When she looked up at him, he saw the tears lining her eyes.
“I don’t ever want to make you cry,” he said, leaning forward and softly kissing her brow. He hugged her against him, kissing the crown of her head. “Forgive me, Sahma. You did nothing wrong.”
“Then what is it?”
He sighed, leaning away from her. “You must notice how you’ve changed.”
“Changed? I’m the same as I’ve always been,” she offered as innocently as the look in her eyes.
“Yes and no,” he said, helping her to stand. “You’re still my dearest friend whom I love, and nothing will ever change that. However, you’ve matured since we’ve known each other. When first we met, you were a skipping young girl, and now, you’re a beautiful young woman, and your body reminds me of this when I look at you.”
“Isn’t that pleasing to you?”
“Pleasing?”
“Yes, Ahvixx. When you look at me, is it pleasing to see me as a woman and your friend?”
“I’m always pleased with you,” he said, restructuring his thoughts. “What I mean to say is that as a woman—a very beautiful woman—sometimes I can’t control my natural, physical reaction to you. You are very appealing, Sahma. This doesn’t change how I feel about you as my friend; it’s just an unexpected variable. I thought our friendship would negate any attraction beyond that of admiration. But seeing you moving from the water and…and your tunic…” he left his words there, shaking his head again. “You’re a very attractive woman.”
“Is that all?”
“All? Isn’t that enough?”
“Ahvixx, I’ve always found you attractive. Your eyes were the first I noticed. Well, other than the comb tangled in your hair.” She smiled. “I told you that I thought your eyes were beautiful, and I still think the same. You’ve changed, too, you know? Your body is more toned and developed, and you don’t slump anymore. Do you really believe that I haven’t imagined how it would feel to kiss you? Not a mere touch, but to really kiss you.”
The shock of her always truthful statements set him back both mentally and physically. “You’re attracted to me?”
“Is that so difficult to believe?”
“I…I just didn’t think you thought about me in such a manner. You’ve never…well…I didn’t think you could consider me that way. We’re friends, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that for all of Nazil’s gold.”
“Nor would I, but I’m not blind, either. I wish you could see with my eyes.” She stroked his face. “But don’t worry, our friendship hasn’t changed, not to me. Ahvixx, you’re an attractive man, one that I could love beyond that which we now share. There’s no other person in all of Faélondul that I’d want to share such closeness than you. I love you and cherish the relationship we have. Whatever experiences lie before us, they’ll be treasured just as our friendship is.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, not turning from his eyes. “You’re the one person who could help me understand and discover the many secrets of love. I could kiss you with all I have within me and that love wouldn’t change.”
His brow creased, admiring her cherubic features. There was such love and sincerity in her eyes. He loved her, and her eyes spoke the same.
The many secrets of love, he thought, returning her smile.
Although uncertain, he leaned forward, kissing her again. It was the most passionate kiss they’d shared: seeming more a display for lovers than of friends, and his arousal told him the same. When he stepped back, her smile broadened.
“And still I love you as my dearest friend.”
Ahvixx laughed aloud, tossing back his head before regarding her again. “I love you, too,” he said, taking one of her hands. “Mayhaps we should return before the diminishing sun takes all the warmth from us.”
She nodded, interlacing their fingers. She didn’t miss the significant bulge in his trousers, and she grinned, keeping those thoughts to herself.
Ahvixx’s thoughts were still on Sahma when he finally extinguished his lantern and shuttered his window. After stoking the fire in his hearth, his mind wandered as he undressed. He had to laugh, thinking about their time at the lake. His sister had been right. Only, he was the one who seemed unable to resist the woman that Sahma had become.
He shook his head, crawling into the warmth of his bed. After offering the usual prayers, he burrowed beneath the covers, closing his eyes.
Even in the peace of his room, sleep was elusive. Images of Sahma emerging from the water pervaded his thoughts. He attempted to focus on her face, but the curves shown through the sheer material overwhelmed those innocent features, causing a substantial rise beneath his covers.
