The Deadfall

by Lilly Black

  "You understand what?" she asked, her heart suddenly in her throat as her paranoia told her that Jax had gone into the entire story with the express purpose of breaking up with her for the greater good because his vasectomy would leave her childless in the long run.

  "I understand that we'll have to find a sperm donor, and since we've been flung back to the medical Dark Ages, that means in vitro is not an option," he said very matter-of-factly, taking Dani's breath away. "Of course, we'll still try it with a turkey baster because I don't like to share."

  "What are you saying?" she asked coyly, desperate to hear him confirm what she thought he meant.

  "I'm saying I'm crazy about you, beautiful, and even if everything returns to normal tomorrow, you're the only woman I want to be with."

  "Oh, Jax!" she cried, throwing her arms around him. "I'm crazy about you, too." She had tears in her eyes because even though he didn't say he loved her, she could feel it emanating from him, and it had been so long since she believed someone actually loved her, she could barely remember what that was like. Her ex-husband, Bill, had never really loved her, and though she thought she loved him once upon a time, as soon as she found out why he married her, that love - or whatever it was - simply ceased to exist.

  When she met Bill, he was still living like a frat boy in his late twenties on his rich parents' dime, and apparently he had been given an ultimatum by his mother, a state senator in Indiana. She had been threatening to cut him off for years if he didn't do something to earn his keep, and when she set her sights on the governorship and needed to win urban areas like Indianapolis, she made a deal with her son. He needed to find a nice, educated, respectable woman of color to marry, and with Dani's doctorate and need to put as much distance between herself and her West Virginia upbringing as possible, she fit the mold perfectly.

  Of course, she knew nothing about that arrangement until two years ago when, during an argument about his drinking, Bill blurted out the truth. Afterward, he tried to convince her that he just made it up to hurt her, but the damage was done. She went to her mother-in-law, and they made an arrangement for a no-fault divorce to take place after the election that would leave Dani with a very expensive condo in Indianapolis and enough money that she wouldn't have had to work if she hadn't loved her career. It also left her with a broken heart because Bill's family was the closest thing she'd had to a support system since her own mother died when she was five, leaving her to grow up with an aunt and uncle who didn't really want to be parents. She had never felt loved before Bill, and when she found out that it wasn't real, she hit the lowest point in her life.

  Jax's situation was not dissimilar, but he wasn't ready to share that part of his past just yet. He wasn't even ready to admit that he was in love with her even though he had felt it growing since the first moment he saw her. Looking down from the stage in Pittsburgh, his eyes met hers, and suddenly he found himself drawn toward her by some primal force he couldn't fight. It wasn't just sexual. It was spiritual, almost scary, and during the last encore, after he held her hand from the stage, he gave Gino a signal to take backstage passes out to her and her friends. But Gino got waylaid en route, and by the time he reached their seats, the show was over and they were gone. He wanted to tell Dani all of this, but he was afraid. The last woman he had been so open and honest with had used him for years. He didn't think Dani would do that, but he never thought Linzie would either.

  Completely unaware of how much she needed to hear them, Jax withheld those three, magic words, breathing in her ear again that he was crazy about her, and when he kissed her, what began as sweet quickly turned passionate.

  "You'd say anything to get your way, wouldn't you?" she teased as his hand slid between her legs.

  "Bend over and face the window," he demanded with a growl, and unable to resist him, she leaned forward on the counter of the guard house, trying to stay coherent enough to keep an eye on the road as he slowly slid her jeans off her hips, chasing the waistband with his mouth.

  Then she felt his breath as he knelt behind her. She froze.

  "Jax!" she complained.

  "What's the matter?"

  "I haven't had a shower since this afternoon," she protested, worried that she might be sweaty from being in the lodge by the fire, but to Jax, she smelled inviting, arousing, irresistible.

  "Shut up, Dani," he breathed with a soft laugh as he pushed her thighs apart and buried his face between them, his tongue snaking forward to find her clit, and any self-consciousness she may have had was driven from her mind along with all other thought as she struggled not to forget she was on watch.

