Hot Winter Nights (Heartbreaker Bay #6)

by Jill Shalvis

  Lucas’s mom pulled out a large thermos and began pouring everyone eggnog into little cups, which they all lifted in toast to each other. “To Josh,” his mom said softly and lifted her cup.

  “To Josh,” everyone repeated just as softly and they all lifted their cups and drank.

  Molly looked at Lucas, her heart sinking.

  “My brother died four years ago,” Lucas said quietly to her unspoken questions. “Today would’ve been his thirty-fifth birthday.”

  Molly felt her heart catch with emotion. Okay, so this family had experienced loss, shattering loss, just like her. They got it, knew the life-changing devastation of losing someone so close to you. She reached for Lucas’s hand and squeezed.

  He lifted his head and met her gaze, his own filled with more emotion than he’d allowed her to see before. Then, surprising her, he pressed their joined hands to his chest, leaned in and brushed a kiss along her temple. “Time for another round of s’mores,” he said.

  So they opened another bag of marshmallows and hit round two of the eggnog. Because Great Aunt Jeanie was having trouble with her marshmallow technique, Lucas got up and went over to help her.

  Laura scooted in closer to Molly. “Thanks for bringing him here tonight,” she said quietly.

  “He brought me.”

  Laura stared at her for a beat. “You really didn’t make him come?”

  Molly let out a small laugh. “You seem to know your cousin pretty well. Have you ever known him to do something that someone made him do?”

  “You’re right.” Laura smiled too and startled Molly by giving her a huge, tight bear hug. “Then thanks for being the catalyst that brought him back to us.” She pulled back to look into Molly’s eyes. “We lost him for a while, you know. First when Carrie died and then again after we lost Josh. He didn’t like to come around. I think at first he was worried our brimming emotions were contagious, but then it was easier for him to stay away.”

  “Is Carrie the woman who died in a car accident?”

  “Yes, but it wasn’t that simple. They were high school sweethearts, and planned on getting married at some point.” Laura tossed back her eggnog. “I’m going to blame my big mouth on this, if anyone asks.” She drew a deep breath. “When she died, Lucas was undercover with the DEA. Deep undercover. It took his handlers a while to get him the message and get him out, and by that time, she’d been buried for three weeks.”

  “Oh my God,” Molly murmured, feeling horrified for all he’d been through. How selfish and self-centered had she been to not have seen that he’d been hurt even worse than she had?

  “That’s why he’s so . . . bruised by life,” Laura said.

  “I’m not some fragile little peach, Laura.”

  At Lucas’s mild but clearly annoyed voice behind them, Laura jumped as they both turned to face him.

  “Thin walls,” he said. “Remember, we learned that when we were little and Aunt Karen and Uncle Steve used to go to bed right at dark and proceed to make noises for hours that Mom tried to tell us meant they were practicing their wrestling moves?”

  “I wasn’t gossiping,” Laura said.

  “You sure?” Lucas asked.

  Laura had the good grace to look slightly ashamed. “Okay, fine, you caught me. But I’m not going to apologize for loving you so much that I want to see you happy.”

  “I am happy,” Lucas said. “I’m here with you guys.”

  “Oh,” his sister breathed, her eyes going suspiciously shiny as she sniffed. “Oh, that’s so sweet.”

  “No, no stop. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Lucas said, sounding pained.

  “It’s not you.” She put her hands to her flat belly and smiled across the campfire at Will, who’d passed off their kid to grandma and was adding logs to the flames. “We’re going to have another baby and babies make me cry.”

  “Did my super-powered grandma hearing serve me right?” The grandma to be stood up and clapped her hands together. “I’m getting another grandbaby?”

  “Yes!” Laura said with a big smile.

  This led to a bunch of happy squeals and whoops and another round of eggnog. Snowflakes began to float gently from the sky, and mesmerized, Molly stared up, watching flakes the size of dinner plates drift slowly down. Everyone moved inside, but Molly just kept staring upward, loving the iciness on her overheated face as the snowflakes touched down on her skin.

