.
“You want your gift?” he asked as he dragged me out of the room.
“Sure.” I shrugged and followed him into the hall. There was a table in the hall where I saw a medium-sized box. Benny took it and nervously handed it to me. I thanked him and took the lid off the box. There was another box inside that had images on it.
“Aww, you got me those pearl bath bombs.” I looked at the bath bombs.
“Yeah, the lady said there’s something inside them,” Benny said as he awkwardly scratched his neck. He pointed to the box where all the bath bombs had a charm in to form a bracelet. “There’s more.”
“Oh.” I put the first box down then took out the other.
“So you’ll look cute when we cuddle,” he said as I examined the mermaid tail blanket.
“Thanks,” I said as my cheeks warmed.
“One last thing.” He sighed and stepped back as I took out a brown package. I raised a brow as I put everything on the table, then looked at the brown bag. It was tied up, so I loosened it. Multiple letters were neatly stacked, and each had a grade on them. I turned to Benny, who leaned against the wall. “Just read one of them, Lana.”
I thought back to a few days ago when his mom told me about the letters. I took a random one and noticed that it was from fourth grade.
Dear...
School wasn’t so bad today. Even though I sat in the back of the class as always, Liam made me laugh. I saw her ag
ain. She’s so pretty. I like her eyes and glasses. She always talks to Ethan and says he can do it. She never notices me. But that boy Levi is always with her. I don’t like them. Ethan is good at everything. Everyone loves him. I wish I were like him. Daddy says everyone likes him because he’s rich. It’s true, his birthday party was the best! We all went laser tag. I don’t want to have a birthday party. Nobody would come. I’m a loser.
From Benny
I glanced at him to see that his eyes were shut and his hands stuffed in his pockets. I frowned as I took out another letter. This one was from tenth grade.
Dear whoever gives a fuck,
Today has been one of the worst days ever. I made the basketball team, but Ethan fucking Baxter became captain. He’s even dating this chick, Melissa. He’s popular, tall, muscular, and rich. If it weren’t for his rich ass daddy, he wouldn’t even be where he is now. I bet he got personal trainers or some shit. I deserve to be captain! I’ve wanted to be captain since fifth grade! I worked hard for shit! And then I take my anger out on the person who encouraged him. I hurt her again. I didn’t mean to. She’s so beautiful, and her eyes get bluer every time I see them. Yet I always have to fuck it up and ruin her. I fucking hate myself. Yet someone gives me the punch I deserve. Levi Radcliff. I let him do it. I fucking deserve it. I don’t want to do it anymore. I hurt her then I end up hurting me. Last time I was so close…
From Benny
A lump ached in my throat by the time I finished. I turned to Benny and noticed he had tears.
“B-Benny, what do you mean last time you were so close?” I hugged him. His arm wrapped around my shoulder as the other went around my waist. The hug was tight as he sniffed like he didn’t want to let go.
“You deserve so much better,” he whispered, then raised his sleeve. A tear ran down my face as I stared at the faded scars. It all made sense. He was alone. He was depressed. He hated himself, so he cut.
“Benny, please,” I croaked out and gently placed my hand on his scars. His legs buckled as he slid down the wall. I put the letters on the table and sat next to him. I cupped his cheeks and saw his watery eyes and distressed look. Tears fell as I shook my head. “Please stop. I’d hate myself if you didn’t. Please don’t do it ever again.”
“I stopped the day you forgave me,” he whispered. A sad smile crept up on my face as I took my thumbs and wiped his tears away. “Every day when I got home, I’d beat myself up. I’d do it, thinking how ruined you must be because of me. Then when Levi and Keene came, I’d let them beat me up because I knew that I deserved it,” Benny said as he stared at me. “I fucking hated myself for doing that to you. I don’t deserve you. I mean, what will people say when they see us in school? They’ll obviously thi—”
“I don’t care what people think about us. Yes, we’re not the perfect couple. We’re going through shit, but we’ll get through it together. I care so much about you, Benny. You make me happy, and I don’t want to be the only one happy in this relationship,” I said, then kissed his forehead as I ran my fingers through his hair.
“I’m happy now. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re my everything, Lana,” he said as we looked straight. He swung his arm around my shoulder as I leaned into his chest. “I wish I could be the perfect boyfriend for you.”
“And I wish I was the perfect girlfriend, but perfect people aren’t real,” I mumbled as my fingertips grazed over his scars. “And real people aren’t perfect.”
Chapter Thirteen
Lana
The next few days were spent with family and the Radcliffs. Griffon came over too, and we’d bond since the Radcliffs were leaving soon.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Benny asked for what seemed to be the millionth time. After our little talk in the hall on Christmas, we left early, then sat in the car and talked. Well, some of it was talking. It still scared me that he used to cut. I didn’t want it to happen again.
“I’m a hundred percent sure. I got it for you and your friends. Besides, I’ll be busy with my Yale application tomorrow,” I said as we walked hand in hand.
“Okay. It won’t be fun without you, though.” He frowned as we entered the diner.
