LOST

by Lane Parker

  James.

  I didn’t remember falling asleep next to him. Not that I didn’t remember the night before at all. Oh, hell yes, I did. It had been everything I didn’t know I wanted from him.

  Intimate.

  Intense.

  Lusty and carnal.

  Completely mind-blowing.

  He was still asleep next to me, breathing deeply, his head crooked on the pillow. The dark beard framed his lips so enticingly that I wanted to kiss him. Now I knew just how skilled those tempting lips of his really were.

  I looked out the sunny window and thought about the last two days. He had been a jerk to me, and then he went above and beyond. He was weird, and then he was kind. He had spilled his guts out to me and told me things that clearly still hurt to think about.

  Then, he had been sweet, and sexy, and… I squeezed my thighs together remembering last night.

  It felt like we’d hardly begun to find out how we fit together. There was so much more I wanted to do with him, know about him…

  Of course, he would have to wake up first.

  There was a cool breeze that snuck in through the drafty window, and it hit my bare shoulders. There were birds singing outside, and I could hear the breeze pick up and grow stronger.

  It was so beautiful here. So peaceful. Problem was, I didn’t know if my contentment actually came from the place I was in, or the man lying next to me in bed.

  I hadn’t slept this hard in a long time. I couldn’t even remember my eyes closing the night before.

  I smiled. If someone had told me a week ago I would end up lost and hurt in the woods, get stuck with a mountain man in a dingy cabin, and liked it, I would have told that person they were fucking crazy.

  Something had changed since I got here. I suppose both of us, James and I, had changed a little. Both of us had been forced out of our comfort zones—even though it wasn’t all that comfortable.

  There was more to it than that, though. I’d had to trust him when he brought me out here after the rockslide.

  Now, he seemed to trust me, too.

  That meant something.

  He stirred next to me, and his hand on my hip pulled me closer to him. He leaned in to kiss me, softly, nipping at my bottom lip.

  I had definitely had worse wake-up calls.

  “Good morning,” he said in a sleepy, sexy baritone, nuzzling my ear. “Awake early again?”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “Usually I’m up way before sunrise.” I stroked his cheek, and his eyes drifted shut at my touch. “We can’t all be eccentric loners who make our own schedules, can we?”

  He let out a soft chuckle and stroked my back. “Nope. Some of us are just lucky. You fell asleep on me last night.”

  “Looks like I did. Sorry.”

  He grunted a quiet response and stroked my hair. “It’s okay. It gave me some time to think. You snore a little.”

  I looked up at him and pursed my lips. “I do not.”

  “If you say so,” he said, a wry half-smile on his face.

  I draped my arms around his neck and leaned against him. His rough hands stroked my skin, and I entwined my legs with his. Waking up with him like this felt so good that it was a little scary.

  Because I knew it wouldn’t last.

  I was going to go home, to my empty apartment with the boho furnishings and the plants I didn’t know how to take care of. Home to my job that stressed me out and took over my life.

  If I wanted to enjoy this without thinking about the future for a few more hours, who would blame me?

  “You know,” he said, “I, uh, was thinking about what you said. About my sister.”

  “Oh?”

  He nodded. “I am going to see if I can find her.” He looked up at the ceiling and released a heavy breath. “Maybe she won’t want to talk to me but… I’m going to try.”

  “That’s great.” He was taking the first steps. Maybe he just needed someone to understand how he felt. He’d told me his story like he was desperate for someone to hear him.

  And there I was, ready to listen.

  I had thought about his issues the first night—I don’t go around fixing broken people or solving their problems for them. That never worked. I’d learned my lesson with Yasmin. These things take time. People need to fix themselves for it to stick.

  However, there was nothing wrong with being there to listen.

  “Another thing I was thinking about…” His hands drifted down my back and kept going. He caressed my ass and squeezed. I pushed my hips toward him and bit my lip.

  “What is that?” I asked breathlessly.

  I couldn’t help how my body responded to him. If I were a guy, it would be really damned obvious.

  Clearly, his body was on the same page. His hard cock was pressed gently against my thigh.

  He looked into my eyes. His own were clear, deep blue in the morning light. “Do you think you’ll ever come back to Colorado?”

  That was not the question I expected.

  He brought a hand up to my cheek, and his fingers brushed against my jaw. “It’s just… first the rockslide, then you had to deal with me.” That half-smile was back. “Probably not the vacation you expected.”

  I laughed. “Not exactly.”

  We were quiet for a moment, just looking at each other. I didn’t know how to answer his question. It wasn’t an invitation, exactly.

  Two days ago we wanted nothing to do with each other. I wanted out of here as much as he wanted me gone. Had things really changed that much in such a short time? Or were we just blinded by being close to each other, by the sweet simple pleasure of being naked in bed with someone you desired so badly?

  Did he mean he wanted me to come back? Or was he just checking to make sure I still hated it?

  Because I didn’t hate it. Not at all.

  I didn’t have a clear answer for him. Not yet. At least, not until I knew exactly what he was asking.