  “Come on,” Lucas said, moving in close, tipping her face to his. “You’re chilled.”

  “It’s snowing,” she said in wonder.

  “Haven’t you ever seen it snow?”

  “Not before tonight.”

  He smiled and cupped her face, lowering his head for a delicious kiss that ended all too soon. Wrapping his arms around her, he held on tight as behind them the fire crackled and above them the snow continued to fall. They swayed together in their own slow dance for a few long moments until she shivered.

  “Come on,” he murmured. “Time to go inside and get warm.”

  They all crowded into the kitchen for late night snacks. Will put pizza rolls into the oven and Molly’s mouth watered.

  “Make sure to marry a man who puts his pizza rolls into the oven, not the microwave,” Laura told her, smiling at Will. “He knows good things take a little more time.”

  Her husband winked at her and then moved in close for a kiss while the rest of them drank some more eggnog and nibbled on everything that wasn’t tied down. But soon the kitchen felt too warm and crowded, and Molly made her way down the hall, looking for the bathroom.

  Lucas and his mom were ahead, just around a corner, talking. To give them some privacy, Molly turned to try another way back to the kitchen, but then realized they were talking about her and she stilled. Maybe a better person would’ve still managed to walk away but she couldn’t; her feet were frozen in place.

  “I adore her, Lucas,” his mom said.

  “Me too,” he responded, stunning Molly. “And keep your voice down. Thin walls, remember?”

  “All too well.” His mom smiled at him. “Please stay the night. It’s snowing good now and the roads are slick. Besides, since you were shot and didn’t tell your own family, we need more time to be with you.”

  He grimaced. “I’m fine, I didn’t want to worry you. And we both have to work in the morning. I’ve got all-wheel drive and great tires, we’ll be fine.”

  “But the eggnog—”

  “I didn’t drink any.”

  “How about I call your boss and tell him we have an emergency?” she asked him. “You could stay then, right?”

  Lucas laughed. “Mom, Archer’s got an ingrained bullshit detector. And Molly won’t want to stay. I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s really not what you think.”

  “That’s what she tried to tell me too.”

  “She was telling you the truth,” he said. “I had fantasies of pulling this off, letting you think we were on a date so you’d feel good about that, but it was a mistake.”

  “Lucas. You tried to lie to me?”

  “Yes,” he said. “And also, I tried to lie to Molly by letting her think the lie was for you, when it was really for her. She’s not into me that way, Mom. And if I have to accept that, then so do you.”

  Molly’s mouth fell open at this.

  But his mom shook her head. “No way, baby. There’s more. Yes, the chemistry, which is obvious to anyone with two eyes, but Lucas, there’s more.”

  “There could be,” he agreed. “But she’s not going to let it happen.”

  Molly stopped breathing.

  “Lucas—”

  “Mom, please. Just trust me, okay? I know a dead-end road when I see it.”

  “But you care about her very much.”

  “Sometimes, that’s not enough,” he said. “And life’s too damn short to keep bashing my head up against resistance.”

  “Oh, honey,” his mom whispered. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I won
’t.”

  “How? How can you avoid it?”

  “I’m not going to let it go there anymore,” he said. “It was a mistake.”

  Feeling sick, Molly backed away, moving down the other end of the hallway. She ended up in a den with a sliding glass door, which she opened to step outside. Feeling like a first-class asshole, she walked to the edge of the deck and stared up at the still falling snow. It was stunning, but she barely saw it because all she could concentrate on was the ache in her heart.

  This was all her doing. Not allowing any sort of real relationship with Lucas. Tonight being “just a date.” All of it, her fault. And now it was over anyway, deemed a “mistake” by Lucas himself, which was 100 percent for the best.

  Probably.

  Realizing it was very cold out here without a crackling fire and Lucas’s arms around her, she turned back to the sliding door.

  It’d locked behind her.

  Great. She knocked, but no one came. And given how many Knights were in the house, a good many of them more than a little tipsy, no one was going to do a head count and figure out she was missing—including the man who’d brought her here because after all, it was a mistake. She was a mistake.