“If you get bored, you can snapchat the whole thing. I’ll watch.” I chuckled as we slid into a booth.
“Yeah, and then later you can come over…” Benny trailed off as he kissed my neck.
“Not here.” I chuckled, keeping an eye on the old lady who watched us. “I heard you’re throwing a party on New Year’s Eve.”
“Yeah, every year one of the basketball players hosts a party. Liam was supposed to, but he moved into an apartment,” Benny said.
“Where?”
“Somewhere downtown. That’s why he’s always with his skateboard.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, because if Liam lived downtown, he must’ve heard or seen something about the alley. I glanced up from the menu and saw Nick walk toward us. Liam trailed behind, yet I squinted my eyes when I saw him with glasses.
“So you do wear glasses,” I said as they sat opposite us.
“Well, hello to you too, Lana.” He smiled.
“And your eyes are brown?”
“Yeah, I mostly wear blue contacts.” He shrugged as I tilted my head. He looked so different with glasses.
“Brown eyes suit you,” I said.
“Thanks. So what are we here for? If it’s for eating, then I’m your guy,” Liam stated as he took the menu. The waitress came, and the guys ordered while I thought over what Benny said. A few minutes later, she left, and I looked at Liam again.
“You live downtown?” I asked.
“Yeah, now I have to take the freaking bus to school,” he mumbled.
“Do you pass the alley?”
“I don’t skate past that side of town so early in the morning.” He shook his head and nibbled on his stud piercing.
“What is it?” Benny asked as he placed his hand on my thigh and rubbed it for comfort.
“I-I went with my dad to the alley, and we spoke to Detective Kale. There are cameras,” I whispered.
“I never saw one that day,” Nick said as he shook his head.
“Yeah, because we focused on the alley, not what’s around it. There are cameras on the opposite building.”
“Shit,” Benny muttered.
“But they’re not working anymore, and they were wiped, so unless they find a way to get everything back and fix it, we’re good,” I mumbled.
“Damn, we should get new identities and move to Guatemala. I’ll be Lana, Nick will be Benny, Benny can be me, and Lana will be Nick because it’s short for Nicky,” Liam said as we stared at him.
“I think they’ll still catch us, genius.” Nick squinted his eyes at the brunette.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’d make a better Benny,” Liam said, and Benny sighed.
“We were just…we panicked,” Nick croaked out. “We’re teenagers. The last thing we wanted was to get into trouble. We were so stupid.”
“Yeah, and now if anyone finds out, we’re in trouble. We don’t even know where the fucking body is.” Benny sighed.
“Man, we should’ve burned the dude and the evidence,” Liam said, and I shook my head.
“No, if we burned the evidence, it would’ve given off plumes of smoke. Plus, we’re in Illinois. It gets windy in the fall. If any embers were blown by the gusty winds, chances were it could’ve ignited tinder or dry leaf litter and set the whole forest ablaze,” I stated.
“Holy shit, then we should’ve watched How to Get Away with Murder,” Liam commented. Nick and Benny glared at him.
“Okay, you have to admit we should’ve done that.” I high-fived Liam.
“We wouldn’t have been in this situation if it wasn’t for you.” Nick pointed at Liam. “We were in the alley staring at the dead body. Then we heard someone coming, so we hid. Yet this idiot decides to hide next to the freaking body!”
“He was behind the dum
pster, best hiding place,” Liam stated.
“We could’ve left the body and called Lana’s dad, but no, you decided to touch him to check if he’s dead. I think having his eyes open, having sat there for more than twenty-four hours in dried blood, proved that he’s fucking dead,” Benny said as he glared at Liam. I remembered that day and Benny was quiet while the three of us freaked out.
“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t wanna be in this situation any more than you guys.” Liam frowned.
“Wait, you said ‘behind the dumpster,’ right?” I tilted my head.
“Yeah, that’s where he tried to harass you, right?” Nick asked.
“I remember walking to the alley then spinning around to see him. We never go deep into the alley.”
“Maybe when you hit him, he was trying to walk, but the blood was too much, so he just collapsed on the ground,” Liam suggested. I nodded my head as we sat and thought. I saw the waitress approaching. She placed our food on the table along with our milkshakes then walked away.
“Wait,” Benny said as we ate. “When we saw him, he was propped up against the wall, eyes wide open and holding your other shoe while you had the one you hurt him with.”
“So?” Nick asked.
“He was holding onto it very tight like he was forced to. I’m pretty sure he knew he was going to die, so why keep his eyes open?” Benny asked.
“Maybe that’s all just some big coincidence.” Liam waved off.
“And Liam’s shoes along with the missing body…” Benny trailed off.
“Benny, what are you trying to say?” I asked.
“Assuming…” He trailed off.
“Well, what are you assuming?” Liam asked.
“I get it,” Nick said as he nodded at Benny. “You’re assuming that someone’s trying to frame us.”
***
When I put on my black coat, I turned to my desk. Since Mom was eager to send an application to Yale, I was busy with the rest of it.