  When Olivia finally put Liana in charge of security, it was a rush for her. She'd been dying to whip the camp into shape so they could better protect themselves, and now that June's husband broke in and showed Olivia their weakness, she was going to get her wish. She knew that didn't mean she could wake everyone up for drills at 5:00 am tomorrow morning, but that time would come once they had enough soldiers to build an army.

  When she dismissed everyone from the lodge, she was so pumped up, she couldn't wait to get her hands on Aiden, and when he called her General Navarro on the walk home, it gave her the idea that tonight might be the night to reveal the secret room of their cabin.

  When she used BDSM in the past, she always just had her submissives call her Mistress Liana, but the idea of being called General had a certain appeal. As she and Aiden walked back to the cabin, she really believed it was going to end with him using those words. With her eyes full of promise and her grin devilish, she told him she had a surprise for him when she sat him down on the bed and entered the secret code to the locked door, and when it opened to reveal the dungeon, the smile was not chased away from his face.

  "How did you know?" he asked.

  "You're into it?" Her eyes flashed with excitement.

  "Why do you think I've never been attracted to puck bunnies?" he asked as he walked inside and began inspecting the equipment.

  "This is amazing. I was afraid it was going to be something I'd have to talk you into," she said with a relieved giggle as I followed him in, and he laughed too.

  "I thought the exact same thing."

  "So, you ready to give it a try?" she asked.

  "Absolutely," he said, and he moved close to her, nuzzling his face against hers as his lips found her ear. "Why don't you get in the shower while I acquaint myself with everything, and we can talk about your hard and soft limits when you come out?"

  "You mean we can talk about your limits?" she corrected him, and he stopped for a moment, looking down at his feet while she stared at him, struggling with the realization that they had a problem. Finally, Aiden sighed and looked her in the eye.

  "I'm not a submissive, Liana," he said unapologetically.

  "Not yet," she said.

  "Not ever," he refused.

  "Fine," she hissed as she turned away from him, feeling defeated. There was no way she could submit to him, and if he didn't submit to her, there was no way they were ever going to experience anything more together than they had already.

  "Liana, please. Can we talk about this later?"

  "Whatever," she scoffed.

  "Hey," he whispered as he came up behind her and put his hands gently on her shoulders. "I'm sorry I've disappointed you, but it doesn't need to spoil everything we have. We can still make love."

  "No. We can't," she said sadly as she walked out of the room to avoid escalating things. All she wanted right now was to be left alone, so she climbed up into the loft, planning to sleep there tonight, but Aiden followed. He stood on a rung near the top of the ladder as she lay on the small bed, facing the wall.

  "Come on, don't be like that," he begged.

  "Like what?"

  "Don't shut me out just because we've had a disagreement. We're not always going to be 100% copasetic on everything."

  "I get it. It's fine," she said, wishing he would just go away.

  "If it were fine," he
said, walking on his knees across the floor because the ceiling of the loft was too low for him to stand, "we'd be making love right now."

  His words made her furious. She turned over and sat up, looking him in the eye as she let her rage out.

  "No, we wouldn't be making love because we never make love! We fuck! You bend me over like a goddamn animal, and we fuck! So, sure, Aiden. If that's what you need to do to make you feel better, bend me over and saddle up!"

  He looked at her, wounded as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Sure, he liked to do it from behind, but that didn't mean he wasn't making love to her. Though he didn't understand how she could think that when he was always so conscious of her feelings, the fact remained that it was exactly what she thought. It never crossed her mind that she wasn't the only one with something to hide.

  "It would be easier to make love to you if you would let me touch you," he said.

  "Back at you," she sniped.

  "You started it, Liana," he said. "You want to touch me? Let me touch you."

  "You're being stubborn. I don't like to be touched, okay? I don't like the way it feels, but that doesn't mean I don't want to touch you. I'd love to touch you."

