Heart's Cry

by Rita Peterson

  “Okay. It’s this guy at work.” Lily Ann began twisting her hair. “He’s so kind and generous and handsome and talented.”

  “Go on.”

  “He’s a trauma surgeon and supposed to be my supervisor, but the hospital is so underfunded I hardly see him in that way. Jared is really my…anyway—” Lily Ann’s face lightened. The corners of her mouth lifted into a slight grin. “He came yesterday around nine in the evening, to volunteer his services for a few hours before he headed home on his days off. I’d been given permission to paint the NICU in a livelier color scheme. I started that evening because there were only two preemies, so I was able to move them into a different room while I painted.”

  “I heard about the program you’re heading up on the local news. It’s wonderful. Keep going.”

  “Well, as I was opening the cans of Benjamin Moore paints, Clyde walks in to help me out.” Lily Ann’s eyes sparked. “I had an array of paint colors: shades of blue, red, green, yellow, brown…well…you get the picture. Anyway, my plan was to paint an African theme on one of the walls. I had already penciled out the animals the evening before.” Lily Ann covered her mouth to hide a giggle. She sat up in her chair, swishing her hair back over her shoulders. “We had so much fun together. He dipped his paintbrush into a can of brown paint and began painting on a wall I didn’t draw on. Stroke by stroke he painted a beautiful mother giraffe licking her baby. I was speechless. Then I had to add to his masterpiece. I dipped one of my brushes into a black can and outlined about seven elegant butterflies. We then began dipping our brushes in all sorts of colors and filling in the butterflies. Haven’t laughed that hard in years.”

  “Sounds magical.”

  “Yes, that is it.” Lily Ann’s face lengthened. “I’m scared that I’m falling for him. I’ve been hurt so many times. I try everything to avoid falling in love. It is so complicated and messes everything up.” She stared at the floor. “But at the same time it’s what I really want.”

  Miss Patty calmly asked, “What are you scared of?”

  Lily Ann hesitated. “Rejection, I suppose.”

  “You are so beautiful and kind. Why would someone reject you?”

  Lily Ann sniffed. “Because I’m so scarred that when men want to touch my hands or arms, they freak out and lose interest.”

  “So these men only see the physical scars. What they don’t see is your inner and outer beauty.”

  “I’m far from having outer beauty,” Lily Ann mumbled.

  “Listen, love. I don’t know what happened, but your scars tell a story. They show you as a survivor. A strong woman. A fighter. A real gentleman would see the scars as a beautiful testament to who you are. That crippled hand you try to hide is nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t let it slow you down, performing lifesaving surgeries on preemie babies. You’re a testament to how to adapt and overcome.” Miss Patty raised her fist in the air. “Now you need to build your self-esteem up and take another chance with this Clyde guy.”

  “His name is Clyde Nelson.”

  “Nelson, like the son of Henry Nelson?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well if he is anything like his father, he will be a gentleman. If I have the right person in my head, Henry Nelson is the three-time legendary Iditarod musher champ. He lost his wife about twenty-some years ago to cancer. Now he is only six years younger than me and he’s out in blizzards, freezing cold temperatures, racing his team.” Miss Patty shook her head. “He’s the oldest musher to have ever entered and won the Iditarod.”

  “Iditarod?”

  “It’s a traditional trail dog-sled race that happens every year in March. The race starts here in Anchorage and finishes in Nome. It’s a 975 or 998-mile race depending on the route.”

  “Are you serious? That makes him seventy-six. Unbelievable.”

  “Yes, but this is about you. Is it the rejection you’re worried about or is there something else?”

  “No, rejection sums it up.” Lily Ann sighed. “My body is ninety percent scarred, I work too much and take my job too seriously, and I—” Lily Ann covered her face and cried. “I’m horrible at relationships, but yet that’s what I want.”

  “Oh, love, cry it out. You have bottled up this hurt for far too long.” Miss Patty placed her knitting in the basket beside her on the floor and crouched next to Lily Ann. “You deserve to be loved. If this is Henry Nelson’s boy, my advice to you is take another chance. It will be worthwhile.”

