I push off the counter and pace the kitchen with my hands behind my neck. “I have no fucking idea. She didn’t even say what she wanted to do. I guess she wants to keep it.”
“Is that what you want?” he quietly asks.
I stop pacing and lean my arm back onto the counter across from Zane. I blow out a breath as my stomach tightens. “I never thought I’d have a kid and I sure as fuck didn’t think I’d knock up someone on accident. But if you’re asking will I turn my back on them, fuck no. That’s my kid, my fucking flesh and blood. I will die before I let something happen to him.”
A huge smile spreads across his face as he steps toward me. He grabs me and we have a quick hug. “Congratulations, brother. I can’t believe you’re gonna be a father,” he says, shaking his head with a smile.
“Fuck, me either,” I sigh.
He pours us both a drink, handing me a glass. “The next generation of Souls,” he says, lifting his glass.
The words hit me like a fucking truck, putting so many things into prospective. “Call Harper, have her bring Ivy here. We need to talk.”
I go into the living room and sit down on the leather couch. A kid is going to change everything. I’m not sure how to handle everything I’m feeling right now. I’m pissed, excited, confused, and scared. I think scared is the one I’m feeling most. Maybe because we haven’t talked, and I don’t know what she’s thinking or maybe because I fear all the bad shit that can happen. I can’t protect them in California and in a matter of seconds, they both became my number one priority. She needs to know that she needs to understand before she tells me she’s taking off.
“Harper and Ivy are on their way. I told her I’ll meet her outside. You handle your business and if you need to talk, give me a shout,” Z says, lighting a smoke.
“Thanks, brother.”
“You should talk to her, Kace. Tell her everything,” he says, sitting down next to me.
I lift my brown eyes to his and grin. “Stop being a fucking chick. Feelings don’t need to be bled all over constantly. I know how to talk to another person.”
“Maybe shit could work out with you guys now, ya know,” he says, lifting his shoulders.
“Do you need a fucking tampon? Christ, stop already.” I stand up and grab my cigarettes out of the kitchen. “And smoke that shit outside. Ivy will be here, and my kid won’t be breathing in that fucking poison,” I say, walking out the front door.
Zane comes out after me and leans against the side of the house. “You’re gonna be a fucking great dad.”
I can’t even wrap my head around the idea, so I just nod, finishing my cigarette. My father was one of the best people on earth. He busted his ass to make sure that my mom and I had food on the table. He was fearless, funny, and loving. He taught me how to ride a bike, drive a car, and most importantly how to respect women. The irony could almost make me laugh.
“Stop over thinking shit. You aren’t him,” Zane says.
“Z, there are some things I might question in life, but that will never fucking be one. This has nothing to do with that. Don’t fucking bring it up again,” I growl.
He holds his hands up as headlights flash across the door. “Call if you need me,” he says, walking away. Sometimes I hate that he knows so much about me. It’s frustrating, especially when he starts acting like a chick with too many feelings.
I watch Ivy get out of the car and rush down to meet her. She gets to the small walkway when I do and I place my hand on the small of her back, guiding her to the door. Once inside, she looks around and for the first time in my life I have the urge to explain this house to someone who doesn’t know. I don’t though, not yet. We have more important things to discuss.
“Can I get you some water?” I ask.
“No thanks,” she quietly says.
“Come sit down, lets talk,” I say, waving my hand toward the living room.
She sits down in the chair, so I take the couch. She bites her lip and I smile at the memory of the last time she did that. It’s the reason she’s sitting here now. “So, this is your house?” she asks, still looking around.
I lightly laugh and reach over to squeeze her knee. She jerks back so fast I can still feel her skin under my hand. I shake my head and lean back against the couch, resting my arms behind my head. “Yep, this is my house.” The lightness I was just feeling is now gone, as is my sense of humor. “So, we need to talk about this.”
“Yeah okay,” she whispers, wrapping an arm around her stomach as if protecting it.
