by L. P. Maxa
Well. There went that. “What? That’s not Emmie’s room.” I wasn’t above lying if it got me out of this stupid hallway and on my way to Bali before consequences could catch up with me.
“Kasen.” Oooo, she said my full name, that wasn’t good. “I did the hotel blocks with the wedding planner myself. I know for a fact that is Emmie’s room, so don’t even flipping try to lie to me. Now, why the heck were you sneaking out of her room?”
Well, Katie, because I took her virginity and then continued to bang her six ways from Sunday.
Yeah, the truth definitely wouldn’t work here. I narrowed my eyes. “Why are you sneaking out of your room? The sun isn’t even up, and it’s your wedding night. Is something wrong? Do I need to give Cash some pointers? Is the magic gone already?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, her lips going thin and pissed off. “What the heck were you doing in Emmie’s room? Stop lying, and stop trying to distract me. It’s not working.”
“Um, nothing happened?”
Her eyes went wide. “Did you just end that sentence with a question mark?”
“No?”
“You did it again.” She poked me in the chest. “Kasen, I know that game. I invented it. Tell me what’s going on right now.” She stomped her foot and raised her voice. If she didn’t fucking chill, she was going to wake up the rest of the family sleeping on this floor.
I motioned for her to be quiet. “What does it matter, Katie?” I spoke softly, hoping she’d take the hint. “Come on, don’t you have more important things on your mind? Emmie’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
She glanced at the door to the room I’d done everything but slept in. “Why wouldn’t she be fine? What did you do to her?”
What didn’t I do to her?
“Look, Katie, it’s not a big deal. Emmie and I started talking at the welcome lunch. And she’s a fucking gorgeous ballerina. I didn’t bang her on night one. I took the time to get to know her first, like a gentleman.” Which wasn’t how I normally operated, but she was part of Katie’s new family, and I respected that. To a certain extent.
She rolled her eyes so hard I was surprised they made it back to straight. “Yes, Kasen, thirty-six hours, you’re such a gentleman. How did you ever manage to restrain yourself?”
I snorted at her sarcasm. “Well, I can’t unfuck her, so why don’t you drop it and go back inside your room.” Definitely couldn’t undo what I’d done in there. Granted, I did feel a little guilty that I’d taken her virginity when she’d offered it to me on a silver fucking platter.
“You’re right.” I jerked back, surprised to hear those words come out of my sister’s mouth. “You’re an asshole, but you’re right.”
Yeah. I was right. And I was also running late. “She’s fine. Your family is fine. But I’ve got to go. I’m on a plane to Bali in like three hours.” I’d stayed with Emmie longer than I’d intended, and if I didn’t hurry, I’d never make it through security in time.
She nodded, taking deep breaths like she was trying to stave off a panic attack. “There is nothing I can do about it and it’s my wedding night. It’s fine. We’re all going to be okay. You’re leaving, and she’s okay.”
“Right, there you go.” I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, trying to reassure her that this wasn’t going to matter tomorrow. “I love you. Congratulations. See you around Thanksgiving?
She pursed her lips. “Did you end that sentence in a question mark?”
I winked and headed for the elevators.
Chapter Twelve
Four weeks later
Emmie
I was two weeks late. Which was fine. I put my body through so much that I rarely had normal periods. One time I went six months without having one when I was working like hell to get a spot in the company I danced with now. I trained nonstop days and days in a row. That kind of strain took its toll in all sorts of ways.
But this was the first time there was a possibility that it was something else. Kase and I had been careful, but we’d had sex. A few times. I refused to spend too much time thinking about it though. The chances were so incredibly slim.
I was tired because I was rehearsing for six to eight hours every day and then coming home to work on the two college courses I’d picked to take online. I’d be concerned if I wasn’t longing for a good nap.
“Em, dinner is ready.” My mom poked her head into my room, frowning when she saw me with my head resting on my desk beside my laptop. “You okay, baby girl?”