  Wow. Look at her rock the pity party for one.

  The snow began to fall harder, no longer quite as charming as it was stinging her face now. And it was absolutely the snow and not a few pity tears. Swiping at her face, she pulled her phone from her pocket and did the first thing that came to mind.

  She texted Sadie and Ivy, because they were single too and would understand. Then she added Elle because even though she wasn’t single now that she was with Archer, Elle would still understand:

  Men suck. They suck worse than root canals. They suck worse than when you get one of those hair balls stuck in your shower and it won’t drain. They suck worse than . . .

  She had to actually pause here in her texting. Damn eggnog brain. Come on, Molly, you’re on a roll . . .

  They suck worse getting your period in the middle of a staff meeting with a bunch of alpha men who’ve seen and done it all, but look faint if you mention the words menstrual cramps. And you know what else sucks? Love. Love sucks golf balls and I’m never ever going to allow it in my life.

  She hit send so hard she broke a nail. Not five seconds later someone came out the slider behind her and she went still, knowing by the state of her traitorous nipples who it was.

  A jacket was set on her shoulders and an unbearably familiar masculine scent wrapped around her like a hug.

  “I got locked out,” she said into the silence.

  “Yeah, I figured that out when I got your text.”

  She froze and then whirled to face him, horrified. “What text?”

  “The one about never ever loving someone. Which, by the way, is not only a long time, it also sounds like a Taylor Swift song.”

  “Oh my God.” She whipped out her phone and stared at the text she’d sent to Sadie, Elle, and Ivy . . .

  And Lucas.

  It was a damn group message, probably leftover from when they’d been sending jokes back and forth about a week earlier. “Oh my God,” she said again on a moan and smacked her own stupid forehead just as a few texts came in.

  Ivy: Dear Train Wreck, this isn’t your station, please get off at the next stop . . .

  Sadie:On a scale of 1 to Nature Valley granola bars, how much is your life falling apart right now?

  Elle:Rookie mistake, babe . . .

  Molly groaned. “Oh my God.”

  A touch of a smile curved Lucas’s lips as he eyed the texts he also accessed, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m guessing it’s been one of those days for you.”

  It’s been ‘one of those days’ for years now,” she said.

  “So definitely an accident then on the text.”

  She stared up at him. “Do you really think I’d say all that to you on purpose?”

  He shrugged. “You should’ve been able to say anything to me.”

  Should have. Past tense. A reminder that this, whatever “this” was, was over. She should’ve been relieved at that, but the truth was she was hurt. And yet, looking up into his face, she knew he’d been hurt worse. Far worse. He’d lost the woman he’d loved. A brother he’d loved. To him, love meant a possible loss.

  And yet he’d still put himself out there, willing to get hurt again. She admired that. She envied that. Maybe even dreamed of it for herself. Of course when she’d secretly dreamed of such a thing, she’d pictured a softer, gentler man than Lucas. One who wasn’t quite as . . . well, everything that encompassed and screamed alpha male like Lucas did.

  But sometimes the heart wanted what it wanted, and if hers could speak, it’d say it wanted the man standing right in front of her, bigger than life, stoic and silent. His hair was dusted with snowflakes, as were his shoulders, and when he met her gaze, his inky black lashes had flakes on them as well.

  “I think it’s time to go,” he said.

  No. Tell him you were wrong. But instead, she played the coward. She nodded and they left.

  Chapter 19

  #WhyIsTheRumGone

  Lucas was no closer to understanding exactly what had happened between him and Molly when he woke up the next morning. For the first time in a very long time, he didn’t have a plan on how to proceed on a problem. Not a clue. Because no matter what he wanted to tell himself, this thing between them wasn’t over just because he wanted it to be. It didn’t work like that because this wasn’t just a physical attraction. It was far more and he knew it. And, yeah, he’d gone in reluctantly, and not just because he was friends with Molly’s brother, or that he and Joe were in fact partners. Or that Archer might kill him in his sleep if he found out Lucas had touched her.

