Dating My Brother's Best Friend

by Kate Swain

  “Thanks, man,” a tall guy said, lumbering over to the truck where I was hauling out two more boxes. “Let me help.” He was wearing a uniform and I guessed he worked for the wine company.

  “Thanks,” I said. Together, we carried the last load in. I stopped at the door, reluctant to reenter.

  “Come on,” the tall man said, grinning at me. “Aren’t you going to watch? The event’s starting. It’s not like you need a ticket, or something,” he added, clearly noticing my reluctance.

  I shook my head uncomfortably. I shouldn’t go in there. I wasn’t welcome. Maddy had made that clear. The whole city was welcome, except for me.

  “Maybe,” I said when he stepped over, opening the door for me. I hesitated, still not wanting to go in.

  “Hey!” Becca appeared behind me in the doorway, and I jumped. She grinned. She smelled like a flower and she had dark lipstick on. In a bubbly voice, she said, “Come on in!”

  She patted me on the back really hard, practically pushing me inside. I found myself in the studio before I knew what happened.

  I stared.

  The room had been transformed into an auditorium: a single spotlight fell on the front of the studio, illuminating a space perhaps six feet by six. It was separated from the rest of the guests as if by an invisible marker. Everybody was holding their breaths. They were waiting for something to start. There were at least fifty people there. It was a packed event and people were excited.

  The lights flickered twice and I watched as Maddy took center stage.

  She was dressed in a red dancing dress that revealed her muscled legs when she moved. The dress floated around her legs like a fire. She lifted long, graceful arms in a ballet pose and everyone went silent. Her back arched backward, and then she exploded into motion as the pace of the music picked up.

  The sound of violins grew and built like a storm, and Maddy danced.

  Suddenly, it was as if she was no longer a person, but instead a flame of fire in synch with the music. I watched her transfixed as she danced. She moved with a beauty that I had never seen or felt before. Her arms, her legs, her long hair—all of them flowed with the sound of the violins. She made poetry with her body and became one with the music. It was an expression of pure energy and beauty.

  When the music came to an end, I turned away. I was surprised to find myself weeping.

  I sniffed, feeling ashamed of myself. Adam was there in the front row, standing next to Becca who had somehow managed to get herself all the way to the front of the crowd before the performance started. What would they say if they saw me cry?

  Sniffing, I pushed my way out of the studio and into the front entry area. I was alone, thankfully.

  “Pull yourself together,” I whispered to myself. What was I thinking, standing there weeping like a child?

  I couldn’t help it, I realized. It was as if I was a child, seeing a wonder and beauty in the world that I had long forgotten about. I couldn’t stop seeing her in my mind; the graceful turns, the beautiful flowing movement that expressed music in a way I had never dreamed was possible.

  “Damn it.”

  I sniffed again, reaching into my pocket for a handkerchief. My chest felt sore, my heart aching with actual pain. I heard the door opening and the wine guy came out, a big smile brightening his face. I sniffed and turned away, not wanting to talk.

  “Great dancer, eh?” The wine guy said, shutting the door silently behind him. I nodded.

  “Yeah,” I said. My voice sounded utterly unlike me. I cleared my throat and walked out into the cold.

  When I was in my car, I leaned forward on the steering-wheel. My eyes were blurred with tears and I didn’t care. Here, in my car, I could express the pain I’d been hiding all week, the confusion and the sadness.

  “I was a fool.”

  I could have made a relationship with Maddy. I really could have. It might have taken some time to build trust and demonstrate my commitment to her, but gradually I would have convinced her brother I wasn’t a playboy anymore. I could have done it. Instead, I’d rushed things and messed things up. No wonder she could hardly look at me. What kind of a person has sex for the first time with someone and then disappear until her grand opening night for her dream studio?

  I leaned back in my car seat, breathing deeply. I had stopped crying, and I felt a strange inner-calm descending over me. I decided I had to do something.