“She’s your dearest friend,” he said aloud, thinking the reminder was needed.
His sleep was fitful at best. After drinking a glass of water, he slid back beneath the covers with her image still in his mind.
“No, certainly not a priest,” he chuckled.
As he closed his eyes, a soft knock caused them to blink back open. He sat up in the bed, slack-jawed as Sahma rushed inside, latching the door behind her.
“Sahma?” he said as loud as he dared. “What are you doing?”
She hushed him, slipping out of her gown. His eyes nearly burst from their sockets, watching her approach his bed naked and unafraid.
“Wa…wait…what are you doing?” he asked in near panic, pulling the covers tight around him.
She slid in next to him, drawing some cover over herself. “Can’t I lay with you?”
“What? No. No, you can’t lay with me, not like this. You need to leave now before someone comes.”
“I can’t leave, Ahvixx. The guards were approaching when I came. They won’t make another round for some time. If I left, they’d see me.”
“Please, you can’t be here.” His eyes widened, hearing nothing but the ictus of his heart thrumming loudly in his ears.
“How’s this different than when we lay together any other time? Don’t you enjoy feeling the warmth of my skin against yours?” She moved closer, forcing his arm up high and taking a place on his chest. Her hand draped across his waist, and she snuggled in to him. “You see, it’s the same, only feeling your bare skin against mine is more pleasing.”
He jerked, trying to slide away, but the wall prevented his retreat. His wide eyes frantically searched his room before finding hers again.
“Sahma?” he whispered with a voice full of fear. “At least allow me my clothes.”
“What? But I thought you wanted to share this with me,” she said, gliding a hand down his chest. “I love how you feel, Ahvixx.”
He gasped, twisting his torso too late to prevent her fingertips from brushing his manhood. She stopped suddenly, feeling the rigidness increase with her touch.
“Shouldn’t your navel be up here,” she said, continuing to explore. “How far can it reach?”
He sprang up in the bed, moving her hand away.
“No. I can’t do this. Either you or I must leave. I…I…I can’t be tempted in this manner. Please, Sahma, I need to go.”
“Tempted? I’m not tempting you, Ahvixx. I only want to share myself with you. I…I saw your excitement at the beach and want to understand and experience all of you. Don’t you want the same?”
She took his hand, resting it on her breast. “I saw you looking at me, too. Don’t you want to know how it feels? Haven’t you ever thought about what it would be like to touch me?” she asked, as easily as requesting a passing of bread.
He didn’t retract his hand right away. Her softness and warmth were more gratifying than he’d ever imagined. He had thought about making love to her, he’d dreamt of it often. Too often. But this wasn’t a dream: she was here beside him. Gently, he squeezed and massaged her chest, caressing a nipple between his fingers. When she moaned, he quickly withdrew his hand.
“Ahvixx, why’d you stop?”
“I stopped because it’s wrong. You are my dearest friend, but we aren’t marrie
d, or…or even promised, Sahma. This is something only those who’ve professed their love are allowed. Not us.”
“But we do love each other. You said that our feelings were a natural thing, and there’s no one else that I want to experience these feelings with other than you. I wish to know, Ahvixx, as do you. There’ll never be anyone closer to my heart,” she whispered, moving over him, kissing. “I love you.”
He resisted only a moment before returning her impassioned kiss, as his hands explored every part of her that he could reach.
“You feel remarkable,” she said, falling to his side. “Better than I could ever imagine. I can hardly catch my breath.”
“I feel the same,” he said, moving over her, hungrily tasting her breasts. She arched toward him, enraptured by the sensation of his tongue and hands, searching her body. He continued, unsure of his technique, but enjoying the pleasurable discovery.
“Would you like it if I did the same?” she said, pushing him beside her, and then kissing and nibbling his chest. Never had he known such a sensation. He clenched his eyes tight, feeling the waves of pleasure cascade down his entire body.