I nodded, sitting up so she wouldn’t go find the thermometer. “Yeah. I’m burning the candle at both ends, that’s all.”
“You know that Dad and I are fine with you putting off your degree.” She stepped into my room, taking my hand in hers and pulling me down the hallway toward the dining room. “No one expects you to try to do both right now.”
“I can do it.” And I could. I knew I could. “I need a good night’s sleep, that’s all.” She kissed my forehead as I joined my family at the dining room table.
“What can she do?” Evie picked up the large bowl of quinoa, scooping some on her plate and then some on Nicky’s. They came over for dinner once a week now that they were living in Austin.
“Take those online classes and keep up with her rehearsals.” My mom rubbed a soothing palm on my back. “She’s been so sleepy lately though.”
She passed me the platter of grilled salmon and my stomach turned in protest. I clenched my jaw, working past the sudden aversion to my favorite meal. Ignoring every single warning bell that was starting to chime inside my head.
“You’re a rock star, baby girl.” My dad plucked a tomato off the end of his fork, chewing and swallowing before continuing. “I don’t know how you do it all, but we are very proud of you.”
I smiled tightly, trying like hell to not vomit up the bowl of Fruity Pebbles I’d snuck out of the pantry when I’d gotten home from practice. My dad liked sugar. My mom insisted we make healthy food choices as often as possible. Surreptitiously, he kept contraband on the top shelf of the pantry where my mom couldn’t reach. And today, sugary cereal had been the only thing that sounded even remotely appetizing.
“You not hungry, Em?” Nicky glanced to my untouched food. “You sure you’re feeling okay?”
I nodded, scooping up a small bite of the super food filled with kale and feta cheese. “I’m fine, guys, I promise.” I choked down the quinoa, choosing it over the fish until it was all gone and I had no other choice. I took a deep breath, silently praying for my stomach to cooperate. “I um, wow, I think what I need is a full night of sleep. I’ve been studying until at least midnight, trying not to fall behind, you know?”
“Oh Em, baby girl. Why don’t you go ahead and get in bed?” My mom put her hand on mine, squeezing it gently. “I’ll come tuck you in, okay?”
I wiped my mouth, putting my napkin on the table beside my uneaten salmon and thanking all things holy that I hadn’t even attempted it. I kissed her cheek, and then my dad’s. “Sorry, guys. Rain check on dinner?” I smiled at my sister and Nicky, trying to sell the fact that I was simply tired. If anyone would question me, it’d be one of them. My parents believed every word I said, because unlike every other kid in this family, I’d never given them a reason not to.
“Sure, Em.” My sister returned my hug and Nicky gave me a solid high five. “Get some rest.”
A few minutes later I was snuggled under my covers in the dark, silent uncertain tears spilling down my cheeks. I was tired. That was all. My brain was tired. My body was tired.
That’s what was happening.
That was all that was happening.
Chapter Thirteen
Emmie
Salmon wasn’t the only thing I couldn’t seem to stomach. In the last two weeks I’d also added beef and tuna fish to that list. Most meats made me queasy, but luckily I could choke down chicken and pork. And all things sugar. Cereal, cookies, ice cream, fruit. If it contained sugar, it was fi
ne.
I still hadn’t started my period. But again, it was totally normal, it happened to athletes all the time. No big deal.
“Em? You napping?” Beau.
I opened my eyes, shielding them from the bright sunlight. I’d told my parents I wanted to swim some laps in the family pool. But really, I’d wanted a place to sleep where no one would question me. Because I was tired. All. The. Time.
“Uh, no.” I stretched my arms over my head, sitting up. “I was taking a break. I swam laps for about thirty minutes.” Lie. I’d taken a quick dip to cool off and then promptly fell asleep.
“You feeling okay? You look a little pale.”
I grinned, holding my arms out wide. “Thus the sun I’m soaking up. I spend most of my time in the studio these days. I need some vitamin D.” Or the D was what was making me feel like constant crap. I snorted at my own joke, even thought it was a terrifying thought. Maybe I was losing my mind.
