by Raathi Chota
“Lana, you barely touched your food.” Uncle Griff snapped me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
My throat closed when I heard that question. I hated that question. As much as I wanted to nod, at the same time I wanted to let it out.
“No…” I trailed off as I looked at Benny then Uncle Griff. They knew Parker was bad, but they had no idea as to what extent. They didn’t feel it; they weren’t the many girls at our school who Parker assaulted. They didn’t know what it felt like when he left you in the closet afterward. The feeling that once you walked out of that door, everyone would look at you, judge you, stay away from you…everything…but help you. While Parker stood there, with a grin on his face, collected money from people, acted as if nothing ever happened. It made you anxious in case he’d come back again. “I-I need to…t-tell you something.” My voice cracked. If I had money that day, Parker wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have the weight on my shoulders telling me it’s my fault if things went differently in junior year and after that. I wouldn’t feel like it’s my fault like I was a disappointment that it happened to me. If I thought it through then, I wouldn’t have to sit here and tell my boyfriend and godfather the worst news they could ever receive. Yet I took a deep breath, and as I exhaled, I remembered Parker was in juvie.
Chapter Twelve
Blake
Nobody spoke that morning at breakfast. Today was camp yet we’d only had to be at school at noon for the bus. Ever since the event happened on Saturday, I hadn’t left the house. I hadn’t spoken to anyone, and I hadn’t eaten anything. Momma couldn’t take it anymore, so she scolded me and said I couldn’t leave the house until I ate something. I agreed because I was hungry.
“Slow down, brother. I’m sure there’s food at camp.”
“No one can beat Momma’s food,” I mumbled then chewed the juicy sausages.
“Okay, that’s true.” Axel laughed. I glanced up at Momma, who smiled. Silence only seemed to surround us for a few minutes until we heard knocks at the front door. We shared a look because we knew exactly who it was. He was here yesterday, and I refused to speak to him. Even though it’s also my fault, I hated to admit it. Levi didn’t have to tell me anything, I dropped my cigarette and joined him, but in a way, it felt good. To give him what he deserved, to live in the moment and release my stress and avoid the consequences.
“Come out, please. I still have a key, y’know?” he called out.
“This is ridiculous,” Momma said then stood up. “Blake Monroe Gunner, pull yourself together and go apologize to that boy.”
I looked up at my mother and noticed the aggressive look in her eye. I realized I wouldn’t get out of it this time, so I rose to my feet. I took my time to walk to the front door. I twisted the knob and pulled the door open. My lips were drawn in a straight line as I stared at the dark-haired, narcissistic prick. He let out a sigh then shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Hey, listen, I wanna apologize for the way I acted. It’s all my fault. I was drunk, and I forced you to take me there,” he began. “I didn’t mean to fuck up the friendship you had with Lana.”
After that, we were silent. I stared at Levi as I tried to find the right words to say my bit. I’m not good with apologies, yet ever since I met Lana, I found ways to apologize and improve. However, every time I hoped it’d be the last.
“Sorry too, I didn’t mean to go all out on you like that…I was just angry at myself.”
“Understandable, and just so we’re clear…you’re over her, right? Because we shouldn’t let Lana come between our friendship,” he said, and suddenly my jaw tightened. “You even said it yourself, you’re trying to get her out of your system…”
“Why does that matter?”
“Well, just like you and Carter have that thing where Lana won’t come between you two. I wanna have th—”
“It doesn’t matter; she won’t come between us because she hates us,” I bluntly stated. He looked down while I folded my arms because I knew that hurt him.
“Have you talked to her? Seen her?” he asked after a while.
“Nope. I’ve been to her house, but she wasn’t there,” I replied. “You?”
“Yeah…I’ve sent her dozens of texts and calls, been there twice.”
“Well, she should be there,” I said, because her parents wouldn’t let her sleep out on a school day…well, camp. “Her parents should be leaving for work soon.”
“Yeah, that’s another reason why I came so that we could try and apologize. Hopefully, she’s cooled off by now.” He awkwardly chuckled.
“How’s your car?”