  His eyes searched mine, and there was a brief flash of worry in them. Then he smiled and kissed my forehead. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  He climbed out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. The door shut softly behind him and the shower creaked on.

  I pulled the covers up to my chin and sighed. Whatever was between us, it was intense. That much was clear. But the smarter part of me, the careful one who didn’t want to be hurt, reminded me:

  It had only been two days.

  In my life, two days was nothing. Two days could pass before I even realized it. Weeks and months became a blur of work, and demands, and anxieties.

  Here, two days passed slow and lingering. I savored every quiet hour. James had shared a little of the peace he had here.

  But look what it had cost him to find it.

  He was searching for something. I didn’t know if he thought he could find it with me, but I wasn’t the answer to his problems. And he wouldn’t fix mine. Nothing could be solved in two days.

  Nothing couldn’t become something in two days, right?

  But maybe, with more time, we could be something else to each other. Something real. Maybe I could come back to Colorado sometime. Maybe he could visit me in L.A.

  Or maybe I was crazy for imagining any kind of future with him.

  The door to the bathroom opened, and he walked out, a cloud of shower steam behind him.

  He stared at me, and that burning look was back in his dark, glittering eyes. My doubts began to fade.

  Without the long hair, I could see his ears and neck were flushed with heat. The dark hair on his chest and stomach glistened with moisture, and his thick muscles tensed as he looked at me.

  And this time, there was no towel to hide anything. His cock hung heavy and hard beneath a thatch of dark curls.

  It was glorious. To think, I’d had it in my hands the night before. Now I wanted it inside me.

  I wanted him. I wanted to feel his body next to mine again. I wanted to wrap myself around him and do the things we hadn’
t done yet. And there was something deeper in my want. I wanted him to feel safe. To trust me.

  I hoped he knew he could.

  He climbed onto the bed and crawled over me. “Now,” he said, his voice low, “where were we?”

  I pulled him closer. “Right here.”

  Our lips met, and we kissed hungrily. When our tongues touched, I whimpered, and I opened further to him. His tongue filled my mouth, and a low growl escaped him.

  He yanked the covers off, and set himself down on top of me, settled between my legs. I ran my hands up and down his back, over the curve of his ass. “Yes,” I gasped. “Please.”

  He licked at my throat, and gripped my hips in his large, rough hands. It felt so good, so natural. It felt like where we were supposed to be.

  A noise in the distance broke through the hazy fog of lust. A static buzz, and a feedback whine. He looked up from my throat and over to the radio on his desk.

  “White River Dispatch, FA1VV, foxtrot alpha one victor victor, got a way through for you now. Slide’s all clear.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  James

  Of course. Brilliant fucking timing.

  I looked down at Keeley beneath me. She was so unsure now. She bit her beautiful bottom lip and didn’t say a word, but I could see it in her eyes—she was waiting for me to answer. Or to say something.

  “Shit.” That was all I could manage before I rolled away from her and stepped out of the bed. I went to the desk and flicked on the power button on the microphone.

  “ADT2B, alpha delta tango two bravo. White River Dispatch, repeat your last message?”

  I waited for a response. Keeley rolled over onto her side to face me and leaned on her elbow. Her bangs were askew, and her cheeks blushed coral pink. Her lip was still between her teeth, and her brow furrowed.

  I wanted to say fuck it, toss the mic onto the ground, turn off the radio and crawl back into that bed with her.

  But the radio buzzed again before I let myself do that.

  “ADT2B, rockslide on your roadway SE of Baxter is all cleared out. Hell of a mess. You should be good to go.”

  I sighed. “Copy. Thanks for the update.”

  “White River out.”

  I put down the microphone and leaned against the desk.

  It might sound ridiculous, but with everything else on my mind, and the beautiful woman I wanted so goddamn bad in front of me… I had forgotten about the fucking rockslide for a while.

  I forgot they would clear it by today, and the path out of here would be open.

  I forgot she would be leaving. That I said I would take her back to her rental.

  My fist clenched. Son of a bitch. The last thing I want now is to give her up.

  When I brought her here, I hadn’t wanted her around. I hadn’t wanted anyone.

  Now I had a way for her to leave, and a reason. The slide was clear. We were no longer stuck together.

  What happened two days ago seemed so damn far away.

  Stuck here together, it seemed like the outside world hadn’t existed for a while. Since last night, everything else had faded into background noise.

  There was only her, and me, and the way her skin felt against mine. Soft where I was rough, yielding where I was hard.

  Like with my art, I took pleasure in the meeting of opposites. With her, the pleasure was literal.

  “So…” She sat up, pulling the blankets off my bed up to cover her naked body. “The road is clear?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.” My throat was dry. I felt like I was waking up from a fever dream. A dream where I held on to something I could never have. A dream where my life was different. Where I had other possibilities.

  It seemed like she was waiting for me to come back to the bed. When I didn’t move, she blinked a few times and turned her eyes away from me.

  My damn heart was pounding out of my chest. Maybe it was a mistake even to try something like this. To try to make a stupid dream real.

  I had been right that first night, when I backed away from her. Despite how I was starting to feel about my past… I was still the same sorry bastard.