  "And I'd do anything to touch you," he said sorrowfully.

  "Anything except bondage apparently," she grumbled.

  "Is it really important to you?" he asked, and embarrassed, Liana looked down as she answered.

  "Yeah," she whispered.

  "Then let me think about it, okay? I can't make any promises, but I don't ever want to disappoint you, mon cœur. I want to share everything with you."

  Liana's eyes lit up.

  "I want to share everything with you, too," she breathed, but even though she meant every word of it, she knew she couldn't follow through. There would always be things she felt like she had to hide because she was so ashamed, and no matter how understanding and wonderful Aiden was, she'd never be able to lie before him naked and let him freely explore her body.

  She felt weak and uncertain, the rush from earlier that made her want to tear his clothes off and tie him to the cross completely obliterated, leaving her with a need for comfort and tenderness. Aiden sensed it as he brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her softly. He took her hands in his and wove their fingers together as he pinned them by her head on the pillow, then he whispered in her ear.

  "I'm going to roll you over," he said, "but don't you dare try to tell me I am not making love to you."

  Liana's Journal

  Day 25

  On the small bed in the loft of our cabin, Aiden began unbuttoning my shirt and unzipping my jeans. It made me nervous at first, but when the zipper was down, he left my pants on, lying me on the bed flat on my stomach.

  I felt him climb atop me, straddling my hips, and he leaned forward and pushed my hair out of his way, softly kissing the back of my neck. It gave me goosebumps all over, and I began to get excited as I felt his cock growing hard against me. Then his lips found my ear, teasing the lobe with his tongue, tracing it over the cartilage, gently thrusting it inside. When it was wet, his breath felt cool against it as he spoke to me in a gentle whisper.

  "Don't you dare tell me I'm not making love to you," he repeated, gripping my shoulders and pressing his erection against my ass.

  He started to slide down my body, his hands pulling my shirt off my shoulders and his mouth trailing kisses as he moved toward the foot of the bed, taking his time and savoring my body. When he reached my bra strap, he popped it open with one, skillful move, then he kept going until he came to my waistband. He slipped his fingers inside and began to shimmy my jeans over my hips, taking my panties with them.

  Then he bit my ass check. It startled me, making me giggle, but as he grabbed my ass in both hands and continued to nibble gently, it was killing me. I wanted him to go down on me so bad, I could almost feel it, but instead, he mounted me from behind. But then his hand slipped around and under my belly, stealing toward the small knot of nerves from above.

  Yes! Yes! Yes! My body cried, but my mind said absolutely not, forcing my muscles to tense. Now I had to remind him that it was off limits even though stopping him was like pulling my teeth out with pliers.

  "Aiden..." I began, my voice small and crestfallen.

  "Shhh, baby," he murmured in my ear. "Just give me a chance. If you don't like it, I'll stop."

  Realizing that if he just kept his hand where it was, he wouldn't come into contact with any of my blemishes, I tried to relax.

  "Okay," I whispered nervously, and when his fingers made the first, tentative swipe, I heard my breath catch loudly.

  "That didn't sound like someone who doesn't like to be touched," he growled in my ear, punctuating it by pressing down and making a slow circle over me.

  Oh, God! I thought, moaning involuntarily as he massaged my clit with masterful precision, his fingers wet and slick with my own lubrication, and I could feel his big, beautiful cock twitching inside me, desperate for more action as he held still and focused only on pleasing me with his fingers.

  "F..." I began to beg him to fuck me, but then I remember what he had said and changed my words.

  "Make love to me, Aiden," I whispered, and with a soft, pleasured hum, he began to move so gradually it was a form of torture - delicious, heavenly torture. It had been so long since I'd been able to relax and just enjoy the sensation as someone else did the work, and Aiden was so good at it, like his mind had a direct line to my body, knowing just when to increase the speed and pressure. He matched his fingers' actions with his thrusts, wrapped around me from behind as I lay on the bed with him leaned over me, his hot breath at the back of my neck, and I couldn't control myself. The closer I got, the louder and more enthusiastic my praise grew, and when he finally had me on edge, I was spouting out a long, inarticulate soliloquy of pure joy. And Aiden had me just where he wanted me, suddenly whispering in my ear.