“Did you just snort?”
I shook my head. “Nope.” Was he buying this bull I was slinging? “I have to get back to the house, I have homework.” Now that wasn’t a lie. I did have homework to do.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Em?” He pushed my sunglasses up to the top of my head and put his hands on my shoulders. “You can tell me if something is bothering you, you know that, right?”
No, I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone anything, because that would mean that I’d have to admit it to myself first.
“I know, thanks, Beau.” I shoved my glasses down to hide my eyes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before hightailing it back to my house. Maybe I could get a nap there before my parents got back from their meeting in Austin.
I needed sleep. That was all.
Sleep and a big bowl of cereal.
With whipped cream on top.
Chapter Fourteen
Emmie
Four weeks, one solid month of no period. But that wasn’t what was worrying me. It wasn’t even the exhaustion I was still feeling. No. It was the fact that I couldn’t eat. I hadn’t thrown up, not once. The constant aversion to most foods was too strange to brush aside though. My family had all commented on my lack of appetite. And a few of my cousins had caught me sleeping in the middle of the day. I knew my parents would happily remain in the dark, but the rest of my family was starting to ask questions.
I was hiding in the bathroom at my studio. It was our lunch break. I had fifteen more minutes until I had to go back to rehearsal. I had three more hours here before I could go home. But I couldn’t wait three more hours to know.
Waiting the two minutes the instructions had suggested was hard enough. My knees were bouncing while tears were silently falling down my face. My heart knew even if my brain was still clinging to hope. The timer on my cell went off and I picked up the test off the top of the toilet paper holder.
I was pregnant.
No. No, no, no. That couldn’t possibly be right, could it? I closed my eyes, then opened them again, but there were still two lines. I shook the test frantically, like it was an Etch A Sketch I could erase. No such luck. No matter what I did, that stupid stubborn second line refused to go anywhere.
I’d done something wild and fun for myself, and it’d come back to bite me in the ass. Hard.
My hands were shaking, and my heart was pounding. Tears were pouring off my face and landing in my lap. I was losing my shit as quietly as possible.
But I needed to get it together. The damage was done, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it until after rehearsals were over for the day. I sniffled, wrapping the test in toilet paper and shoving it down deep in the trashcan. I wished I could shove all my feelings in there too. All my stupid inconvenient feelings.
One night and then I’ll be gone.
Well, Kase, you left something behind, you big handsome jerk.
I hadn’t talked to him since the night of the wedding. He hadn’t texted. He hadn’t called. He’d kept his word. For the first few weeks after the wedding, before I’d started to feel sick, it was almost like he’d never existed at all. Like a dream.
And now, he was like a damn nightmare.
I wiped my eyes, took three deep breaths, and walked out of the stall with my head held high.
I didn’t have time to lose it right now. No one could know. I couldn’t cause a scene here or at home. This was mine and mine alone. I’d finish rehearsal, and then I’d call a clinic. I needed confirmation, and then I needed to move on.
Eighteen-year-old dance prodigies didn’t get knocked up by one-night stands. I had my whole life ahead of me, my whole career. I had a plan, and this? This did not fit into it.
Chapter Fifteen
Emmie
I closed the front door, locking it behind me. Everyone on the compound refused to knock, and I really rather my family think no one was home. My parents were out of town again, and I planned on sleeping from now until tomorrow.
At least now I could eat more than just cereal.
Ten weeks. I was now ten weeks pregnant. I knew that because I’d gone in last week for an appointment at the clinic near my dance academy. They showed me a tiny peanut on an ultrasound. I heard its heartbeat, and I cried. It was so small, so innocent.
That baby didn’t fit into my life, but I was its whole world.
And I couldn’t go through with it. I’d gotten off the table and walked out. I’d still been wearing the gown.
I dropped my duffle in the entryway, taking my hair down from its tight bun on my way to my room. My bed. Oh how I loved my bed these days. I stopped short. “What are you all doing here?” I frowned, taking in all the spawn sitting around my bedroom. “I don’t think half of you have ever been in my room before.”
