by Raathi Chota
“Oh my god. I drove with you, and w—we had an accident.” I sobbed.
“We did,” Levi responded casually, then sighed as I cried again.
“You promised that it was safe, and you promised that you wouldn’t leave my side, but when I woke up in the hospital, you were gone!” I scolded as it all made sense that Mom and Jade didn’t want us to go to Benny’s party alone.
“I know, and I am so sorry, princess.”
“Why do you always leave?”
“I don’t know, but my intention is to always come back and see you.”
“I miss you so much, Levi.”
“I miss you too, princess. Now let them in. Let them help you. What’s the pin?”
“Two, seven…three and nine.” I sighed in relief that he’d call.
“Thank you, princess, love you, and I’ll see you this summer, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered as he ended the call. “I love you too.”
The alarm went off, and I turned my head to see the door open. Blake put the pin in as Miranda ran over to me. She sat next to me while everyone ran in. She pulled me into her chest, and we cried. Ethan was to my right as he picked up the ashtray. Melissa towered over me, and I noticed her eyes were glossy.
“I’m sorry for being a horrible friend,” I whispered.
“You’re not our friend,” she stated. “You’re like a sister to us.”
I gave a weak smile, then looked up to see Benny and Blake behind her. They stared down at me with unreadable expressions. I shamelessly looked away and tried to get up. My head spun as the sweat ran down my forehead.
“Please don’t scare us like that again,” Tiffany mumbled with a worried look.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, then leaned against the wall.
“It’s not your fault, pumpkin,” Axel said as he crouched down and picked me up. “Let’s go get you cleaned up.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he walked up the stairs. I heard their whispers and looked over my shoulder to see Nick and Marcus cleaning up the broken glass. We entered my room, and Axel walked into the bathroom. He sat me down on the toilet lid, and I turned to the sink. Axel crouched down so that we were eye level. My eyes suddenly dropped, and he cupped my cheeks.
“Whoa, stay with me, pumpkin. I know it’s been a long day, but just stay with me,” he said as my lashes fluttered. “This needs to come off,” he said and tugged on my thick hoodie. I exhaled loudly, then raised my arms. I felt his fingers brush against my hips as he pulled the hoodie off and left me in my red tank top and pajama shorts. “Momma went through something similar when Dad died. I always used to help her like this,” Axel said, then put a lock of hair behind my ear.
“Why can’t Blake be like you?” I blurted out, then poked his nose.
“I get asked that a lot,” he joked as I considered his brown eyes. “My brother can be an emotionless prick sometimes. That’s because he isn’t used to feelings; he doesn’t know how to deal with them.” He sat cross-legged on the bathroom rug. “Last time he faced a lot of emotions at once was when our dad, Damian Gunner, died. I had to play the big brother role for him and Momma,” he mumbled, then looked down. “I had to be strong for them.”
“Wasn’t anyone there for you?” I frowned.
“Not really. My uncle’s an alcoholic, and he doesn’t care about us. Like Blake told you, he took our dad’s motor shop and kicked us out of the house,” Axel replied. “In this situation, he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He can’t control what comes out of him. That’s us Gunners.”
“Ugh, this is all my fault,” I sighed as Axel’s brows snapped together.
“No, it’s not. The day I met Levi, it became my fault,” he said as I gave him a questioning look. He glanced over his shoulder, and I followed his gaze to see Tiffany enter the bathroom with a glass of water. Axel got up and walked to the sink while she stood in front of me. I gave her a small smile, then drank the water.
“Aidan told me how all of them slept here last year and how they each took turns to stay up. I guess we’re doing it again,” she said as I watched Axel walk out of the room. “Liam and Aidan also figured out the security system, so you don’t have to worry about us sleeping downstairs.”
“Thank you. The blankets and extra pillows are in the guest room closet,” I said as we walked out of the bathroom. She nodded, then walked out of my room. I turned my head to see Axel open my bed, then fluff out my pillows. A smile crept up my face because he used to do this for his mother. He spun around, and I noticed a white tee over his shoulder.
