Eye of the Beholder

by M. D. Grimm

  He lifted his head and met my eyes again.

  I blinked.

  His mouth thinned. “Of course you’re safe with me. Why do you sound so surprised?”

  I closed my eyes.

  He didn’t question me further. He licked the wound on my arm, then moved down my body and took off my pants. It was so like me to be self-conscious despite hovering at death’s door. Though I had no blood to blush, there was no mistaking the sensation of his tongue along my calf. If the situation was different, I would have been aroused. As it was, I had no blood for anything, the little in me working hard to keep my heart and brain alive.

  Then Cassius hovered over me again. “Just a little, Vulcan.”

  My mouth was open, my breath still rattling. He bit his thumb and pressed the wound to my tongue. It tasted like, well, blood. Iron and salt and blah. It was disgusting, but I wanted to live. My mouth and throat were dry, and I struggled to swallow. I could barely do it. He tightened his jaw. He pulled away, and if I could have spoken, I would have shouted at him to stay with me. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to die alone.

  “You’re not going to die!”

  I whimpered at his shout.

  He came back seconds later with a glass of water. He cupped the back of my head and slightly lifted it so he could tentatively trickle water into my mouth. I struggled to swallow but managed it. Then he held his thumb over the glass, allowing a few drops of blood to redden the water. The glass wasn’t even half-full, so I managed to drink it all. Then he laid me back down, his brows still furrowed in concern.

  He stroked his hand over my head before smearing more blood over my wounds. Not a lot of blood, just a thin layer over the saliva.

  He watched me after that as I drifted in and out of consciousness. I didn’t know for how long. Every time I drifted back, he was there, holding my hand.

  More time passed, and I finally gave in to my desire once again. I didn’t know if his ministrations would work or if they were simply putting off the inevitable. I wasn’t going to die without once again knowing… at least a little… what it would be like to be with him for real.

  Hold me.

  Without hesitation, he did. He lay in the bed next to me, one arm under my head, the other lying gently over my chest, fingers splayed above my heart. I slept after that.

  Chapter Ten

  I woke up.

  I was alive.

  I took a deep breath, and it didn’t rattle, though my throat was sore. Huh. I moved my head, and a slight headache was all the protest I received. Bigger huh. I was one big bruise, sore and achy, but I could move my limbs. I wiggled my toes and fingers and turned my head to see Cassius fast asleep next to me. A glance at the wall clock told me it was one o’clock. Daytime. That meant the day sleep would turn Cassius into a lump of useless meat. Considering his age, he couldn’t wake up for anything or anyone.

  Wow. He certainly put a bunch of trust in me to sleep outside a coffin. He was utterly helpless during the day, and yet there he was, right beside me.

  I stared at him as I took stock of my body’s condition. He’d saved my life. In doing so, our bond was now deeper. It was unavoidable. We’d shared blood. He’d licked my wounds. He’d consumed my blood, then I his. Even when I had my barriers back in place—which I worked on right now—he could breeze past them. That annoyed me, and that was all it did. It didn’t frighten me or worry me in the least. Was that what trust felt like? I trusted him not to dive into my brain and rearrange anything in there. The few times he’d popped into my mind before had been to help or save me.

  I took a deep breath and sluggishly sat up. His arm dropped into my lap, and my heart jumped. I eyed him despite knowing he was unconscious. I pushed his arm off me and set my feet on the floor. Taking my time, I managed to stand and yanked the IV out of my arm. He must have gotten the pole and fluid bag from Her Grace. She probably knew about all of it. With my mayday, every vamp in the vicinity would have known I was near death, and Cassius was the one to come. I wasn’t sure how far my mental blast would have traveled, but even if Her Grace didn’t experience it herself, one of her coven would have told her. Or Cassius himself. I just hoped none of them had witnessed the after, the saliva and blood treatment.

  Interesting that Her Grace hadn’t sent her own mortal medical doctor to care for me. Well, maybe she had, and I’d been too out of it to notice.

