The Halfway to Hell Club

by MARK J. McCRACKEN

  I took it on the heel and toe, and headed for the elevator.

  Marty called out. “Sean, please don’t ever tell Vinnie, I’m too ashamed for him to know. He warned me and the others about taking favors, we ignored him. Guess what? He paid for it.”

  As the elevators closed I could hear Marty in the distance sobbing.

  We all commit sins, it is human to error. Living with it is the hardest part.

  CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

  My Saturday started with bread making with Petey. I was finished by ten and got home in time to clean .45s until one. I was listening to the radio and working along when the phone rang. It was Vinnie Castellano.

  “Hey, buddy. Tonight’s the night?”

  “Correct you are, my friend.”

  “You got the ring, and you got your license?”

  “What, are you pushing me into retirement?”

  “Easy, cowboy. It was your idea to go soft and return to the bar. Wait, is that the drinking bar or the practice-of-law bar? I forget.”

  “Go talk to Mimi. You are better off talking to someone with the same mental capacity.”

  Vinnie chuckled. “Easy, pal. You better develop a little charm before dinner. I don’t think Kaitlin will appreciate the marriage proposal at gunpoint: Marry me or I’ll fill you full of lead, lady.”

  “Don’t worry, Daddy. I’m leaving the roscoe’s at home. This will be a gun-free marriage proposal. The whole idea, Vinnie, is for Kaitlin to say yes and not no.”

  “You keep telling me how smart she is. I don’t know what she sees in you.”

  “I’m hanging up now. I need to do something constructive like drive over to your house and shoot you.”

  Vinnie was laughing hard. “You have fun tonight and give Kaitlin our best. Don’t screw this up, O’Farrell.”

  “Thanks, Vinnie. I’ll see you at Mass in the morning.”

  I spent the rest of the afternoon giving the car a bath, then running over to the Standard station to fill up. I ironed a shirt for tonight. Then Aunt Cilia called from her house: the kitchen sink was backed up and Uncle Gino was at the restaurant. After my plumber duties were taken care of, Aunt Cilia told me how much they enjoyed meeting Kaitlin’s parents.

  “I understand you might be asking a question tonight?”

  “Yes, tonight I will be asking Kaitlin for her hand in marriage. I do have one question for you.”

  She looked confused. “Sure, what?”

  “You wanted to ask me that question all day. How much stuff did you have to jam down the drain to get it to plug?”

  Aunt Cilia howled. She gave me a big hug. “We are all proud of you. Now go get Kaitlin and ask that question.”

  Back home, I shaved, showered, dressed, and went off in the Ford in search of a future bride.

  I knocked on Kaitlin’s door and Shamus answered the door. He and Catherine were there. Gee, I wonder if they know what is going on? Kaitlin came out and she was as radiant as the first time I met her. She simply took my breath away.

  We got into the Ford and we went. I couldn’t help myself. “So the folks were just out for a walk and stopped by, did they?”

  Kaitlin was smiling and shaking her head side to side.

  “A wee bit of a smartass indeed.”

  “I told your father that I might be asking a very important question tonight.”

  She was all ears. “I’m listening.”

  “Well, it’s a little early, but, do you think the Yankees will make it to the World Series?”

  Kaitlin reached over and whacked my shoulder.

  “Ouch, this is going to hurt for weeks.”

  “Tough it out, big boy.” She giggled that wonderful giggle of hers.

  We arrived at John’s Grill and had a wonderful time. The food was world class. I had a steak, baked potato and asparagus. Kaitlin had pork chops with baked potato and apples.

  She commented that her appetite had finally returned. She was a little weak on Thursday and Friday at work, but was her old self today, she said.

  I had cheesecake and espresso, and Kaitlin had chocolate mousse and coffee. When our dessert arrived she started picking at my cheesecake.

  “Hey, that’s my cheesecake.”

  “Well, I wanted to try both.”

  It was fun skating around the issue. But it was about time to fish or cut bait.

  “Kaitlin, do you want to have children?”

  “Yes, very much. Do you know anyone willing to be the father?”

  “And you call me a wee bit of a smartass.”

  We talked for over an hour over coffee. It was just about time for the big question. I make sure I had the ring in my pocket. I paid the bill and took her across the street to the window at Samuel’s Jewelers. I asked her to look in the window and see if there was anything that caught her fancy. I asked the jewelry store to put a copy of my ring dead center in the window and give it the best light. Kaitlin went right for that one.