“Oh hey. I just found this big shirt in your closet for you to wear. Nice and big, so you won’t get too hot when you sleep.” He handed the shirt to me.
“This is Levi’s,” I mumbled as I stared at the soft cotton shirt.
“Oh sorry. Should I take ano—”
“No, it’s okay,” I said, then put it on. I flicked my hair over my shoulder then looked at Axel. He moved to the side and pointed to the bed. “Thank you,” I mumbled, then slowly got in. Once I was settled, I looked up at Axel. “You don’t have to be here.”
“Pumpkin, it’s fine. Besides, teenagers are entertaining as hell.” He laughed, then kissed my forehead. I smiled, then watched as he walked out of the room. Aidan and Liam walked in with nervous looks while Keene trailed behind.
“Hi, guys,” I murmured as Aidan and Liam stood right in front of my bed.
“Hey, Lana, we got this for you,” Liam said as he gave me a flower, which was from one of the vases downstairs.
“This is from one of my mother’s vases,” I pointed out.
“We know, we just wanted an excuse to see you because they didn’t want us to come up here.” Aidan shrugged as Liam scoffed.
“Yeah, they thought we’d interrupt you by being too loud!” Liam exclaimed as he lifted his hands and laughed.
“I know, right!” Aidan stated.
“Well, thank you, Aidan and Liam. This is very nice.” I inhaled the smell of the daisy.
“No problem, Lana. Group hug!” Liam said, then lifted me up and wrapped his arms around me. Over his shoulder, I saw Aidan drag Keene toward us. Aidan pushed Keene onto Liam’s back while Aidan was behind him. I laughed as Keene cussed the two for being weird.
“Okay. Well, goodnight, Lana. We’ll be downstairs if you need us,” Aidan said as they pulled away.
“Do you guys have some clothing or—?”
“Yeah, we’re good.” Aidan waved off as he swung his arm around Liam’s shoulder. Keene and I watched as the two walked out of my bedroom.
“Dude, please do not tell me you have your nightgown with you,” Liam said as looked at Aidan.
“What about your choo-choo pajamas?” Aidan asked.
“Touché, brother,” Liam’s voice trailed off as he closed the door. I glanced up at Keene and noticed his stare. I awkwardly looked away, then pulled the duvet over me. He took his shoes off and opened the side of the bed. My eyebrows rose as he got in next to me.
“This is weird,” I mumbled as he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling.
“Oh, come on. Remember that one summer when your parents and Levi’s parents invited me to that lake house? There were three rooms, and you took that one, so Levi and I had to sleep in the living room,” Keene started as I laid on my side. “It was hot as shit since the rooms only had air conditioning, so one night you let us stay with you.”
“Even though the three of us shared a bed, we didn’t sleep. It was so hot.” I sighed.
“And that time when we went on a road trip to California and hired a van. You fell asleep on me in the backseat,” he said as my cheeks reddened.
“To be fair, there were a lot of teenagers in that van, and you wanted to sit in the back with the youngest.”
“I was keeping you company since it was all of Levi’s friends.”
“What happened to all of them?” I asked because Levi had a lot of friends in Illinois, but I only saw Keene and
Jaden as time went on.
“Moved on. Friends come and go, but Levi…he’s like a brother to me,” Keene mumbled. “You two are family to me, and I’m the older brother who has to look after you guys.”
I smiled because Keene had always been there for Levi. He didn’t have any family, and he saw Levi and me as his real ones because we’d known him for almost five years.
“Why did Axel text Levi?” I asked after a while.
“Because we knew that he was the only one who’d talk you into opening that door. He was the only one who’d calm you down,” Keene replied as if he waited for the question.
“Thank you,” I whispered as he turned his back to me, then turned the light off.
“Anytime. Now get some sleep,” he said. I turned so that our backs faced each other.
It had been twenty minutes, and I couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t Keene’s light snores or Aidan’s and Liam’s laughter downstairs, but the vivid images in my head from the night I killed Christo Aimar. I didn’t know what would happen next. I knew James had his eyes on me. He must’ve witnessed my breakdown earlier and had a good laugh.