Reaching out to her, he caressed her thighs, relishing the warmth he discovered between them. “I want to kiss you there,” he breathed, rolling her on her back. Sahma’s moans were immediate as he began his intimate kiss.
“Gods, it’s magnificent,” he said, excitedly continuing. He almost stopped when she trembled, but hearing her pleasured moans served to increase his fervor.
“Ahvixx,” she panted, pulling him on top of her. “What did you do?”
“I—I don’t know. Did you like it?”
“It was incredible. I never knew such pleasure existed.”
“Shall I do it again?” he asked, eagerly sliding down.
“No. Not yet. I want to feel more of you.”
“You—you want me to become part of you?” he asked, trying not to seem too ardent at the prospect.
“Yes. I want to know and only you can show me.”
Immediately, he began his probes. After several unsuccessful attempts, he sucked in a sharp breath, feeling an intoxicating warmth.
“Are—are you certain, Sahma? Once we’ve become one, it cannot be undone.”
“You’re the only one that I want, Ahvixx. I need you to be a part of me.”
“Gods!” he moaned, overcome by the sensation. He attempted to move, but felt his body tense, jerking with the release igniting every receptor in his body.
As he called out, Sahma covered his lips with hers, muffling his sound. When his mouth opened again, she felt his warm tongue, and then entwined it with hers. After his body calmed, he returned her kiss, and then fell to her side, catching his breath. She was quick to nestle in next to him, feeling his arm bringing her closer.
“Am I still your dearest friend?” she asked in the sweetest voice he’d ever heard.
Ahvixx had to chuckle, bending to kiss her. “You are that and more, Sahma. Always you will be.”
She smiled at that, nuzzling in closer, and closing her eyes. He stared at her in disbelief, trying to calm his mind. What am I to do? he thought, relishing not only how she felt in his arms, but also what she’d ignited within him.
For both of them, sleep came easily. When the first rays of sun shone through the cracks in the shutters, Sahma turned, moving her leg over him. That stimulation and the subsequent reaction caused his tired eyes to open. He smiled, first kissing her lips and then continuing lower.
“Is it a wonderful dream, or do you yet please me,” she whimpered.
He didn’t answer verbally. He slid into her warmth, allowing the reality to overtake her. Sahma clutched his waist as his motion brought her full from her slumber. His movements were more numerous than their previous joining, and she brought him in tighter, feeling his powerful release.
“It wasn’t a dream,” he said against her lips, kissing her again.
“Now we both know the secrets and pleasures of making love,” she said. “But I feel there’s much more to explore. Do you feel the same?”
“I—I do. There are parts of your body that my lips have yet to touch.”
“And yours as well,” she said, sliding a hand between his legs. “There’s one place in particular that I’m very curious about.”
Ahvixx chuckled, feeling his quick reaction. “The curiosity is mutual.”
“Hopefully, you’ll allow me to explore more soon,” she said, kissing his cheek and sliding away. Ahvixx gripped her hand, drawing her back down for a longer kiss.
“Are you leaving me?” he asked.
“I’d stay if I could, but I need to go.”
“Then stay,” he said, pulling her back into his arms, surprising even himself with his forwardness.
“It isn’t my choice, nor yours. I must get back to my bedchamber before my parents wake.”
“How will they know you didn’t wake early? Indeed, you did. It isn’t false to say so. Stay with me, Sahma. We don’t need to make love if you don’t wish it. I just want to be with you.”
“If I could stay, truly, I would. But no one would understand our closeness, Ahvixx. I know we’re not married, but our bond is undeniable. You are my dearest friend, and I love you,” she said, kissing him again, and then standing from the bed.
“Must you leave?” he asked. His voice pleading.
“I must, but I’ll return. Who’ll brush your hair if not me?”
That brought a smile to his face. When she left his chamber, he fell back on the bed. If his mind was a jumble before, it was much more so now.
“Definitely not a priest,” he said again, vividly recalling every moment that they’d spent together.