I was the youngest child, the baby. By the time I was old enough, and cool enough, to hang out with my cousins, they were all grown. And the ones closest to my age, Jett and Marley, they had each other and there was no space for me. Which was fine. I had my own life. I had dance, and I was busy. But that made all of them scattered around my room all the more jarring.
“We’re here because we love you, Emmie.”
“Great. I love you guys too.” I moved to my best friend, my bed, and shoved Jett to the side. “But I’ve danced for a total of seven hours today and I need to lie down for a little bit.” I climbed onto my mattress, hoping they’d get the hint and save whatever odd talk this was for later.
Like. Way later. The twelfth of never, maybe.
“She’s not taking in enough calories.” Jett patted my head. “Her body is out of fuel.”
I swatted his hand away. “What?”
Beau stood from his seat at my desk. “Emmie, we’ve noticed that you’ve lost some weight recently.”
“Lost some? Really?” I wasn’t convinced that was true. I felt bloated as all get out.
“You push away dinner.” Evie was sitting next to Nicky on the floor beside my bed. “Salmon is your favorite and you refuse to eat it.”
I clenched my jaw shut, my mouth watering with the threat of throwing up. Fish was my one remaining aversion.
“You’re either at practice or sleeping, none of us see you at mealtimes anymore.” Landry was on my windowsill, Brody sitting between her knees on the ground.
This was all getting a bit dramatic. And this baby made me a hell of a lot less pleasing than I normally was. “Uh, do you normally see me at meals? Other than family dinner? Because I don’t remember any of you inviting me over for a big bowl of spaghetti recently.” Spaghetti, now that sounded amazing. With some garlic bread? Yum. I gave myself a mental headshake, bringing my attention back to my room.
Why were they all here? Did they suspect I was pregnant? Did they think I was hiding an illness?
“She sort of has a point.” Talon winced. “You guys never invite her to dinner.” He was glaring across the room at Jett, like this was all his fault. “You should make more of an effort.”
Jett flipped him off, then put his hands on my
cheeks. “Emmie, are you throwing up everything you eat? Or are you the other kind of eating disorder where you don’t eat at all?”
Talon threw his hands in the air, like he was exasperated. “Jesus, Jett, what the hell is your problem?”
They thought I had an eating disorder? Good Lord. I closed my eyes, wishing them all away. You hear that, tiny baby? Your fish aversion is making everyone think we’re bulimic.
“Tiptoeing around the issue isn’t getting us anywhere and she’s about to fall asleep during her own intervention.”
My eyes popped back open at Jett’s words. “Intervention? You guys staged an intervention because you think I have an eating disorder?” That’s why they were all here? Not to confront me, but to send me to some kind of rehab facility? Maybe I should take them up on it. I bet there was a lot of time for naps in whatever cushy rehab place they had in mind.
“Yes, Emmie. You don’t eat and you’re losing weight.” Beau steepled his fingers under his chin like a therapist in a bad movie. “You’re tired all the time, you—”
“I’m pregnant, you morons.” I rolled onto my side, adjusting my pillow. “Now please go away so I can sleep.” I wasn’t planning to blurt the truth out like that. But they were all crowding me and I was too exhausted to keep up the lies. They’d all find out eventually, right? What was I expecting to happen? Let the baby introduce itself once it got here?
“Holy fuck.” Beau sat back down at the desk.
Jett rubbed my stomach over the covers. “Well, that’s better than an eating disorder, isn’t it?”
“Do Mom and Dad know?” Evie came to sit next to me.
“No. And I’m not ready to tell them, so keep your big mouths shut please.”
Evie shook her head, frowning. “I think you should tell them, Emmie. Keeping this a secret isn’t a good idea.”
I looked around the room. Landry, Beau, Talon, even fucking Nicky were all nodding in agreement. And that straight pissed me the hell off. How dare they come in here and demand that of me. I rarely lost my temper. I was always controlled. But right now? I was feeling a little bit crazy.