  “But that is it. He asked me to the annual hospital gala that is two weeks from now. I didn’t know what to say, so I pretended like he never asked me. See, I’m horrible at this.”

  Miss Patty passed Lily Ann a tissue.

  “I never go to fancy dinners and dances of any kind. I don’t have any elegant gowns, and how am I supposed to wear a ballgown when I don’t want anyone to see my scars?”

  “God has a way of turning this around for you. He has placed you in my house looking after me, but I think He has bigger plans.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Look in that closet near the mirror.”

  Lily Ann blew her nose and stood up. She shuffled to the closet. The white wooden doors creaked as she opened them. Then she froze. “There are nearly fifteen gowns in here. They’re beautiful. Why do you have so many?”

  “When I was younger, in my early twenties, and a lot skinner,” Miss Patty chuckled. “I was a pageant girl, so I acquired some very expensive evening gowns.”

  “You’ve had an interesting life.”

  “Yes I have. Go through them. You look as if you could fit them. Find one you like, and I know the kindest lady who could alter it and add extra material to cover your scars like it was always meant to be that way.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you will go to the gala with Clyde.”

  Lily Ann ran her hand through her hair and breathed in the heavenly potpourri scent. “This will be a big step for me, but I promise you I will go.”

  ~

  Megan Miller inched toward the ER. She glanced at the signs trying to figure out where to go. There didn’t seem to be any signs related to labour and delivery. A gentle touch on her shoulder made her spin around.

  “Miss, my name is Becky. I’m a nurse. Do you need any help?”

  Megan shrugged and stared at the floor. Feeling foolish for coming to the ER, she shook her head.

  “Look,” Becky gently persisted, “something is wrong. I can tell. Do you want to go somewhere private to talk?”

  Megan couldn’t make eye contact with the nurse. Fear and anxiety overwhelmed her fragile body. Rubbing her arms, she had no choice but to speak up. “Is it possible for me to talk with Dr. MacBride? I was told she may be able to help me.”

  Becky gently placed her hand on the teenager’s back. “Come with me. We’ll take the elevator to the third floor.”

  Megan relaxed a bit and followed the young nurse to the elevator. She didn’t know what to say to her but was relieved Becky didn’t ask any more questions. They entered the third floor.

  “Have a seat in the waiting room. I’ll see if Dr. MacBride is free.”

  “Thank you,” Megan whispered and watched Becky leave the waiting room. She scanned the room, hoping no one would notice her. Pulling her shabby jacket tighter around her cold frail body, she silently begged God for help. Please, Lord, help my family.

  Five minutes later Becky appeared. “Dr. MacBride is with a patient, but she should be able to talk with you in about twenty minutes.”

  “Okay, thank you again.”

  “One more thing. You look cold. Would you like a warm blanket or a heating pad? Are you sure you are okay?” The nurse’s eyebrows furrowed. “How about I pour you a nice hot drink? I’ll be right back.”

  To hear a warm drink coming was like heaven in a cup. Minutes later Becky returned holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate. Megan reached out for the cup and soaked up its warmth. “Thank you onc
e again. This is wonderful.”

  “No problem at all. I need to head back to the ER. Dr. MacBride shouldn’t be too much longer.”

  Megan drank slowly. It had been weeks since she held a warm drink in her hands. She took a sip and shut her tired eyes. The wait was longer than she wanted, but she remembered that she had come unannounced. Opening her eyes, she let the steam warm her face.

  “Excuse me, miss. Are you the one waiting for me? I’m Dr. MacBride.” Lily Ann shook the bedraggled teen’s hand.

  “Yes, my name is Megan Miller. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.” Megan stared down at her cup. “Is it possible to talk somewhere private?”

  “Sure, follow me to my office.”

  Megan stood and trailed the doctor past the nurse desk, down the hallway, and into an office to her right.

  “Please have a seat.” The doctor pulled out a chair, then sat on the edge of her desk.