“Ugh, bro, I don’t know what to do. It’s gonna be a shit load of money to repair,” he said then looked over his shoulder. I followed his gaze to see that his car was still in the same condition as it was on Saturday.
“I’ll see what I can do,” I blurted out. He turned to me with a shocked expression. I wasn’t going to say anything, and he noticed, so he smiled then nodded. I suddenly got goosebumps when I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. I looked down to see Axel’s hand. Suddenly, Mom appeared on my other side, so we looked at Levi.
“Oh,” he said then searched his pockets. Seconds later, he pulled out an ordinary key. “Thank you, Mrs. Gunner, for your hospitality and letting me stay in your beautiful home.” I rose my brows when he didn’t say Roxy. He turned to Axel and me. “Thanks, guys, for everything, but I think I’ve caused enough trouble here.”
“Oh Levi, you’re always welcome here. Where are you gonna go?” Momma asked.
“Well, Keene slapped some sense into me, literally, and he’s been looking for a roommate since Noel…” He trailed off.
“That’s amazing!” Axel beamed as we turned to him with confused looks. “Well…err…not the Noel thing, but that you found a place. That’s great…and I’ll just shut up now.”
“You do that, dear,” Mom said then turned to Levi. “You were no trouble, Levi, and it was a pleasure having you stay with us. The Gunners’ home is always open. Just remember you’ll be staying in an apartment…I’m sure Keene wants to keep it clean.”
“Yeah, he’s sort of a clean freak, especially when he stresses, but thank you.” He smiled, and my mother nodded.
“Oh, come here, I’m gonna miss having another stomach to fill,” she said then stepped out of the house. I oddly watched as Levi wrapped his arms around my mother.
“Don’t worry, Roxy, I’ll visit soon,” he said then winked at Axel and me over her shoulder. “You can’t get rid of me.”
I turned to my brother and to see that he also had a whacked look. A line appeared between his eyebrows as he opened his mouth. “Dude, don’t call her that. It’s Roxanne!”
“Oh, hush, Axel.” Momma waved him off. “It’s better than Momma.”
Axel and I stared as Levi and my mother laughed. She shook her head then stood between us. She ruffled my hair then kissed Axel’s cheek.
“I’m joking; you’re my boys. Now Blake…” Momma trailed off then turned to me. “Go make things right with Lana before it’s too late.”
I nodded as she gave a supportive smile. Levi, on the other hand, kept a straight face so I couldn’t tell what he thought. He insisted that we take his car since Mom and Axel had to work. The whole drive to Lana’s was a pain in the ass because I had to be Levi’s side mirror, and it was cold since the one window shattered. The car needed a whole new service. Hopefully, I’d do as much as I could so he didn’t have to pay so much. We arrived twenty minutes later, parked in the street because both vehicles were still in the driveway. I was nervous as we walked up to their porch. I creased out my black shirt then ran a hand through my hair. I glanced at Levi, who dressed in his regular band tee, faded jeans, and Vans. He rang the doorbell, and a few seconds later, it opened with Angie Willson by the door. She seemed surprised as she glanced at us and spoke. “Levi, aren’t you supposed to be at work? And Blake…aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for the camp
?”
“Yeah, but we just wanna talk to Lana quickly,” Levi said as I nodded. She looked at Levi for a while, and I noticed the bruise on his eye. She turned to me, and I gave her a piteous look.
“Okay, well, come in. She’ll be down soon,” Angie said then stepped aside to let us in. I took in the familiar fragrance of the Willsons’, always so refreshed and comfy in the home, yet it had its worst experiences. We waited in the living room, and I glanced around to see a framed photo of Lana on her school picture day. She must’ve been in middle school because she wore even bigger glasses than she wore now, and I stared at it for a while because of the smile right there was real.
“Levi. Blake. Haven’t seen you two in a while,” Sheriff Willson said, appearing in front of us with a mug in his hand.
“Hey, Sheriff.” Levi smiled, and I watched as he raised a brow. I was shocked too because he always said Bobby.
“Hi, Mr. Willson.” I nodded.