  “I can’t let Maddy walk away from my life.”

  I had absolutely no idea how I was going to fix the mess I’d made, but I had to try to win the heart of the one woman who I knew I loved.

  I drove home, my mind a blur, unable to stop thinking about her. I shut my eyes, and I could see her body moving like a flame and as pure as music. I opened my eyes, and I saw her smile in the rain.

  She was beautiful, graceful, kind, fun and funny, and patient and understanding. I had no idea why I have been so stupid. But I needed to do something about it and I was going to.

  “I don’t want to say I never tried.”

  I looked at myself in the rearview mirror. I looked as much of a mess as before, and now my face was wet with tears, my eyes puffy from crying. All the same, there was a new light in my expression, a new sense of hope. I could do something. I had to.

  I pulled out my phone.

  “Carter?” I said as soon as he picked up the phone. “Listen, I am going to have to take a couple hours off work tomorrow. It can be in the afternoon or morning—it doesn’t matter.”

  I heard him take a breath. He wasn’t one to give us time off—we were his brothers, but that made him extra-strict because he did not want to look like he was doing us favors just because we were related. After a moment, I heard him sigh.

  “Okay. You can have time from two to five. But you’ll have to make up the time on Saturday.”

  “Thanks, Carter.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. “Thank you.”

  “Is there something wrong?” Carter asked. “Is there anything you need, or…”

  “It’s nothing like that,” I said swiftly. “I just need to sort something out.”

  “Okay. But if you need help, let me know.”

  “Thanks,” I said again, feeling touched and a little emotional. “I will.”

  After we said our goodbyes, I looked out through the window into the dark yard. It was slightly brighter, and I realized the front door of the building was open. I could see into the studio. I stared in. The place was bright and cheerful, Christmas lights and tinsel brightening it on this winter evening. I could see people packed into the space, and Maddy, in the middle, dressed in red, looking amazing.

  I watched her walking around the hall, talking to people, laughing happily. She was alive in this space. She was a dancer, and a teacher, and this was her world.

  I had no part in it.

  I took a deep breath and turned away from the scene, focusing on my driving. I should get home. The clock showed nine o’clock. It was getting late and I had to be up early for work tomorrow.

  As I drove away, I let myself imagine what it would be like if I could have whatever future I wanted. I owned my very own garage one day, a loving partner, and maybe even a child. I smiled to myself, feeling my heart ache. The only person I had ever met that made me want all of that was Maddy.

  I had to try and do something.

  21

  Maddy

  I walked around the empty studio. The place smelled of perfume, food and wine. There were plates and empty glasses everywhere. It was chaos. It would take most of tomorrow morning to clean up. I felt happy as I relaxed.

  “What an evening.”

  I sighed and sat down on a chair.

  I relived the evening, sitting in the now-silent studio. The evening had been exhausting but exciting. I recalled talking to several dozen people I met for the first time, and making new friends. I would never, in my wildest dreams, have imagined that there were so many people who were interested in what I had to of
fer.

  “Whew.”

  I shut my eyes. It had been exhausting, but I had enjoyed every second. I looked around the room, trying to decide where to start tidying up.

  I would leave most of it for tomorrow, but there were some things I should do tonight. I put the remaining plates and food into the trash can. I also gathered the wine glasses, placing them back in their shipping crates, because they could break.

  As I tidied up the glasses, I thought of Mark. I remembered that he carried the wine in earlier. His cheeks had been flushed from the cold, his hair wet from the rain. He had looked at me with eyes filled with hurt and I had almost melted.

  I shut my eyes again, remembering how, in one brief moment in my dance, I saw him standing at the back of the crowd. He had watched me as I danced. His eyes expressed so much admiration and love for me.

  “You imagined it,” I chided myself.

  I might be wrong. I might have seen him, or I might have spotted another tall man with blue eyes who looked like Mark. I was actually unsure now. Besides, when I’d looked around after my dance, Mark was definitely not around.