  “Dr. MacBride, I don’t really know where to start or if you can even help me at all. But my friend, Jane, volunteers here with the Kangaroo Babies-n-Teens program and says you’re the kindest person she’s ever met, and that you understand teens and maybe you can help.” She sighed and held her cup tight even though it was empty.

  “Tell me what’s going on?”

  Megan sniffed. “It’s my whole life. It’s falling apart at the seams. My mom—she works three part-time jobs and only makes enough to cover rent. She cries herself to sleep every night. I told her I would drop out of school and find a full-time job, but she refuses to let me do that. Mom wants me and my younger sister to have an education and not be like her. I want to join your program because I want to be a neonatal nurse someday, but I can’t because I don’t have the money for the bus or taxi to come here, and I can’t leave my nine-year-old sister all alone at the house after school and—”

  The doctor hopped off the desk and knelt beside Megan. “Take a deep breath. Slow down. Breathe in and out. Okay, so let’s start from the beginning. I will ask questions and you can fill me in as we go. That way we stay nice and calm.”

  Megan sighed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

  “I’m gathering that your mom never graduated and therefore is having a hard time finding full-time employment that pays a decent wage.”

  “Yes.”

  “And because of her low-paying jobs, her income only covers rent, leaving little for food and anything else.”

  “That’s right.” Megan began sobbing. “They cut our water off yesterday to make everything even worse.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Sixteen.”

  “Where’s your father?”

  “He left us soon after my sister, Emily, was born. He was a drunk and an addict and he has never come back since.” Megan placed her cup on the floor and covered her face.

  Dr. MacBride embraced the sobbing teen. “Calm down.”

  “My sister is hungry, I’m hungry, my mom is hungry, and I don’t know what to do about it. She has tried to apply for food stamps and every other social program, and they always reject her application.”

  “Okay, I get the picture,” the doctor said.

  “I didn’t mean to sob all over you. You didn’t ask for this. I don’t even know you and I’m spilling my horrible life out.”

  “Listen, you came to me because maybe I could help. And the worst thing you could have done was shrug off Jane’s advice. You did the best thing and that is ask for help.”

  Megan looked straight into Dr. MacBride’s sea blue eyes.

  The doctor released Megan and stepped back. “Let me make a few phone calls. Give me a couple of days and I will see what I can do. In the meantime, I want you to go down to the hospital cafeteria. The staff will put together enough food for you, your sister, and your mom to eat well for the next couple of days. Then I want you to come back here Friday after school and let’s chat some more.”

  Megan was speechless.

  “Don’t you worry about the cost. The cafeteria will charge my account. And one more thing, how did you get here in the first place?”

  “I left school at lunchtime to walk here. I have to walk back and meet my sister before school lets out.”

  “How long is the walk?”

  “About forty-five minutes.”

  “I’ll call a cab. It will drive you back to school and take you and your sister home. Don’t worry about the funds for the cab ride.” The doctor’s went to her coat. “Your jacket is not warm enough. Please have mine.”

  Megan shook her head. “Please, you need the jacket.”

  Dr. MacBride glanced at her watch. “Make sure when you come back on Friday, you take a cab back here with Emily after school. And do me a favor. Please let your mom know where you are and inform her that all expenses are paid for.”

  Megan shot out of her chair and hugged the petite woman. “Are you for real? You would do this for my family who you never met before? You are an angel sent from heaven and an answer to my prayers.”

  The doctor hugged her back. “You head to the cafeteria, pick up the food, take the cab to pick up your sister, then head home and enjoy a hearty meal. Things will start to look up from here.”

  ~

  Clyde came barrelling around the corner outside of the NICU to find Lily Ann coming out of a patient’s room. “Dr. MacBride,” Clyde huffed, “We need you now. Why aren’t you answering your page?”

  Lily Ann grabbed her pager and glanced at the dark screen. “Shoot, quickly brief me. What’s going on?”