  "Come for me, Liana," he issued his command only to see it followed instantly, fervently...violently.

  "Oh, myyy gaaaaaawd!" I cried in a rush of ecstasy that came in waves, each more powerful than the last, crashing down upon me until I was utterly devastated. I trembled and bucked against him, urging him to join me, and before my own orgasm faded into afterglow, I felt him surge inside me, reaching his limit as he abruptly called my name.

  "Yes! Oh, Aiden, Yes!" I moaned as he erupted, both hands gripping my shoulders now so hard I could feel his nails digging into me as he began thrusting slowly and sporadically until he finally exhaled a deep, long breath. Amid the airy, wraith-like sound, I could've sworn he said he loved me, but that was probably just wishful thinking because I felt desperate to tell him in that moment that I was hopelessly in love with him.

  June's Journal

  Day 26

  Yesterday afternoon, Jobe forced himself on me, then last night my husband did the same. I'm sitting in Olivia's office now where Alek pretends to sleep so I can write this. I was keeping my diary in the guest safe in my cabin because if Jobe caught me writing in it, I could just throw it in there real quick, and that would be that, but now that Jimbo's back, I can't take the risk. I shouldn't be doing this at all, but I guess I'm hoping that someday my story might help others, so I'm hiding it in Olivia's office.

  I really hoped I'd never see Jimbo again. I wanted him to be dead because then I could move on and marry someone else, someone who loves me and is gentle with me, someone who cares how I feel and if I'm hurting. I don't know who that could possibly be, but I know there are men like that out there, men like Alek. He seems absolutely perfect, and because of him, I'm so confused right now. Since I was twelve, I've been told that men cannot control their biological needs, but yesterday, after what he said in the private meeting about Jobe, I just don't know what to think. I knew I needed to ask him to tell me more, and it seemed especially important to me after what my husband did last night.

  When the whole community was gathered in the lodge at dinner time, Olivia was suppos
ed to talk to them about what happened between Jobe and me while I stayed in the cabin with the boys. I didn't know Jimbo had shown up and interrupted everything, so when Dani suddenly started banging on my front door, I thought she was coming to tell me the verdict. It was worse. She was only about three minutes ahead of Jimbo. Alek escorted him to my cabin, and as they stood there on the porch together, I stared at my husband and this other man who seemed so perfect, and I felt sick. I want a man like Alek. When I picked Jobe, I never even knew men like Alek existed, but I've known plenty of men like Jimbo.

  "Oh, Lord above, I missed you," he said as he walked into the cabin without an invitation, and while he hugged me, I looked at Alek over his shoulder. I could tell he was watching me for signs that I was afraid, so I faked a big smile like I always do to hide how I really feel about my husband, and after talking to us for a bit, he and Dani left us alone. It took Jimbo less than ten minutes to tell the boys they needed to get to bed, and even though he'd been out on the road fighting with the dead for three weeks to get here, he stuck his tongue in my mouth and pushed me into the bedroom. I don't think he'd even brushed his teeth the whole time.

  I tried to tell him I didn't feel like it, then he accused me of cheating on him, and I thought, oh sweet Jesus, what's going to happen when he finds out Jobe was living here? Dani was already making the rounds telling everyone to keep Jobe and me a secret because I know Jimbo's going to believe I wanted to have s-e-x with Jobe no matter what I say. I hate my life, and it's not even because of the dead people trying to kill us all the time. It's because I always mess everything up. I can't even make a pact with the devil right. Back in Pittsburgh, when Alek and Jax came into the bar that night, I had really started to believe that the gypsy's spell was going to set me free, and that was almost worth selling my soul for. But as it turns out, I sold it for nothing.