All Right Now

by Madelynne Ellis

  Not that any of that really mattered. Not next to what Miles had done. This could ruin everything for them.

  Both sets of papers clutched to her chest, Ginny bolted to the bedroom and locked the door. She located her phone and hit speed dial.

  “I got papers,” she blurted when the person on the other end picked up. “I don’t understand. I thought you said everything was going to plan. That once he was served, it would all be plain sailing, unless he contested, and we hadn’t given him any reason to contest. I made it plain I didn’t want anything other than his signature on the dotted line. Franny, he hasn’t just contested, he’s named Ash.”

  “Counter filing was always a possibility. It’s his legal right. The judge won’t be impressed that he’s attempting to name and shame, though. It’ll be viewed as petty revenge.”

  Judge—oh heck! It didn’t matter how the judge viewed it. Court was the last place she wanted this to end up. Too public. This was supposed to be hush-hush, and it would mean facing the bastard. No way was that ever part of the plan.

  “I can’t do this. This can’t happen.”

  “Ginny, are you sure what you have are official documents? Is this not merely a threat in order to get you to back down?”

  “I’m holding them in my hands. A copy for me, and a set addressed to Ash. Christ! He doesn’t know. This is going to screw everything up.”

  “Ginny, slow down. What do you mean he doesn’t know? I thought he was supporting you through this.”

  “Nobody knows. I haven’t told anyone.” Why would she? It would make no sense to them, and she’d have to explain all the things she’d kept buttoned up. Revealing anything would be like stripping away the layers of herself until all that remained were bare bones—bare bones none of the people around her would recognise.

  “Now would seem to be the time to have that chat.”

  No—it really wasn’t. She was not about to pull the rug from under him when he’d only just got steady on his feet. “If I agree, what will happen then? It could proceed as a paper formality, right? We don’t need to go to court if there’s no contest.”

  “Ginny, it’s not as simple as that. You’ve both filed on different grounds. Even if you agree to everything, the judge is likely to want to speak to you both in person to ensure the terms of severance are fair.”

  So she was stuffed either way, and Miles would get to ruin her life all over again. “I don’t want anything of his.”

  “I know, but that doesn’t mean that the law agrees with you. Miles is a wealthy man, and you’ve had to resort to legal aid for help with the costs. If you want to know why I think he’s embroiled Ash in this, the answer is money. He’ll be looking to prove that you’re far from destitute and that you’re the one being unreasonable. Legally, you’re entitled to a cut, Ginny.”

  “Fuck the money. All I want is to be free of him. I need to be free of him. Tell him I’ll sign the papers but he has to remove Ash from the equation.”

  “He’s already named him.”

  “But I’m sure there’s a way of amending that.”

  She could almost hear her solicitor’s frown through the handset.

  “I’ll draft a letter and have it sent. Meanwhile, I really think you should talk to your friends… family… If it gets ugly, you’re going to need their support.”

  If it got ugly… Ha! It was already. Goddammit, she ought to have stuck to the original plan. If she had, it wouldn’t have mattered whether Miles agreed or not.

  She hung up and paced the room. How could she have been so foolish to have imagined he’d ever allow this to happen without being in control of the narrative? Franny might believe this was about money, she knew otherwise. Miles was vastly materialistic, but what really got him fired up was being able to crush those around him. There had never been a more spiteful, sadistic man. There existed not one iota of love in him.

  He’d certainly never loved her. Oh, he’d played the part well enough in order to woo her, but once he had her, she may as well have been a robotic love doll.

  Well, you couldn’t set people to turn on like a thermostat. Hi honey, you’re home. Did you have a nice day destroying people’s futures? I’ve cooked dinner. Would you like a shag before or after you’ve eaten it? Oh, up against the counter right now. Yes, of course I’ll bend over. Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. Mumble. Yes, honey, of course I’ve come. Yes, we can eat now.

  Crap husband. Crap lover. The only reason he was doing any of this was because she’d had the guts to walk away, and there hadn’t been a damn thing he’d been able to do about it.

  For the first two years after she’d left him, she’d deliberately hidden herself. She’d worked cash in hand jobs, or for places that were prepared to provide board in return for labour. She’d avoided doing anything that would highlight her identity or make her easy to find. The flat share with Dani had been the next step forward from that. Her sticking her head above the ramparts to get a sense of the terrain, and she’d needed a more stable base in order to properly start living again.

  It had worked. Dani had secrets of her own, so she didn’t pry. They’d been well suited as flatmates. Then the Black Halo gig changed everything. Ginny had run headlong into Ash that night.

  “I’m not going to let you take him from me.”

  Miles had already taken enough. She’d lost her family and people she’d called friends for years thanks to him. They all thought the sun shone out of perfect Miles’s perfectly moneyed arse. So what if she didn’t love him? Love was for children and idiots. It had nothing to do with marriage. That…that was a business arrangement. Miles provided the money. All she had to do was look presentable and open her legs now and then. It was hardly an extensive list of rules to follow. Oh, and her gymnastics… Yeah, she could forget about that. It wasn’t as if she was about to make the Olympics, and in any case, it’d be unseemly for her to draw all that attention to herself.