  “We’ll talk on the way to the ER, but we need to sprint.” Clyde depended on Lily Ann’s advice and expertise in this case. He had never seen anything like it before. He would have sent a nurse after Lily Ann, but he figured he would take this time to brief her on the situation and see what she thought. “About thirty minutes ago, the patient presented with severe lower back pain, especially on her right side. She is complaining of immense pain down her right leg and a jabbing pain in her abdomen. Her blood pressure is high, and she can’t sit still for more than a minute and the pain comes shooting back. She says she’s been experiencing pain like this for at least three months and the doctors in Fairbank couldn’t diagnose the problem.”

  Lily Ann picked up the pace. “How old is she?”

  “Forty-four.”

  “Any children?”

  “Two.”

  “Did you run a pregnancy test?”

  “Yes, negative.”

  “Proteins in urine?”

  “Not done.”

  “Ultrasound?”

  “Done.”

  Clyde pushed open the ER doors and came to a crashing stop. “Listen, Lily Ann, I don’t know why, but I’m missing something here. Something is wrong with this woman and I, being the senior ER doc and surgeon, should be able to pin it down. I can’t put her on pain meds and hope it goes away like the doctors did in Fairbanks.” Clyde stroked his goatee and rubbed the side of his shaven cheek. “My gut says she needs medical intervention now. In the military we are trained to never give up. What’s your gut saying?”

  “I want to do an ultrasound myself. I have a hunch she’s pregnant.”

  “But her blood test came back negative. She has regular periods and no belly.”

  Clyde and Lily Ann entered the patient’s room and drew the curtains around her. Three nurses surrounded the patient charting vitals and administrating pain medications.

  Lily Ann sat on the corner of the patient’s bed. “My name is Dr. MacBride, and I’m an OB/GYN and a paediatric surgeon also specializing in high-risk pregnancies. I’ve been briefed on your condition and I would like to perform an ultrasound of your abdomen.”

  The patient nodded and introduced herself clutching her middle section. “I’m, Zara.”

  “I understand, Zara, that you have been experiencing pain for about three months. Did you have any ultrasounds done?” Lily Ann analyzed the screen.

  “Yes, when I first got here. Dr. MacBride, you ha
ve to do something for the pain. It’s killing me.” Zara twisted in the hospital bed. “But everything came back normal on the ultrasound.” Zara kicked out with an anguished groan. “The stupid pregnancy test was negative. I told them it was going to be. I had my tubes tied.” She sat up rocking back and forth as her husband rubbed her back. “They told me it must be my age, or I overexerted myself or something.”

  Lily Ann noted Zara’s shallow breathing and pallid skin color on the chart and showed Clyde. She knelt by Zara and placed her left hand gently on her shoulder. “Listen, hon, I need you to lie still for one minute. I will perform this ultrasound as quick as I can, but I need to see what’s going on in your abdomen.”

  Zara closed her eyes and lay down.

  “You’re doing good. Deep breaths in and out, in and out. Your blood pressure is high, so I need you to stay relaxed till I figure this out.”

  Zara nodded and squealed with another wave of intense pain to her abdomen.

  Clyde shifted from foot to foot. He watched as Lily Ann studied the same spot over and over again on the screen. He also was mentally timing how far apart her pain came and went. Still one minute between sudden outbursts of crippling pain.

  Lily Ann stood and wiped Zara’s belly to remove the gel. She exhaled slowly. “Zara, you’re pregnant.”

  “I’m what?”

  “You’re pregnant, and you’re about thirty weeks along.”

  “You’re kidding me.” Zara shot straight up, only to find Clyde and Lily Ann pushing her back down on the bed.

  Zara’s husband went pale.

  Lily Ann spoke firmly but softly. “Listen, Zara, I know the pregnancy test came back negative, but it’s a false negative. I don’t have time to explain why because if we don’t act immediately your life and the baby’s life are in jeopardy.” Lily Ann reached for Zara’s hand. “To put this plainly, your baby is not in your womb but has attached itself to your bowels. This is why you have searing pain because the baby is ripping your colon and placing pressure on your vital organs, nerves, and arteries. If we don’t operate and remove the baby we will lose you both.”

  Zara yelled and punched the bed with her fist, then reached her hand out to embrace her husband. “Why didn’t they see this on the ultrasound before?”