  “That one in the middle is beautiful.”

  “You have excellent taste, my dear.” I reached in my pocket for the ring. Then I lost my balance and fell forward into Kaitlin’s arms. At first I thought maybe I was sick. Then I heard the second shot. One had ripped into my left shoulder; the second went tearing through my right shoulder. Kaitlin was screaming and trying to hold me up. I slid to the ground, and Kaitlin was under me. She was screaming uncontrollably.

  I turned my head and heard the voice.

  “I told you, O’Farrell, that I would kill you.”

  It was Connie Morehouse. She was wearing a white full-length fur coat. She had a nickel-plated automatic in her hand.

  All I could say was, “Please don’t.”

  Connie laughed. “I’m going to shoot you dead, but first I think I’ll give you a little company for your trip to hell. Let’s just take out your bitch girlfriend.” She started to lower the gun.

  A gunshot sounded.

  In an instant my life flashed before my eyes. I have spent all my life trying to be a good man, doing the right thing, being honest. I spent my life in service to others, through works of charity and church. I was not a perfect man, I was anything but. I was imperfect, flawed, mistake-prone and weak. Every time I tell a lie, I go to confession and ask to be forgiven. I would have to go to confession on Sunday for telling a lie. I lied to my best friend Vinnie Castellano. Sometimes when you lie, it can be for a good reason. This was not one of these cases. I was weak; I was unable to say no to myself. I just simply could not control my internal struggle with myself to be ready for anything. I lied to my best friend. Could he forgive me? Would God forgive me? I just had to bring my guns, because you can’t be too careful.

  Connie Morehouse was standing three feet away from me with a bewildered look on her face. She looked like someone had bumped into her. She was walking around in a tight circle with the gun down to her side. She looked at her feet. She was questioning herself: Did I bump into something? Did I trip on something? Suddenly she stopped looking and transferred the gun to her left hand. She took her right hand and reached into her coat. It came back out covered in blood. She was outraged.

  “You son of a bitch. I’ll see you all the way in hell, O’Farrell.” She raised the pistol to fire.

  “My policy has always been, ladies first,” I said.

  I fired both .45s, one round at a time. Connie Morehouse danced in place like a marionette puppet. As each round exploded into her body, her arms flailed and her body contorted until she landed against the jewelry store window. The last four rounds blew out the window. Glass was everywhere. She slid down the wall to the sidewalk in a seated position, her white fur covered in blood. Her coat opened to reveal white lingerie. Her eyes were wide open. She was all done; she was taking the big dirt nap.

  I was flat on the sidewalk. I couldn’t move. I heard sir
ens in the distance.

  I called out for Kaitlin. There was no answer.

  Tommy D’Amato came running up the street. He got to me and told me to hang on.

  “Tommy, check on Kaitlin, check on Kaitlin.”

  “Sean, you are losing a lot of blood. I need to sit you up.”

  Tommy lifted me and leaned me against the street clock in the front of the jewelry store. It hurt a lot; my shoulders were throbbing like I have never felt before. Kaitlin was face up on the ground next to me. Her face was covered with blood. She wasn’t moving.

  I lifted my hand. It was covered in blood. I felt cold and damp. I couldn’t move my legs. I was cold.

  “It was such a shame to shoot holes in that beautiful fur coat,” I babbled. “Crap, this was a brand-new suit, I only wore it twice. They never explained what it was like getting shot in law school. They talked about never upsetting your clients to the point where they want to shoot you. Hey, Tommy, is there still an engagement ring in my suit pocket? I want to ask Kaitlin to marry me.”

  Kaitlin was not moving at all.

  “Tommy, what’s wrong with Kaitlin? Help Kaitlin will you. TOMMY, ANSWER ME, GOD DAMN IT!”

  I remember waking up with a lot of bright lights over my head. There were six faces close, all of them talking loudly. One gee was screaming for another unit of blood. “We are losing this guy,” he said. That guy was me, based on the way I was feeling. Then I heard something that made me go cold.

  “God damn it! Where the hell is Doctor Morehouse? She may the only doctor that can save this poor bastard.”

  I was laughing to myself. Is life full or irony or what? Everything went black.

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  I woke up in a strange place. I tried to sit up, but I discovered that I didn’t have the energy or the ability. I could move everything, just not very well.

  I was trying to clear my eyes, but things were blurry. I didn’t see anyone but I heard a female voice yell.