  It was the fact that more than anyone he knew, Molly deserved love.

  But love hadn’t ever worked out for him. Not once. And he wouldn’t hurt her, not for anything.

  And yet even knowing all that, he was still in. All in.

  But she wasn’t.

  And that meant that his feelings were his own issues, and he’d figure out how to deal with them.

  When he got to work, Molly’s desk was vacant. He moved past it and into the employee room and found her doling out doughnuts and coffee. Ignoring him completely, she served everyone before turning to him.

  He managed a small smile.

  She didn’t manage any smile at all.

  He peered into the doughnut box. Empty. Damn. He lifted his gaze. “We need to talk.”

  “When hell freezes over.”

  He blinked and she rolled her eyes and held up a finger in his face. “Let me repeat. When. Hell. Freezes. Over.”

  That was when he realized she had on a headset and was speaking into her microphone. She was on the phone. Her gaze was on him, though, and he knew from experience that she got pissy when she was uncomfortable.

  Well, he was uncomfortable too, dammit. And worse, he missed her already even though she was standing right there in front of him.

  Still talking on the phone, she turned from him and left the room.

  “Ouch, man,” Joe said, munching on a doughnut and sipping coffee. “What did you do to piss her off?”

  “Good question,” Archer said, his sharp gaze steady on Lucas. “Is there something we need to know?”

  “Other than this plan of yours for me to be her secret backup while at the same time being your spy is ruining my life?” he asked. “No, there’s nothing you need to know, except you’re both on my shit list.” And with that, he snatched the rest of Joe’s doughnut and—taking his own life into his hands—Archer’s coffee, and took off for his own office.

  Joe showed up a few minutes later. “How’s it really going?” he asked Lucas.

  “It’s . . . going.”

  “I mean with the project,” Joe said, putting the word project in finger quotes.

  Lucas leaned back and looked at his partner, well aware of what he was a
sking, but feeling just peeved off enough about the project to make him say it out loud. “Which one?”

  Joe looked behind him to make sure they were alone. “Molly and the old lady elves. What’s really going on with that?”

  “Have you tried asking her yourself?”

  Joe grimaced. “Look, she doesn’t belong out there doing what we do, okay? She’s . . . amazing, but too soft to do it.” He shook his head. “She’s always been that way, far too tenderhearted for her own good, dragging home strays, wanting to save the world. She’ll believe any sob story given to her. She loves too hard. She’ll get taken advantage of doing what we do—”

  “Don’t,” Lucas said. “Don’t do that.”

  “Do what?”

  “Don’t belittle her. She’s not a little kid anymore, Joe. Nor is she incompetent. Far from it. In fact, she’s smart as hell. Look, a lot of bad shit happens to all of us, and our experiences have made us hard. Cold. But not her. She’s special, and stronger than both of us put together.”

  This got a moment of surprised silence from Joe. And since Lucas didn’t want to fight with him, he rose and grabbed his laptop for their meeting.

  “What’s going on between the two of you?” Joe asked.

  Lucas turned back. “You asked me to get involved. I’m involved. And you know what? Out of all the things she loves, she loves you the most. Instead of trying to hold her back, do you know what you should be doing? You should be doing the job you asked me to do. You should be training her, letting her fly, and stand at her back while she does.”

  Joe was stunned. “This is all just a phase for her. Why would I do that?”

  “It’s not a phase. And you should do it because she would do it for you,” Lucas said. He then walked out of his own office, doing his best to shrug off his irritation at Joe.

  If this is how Molly felt all the time, he didn’t know how she dealt with it.

  The rest of the day went on in much the same vein. He and the team had been working a corporate investigation case. An HR director at a large attorney firm had heard rumors that the president was known to be having an affair with a subordinate. Notwithstanding the fact that the executive was married to someone else, company policy expressly prohibited such office relationships. The affair put the firm at significant risk of legal action by the female against the company and the executive if the relationship became public, or worse, failed in a bad way. Unfortunately the HR director needed hard evidence to support the termination of the employees for violating company policy.