  “Probably some other guy.”

  In any case, my thoughts right now reminded me how much I still cared about Mark. I sniffed. I looked down at myself, the red dress swaying around my ankles. I was not going to let Mark upset me again. I had a successful evening to be happy about.

  “And thirteen people signed their kids up.”

  I still couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t imagined it was possible that I could get so many students from my opening night. But it had happened. I had thought maybe four or five people might actually sign. But I was looking forward to a full first class! And it would start on Tuesday.

  I sighed. I really needed to get home to bed if I was going to be ready for my first lesson on Tuesday at three p.m. I’d have to get all the cleaning done tomorrow morning, and freshen the place up. I went over to the table to finish tidying up plates and glasses.

  I left the studio at eleven p.m. I turned off the heating and the lights, got into my truck and drove home. As I made the drive, my worries from the day began to surface. I needed to drop by the pharmacy tomorrow. I was determined to get that pregnancy test.

  I needed to know for sure.

  I went into the house, glad that it looked like nobody was home.

  “Maddy! That was amazing,” Adam called from the kitchen. “Come on, I got us a pizza. You must be hungry. There wasn’t much to eat after that big crowd showed up. They ate everything in sight!” Mark was walking up the hallway and turned on the light.

  “I’m okay,” I said, paused on the stairs. “I’m really tired, Adam. I need to sleep.” I clung to the railing on the stairwell, feeling exhausted.

  “Okay.” He shrugged. He looked a little upset. I walked up the stairs, too tired to do anything else. I needed time alone to think.

  I thought I would stay awake, worrying. But to my surprise I fell immediately into a deep sleep. I woke up the next morning rested, though a little stiff and cold.

  “Oh, heck,” I murmured. It was eight o’clock already, which meant I needed to get to the studio and finish cleaning up. At ten, the catering firm would collect the tables and other things. I also wanted to stop by the pharmacy.

  I jumped out of bed, showered, and got dressed. I was going to throw on a t-shirt, but I paused, taking time to put on a nice blouse. As the owner of the dance studio, I didn’t want to look messy.

  I tied my hair back in a braid, made coffee, grabbed a bagel out of the cupboard and ran to the truck.

  I stopped at the pharmacy and grabbed a pregnancy test from the shelf. I was glad they were there. Weirdly, I would have felt odd asking for one.

  “That’s all, ma’am?”

  I nodded and paid, tucking it into my purse.

  “I’m glad I can do the test at the studio.”

  If I did it at home, there was always the possibility that Adam might see it. It felt safer at my studio.

  I arrived and got to work. I grabbed a broom started sweeping up. I needed to get everything done before the caterers arrived. I was still working on the floors when the doorbell rang.

  “Morning, ma’am. We’re from Farm-Fresh Catering.”

  “Oh, great! Thanks. There are your tables.” I said, pointing to a stack against the wall.

  “Great. Thank you.”

  By one p.m., everything finally looked good. The tables and other goods had been collected, the floors were clean, and the decorations were packed up. I sat down on a chair, feeling exhausted.

  “Whew.”

  I contemplated going home for lunch, but I remembered one more thing I had to do. I dug into my bag to find the test and went into the bathroom.

  I had just finished using it when I heard a buzz at the door.

  “Damn it,” I swore, still waiting for the test to register.

  I shoved it into my handbag, walked to the front door, and opened it.

  I stared at the person on the step.

  22

  Mark

  I looked down as Maddy stared at me. She was very surprised I was there. She had been cleaning the studio. Her hair was drawn back from her face in a braid, small locks of it escaping to touch her smooth skin. She was wearing a blue blouse that brought out the color of her eyes.

  Once her surprise wore off, she looked at me in disbelief. I felt really nervous. I was there to talk, to try and sort things out, but it looked like she was growing more and more focused the longer we faced each other in the doorway.