  “Doctor, he is coming to.”

  A guy in a white lab coat leaned over, six inches from my face. “Mr. O’Farrell, I’m Dr. Livingston. Do you know where you are?”

  I tried to move my arms. It was slow going.

  “Not really,” I said.

  “Mr. O’Farrell, do you know what day it is?”

  “It’s sunny out, it must be Sunday.”

  I don’t remember what he was saying, but I think I dozed off to sleep.

  When I woke up Vinnie Castellano was there.

  “Sean, how are you doing buddy?”

  “Hell if I know, Vinnie. You tell me. What’s the story, what happened?

  “Connie Morehouse came after you with a .32 caliber Smith and Wesson auto. She got off two rounds; she hit each shoulder. She managed to hit an artery and you lost a lot of blood. The doctor says you are very lucky to be alive. You lost a shitload of blood, pal.”

  I heard chuckling behind Vinnie. There was no mistaking Swede Amundson’s laugh.

  “Hey, O’Farrell you just cost me three bucks in the office pool. I bet you were going to bleed out or turn into a potted plant.” He laughed generously.

  Vinnie exploded. “Get out of here Swede, NOW.”

  “Hey O’Farrell stay weak and die already will ya.” I heard the door slam somewhere behind me, and that blood curdling laugh fading down the hall.

  “Why did the doctor ask me what day it was?”

  “Sean, you have been in a coma for ten days. After five days they weren’t sure that you would pull out of it, and if you did there was concern about brain damage. Not that your brain could be damaged any more than it is.”

  I looked around. “Funny. Where’s Kaitlin? Is she okay?”

  Vinnie was slow to respond, and that scared me. “Sean, Kaitlin wasn’t hit, but she was covered with your blood and she went into severe shock. Her breathing was very shallow. She was in the hospital for three days. They were worried for a while that she may have deprived her brain of oxygen. Don’t worry, she’s fine, but she is very fragile. Frankly, Sean, she’s a train wreck.”

  “When can I see her?”

  “Sean, she had a real trauma. She was psychologically wounded. She saw you blow Connie Morehouse away. The whole area was a bloodbath. She overloaded, Sean. She hasn’t left her house since the shooting. I talked to Shamus. He told me that Kaitlin doesn’t want to see you.”

  All I could manage was to sit up in bed. Vinnie bear-hugged me back down on the bed.

  I was dizzy, but I quickly got back on the important subject at hand. “You mean she won’t see me until I get out of here? I can understand that I…”

  Vinnie cut me off.

  “Sean, Kaitlin doesn’t want to see you ever again.”

  The words were slow to sink in.

  “Sean, she might change her mind someday, buddy, but that is down the road, way down the road. Shamus thinks it would be best if you kept away from her.”

  “Isn’t that nice of him? You can call them and tell them I came out of my coma.”

  Vinnie changed the subject. “We have been looking for Jimmy Chan. No can find.”

  “There’s the news of the century, what a surprise.”

  “The doctor wants me to get you up and start walking. He wants to throw you out of here as soon as possible. Do you feel like giving a walk a try?”

  “Let’s get moving, pal. I got places to go, people to see.”

  “Oh, you have plans already.”

  “Yeah, I have a couple of library books that are overdue. There is a redheaded librarian is going to send me to hell for being so late.”

  It was time to get the hell out of bed. I stood up and looked out the window. I wobbled like a drunk to the window. I opened the drawer of the table next to my bed. My butts were in there. My private-eye license was in there as well. It had a bullet hole and it was covered.in blood. I lit my smoke and threw the match into the ashtray. It was four in the afternoon and the fog was rolling in from the bay.

  I never felt so alone in all my life. It’s like I had joined the Halfway to Hell Club.

  Too bad there was a net.

  Sean O’Farrell will return in:

  The All the Way to Hell Club

  About the Author

  Mark McCracken ia an award winning author, travel writer, chef, and a retired U.S. Coast Guardsmen with 25 years of service. He followed his service as a high school English and Social Studies teacher as well as coaching sports. Mark is currently a Financial Management Analyst fo the U.S. Navy. Mark is a memeber of the Mystery Writers of America.

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  Also by MARK J. McCRACKEN

  A Sean O'Farrell Mystery

  The Halfway to Hell Club (Coming Soon)

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  Kitsap Publishing is a not-for-pay book publisher in the Pacific Northwest.

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