My eyebrows dip as I look at her. “Are you scared of me?”
“What happened to your face,” she asks, pointing to my stitches and swelling.
“A fight, no big deal,” I say, giving half a truth.
She slowly nods her head. “You realize you’re a grown man, right?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I ask through clenched teeth. She’s really pushing my buttons and I’m trying my hardest to not raise my voice.
“You aren’t some young kid fighting in the school yard. You’re an adult who should know better.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to try to get control of my anger. “There are some things worth fighting for no matter how damn old you are.” Her brown eyes search mine and I can’t read her at all. They tell me nothing. “You didn’t answer my question, do I scare you?”
“Your lifestyle scares me,” she says.
“My lifestyle?”
She rolls her eyes, rubbing her stomach. “The club, the fighting, the anger, the death. That’s your life.”
I can’t stop the anger this time. “That’s not my life,” I growl. “You judged me before you even knew me. When I had to drag you out of your house for your own protection, you screamed like I was killing you. You never gave me or any of us a chance to prove who we really are. My life is preventing fights, anger, and death. You’re just too fucking stubborn to see that.”
“I did judge you and I was right. I saw everything that happened with Harper. I heard you all torturing a man. I heard his screams of agony when he was shot multiple times. Do you have any idea how fucking scared I was? I still have nightmares about it. That shit isn’t normal, legal, or moral. Yet, you sip a beer and laugh with your friends like you just spent the day in an office doing paperwork. It’s a scary fucking life,” she yells, tears brimming her eyes.
I get up and kneel in front of her, grabbing her hands. I search her brown eyes, pleading with her to see I’m not a monster. “I do what needs to be done to protect the people I love. I will never apologize for that. I’m sorry you got pulled in with everything that happened with Harper, but we were protecting you, I was protecting you. What you heard at Souls, that never should have happened and that I will apologize for. We aren’t bad guys; we aren’t the enemy. No one loves more ferociously than we do, and no one will protect you better than I will.” Tears are running down her cheeks as she searches my brown eyes. “Is that why you’re going back to California? I don’t want you that far, I want you to come back here.”
She clears her throat and pulls her hands out of mine. She wipes her face and wraps her arms around her stomach again. “I’m going back to California because that’s where my life is now. It doesn’t matter what you want, Kace.”
I stand up as a fire of fury burns my skin, grabbing Zane’s empty glass from earlier and throwing it at the wall, shattering it, glass flying all over. Ivy shrieks and I turn to face her, my chest raising and falling rapidly with my heavy breathing. “It doesn’t matter what I want? That’s my kid too and I’ll be damned if you are going to keep him from me. My flesh and blood!” I yell. “My opinion matters.”
“I can’t stay here and raise a baby with someone like you,” she shouts, tears running down her beautiful face.
The words hurt more than they should. I’ve lost the fight in me as I sink down on the couch. She’s going to leave with my baby and I’ll never see them again. The pain is unbearable as I dr
op my head in my hands. I shouldn’t be surprised she’s leaving, that’s how it always ends. This time though, it hurts more than it ever has before.
Chapter 6
Ivy
I stare at Kace, confused by the sudden change. One second, he’s yelling and throwing shit, the next he looks ready to break down. Obviously, this is all a shock, but I’m trying to do what I think is best for me and the baby. Being here means being around the club and the violence and I don’t want that. Harper told me I need to talk to Kace about it, but I’m finding it difficult to do that right now, considering he just threw a glass at the wall.
“What are your plans for the baby?” he quietly asks, dropping his hands from his face. His deep brown eyes search mine, showing a bit of sadness or vulnerability, I’m not sure. But the stitches and swollen face keep distracting me, reminding me why I need to go back to California. He asked a question though and I need to be an adult.
I clear my throat, trying to find my voice. “I haven’t really thought about it. If you’re asking if I’m keeping it, yes. That’s all I know right now.” My stomach flips and I silently beg it to settle.