  No, one must never upstage one’s husband.

  The door knob to the room twisted, then a knock rattled the wood. “Hey, Ginny, are you going to let me in? I’m ready to keel over here.” Ash called.

  “Just a moment.”

  They wouldn’t be having a talk, because the talk would never end well. She was doing all this so they could be together. If he saw these documents, everything was going to blow up in her face, so she was going to have to make sure he didn’t. Miles had used that ploy to buy time, and so could she. Suddenly she regretted mentioning their existence to Franny, but if she needed to, she’d bare-faced lie about them. In any case, hopefully she could convince Miles to see sense and agree to her proviso.

  “Ginny?”

  “Coming.” She lifted the mattress and slid both envelopes underneath so they rested on the solid base.

  Ash stumbled into the room the moment she opened the door. He wrapped his arms around her and smacked a kiss on her lips that turned into a softer, more sensual smooch.

  “Are you done for the day?”

  “Yeah, got the tracks for Lockdown and Catatonia down. They’re going to capture Paul’s base next. Phew, knackered!” He waltzed them backward and toppled them both onto the bed. “How was your day, anything interesting happen?”

  “Yeah, some rock star dude just threw me onto his bed.”

  A grin stretched wide across his lips, and crinkled up the corners of his eyes. “Do you think his intent is wicked?”

  She grabbed a handful of his arse. “I sincerely hope so. I hope all the licking he’s been doing hasn’t left him too tired for licking.”

  “Honestly, Gin, the amount of time I spend down there, I might as well wear your thighs as ear-warmers.”

  She smacked his arse. “You do not spend all your time down there.”

  “I think you’ll find it’s quite a bit.”

  “You spend just as much time in my throat.”

  “It’d be a crying shame not to utilise your ability to breathe through your ears.”

  “I should b
ox yours for that.”

  He grabbed hold of her wrists and rolled her onto her back. “How about something a little more mutual?”

  “Like what?”

  He tugged her knickers off, then rose and stripped himself. Ash climbed back onto the bed over her on all fours, but with his head pointing towards her toes. “Like suck me, honey, and I’ll see if I can’t tickle your fancy at the same time.”

  “You’re on, providing you’re not stubbly.” She checked his recently shaven chin. “Hm, pretty smooth. Okay.”

  ***

  Ash crashed out post-climax. Ginny prodded him a couple of times, provoking a few contented grunts before accepting he was done for. She snuggled alongside him with her ear pressed to his chest, but even the comforting beat of his heart couldn’t lull her into rest. It was like the princess and the pea, only instead of a pea, there were two Manilla envelopes causing her discomfort. She knew that anyone she asked would tell her honesty was the best policy. Hell, she knew it herself, but if she told him, that would be the end of them, and she didn’t want to risk that. If it had been as simple as sitting Ash down with a cuppa for a chat, then she’d have done that months ago, but it wasn’t. He was still hurt, and she was still married to Miles. Ash thought she was one thing, when really she was another. She didn’t want him to think of her in any way other than how he did right now.

  Oh, God, it was such a mess.

  She wouldn’t have to keep her silence much longer now, surely.

  Unable to find a comfortable position, Ginny rose and headed outside. Night had already fallen, and a breeze whistled over the surrounding pastures, carrying the lowing of the livestock. She walked down the lane as far as the entrance sign before returning and finding her way to the little patio overlooking the paddock. There were no horses, but a messy collection of crushed cans and empty beer bottles sat on the centre of the little table inside a damp cardboard box.

  Ginny hunted among them on the vaguest chance that she’d find an unopened beverage she could use to dampen the whirr of thoughts through her brain.

  Why the hell had she ever agreed to involve herself with such an utter prick? It was easy to lay the blame with her ambitious and astonishingly shallow mother, but no one had forced her to say yes. That’d been all her. Well now she was stuck with the consequences, and she was going to have to weave her way through the ensuing minefield as best she could, exactly as she’d been doing for the last three and a half years.

  A light came on in the lounge behind her. The burrs of multiple voices reached her through an open window somewhere, but she didn’t go to join them. They were mostly talking about technical stuff to do with recording that she didn’t understand, and teasing one another over past cock ups. She wasn’t sure how long she sat outside, long enough for the clatter of plates, and the smell of food to drift out of the open window.

  “Someone go and knock on Ash and Ginny’s door and see if they’re joining us.”

  “Nah, leave ’em. More for us.”

  “We can leave them some to reheat when they’re done humping.”

  “If they’re humping, I volunteer to interrupt.”

  The last speaker was definitely Rock Giant, but she guessed the other guys sat on him, as Ash didn’t appear, and no one remarked upon her absence. Ginny pulled Ash’s jumper more tightly around herself, cocooning herself in his scent. Her fingers were cold, but she sandwiched them between her thighs.

  For heaven’s sake couldn’t things go her way for once? Why did everything always have to be so difficult? Once in a while it would be nice if the path ahead wasn’t riddled with booby traps.

  She was still outside searching for a shooting star to wish upon, when Spook stepped out onto the patio a little after ten.

