by L. P. Maxa
“Told you he was jealous.” Brody nodded once, his beer bottle to his lips.
Emmie reached out and scraped the entire layer of toasted marshmallow off the top of the sweet potatoes with her spoon. She ate it, then licked her spoon clean. Ems was a sexy girl using her tongue. And I knew what that tongue felt like. So. My cock took notice and I had to adjust it under the table.
Jett snorted, which let me know he saw. “You into your baby momma?” He was whispering, thankfully. “Kind of complicates things, doesn’t it?”
I ignored him, mainly because I didn’t know what to say. I was at a loss for a witty comeback for probably the second time in my life. I was attracted to Emmie. It was impossible not to be. But I didn’t know how I felt about her, about the baby, about any of it. And Jett was right. The last thing either of us needed was my libido to get involved.
“Ems.”
She sighed, dragging her gaze up to meet mine. “What?”
“You want dessert?” I stood, taking her empty plate in one hand and mine in the other. I didn’t know what I wanted or how things between us would end up. What I did know was she was carrying my baby, her family was stressing her the hell out, and she had an insane sweet tooth. Maybe I wouldn’t be around three months from now, but I was here now.
“Uh, yeah.” She smiled at me. It was small, but it was still a win. “I’m not picky.”
“Bring her one of everything.” Jett was talking out the side of his mouth, like he was being real covert op or some shit. “She’s been eating like Willy Wonka put that baby in there.”
Crue choked on his vodka when I walked away whistling the tune to “Candy Man.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Emmie
After Kase told my family to shut the hell up, lunch had gone smoother. Cash stopped trying to set me up with his friend Benson, Brody stopped accusing Kase of being jealous, and no one tried to steal dessert off the plate Kase had put in front of me.
Unfortunately, I’d been hiding in my room for the last three hours. Kase and Katie’s parents seemed to have hit it off with mine. They were all hanging out in the living room, several bottles of wine deep and old photo albums opened on the coffee table.
I reached for my cell when it dinged on my nightstand, welcoming the distraction from the textbook I’d been reading to avoid the other people in my house.
Kasen: Hey, would you want to come hang with me tonight?
I did want to hang out with Kase, and his text made me smile. But I needed to lock that crap down real fast. He was the asshole who knocked me up and then accused me of lying about it. So what if he’d been a knight in shining armor during lunch today? He didn’t deserve my complete and total forgiveness.
Emmie: Not really.
Kasen: What if I asked you nicely?
Emmie: Idk. Give it a shot.
Kasen: Will you pretty please with a cherry on top come hang out with me tonight?
Emmie: No.
I laughed quietly at my reply, because I was pretty sure we both knew I was kidding. I didn’t hate him. It was obvious to anyone who was paying attention. There was something about Kase, something that made staying angry with him almost impossible. Maybe it was his sense of humor, or the tanned and toned abs I knew he was hiding under his sweater.
Kasen: You’re breaking my heart.
Emmie: No, I’m not.
Kasen: Please Ems?
Emmie: Fine. But only because your parents are here again and I don’t like spending time with two sets of parents I’m hiding things from.
Kasen: I’ll take it.
I snuck out of my window for the first time in my entire life. I’d always used the front door, because I’d never been headed anywhere I wasn’t supposed to go. Not that I wasn’t allowed to hang out at Cash and Katie’s new house on the compound. Of course I was.
But the reason I was going there had nothing to do with bonding with my cousins and everything to do with Kasen Cadence. And that? My parents wouldn’t love that.
I left my car keys on my nightstand, choosing to walk the mile or so to their house at the edge of the compound. It was cool outside and the night breeze felt good on my constantly overheated skin. This pregnancy was making my body temperature run on the hot side, and I was so grateful that winter was around the corner.
“Did you walk over here?” Kase was on the porch, his brow wrinkled as soon as he spotted me. “I could have come to get you.” He came down the four steps that led to the front walkway.