“Daddy, have you seen my glasses?” I turned my head to see Lana walk down the stairs. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. When Lana got to the last step, she dropped her bags then turned to us. It was only for a second until she removed her gaze from us then turned to her dad. She walked toward him, and I glanced down to see her in an olive-green shirt, black ripped jeans, and Converse. “Dad, have you seen my glasses?”
“No, I haven’t…” He trailed off then pointed at us.
“Oh well, I’ll just go ask Mom,” she said before he opened his mouth again. I watched hopelessly as she walked out of the living room.
“She’s been weird ever since she came home yesterday,” the sheriff mentioned. “So…jumpy, bright, telling us that she’s thankful and that she loves us…like she’s a whole new person.”
Levi turned to me with a frown, but when his eyes met mine, I looked away. Maybe she was happy after all, now that we’re out of her life. This Lana seemed too happy, like she rubbed it in our faces that she’s better off.
“No, I haven’t seen them, dear,” Angie’s voice followed, and I saw them come back into the living room.
“Lana, you have guests,” the sheriff said, but she ignored her dad and continued to ask her mother about her glasses. “Lana!” He raised his voice, and she stopped. “These boys are here to see you! It’s rude to ignore your guests.”
Levi and I watched as she slowly turned her head to us. Suddenly her eyes locked on me, and my left eye twitched when I saw the smile on her face. She smiled all right, but it seemed…fake; it didn’t reach her eyes. I stiffened when she walked toward me. I stared at the ground but looked at her through the corner of my eye. She stepped between Levi and me, and I felt her shoulder brush against mine. She walked further, and I turned my head to see Levi squint his eyes at her. He was about to put his hand on her shoulder, but she crouched down to pick something up.
“There they are,” Lana said, and when she straightened her posture, I saw her glasses in her hands. She put them on then walked back to her parents.
“What’s going on?” the Sheriff questioned. “Lana, since you have your glasses on, you can now ‘see’ that Blake and Levi ar—”
“I don’t care, Dad,” she cut him off. “You can tell them to go fuck themselves.”
“Lana!” Angie gasped, and I looked to see that her dad had a surprised look. A car honk went off outside, and I looked to see Lana’s smile as she approached her parents. She kissed them on the cheek then grabbed her bags.
“Love you! See you in a few days!”
Once the door shut, I turned back to Sheriff Willson. His jaw clenched as he looked at me then Levi. “What the hell did you do to my daughter?”
***
Levi explained why Lana was upset with us. I was surprised when he answered truthfully and took most of the blame. I had to stand up and say I did my bit too, which was weird to tell the Sheriff. Angie held him back when we told him how Lana yelled and cried at us. We kept out the part of her damaging our vehicles because it’d get her into trouble. I didn’t even tell my mother that I beat up Benny because she’d probably ground me for the rest of my life. Levi dropped me at home, so I got my bags. Ethan and Carter picked me up thirty minutes later, and while we drove, they lectured me on how to fix things with Lana. Ethan’s way was subtle while Carter went on and on, mostly about him, that it began with change. How he changed for college and took less of an interest in sex. I almost laughed at that because I knew Carter, he’d change, but he’d still have the charms and flirts in him. When we arrived at school, mostly everyone was on the bus. I had a duffle bag with me, and while Ethan and Carter checked their name off the attendance, I zoned out as I thought about the next few days. It’s only for a few days, and most of the stuff we’d do was outdoors, so I’d at least see Lana. I’d have to at least try and apologize again. My thoughts went to Carter and how he sought change yet his old traits still showed, like Levi. He tried to change by being honest, respectful, and generous. Even Lana somehow changed…she was happier. There’s a side of me that knew it’s fake because I knew if I won the bet, I’d know her secret. Maybe then she’d be happy. Everyone somehow changed except for me. I didn’t do well with change, and I didn’t want to change again. The change I made after my dad died was permanent.
“So you decided to come, Gunner.” I turned my head to see Coach Harris tick my name off his clipboard.