  “Hi,” I said hesitatingly. “I wanted to come to talk. I hoped you might be here. Do you have a moment?”

  Maddy frowned. “Talk?” she said. I nodded.

  “Yeah.” I could smell the scent of her lavender perfume and see the details of her beautiful eyes. It was dangerous to be so close to her. Being here, in this studio, so close to her again, brought back all of the memories from our lovemaking, when I had held her in my arms and kissed her passionately and fully. These thoughts and emotions threw me off a little.

  She raised her eyebrow and I felt my stomach twist tightly.

  “Mark, I know you,” she said before I even started.

  I had not expected that, not in a million years. I paused, then asked, “You do?”

  She put her head on one side. “I know who you are and why you did what you did.”

  I could tell that she had made up her mind about me and it was not good. “It isn’t like that…” I began. She shook her head.

  “I know it is,” she said softly. “And I’m not mad at you.”

  “You aren’t?” I stopped, caught off guard again. “Maddy… you probably should be.”

  I wouldn’t have expected myself to say that either. Not in a million years. I cleared my throat as she looked down at her feet.

  I wanted to touch her hand and I ached to rest my face on her hair and kiss her, but I thought that would be a stupid thing to do. She clearly did not want any of that from me at the moment.

  “I’m not angry, Mark,” she said softly. “It would be stupid to be angry.”

  “Maddy, no,” I said, feeling my outrage and hurt get the better of me for a moment. “It wouldn’t be stupid to expect better of me.”

  “Oh?” she raised an eyebrow and this time I detected a hint of a smile. Weary, patient, but there.

  I smiled back. I couldn’t help it. Even a small gesture of possibility moved me. “Well, maybe it is stupid to expect better of me,” I grinned. “But, Maddy. I made a terrible mistake. I know that. I regret it more than you know.”

  She grinned, and this time she gave a real smile, full of warmth and playfulness. “Well, you should regret what you have done,” she said, putting her head back so she could hold my gaze. “You ought to regret something at least once in your life.”

  “Maddy,” I said, letting my eyes drop so they focused on the ground. I couldn’t look into her eyes and let her see that I was almost crying. “I regret how I
treated you more than anything in my entire life.”

  “Well, don’t.” Her blue eyes looked hard into mine, piercing my heart.

  “Maddy…”

  “Don’t regret it,” she said firmly. “It was fun, it was different, and now you can move on to your next conquest.”

  “No!” Impulsively I reached out my hand and took her fingers in mine before I could stop myself. “Maddy… no.”

  She looked down at our hands. Her fingers tightened on mine. I saw her hesitate, thinking about pulling her hand out of my grip. I let my own fingers go limp. She hesitated for a moment, then let go. Our hands hung at our sides, powerfully representing how we were not together.

  “I didn’t mean to behave like that,” I said softly. “It was a mistake to not call you and talk with you. The fact is, I love you.”

  There. I said it. I hadn’t thought I could. She stared at me. Her blue eyes held mine. I saw her take a step back, then another. She blinked and I could see she was trying not to cry.

  “Maddy, I love you,” I said, my voice tight in my throat. Now that I had gotten those words out, other emotions and feelings came more easily. “I love you and want to be with you. I didn’t mean to disappear. I didn’t want to be that way with you. I wanted things to be different. If I could do it again, I’d communicate with you, share my feelings with you, and plan our lives together. I really would.”

  She was thinking, regaining her focus. I didn’t know what to say or to do. I felt more pain in my heart now than I could remember feeling in a long time. My parents’ death had been painful, devastating really, but that was more than ten years ago now. This pain was fresh and raw.

  She was smiling lightly, but her eyes projected a profound sadness.

  “Mark,” she said in a tender voice, “I don’t know if things would have been different, even if we’d taken more time and had more conversations.”

  “No?” I stared. I felt like the roof had caved in on me, crushing my body and soul. I had thought that there might be a chance to start over. Now that seemed unlikely.