  My dry mouth could no longer be ignored, and my stomach growled. It felt like I had a bottomless pit where it should be. I gripped my belly as I noted my arm and shoulder wounds, and then my calf. Under the thin coat of dried blood, they were ugly shades of red, yellow, and green, but they were closed, new skin covering them in record time. I checked my side. It looked the same.

  Thank you, Cassius.

  I cringed when I took in the level of filth coating me. I needed a shower. My stomach growled again. Food first. I shuffled out of the bedroom and into the living room with attached kitchen. Despite having visited Cassius’s condo before, I’d never cooked in there before. I usually grabbed takeout if we decided to have a night in. As expected, his kitchen was immaculate from nonuse.

  I doubted I would find anything for a human to eat, but I had to look. When I reached the fridge, there was a sticky note on the freezer that said, simply, Pizza. He had pizza. God, at that moment, I loved the hell out of him.

  I yanked open the freezer door and grabbed a pizza box. I ripped open the package, and it didn’t take me long to figure out the oven and stick it in. I bit my thumb, hungry enough to gnaw on the pizza box because it smelled so damn good. Why couldn’t he have fruit hanging around? Freaking vampires.

  I drank water while I waited, soothing my angry throat.

  The oven dinged an eternity later, and I barely remembered a dishtowel to keep from burning my hands. I did burn my mouth on melted cheese as I bit into the first piece with relish. I didn’t care. Food. Pizza. I ate half the pie before popping in another one. Then I finished the first and got myself more water before sitting on the counter and watching the second pizza cook. I sipped and replayed last night. Jesus, that was way too close. If Cassius had been even five minutes later….

  I shuddered and hugged myself.

  Time ticked by. I ruminated on it more. I frowned. Vampires were predators. Above and beyond everything else, at their core they were instinctual and hungry, always searching for weakness to exploit. They were top predators and proud of it.

  So why was it when I was downed prey, bleeding all over the place, Cassius saved me? I even coughed blood in his face. But he did nothing but care for me, heal me, protect me. Any other vampire, even Her Grace, would have fallen to instinct and sucked the rest of me bone dry. He’d tasted my blood, licked my wounds, but somehow fought his natural predatory instinct to devour and instead saved me.

  The argument could be made he thought me a pet but not quite a thrall. Vampires were highly possessive and protective of their thralls, for obvious reasons. They doted and cherished them, finding enjoyment in lavishing their feedbags with gifts and comfort. Yet even a vamp master would have sucked a cherished thrall dry in my position.

  I pondered all the times I’d spent alone with him. Sure he had the predatory vibe, but I never once felt it turned toward me. Even with the duchess, I stayed on guard. With him it was too easy to forget what he was. As for gifts, well, Cassius was no slouch. I had a few dozen ancient Roman coins, two daggers with jeweled hilts from the Byzantine Empire—in a display case, of course—and a jade statue from the time of the Eastern Han Dynasty in China. Not to mention the Vulcan figurine at Christmas. All items that should be in museums, I knew, but they were his for centuries, and he gave them to me personally. No way could I turn them down.

  I let out a low whistle. My gut tightened, and all that nice pizza churned painfully. I rubbed my stomach. I was too gone the night before to consider his actions, but now I did. Why did I mean so much to him? Why would he go through the trouble? I was just one puny h
uman.

  I shook my head, amazed and supremely grateful. I was only alive because of him.

  I ate half the second pie before finding the strength to take a shower. I couldn’t find my clothes anywhere, and I knew they were trashed. My poor jacket. At least my arm socks and cuff blades were sitting on the table in the living area, along with my phone, keys, and boots. They were still splattered with blood and gore, but I could clean that up. The shower was as hot as I could stand it, and I stood under the cascading water, braced against the wall. I tossed my underwear in his washer and grabbed a robe. It was ridiculously big on me but comfortable nonetheless.

  Had he found pleasure in licking me? I blushed. Great, I had enough blood to do that now? Yeesh.

  I scowled at the stray thought. I’d been wounded and filthy. Why would he?