“And I could have driven.” I rolled my eyes, ignoring his unnecessary concern. “I dance for six hours at a time. A leisurely evening stroll isn’t going to hurt the baby you aren’t sure you want.” That was mean, and I instantly regretted it. Where was that damn time machine?
Kase chose to ignore my bitchiness though. “Where do your parents think you are?”
“My bedroom.” I bypassed him, making my way up the stairs, trying really hard not to notice how good he smelled. “I snuck out.”
“Thank you for coming here to talk to me.” He reached past me, opening the door so I could step inside.
“Thank you for what you said at lunch, for sticking up for me.” I sat on the soft leather club chair, not trusting myself to sit next to Kase on the couch. He was a smoke show, and he’d been nice to me. My hormones were taking notice, and I needed distance to keep them in control. “My cousins can be difficult when they get their minds set on something.”
“They love you. But they baby you.”
I shrugged. “I’m the youngest, it comes with the territory.”
“You’re more capable than they give you credit for.” His dark eyes met mine, and chills traveled down my spine. Stupid hormones.
“They worry.”
“You’re strong.”
I had to laugh at that. “Am I? Because right now, strong is the last thing I feel.” It was like I felt heavier and heavier every day, the weight of the secrets and uncertainty exhausting me.
“Talk to me, Ems.”
Talk to me, Ems. He sounded so sincere, so concerned. But I couldn’t let go, not in front of him. Could I? No. “You’re not sure if you want my problems to be your problems, we both know that. There’s no use pretending otherwise. Like you said, I’m strong, capable. I can handle it on my own.”
He nodded, agreeing with me and hurting my feelings a little. “I won’t lie to you or blow smoke up your ass, it’s not my style. I don’t know what I want.” It was in that moment of fleeting disappointment that I realized I wanted him to blow smoke up my ass. I wanted him to give me hope, I wanted him to tell he’d be here and that I wouldn’t go through all this alone.
And that was dangerous. That would get me hurt, and it would get this kid hurt. I stood. “You know, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.”
He grabbed my hand, his tone pleading. “But I’m here. And right now I’m going through all the same emotions you are. So how ’bout we forget that I’m an asshole, and you let me try to help?”
I sat back down, because he wasn’t wrong. If anyone could possibly understand how I was feeling right now, it was him. Two kids whose lives had been thrown into another orbit trying to figure out exactly how to breathe in a new atmosphere.
I settled back against the cushions, tucking my legs underneath me. I could share with him. Sharing wasn’t the same as depending. “For as long as I can remember, ballet has been my life. I started dance classes when I was three, and by the time I was seven, my teachers were telling my parents that I was one of the best they’d ever seen. I was supposed to graduate high school, join the Austin Ballet Company, and dance until I was a principal. Meet a guy, fall in love, start a family.”
I’d gone off course somewhere in the middle of that life plan I’d made for myself.
“But instead you spent the night with a hot guy at a wedding and got knocked up.” I rolled my eyes at him referring to himself as hot but decided not to point out the fact that he hadn’t spent the night.
“I’m not like my cousins or my sister. I’ve never climbed in my window three hours past curfew or smoked pot down by the tank. I’ve never been much of a partier. I’ve never gotten drunk.” I gestured to him. “You were the first and only reckless act in my life. It doesn’t seem fair. Everyone else can fuck up left and right, but the second I make one mistake…”
“Ems, come here, please.” He reached across the coffee table between us, taking my hand in his, pulling me until I was next to him on the couch. “Do you want this baby? Truly want this baby? Or is this you thinking you’re doing the right thing by keeping it, by raising it?”
It was a valid question, and one that he had every right to ask.
This was his life too.
“I found out I was pregnant at the studio in the middle of an eight-hour practice block. I was like five weeks late, which isn’t abnormal because I put my body through so much. But I’d been feeling tired and nauseous, so I bought a test on my way in that morning. When we took a break for lunch, I went into the bathroom and sat in a generic gray stall. I closed my eyes and prayed that it would be negative. When I opened them, there were two pink lines staring back at me.”