The bed sunk in, and I felt Keene move behind me. I raised a brow as I heard him exhale loudly. I felt his breath on my neck, and as I turned to face him, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me so that my back was against his chest. He rested his chin on my head while I blinked.
“Sleep, Lana,” he croaked out as his arm tightened around me. “Stop worrying and just relax. Tomorrow’s another day.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lana
When I woke up, Keene was still by my side in the same position. All of us woke up late, and by the time Benny made us brunch, Mom was home. I barely spoke, yet no one asked, and I was glad. Everyone soon left when Mom said that we had to get Dad from the airport. It turned out he went to Idaho with Detective Kale because they found a dead body which was related to James, since it was one of his clients. Thankfully, it wasn’t Christo, because the guy that they saw was a short blond dude. When we came home, I studied, but that didn’t keep my friends from texting me to make sure I was okay. I replied to Ethan and told him to tell everyone I didn’t want to be disturbed.
It was Monday, and Mom let me take her car because she wasn’t going to work until late afternoon. I didn’t want to go to school, but I had to, so I cruised the whole way. I got out of the car a minute before the bell rang. I held my bag and the can of soda I took from the fridge this morning because I didn’t have time to make coffee. People rushed past me as I stared up at the miserable school building. I turned my gaze to see Benny, Nick, Melissa, Aidan, Miranda, and Tiffany look at me as they leaned against the wall. Apparently, they waited for me, but I stared at them until they got the message. I watched as they walked inside the building with everyone else. Once the front was empty, I drank the cold beverage then tossed it in the trashcan. My first period was Physics, and I was clearly not in the mood. I took my time to walk, and once I was inside, the hallways were empty. I walked to my locker and took out my things. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone approach me. I turned my head to see Britney strut toward me.
“Saturday night I went to Benny’s house, and he wasn’t there. I went to Nick’s house, and he wasn’t there either, so I went to your house and surprise, surprise, everyone was there. I mean no offense, but you give away more pussy than an animal shelter,” she said, and I turned to her with a fake pout.
“You’re just mad cause neither of them gives a crap about you,” I said, then shut my locker.
“I told Kelly, and now everyone knows what a whore you are,” Britney hissed as we walked down the hall.
“You guys are spreading rumors about me?” I gasped. “Well, at least you guys are spreading something other than your legs.”
“You’re such a bitch, Lana. Can’t you see Benny is tired of you? They all are,” she said as we turned the corner.
“I’m glad you think I care.” I laughed.
She scoffed, and I rolled my eyes, then walked into the classroom. I walked right past the teacher and noticed everyone’s eyes on me.
“Lana, Britney, you’re late,” Mr. Gorton stated as I sat down.
“Sorry, but Lana was trying to persuade me to smoke pot with her,” Britney said as my eyes widened. Everyone turned to me with surprised looks on their faces.
“Liar, I’d never do business with her!” I scoffed as Carter laughed and high-fived me.
“Lana, calm down. It’s Monday. Be kind to one another,” Mr. Gorton said, then sipped his coffee as he looked at Britney and me.
“You know what’s funny?” Britney asked. “Not you, Willson, so shut up.”
“Britany, your mouth is so big I think you’re talking in caps,” I said as Melissa laughed.
“Lana, where are you going?” Mr. Gorton asked as I walked past Britney.
“I’m not feeling well. I’m going to the nurse’s office,” I stated as I spun around to look at the class.
“Should I come with you?” Carter asked as I locked eyes with Benny.
“No. It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I said. Mr. Gorton gave me a weird look. I sighed, then walked out of the classroom. I was sick, sick of Britney and school in general. At least spring break was soon. I walked out of the school and decided to go home since I didn’t feel right. I knew that my mother would be home, so I’d be honest with her and say I wasn’t up for it.