  Exhaustion dragged me down, and I sat on one of his comfy sofas, waiting for the washer to ding. My eyelids grew heavy and kept trying to close. I fought against the urge until I transferred my underwear to the dryer. Only then did I give in and stumble into the bedroom. I decided to indulge myself, because I nearly freaking died, and curled into Cassius’s arms, pulling one of his around my body. I pushed my face into his chest and took steady breaths. I began to tremble, the shock and horror of the attack finally making its way past my rational brain and to my emotions. I clung to Cassius’s still body, and he anchored me.

  I focused on his heartbeat, which was slower than my own. I counted the seconds between each beat. It calmed me.

  When the trembling passed, I was wrung out. I pulled the blankets over both of us and fell asleep.

  Someone kissing my forehead woke me up. I jerked and popped my eyes open. Once again I found myself forgetting the rules of survival by staring directly into Cassius’s bold blue eyes. I pushed away and lowered my gaze. I felt his arms tense, but he didn’t try to hold me captive. I scooted toward the edge of the bed, putting some distance between us. I still wore his robe, and that was all I wore. I flushed and cursed myself. My mental barriers were up, and I didn’t feel any intrusion on his part, so my thoughts were once again secret.

  Cassius propped himself on one arm and regarded me somberly. “You look better. How do you feel?”

  “Alive.” I stared at his nose. “Thanks to you. You saved my life.”

  “Of course I did. Why does that surprise you?”

  I didn’t answer. I sat up and scrubbed a hand over my hair. Cassius let out a very small, very telling sigh.

  “Did you find the pizza?” he asked.

  “Yes. Thank you again.”

  “You need to regain your strength, and I’ve yet to meet a mortal who doesn’t love pizza. I’ve watched you inhale an entire pie enough times to know that.”

  I smiled at him. “I pity you for never knowing the pleasure of eating melted cheese, crispy dough, and steaming meat.”

  He chuckled and rolled out of bed. It was amusing to see his clothes so wrinkled and his hair mussed. He was too often pristine and tailored, nary a hair out of place. I liked it when he let himself go.

  I made sure the robe was securely closed and tied before standing and walking past him into the bathroom. When I came out, he’d left the bedroom. I hurriedly grabbed my now-dry underwear and slipped it on. I felt slightly better for having an extra barrier between my erection and his eyes. Then I entered the kitchen to finish the rest of the pizza. Meanwhile Cassius grabbed his tablet and began doing work on it. I assumed it was work, anyway. I smiled, still secretly amused to see ancient beings using modern tech.

  “It knew me,” I said a few minutes later.

  Cassius looked over. “Pardon?”

  “The ghoul. He said, ‘Bye-bye, blacksmith.’ The damn thing targeted me.”

  Cassius narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip on the tablet. “Yes, one of them said as much before I beheaded him. You aren’t the only associate of the coven to be attacked. A few vampires have recently lost thralls to the ghouls.”

  “What’s their end game?”

  “I couldn’t say.”

  I brooded over the pizza. The ghouls could do some real damage if they attacked a considerable number of thralls. Without them, the vampires couldn’t function in the human-dominated planet. There was great trust and loyalty between master and servant, and such things didn’t form overnight. Often families devoted themselves to a single master, allowing that vampire to remain connected to the human world for years.

  When I finished eating, I couldn’t avoid the inevitable. “I should probably get home—”

  “Don’t you want your present?”

  I frowned at the cheerful tone. “Uh. Sure. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

  “You always say that.”

  “And you always ignore me.”

  He smiled and set down the tablet before walking into the other bedroom. A moment later he returned with a long white box tied with a red ribbon. He held it out to me and I took it, excited and anxious. Accepting gifts always made me feel awkward.

  “Thanks.”

  “Open it.”

  “Right.” I set it on the table in the living room and yanked at the ribbon. It fell away, and upon opening the box, I gasped. A brand-new leather jacket lay inside. I pulled it out and knew from sight that it was tailor-made for my size. I stroked my hand over the supple leather and played with the zippers along the waist and arms.