Though he found little rest, he remained awake, washing in the basin and preparing to dress. He looked at the robes he usually wore and then at his tunic and trousers. The latter he’d begun to wear more often as his relationship with Sahma progressed. Today, it would be the same. He dressed and then tossed the soiled bed coverings in the hearth. He pulled the blanket up on his bed and opened the shutters wide, letting the full light of the day wash over him. He felt different, more alive than before, and he loved the feeling.
Ahvixx opened his door and sat on his stool, awaiting her return. His wait wasn’t long until she tapped on his door looking more beautiful than he’d ever seen her. The fitted blue and gold dress she donned brought out the beauty of her eyes, accentuating her figure. His eyes rested on her breasts, recalling the feel and taste of them.
She approached with her same loving smile, kissing his lips quickly before taking up the brush. He turned, staring at her in the mirror as he always did.
“I love you,” he said.
“And I love you,” she said, gliding her fingertips across his neck.
“I truly love you, Sahma.”
“I know,” was all she said before turning him around and continuing her grooming. After his braid was complete, he stood, taking her hand.
“Does knowing of my heart change what lies in yours?”
“What? I’ll always love you,” she said, kissing his cheek. “Now, we mustn’t miss morning meal.”
She doesn’t understand, he lamented, following behind the pull of his young lover.
When they’d reached the dining hall, most were already seated. For the first time, he noticed Yeshe and Saifu’s eyes on him. At least, he thought they were. Ahvixx cleared his throat, offering morning greetings.
“Did you enjoy your swim?” Yeshe asked.
“P—Pardons?”
“Your swim. Sahma asked to visit the lake, and we allowed it because you were accompanying her. I was going to ask at evening meal, but you declined to partake. Did you enjoy the lake?”
“Yes, yes, milady. The water was barely tepid, but the sun was pleasant,” he said, nervously glancing at Sahma from the corner of his eye.
“Good. We appreciate you accompanying our daughter. It isn’t safe for a young woman alone, even so near to the
citadel.”
“This is true,” Vot said. “Though I’m pleased much of the violence has subsided. When are you planning your trip to Nazil, Olam?”
“Mayhaps on the morrow. Pentanimir has returned from the wood, and I need to speak with him.”
“Are you still joining me in Nazil, Ahvixx?” Olam asked, noting his odd demeanor.
“Nazil? You—you want me to go to Nazil?” Ahvixx stammered.
“Yes, I asked you about it before. You might be able to help decipher the scrolls or shed light on what’s already been discovered. Are you all right?”
“No. Yes. I’m fine. I—I didn’t sleep well, and I’m still tired, I fear.”
“Well, we can cancel our session for today if need be. I’d have you well rested when we take leave.”
“May I come too?” Sahma asked.
Saifu looked at Ahvixx and then back to her. “Why do you need to visit Nazil?”
“There’s no need, Father. I’d just like to see the city and visit with Hibret and Wosen. Besides, if Ahvixx is away from me too long, his hair might tangle, and he’d use those awful knots as an excuse to cut it.” She smiled, running the long braid through her fingers. Ahvixx tensed, peering around nervously. To his relief, laughter filled the room.
“Well, surely we couldn’t allow such a thing,” Yeshe said through her own giggles. “It’s been some time since you’ve seen your sister. Mayhaps a visit is overdue. If Olam has no objections, we’ll allow it.”
Olam glanced at Ahvixx and Sahma, nodding. There was something there that he couldn’t discern. “I’d welcome the company of such a beautiful young maid,” he said, noticing Ahvixx wince.
Ahvixx ate little and said less, relieved when the meal had ended. He meandered down corridors, trying to sort out the divergent emotions surging inside him.
When he neared his chamber, he sighed, taking a seat on the divan. He needed to speak with Sahma, and couldn’t shake the feeling of emptiness at her absence, or understand why it was so profound. He’d never experienced such a longing.
Seed of Scorn Page 26