“Yes, sir,” I said then got onto the bus. The sound of music mixed with laughter and chatter corrupted my ears as I turned and walked down the aisle. People mostly spoke amongst themselves or placed bags under seats and above them. On the left were three seats while the right there were two. As I passed Lana and Benny, I saw them laugh at something on their phones; opposite them was Marcus, Miranda, and Jennifer. When I walked farther, I noticed Ethan gestured for me to sit by him. I nodded and raised my bag for him to take, but before he grabbed it, I fell over something. “What the fuck?” I demanded then looked behind me to see Erwin get up from the floor. People laughed at us, but I got frustrated.
“S-Sorry, Blake,” he stuttered then put on his glasses. “I was just putting something under my seat.”
“Whatever,” I muttered then pushed myself up. Once I was back on my feet, I shoved my bag above me then looked down. I shifted my gaze from Ethan, who sat by the window, to Carter, who sat next to him.
“Are we really going to do this?” Carter tilted his head. I stared in response, and Ethan sighed.
“You could say please once in a while,” Ethan muttered as they stood up. I gave a tight-lipped smile as they moved over so that I’d sit by the window.
“Thanks.” I forced a smile then sat down.
After the teachers got onto the bus, they spoke to us about what would happen. There were still rules to follow, but I blocked out Coach’s loud voice when I put my headphones on and blasted The Killers for the next two hours.
***
Apparently, I fell asleep and missed the pit stop, but I didn’t care because I’d never use the public bathrooms. Aidan woke me up when we arrived. Like when we got onto the bus, the teachers ticked us off the list. After that, we lined up, and I looked to see Lana with the girls. Since it was almost sundown, the teachers told us where everything was, our cabins, and tomorrow’s activities. When we left, I took my time to walk. I looked around and took in the atmosphere. In front of me were four large cabins that barely had windows, on the ends were the showers, and I grunted because I’d have to walk far in the morning for a shower. Behind me was a single building double the size of the cabins, probably the lunchroom. On the left stretched out into the lake while the right displayed a brown oak forest.
“I call top bunk!” Aidan ran past me.
“There’s enough for half of us.” Ethan shrugged since we’re in the first cabin; the other guys were in the second while the girls were in the third and fourth.
“Me too.” Marcus joined Aidan, and I turned my head to see Liam squint his eyes.
“Not if I ge
t there first!” Liam shouted then bolted past Marcus and Aidan. Ethan and I watched in amusement as they pushed past each other. They eventually got to the door but tried to fit through at once. I looked up and saw Nick stare at them.
“Hurry up!” he demanded then pushed Liam. Ethan, Nick, and I laughed when the three landed on each other. They looked up to see that Carter and Tyler took two top bunks. I was all right with a bottom bunk because I didn’t like the idea to wake up on the floor one morning. As I walked inside, I passed Benny, who had his back faced to me. Aidan told me how beat up he was, how we roughed him up so severely that he almost had a concussion.
Ten minutes later, we were settled. Aidan was above me; Benny was opposite me while Ethan was on his top bunk. Thankfully on my left, I had Erwin, and on my right, I had Marcus. Everyone went outside to watch the sunset, but I decided to stay. Someone else decided to stay behind too. I looked at Benny from across the cabin. His purple eye, cut lip and apparently, he had a fractured rib. I didn’t want to argue, and I noticed he didn’t too, so he gave a curt nod while I returned the gesture.
***
Lana
I decided to take a bottom bunk because no way in hell I’d want to wake up on the floor. I was quite restless at night, and I was afraid of heights. Tiffany slept above me with Miranda in front of Jennifer and me above her. I wasn’t a hundred percent on Jennifer yet, but it seemed Miranda and Melissa were quite fond of her while Tiffany and I were still getting used to her. It’s like after Noel passed away, Miranda and Melissa decided to be there for her since Kelly and Britney were too full of themselves.
It was morning, and we were in the process of waking up. Lucky me—note the sarcasm—I had Kelly and Britney on either side of me since they didn’t like top bunks either. I saw Miss Rosa walk in. She wore a pair of grey joggers, a pink Nike jacket, and sneakers, and her hair looked nice since it was loosely held back with a hairband.