  “Ginny? Hey. I thought you were tucked up with Ash. Everyone’s turning in.” He crossed to the table and added an assortment of additional empties to the box, before turning his gaze on her wind whipped cheeks. “Shit! You haven’t argued, have you?”

  Not yet they hadn’t, but arguing would be the least horrible outcome if Ash ever saw those documents. Their presence in the building made her feel physically sick. She needed to retrieve them and throw them on the fire, or something like that. What was the actual penalty for not replying? God dammit! She needed to buy some time.

  An indrawn hiss of fear passed through Spook’s teeth. “How bad?”

  Jeez, he sounded like he’d been notified of an unexpected death, but then things had been so topsy-turvy for Black Halo over the time she’d known them, any sort of discord threatened to unhinge them.

  “We’re fine, Spook.” For the moment, at least. “I’ve just had things on my mind and I fancied a bit of quiet, that’s all.”

  He gave her another slow look over, then pulled over another chair and planted his bones onto its wooden slats.

  “Want to talk it over?”

  “No, it’s fine. It’s no big deal.”

  His eyes conveyed the thoughts he backed up with words. “That is such obvious claptrap. People don’t sit outside freezing for no reason.”

  “I’m not freezing.”

  “Your nose is red. There are streaks of mascara on your face, and I can see you shivering.”

  “I’m hormonal.”

  “You’re an awful liar.”

  “It’s not business I want to share with anyone. It’s not something any of you need to be involved in.”

  “And yet somehow I sense we are, and that tells me your worry is something that affects Ash.”

  Her cold muscles squealed in protest as she rose from the chair, unwilling to play guessing games with him

  “And whatever it is, you know it’s going to bite you in the arse if he finds out some other way.”

  It would bite her regardless of the means of discovery. There was no way forward without an eruption of fireworks, and even if she was prepared to brave the barrage of rockets, she wasn’t going to do anything that would risk pitching Ash right back into the darkness he’d fallen into for much of the summer.

  He’d found himself again. He’d shrugged off the crippling self-doubts and mastered his anxiety, and in doing so created something beautiful the world could damn well thank him for. She’d heard enough of the rehearsals for Lockdown, and seen his perfectionism in action enough to know the recording he’d done today would be nothing short of perfect.

  “I get it,” Spook continued. The ends of his long hair brushed against his arms as he raised one towards her. “Sometimes things aren’t easy to explain when you know the person you’re confiding in will get hurt.”

  Personal experience of exactly that situation ran through his voice.

  “So, what do you advise?”

  “Advise.” He shook his head. “There’s never a one fit solution to anything, but no matter how long you put something off, eventually you have to spit it out.”

  “Even if the result is likely total annihilation?”

  His pale eyes shone in the dark, and his face softened as he offered her a wan smile. “A strong relationship can weather extreme shit.”

  “True love conquers all? Do you genuinely believe that?”

  He smiled at himself. “Only in the odd optimistic moment. Crap things happen. Sometimes you just want to forget about them and move on, and for a while maybe that’s even possible. Only, you don’t really move on because the thing is still locked inside, niggling away, until eventually things happen that enable it to resurface.”

  It was difficult to decide if they were speaking about her, or whatever horrors he had buried in his past. Maybe the remarks applied to both.

  “But if there’s no guarantee that bringing up the topic sooner won’t result in the same sort of devastation, wouldn’t you just keep silent and hope that the day of reckoning was far into the future?”

  “I feel like answering that question would lead me into decidedly treacherous waters. If there’s something you’re hiding from Ash, then I feel I know too much already.
This is awkward, Ginny. He’s my friend. I don’t want to become part of a conspiracy, or end up privy to something I know will hurt him.”

  “I don’t ever want to hurt him.” She took a sharp breath, and realigned her thoughts. “He’s insisting we go and stay with his folks for Christmas.”

  “Is that what you’re worried about?”

  “Should I be worried about it?”

  “Only if you’re concerned about your relationship becoming more than it is now.”

  Ginny tensed. “I’m not sure I know what that means.”

  “What I’m saying is that I’m not aware of Ash having taken anyone home to meet his parents in all the time I’ve known him—not an intimate friend.”

  “So, parents equal super serious, then?”

  His expression morphed from one of seriousness to incredulity. “Ginny, he’s been serious about you from day one. Don’t pretend you’re not aware of that, as I know for a fact you’re every bit as serious about him. What’s up, are you getting the wobblies about how comfortable it’s all become because there’s been no big drama for at least a month.”

  She laughed along with him. “Is it that long?”

  “Fuck knows.” He followed her lead back onto his feet. “I don’t dare count unless it initiates some kind of implosion timer.”

  “Isn’t creativity supposed to thrive on chaos?”

  “Chaos thrives on chaos. Are you going to come inside before you end up with a frostbitten nose?”

  Ginny gave her nose a rub. “I can’t tell if it’s cold, it’s been numb for an hour.”

  “Then it’s definitely past time you came in.” He gave her a friendly push towards the patio doors. “If you want to think in peace, I’ll leave you with the run of the lounge. I was planning on hitting the sack now anyway.”