“Stay here. I can help you while you’re pregnant and after the baby is born, I want to be in his life. I want to be a father. Give me a chance, Ivy. Let me prove to you that staying here is the better decision. He’ll have two parents here,” he says, playing with his lip where his lip ring normally is.
Tears sting my eyes listening to him. I don’t want to be guilted into staying here. I need to do what is best for me and the baby. I’m not entirely sure staying here is best. I’m also not sure living so far away from Kace is best either. If my mom would’ve kept me away from my dad, I would’ve resented her. Especially knowing he wanted to be in my life. I can’t stop the tears before they roll down my cheeks.
Kace moves to his knees in front of me, grabbing my hands. “Move in here. It’s a huge house, I know it needs a lot of work, but I was planning on doing it anyway. It will be all brand new before he’s born. There are three bedrooms upstairs, so he can have his own room. Let’s do this,” he says, wiping my tears with his large thumb.
“We aren’t a couple, Kace. I can’t just move in here and play house. We have a lot to figure out, I know that, but I’m not gonna play house,” I say.
“Is that what you want?” he asks, searching my eyes. I tilt my head in question and he squeezes my hands. “To be a couple?”
I close my eyes, stopping his penetrating stare. If he would’ve asked me that six months ago, I would be falling into his arms. He’s too late and being a couple because I’m pregnant is ridiculous. But being here with him, having him so close to me, it does things to me. My skin tingles where he touches, my heart races when he speaks, and my panties get wet when he’s close. It’s confusing and considering my hormones are all over the place I don’t trust myself to make any logical decisions right now.
I open my eyes and Kace’s immediately collide with mine. The look on his face is fucking heartbreaking. He knows what my answer will be and I hate to be the reason he looks so defeated. I reach a shaky hand and place it on his cheek, careful not to touch any of his wounds. He tilts his head slightly, leaning into my small hand. “Kace, we can’t be a couple because I’m pregnant, you know that. You told me you weren’t looking for a relationship, this shouldn’t change that.”
He slightly nods his head and removes it from my hand. I miss the connection immediately, but he surprises me when he pulls my legs to be closer to him. He leaves his hands resting on my hips and it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. My mind goes back to the night we had sex and how indescribable it was. Being this close to him, having his hands on me, it makes me burn with a need to feel it all again.
“Let me take you on a date,” he says. His deep voice does things to me that I can’t even explain, but it’s his question that has me speechless.
I bite my lip as I look down at the leather chair. My hair is curtaining my face, making me feel a little more hidden in this moment. My heart is pounding, but I feel nervous as hell. I sigh and look up at him. “You’re just asking me that because you want me to stay. I have obligations in California that I can’t just ignore, Kace.”
“I get that. I’ll go back with you; help you get it all sorted. I’ll take you for a date in California,” he suggests.
“No, you aren’t coming back to California with me.”
“Why?”
The California Ivy and the Vegas Ivy are two completely different people. I don’t want to mix the worlds. It fucked up, I know that, but I can’t help how I feel. The thought of Mia meeting him makes me equally nervous and excited. I mean on one hand who the fuck wouldn’t be jealous, wanting to be with him? He’s gorgeous, insanely built, and covered in stunning artwork. He’s a bad boy and it’s sexy as hell. But on the other hand, I feel like both of us would be judged and as fucked up as it is, I don’t like being judged. There are no guys that look like Kace where I live and I’m not sure if they would like him or fear him. Hell, I don’t know which I feel.
“Kace, I don’t even know if I’m coming back.”
“Why are you making this so hard?” he asks, standing up taking all his warmth with him.
I sigh and wrap my arm around my non-existent belly. It’s becoming a habit. “Because I’m scared,” I whisper, deciding he deserves the truth.
“Scared of me?”
“Scared of what you’re mixed up with, scared of being pregnant, scared of being a mom, scared of falling for you, scared of being destroyed by you. I’m scared of everything,” I cry out.