“You don’t have to do this, Ems. You don’t have to derail your whole life for this baby, there are options.”
“I was in shock. I’d had sex with one guy, one night. And we were careful.” He was right. I didn’t have to do this. I’d chosen to do this. And he needed to know that I hadn’t made that decision lightly.
“I made an appointment at a clinic and I told them that if I was in fact pregnant, I wanted an abortion that day. My life, the life I planned, wouldn’t work if I kept the baby. My body wouldn’t work the way I needed it to. I wouldn’t look the way I needed to.” I wiped a tear away, sharing all this with Kase was harder than I thought it would be.
“When I took the pee test it came out positive, but their test came out negative, so I was lying on the table, watching the tiny screen while they verified that I was in fact pregnant. I was trying to not feel anything. I tried so damn hard to turn it all off.”
I wiped both eyes this time, drying my hands on my soft yoga pants. “But I couldn’t. And the second I saw the baby, I got up and walked out of that room.” I reached into my side pocket, pulling out the sonogram picture I’d grabbed before climbing out of my window, and handed it to him. “I’m not a victim. No one hurt me. I made a choice to have sex with a guy I thought was gorgeous and sarcastically funny.”
“You tried to do it.” Kase was staring at the black-and-white picture in his hand, his voice soft, almost a whisper.
“And I couldn’t.” I took a deep breath, straightening my spine and regaining control of my emotions.
Maybe that’s exactly what Brody had been talking about. I’d made my choice. I’d made the choice I could live with. And I needed to give Kase the same space to do that for himself. I’d been angry that he’d assumed I was lying to him, but I’d refused to acknowledge what had been happening to my own body for weeks. I’d been shocked, and so had he.
“It wasn’t fair of me to expect something of you that I hadn’t even been able to do myself.” I took his hands in mine, meeting his dark gaze. “You deserve time to figure out how you feel about this baby, and I promise I’ll stop punishing you for it.”
His eyes dropped down to the space between us where our hands rested. “This isn’t something I’m taking lightly, you know?” He licked his bottom lip, and I hated how sexy the small gesture was. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I feel like if I make the wrong choice, I’ll be destroying everything…everyone.”
“Take the time you need, Kase.” I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his chest, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. “And whatever you choose, we’ll all be okay.”
We’d have to be okay.
There was no other option.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kasen
After the job in Colorado, I went to Brazil. Now I was back in Texas. Usually when I came back to the States, I stayed at my parents’ ranch. That was home. I traveled so much that I hadn’t bothered to get my own place. I had plenty of money. I simply lacked the desire to pay for a house I never got to spend any real time in. Which was why I was currently in a hotel ten minutes from my family’s ranch.
Being gone had been harder this time than it usually was. I’d spent the whole time thinking about Ems, and about the baby. I’d gone back and forth in my mind, trying to figure out what I should do. And in the end, I still wasn’t sure.
I pulled my phone from the backpack I used as a carry-on, typing out a quick text to my family group.
Kase: Back in the US. Mom stop worrying that I’ll be kidnapped and ransomed for all your retirement money.
Dad: Glad your home, kid. And no worries. We don’t negotiate with terrorists anyway.
Mom: When will we see you? Are you headed to the ranch?
Kase: No, I grabbed a hotel room. I fly out again soon and need to get some editing done.
That wasn’t a total lie.
Dad: Love you kid.
Mom: Love you.
Katie: Glad you didn’t get kidnapped.
Cash: I have lukewarm feelings about it.
Yeah. My sister had demanded we add her stupid husband to the family group.
Kase: Love y’all too. Except for Cash.
Cash: Same, bro.
Well, I let my family know I was back in this country, I should probably let the chick carrying my baby know too.
Kasen: I don’t know if you’ve tried to call or not. We were in the jungle and oddly enough, cell service was shit.