***
I decided to take a long hot shower to relieve all the stress. It relaxed me, but my shoulders ached for some reason. I walked out of my room with a towel wrapped around me. I noticed something floating in my room, and I raised a brow when I saw a heart-shaped balloon above my bed. A box was tied at the bottom to keep it stable, and I walked toward it.
“Hey.” I spun around to see Benny against my door in a denim jacket, gray tee, black jeans, and Timberlands.
“Benny, I told you…”
“No, Lana, I won’t stop until I know that we’re okay. Everyone’s asking about us,” he mumbled as he walked past me and toward the balloon. I watched as he removed the box from the balloon. The balloon floated up to the corner of the room. “It’s been hell without you. I can’t sleep because I’m just thinking about you all the time. I just want to know if you’ve had long restless nights because of me. I just want to know that you think about me and I’m not the only one suffering from this. I want to know that I meant something to you.”
“You do. When you said we should see other people and move on, I fucking lost it. I thought you were over me, so I tried to get over you,” I croaked out and noticed he played with the box. “I can’t believe I let myself drop so low. I can’t believe I let Blake use me like that—I can’t believe I did those things…”
“Lana, you’re no—”
“I smoked and…and took random pills that made me go fucking crazy! Benny, I put a gun to my head hoping that would make you all live in peace and stop creating problems. Ugh, what the fuck is wrong with me?” I demanded, then turned around and tugged on my hair.
“Lana! You’re not the only one,” Benny said as he spun me back around. “When I saw Carter and Blake around you, I got so jealous, and Britney was right there, so I tried to use her to make you jealous, but she became clingy and annoying. So I told her to leave, which only made it worse because it made me realize how much I missed you and what a big fucking mistake I made.” He sighed. “I know that you’re supposed to love yourself before you can love others, but I can’t. I don’t love myself for the stuff I’ve done.” He opened the box. My eyes widened as I looked down to see a little ring with half a heart. “But I know that I love you,” he whispered, then took the ring out. He took my hand and slipped the ring onto my index finger.
“Y-you love me?” I stuttered and looked into his brown eyes.
“Never stopped loving you, Lana Willson,” he said, then took the necklace that he wore and pulled it out. That’s when I noticed the other half of the he
art. I smiled as I raised my index finger so that the hearts became one. He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, and I noticed something on his wrist. He followed my gaze, then lowered his wrist. “I hate myself yet I love you so much that I just…” He trailed off as I ran my fingers over his scars. A tear managed to escape, yet I closed my eyes and kissed his wrist. “So, in a way, there’s something wrong with the both of us. Like you said, no one’s perfect.” He lightly chuckled, and I opened my eyes to see that his were glossy.
“You promised you wouldn’t cut anymore,” I whispered as he wrapped his arms around my torso.
“Yeah, and you promised you wouldn’t smoke anymore,” he said. I had nothing to say, so I rested my head against his chest. “We all have something that releases the pain.”
“Yeah,” I said, then pulled away and wiped my tears.
“So I’ll be downstairs while you, err…” He looked down, and I followed his gaze to see that I was in a towel. “Put some comfy clothes on.”
“Okay. Why aren’t you at school?” I asked as he walked toward the door.
“Oh, I just told them I wasn’t feeling well.” He winked, then walked out of the room. I laughed, then walked to my closet. I put on my underwear and decided on a loose sweater, pajama shorts, and gray knee-high socks. I tied my hair up in a bun, then walked downstairs. When I entered the living room, my eyes widened. The whole room was covered in blankets and pillows. Snacks were on the coffee table while Harry Potter played on the television. “Do you like it?” Benny awkwardly asked as he took off his shoes.
“Like it? I love it!” I squealed, then swung my arms around his neck.
“Yeah, I didn’t know what food to get so…I just got all kinds.”
“This is unbelievable. No one has ever gone through so much trouble as to buy these things for me, let alone do this for me!”
“Well, that’s just how I show my love. By spoiling you and making you smile.”
“You don’t have to always spoil me. We could literally have a zombie invasion and be short on supplies, but as long as we have each other, I think we’ll make it.”