  I was pathetic enough that I couldn’t just go to her and tell her how I felt.

  I couldn’t offer Keeley anything beyond what I had. I had nothing—nothing but myself, and all my darkness and clouded past.

  It didn’t seem like enough for someone like her. Hell, it wasn’t nearly enough.

  The problem was all me. I was feeling things I hadn’t felt in years. It was strange to feel good again. To want something more than what little I had in this rustic cabin.

  I took a long look at her. Her shiny, dark hair reflected the morning sun, and her long dark lashes brushed her cheeks. She bunched the end of the blankets in her fist and held them close against her chest. Her full lips pouted as she stared out the window.

  The part of me that felt good clawed at me from the inside, demanding that I do what I wanted. What we both had wanted just a few minutes ago.

  I moved toward the bed, and she stirred, turning toward me.

  But I couldn’t go back to her. I bent toward the end of the bed and opened a drawer in my dresser. I pulled out a pair of pants and a T-shirt, and I turned my back to her.

  All my usual confidence, the typical way I moved through the world these days, alone and detached—something had changed. I didn’t know how to act around her now. For her sake, I had to leave her alone.

  I had to pretend this was just another fling. That I could take her back to her place, say a quick, cool goodbye, and come home to my silent cabin. Alone. Back to my normal, however abnormal that was. It was what I knew, what I was used to.

  I had to pretend that I wouldn’t be fighting myself the whole time—that my hands wouldn’t be reaching for her uncontrollably, until she was out of my reach.

  I tugged on the shirt and stepped into the pants, knowing that if I touched her again, I damn sure wouldn’t be able to let her go.

  Truth was, I wasn’t nearly good enough for a woman like Keeley Norton. She deserved her city life, her friends, all the creature comforts she didn’t have here with me.

  “Should probably get you back,” I said, rubbing my face with my hands. “I’m sure you want to go home.” I sounded empty, and dejected. I couldn’t help it. I suppose I was. Even I couldn’t lie to myself about that.

  With a ragged sigh, I turned back to Keeley.

  She looked like she wanted to say something… something angry judging by the way her jaw was set tight. Something told me how confused she was, judging by her wrinkled brow, the way her eyes roamed my face, searching for something that made sense.

  Despite all that, she stayed quiet. She tossed back the covers, her beautiful, honey-colored body naked and perfect. Staring at the floor, her eyes narrowed. She reached for her backpack and felt around on the floor for the clothes she had tossed the night before.

  And I watched her. It was all I could do to not grab that backpack and toss it out the window. I scratched at my beard and waited.

  I had to do what was right for her. Even if it hurt like hell.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Keeley

  It was crazy, how everything could change in a moment. How you could get so close to falling off a cliff, and just back away, with the safe, solid ground just a few steps behind you.

  I blindly reached for my things, stepping into my shorts and pulling on a discarded flannel shirt. My mind reeled from what had just happened. He’d said no, again, because it was time for me to go.

  It was time for both of us to go back to our everyday lives.

  But I didn’t want my everyday life right now. I didn’t want safe and solid. If I did, I wouldn’t have even come out to this forest. I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.

  He was slumped against the wall, facing away from me, his hands deep in his pockets. I could see the muscles in his broad back tense beneath the thin T-shirt. I’m sure you want to go home, he’d said.

 
And I did. I had to. There were issues that I needed to work out in my own life.

  Just…not yet.

  Not without knowing exactly what I was walking away from. Without knowing whether I would ever see him again.

  I had to know. Now or never.

  The distance he was trying to put between us hurt. I wasn’t going to lie to myself about that, but James was a master at contradicting his real emotions with his behavior. I had to know if it was that, or he really wanted to get me out of his cabin as quickly as possible now that the slide was cleared.

  I hastily buttoned the flannel and zipped my backpack closed with a loud rip. I got up from the bed and walked over to him, right behind him, and reached up to lay my hand on his shoulder.

  He turned around to face me. His eyes were tense and sad, searching my face in confusion. The flush was still washing over his skin, and I longed to throw my arms around his neck and pull him back to the bed.

  First, though, we needed to talk.

  “James.”

  He didn’t say anything. He just stared down at me expectantly, his jaw tight.

  I had to get through this quickly. I had to get out whatever I was feeling before my resolve faltered. I took a deep breath and put on my best getting-shit-done voice, hoping it would mask how devastated I really felt.

  “You asked me if I would ever come back. The thing is… would I be coming back to you? Do you want that?”

  “Keeley, wait—”

  “Let me finish.” I held my hand up and sighed. “I know you’ve been through a lot. And I’m— I’m still trying to figure out what I want in life. Which is not very fucking easy. None of this is.”

  He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the wall, still silent. Fine. I had a lot to say.

  “Listen, we live in very different worlds. In my world, you don’t get anywhere by not going after what you want. You have to make it happen.” My heart was pounding. “And you don’t get to hide. Like this.”

  He tilted his head and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

  “I don’t blame you for it. I really don’t. I’m just telling you why… why I’m doing this.” I took a breath and gathered my scattered thoughts.