  “Happy birthday, Vulcan.”

  I got a little misty-eyed and kept my face down. I wanted to hug the jacket to my chest and spin in a circle, squealing. I would do that when I was home alone. The ghouls had destroyed my other one, and I couldn’t have asked for a better replacement. And I suspected it was also armored, considering the thickness and weight.

  The urge to hug him was strong, but I couldn’t trust myself to touch him.

  “Thank you so much,” I said when I was certain my voice wouldn’t crack.

  “You are very welcome. Just so you know, there are a number of hidden pockets and slits in the jacket. I dare you to find them all.”

  I laughed and slipped it on despite the robe. It settled along my shoulders and was the perfect length. “I fucking love it.”

  I blinked my eyes dry and grinned at him. He smiled and nodded, then reached out and touched my shoulder. Squeezed.

  “It’s good to see you smile. There were a few moments last night when I worried I would never see it again.”

  My heart hurt. I gripped his hand. “I’m right here. Good as new.”

  He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head. I barely contained a shudder. I slowly stepped back, and he dropped his hand. Breathe. In and out.

  “I don’t want to cut and run, but considering the circumstances, could you drive me home? We can reschedule or something, okay? Oh, did you recover my motorcycle?”

  “The duchess has it,” he said, scrutinizing me. What was going through his mind? “I kept her apprised of your condition. She’ll be delighted to know you’re making a swift recovery.”

  I nodded and played with one of the zippers. “Yeah, about that. Did she ask, uh, how I was making such a swift recovery?”

  “Yes.”

  I swallowed hard. “You told her about the—the blood?”

  “Yes. She isn’t angry, Vulcan. She’s happy you’re alive. You must know she has affection for you.”

  I rubbed the back of my neck, staring at the floor. “I’m not afraid of her being angry. I’m just, uh, unsettled with the idea that we shared blood. I’m an independent agent. I shouldn’t belong to any coven or pack. Doesn’t the fact that we shared blood, and you’re part of her coven, mean I belong to her coven now? That isn’t going to work.”

  “Let me put your mind at ease,” he said. “I may be friends with the duchess, but I don’t belong to her coven, or any coven. I am independent as well. You would belong to me if you were to belong to anyone. However, because of the reason behind our sharing of blood, I don’t claim you. You are free to do as you wish, just
as you were before.”

  His voice grew tenser as he continued to speak. I glanced at him. His expression never changed, but I sensed he had a problem with the fact he couldn’t claim me. I told myself it was vampire instinct and their need to claim and possess. I firmly quashed the little voice in my head calling me an idiot.

  “Okay.” After an awkward pause, I said, “Will you take me home now?”

  He hesitated, then nodded.

  “I will change my clothes. Then we can go.”

  We were silent throughout the drive, only light music sounding from the radio. I felt weird wearing nothing but a robe, a leather jacket, boxer briefs, and boots. He’d given me a bag to put my other items in. Thank God I didn’t lose my keys. Cassius could have used his supernatural speed to deposit me home, the same speed he used to save my life, but he didn’t offer to, and I didn’t ask. I liked the car ride, and once we left the city behind, it was quieter, the sky prettier, and Cassius could really let his car loose. I didn’t so much as flinch at the speed. I relaxed into the drive, enjoying being alive.

  I gave him directions to my home, realizing the big step I was taking. I didn’t invite anyone to my sanctuary. Only Charlie the limo driver had ever been near my house, and he always picked me up at the end of my private drive. It was impossible to keep my home secret, despite it being under my legal name, considering the duchess’s and the Red Moon’s resources, and that it used to belong to Dain, but I certainly discouraged visitors ruthlessly.

  Until Cassius. Well, when a vampire saves you instead of eating you, trust is a natural product of that.

  Soon enough he pulled into my private drive, rolled over about a mile of gravel, and then stopped right in front my house. Now I stared at him, waging an internal battle.