He pulls me up and before I can question it, he slams his lips to mine. The shock only lasts a second before I melt into him. My head is telling me to stop, but my body is begging for more. He deepens the kiss and I’m reminded just how skilled he is with his tongue. His hands travel up and pull my hair slightly, making me moan in his mouth. Heat pools between my legs and I try squeezing them together to give myself relief. He knows how to play me and that thought is like a bucket of cold water.
I break the kiss, pushing on his shoulders. “Kace, stop,” I say, keeping my focus on the very old, nasty carpet.
“Ivy, you decide what you want and when you know, let me know,” Kace says, walking into the kitchen.
I sit down and sigh. I came here thinking he’d want nothing to do with me or the baby. I never expected him to have this reaction and I’m not prepared for it. Time is what I need right now. I need to decide what is best for me, the baby, and now Kace.
With my mind made up, I go into the kitchen. Kace is standing with his back to me, looking out the window to the dark night. “Hey,” I whisper. He spins around, leaning on the counter. “I need some time to think everything through. Is that alright?”
He crosses his muscular, tattooed arms as he stares at me. I’m not sure from his blank stare what to think, so I hold onto the counter with my right hand. “Now my opinion matters?” he asks, lifting an eyebrow.
“Kace,” I begin.
“It’s fine, Ivy. I don’t know why you need time to decide if you’ll allow me to be a part of my child’s life when I’m all but begging for just that, but whatever. Go take your time and give me a call when you decide what’s best.”
He doesn’t wait for me to reply, he walks past me and up the stairs. I call Harper as the tears run down my face.
I’ve been back in California for almost a week and finally decided to stop hiding. Mia has been blowing up my phone and I can’t keep telling my boss I’m sick. I got up this morning determined to go face them both. Once I have my hair curled, my makeup applied, I slip into my gray dress. I feel like myself today and it makes me smile.
Once I get to work, I get right to all the emails. I’m grateful Debra let me take the time off and had someone to fill in, but I’m happy to be back to my routine. I might still be learning, but I feel like maybe I belong here.
“Are you done avoiding me?” Mia asks, propping her hip
on my desk.
I look up into her blue eyes and sigh. “I’m sorry. I have so much I’m trying to figure out and I don’t know what to do.”
“So, avoiding me instead of asking for help was your solution?” she asks, lifting an eyebrow.
I bite my lip to stop from smiling. “I guess so.”
“Well that shit is done. I’ll be at your place tonight and you’re going to tell me everything. I’ll bring dinner.”
Much like Kace, she leaves without waiting for a reply. Is this the new way people talking to me now?
“We have a full day, Ivy. Are you sure you’re feeling up for it?” Debra asks as she comes in.
“Yes, thank you for the time off. I appreciate it.”
“Meet me in my office in five for some notes,” she says with a smile.
It’s nice to have the distraction of the endless thoughts in my head, so I smile as I get back to the emails. After a few minutes, I get my pad and pen, going into Debra’s office. She’s on the phone, so I sit down, waiting for her to finish. I listen as she talks about a new line she is trying to sell, and it amazes me how she can be so confident and convincing. She’s a pro at everything she does. It makes me realize I need to gain the confidence she has. Not just professionally, but personally.
“Sorry about that,” Debra says, sitting down as she pushes her glasses on top of her head. “I know we aren’t great friends and I’m your boss, but I want to say that you did the right thing.”
I tilt my head as my eyebrows dip low. “Taking time off?” I ask confused.
She smiles largely and leans forward toward me. “I completely understand you don’t want to talk about it, but putting your career first is the best decision.”
I lean back in my chair, putting the pad on my lap. “Debra, I’m honestly not sure what you’re talking about.”
“Sweetie, I know you were pregnant,” she quietly says, lifting her eyebrow.
Kace (Shattered Souls MC Book 3) Page 7