Emmie: I didn’t.
Kasen: You’re cold. Aren’t pregnant chicks supposed to be emotional?
Emmie: I cried when Devin told me she ran out of ingredients to make my sugar cookies.
I smiled thinking about Ems eating her weight in cookies, sitting on that counter in Jett’s kitchen. I took a sip of the beer I’d opened a few minutes ago, trying to drown the sudden desire I had to see her.
Kasen: How are you feeling?
Emmie: Fine.
Kasen: Don’t be that girl.
Emmie: I’m fifteen weeks now, second trimester, and I seem to have a little more energy than I’ve had in a while. I can make it all the way through practice without needing to hide in the bathroom and take a nap.
Kasen: Maybe it wasn’t the baby making you tired? Maybe it was constant sugar crashes from all the cookies?
Emmie: Maybe you can suck it.
I enjoyed the feisty side of Ems, the one that didn’t come out to play nearly enough. She could tell me to suck it all she wanted, as long as she started standing up to everyone else in her life too.
Kasen: I’m back in the states. Can I come see you?
Oh wow. Okay. I guess my fingers were working independently of the rest of my body.
Emmie: Why?
Kasen: I don’t really know. When I realized I had a break in my schedule, it was the first thing I thought about doing. I can stay with Cash and Katie again.
What the actual flying fuck? Why was I typing all these things? I did want to see her, but like, I shouldn’t really want to see her. You know? No? Yeah? I didn’t either. Dammit.
Emmie: If you want to.
Kasen: Okay, cool. Have you told anyone else?
Okay cool? Jesus. Way to play off the weirdness, Kase.
Emmie: No. Have you told anyone at all?
Kasen: No, but you’re going to start showing soon, right?
Emmie: Eventually.
Kasen: Do you want to tell your parents while I’m there?
Holy fucking shit. When had I become so selfless? Maybe a bug had crawled inside my brain in the jungle and was making me act out of character. An Amazonian bug that specialized in mind control.
Emmie: Why would I do that? If you decide you don’t want to be part of this, I’d rather them never know about yo
u.
Yes. Yes, Emmie, you are exactly right. Why the hell would I want to be part of that terrible conversation between you and your parents? I sighed, flopping on my bed. Because being there with her was the right thing to do, and apparently, I was doing that these days.
Kasen: It’s the right thing to do. Plus, our families are connected Ems.
Holy shit.
Kasen: Holy shit. Our families are connected. I’ll have to see you, I’ll have to see the baby. Even if I decide I don’t want to be his dad, I’ll still see him.
Why had that never occurred to me before this moment? I’d been so focused on the should I or the shouldn’t I, that I hadn’t even thought about anything else. Katie was married to Cash. Cash was part of the Devil’s Spawn family, part of Emmie’s family. I’d see her, and I’d see the baby. No matter what I chose to do.
Emmie: I guess so.
Kasen: How would that even work?
Emmie: You would just NOT walk up to it and say, hey kid, I’m your dad.
Kasen: But I am its dad.
Emmie: Sperm doesn’t make a father. It’s sort of a family motto around here. Look, I’ve got to get back to practice. If you want to come stay with your sister, you don’t need my permission.
I closed my eyes, willing the room to stop spinning.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kasen
I tried to put Emmie and the baby out of my mind, but it was virtually impossible. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t get any edits done. This whole situation was starting to become bad for business. But since I wasn’t the one giving up my dream to carry the kid, I should probably keep that little tidbit to myself.
I’d packed up and checked out. The hotel wasn’t where I needed to be right now. And content of the Amazon shoot wasn’t what I needed to be focusing on. Emmie had given me time, and I was pretty sure I’d used it all up. I wanted to do right by her, and that meant I needed to make my decision about being in the baby’s life.
I pushed open the front door of my favorite uncle’s house. If anyone would be able to help me figure out this shit storm my life had become, it was him.
