by Remi Grey
“Nicki, I’m Rachel. I’ll be representing you now.” I stared down at the hand she outstretched to me.
“You want me on your side,” she whispered.
I clenched my teeth and turned away from her.
“Anyways,” she said. She began pleading my case. The whole time I could only think of how she was touching him and how she had leaned in to kiss him, but I wanted my daughter back so I sat quietly until she was done.
**********
“Did you see how scared your ex was in there once I got to business?” Rachel said laughing when we were outside. “Do you want to get a drink or something?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I questioned.
Her eyes widened.
“We are not friends and I can’t wait for this to be over, so you will no longer be my lawyer,” I continued. Words I could throw at her filled my mind, but Rachel’s B.S. about women’s empowerment came to mind and I had to bite my tongue. This wasn’t just on her.
“I’ve got to go.”
Chapter 9
Maddox
There was a knocking at my door. I sat up groggily and went down to open it.
“Who is it?” I said right as I pulled on the door and revealed Nicki standing there. She invited herself in and paced at the entrance with her arms folded. As grateful as I was to see her, I couldn’t help but feel anxious.
We were both quiet for a long while before she stopped pacing and sighed. “Thank you,” she said. This caught me off guard.
“I know that woman that was at your house was a lawyer. So, thank you.” I nodded unsure that ‘You’re welcome’ was the right thing to say after the events that had led up to me and Rachel’s meeting.
“I apologize for jumping to conclusions last time I was here and frankly being a bitch,” she said. “That’s not very woman empowerment or whatever…” she added under her breath.
“But neither is a woman taking advantage of you knowing about us--whatever we are or were…” She sighed. “If I hurt you with what I said last time, I apologize. It’s hard to be vulnerable sometimes when every time I let someone in they let me down. The truth is, I trust you. I trust you enough to ask you a question and believe the answer. So, did anything happen between you and Rachel before or after I showed up that night?”
I thought about everything that had happened that night. Seeing her big brown eyes looking up at me with so much innocence and a glimmer of sadness, I couldn’t lie to her. “Did you have sex with her?” she asked me on the verge of tears.
“No,” I said, thinking back to after Rachel had attempted to kiss me and to the moment after I kicked her out. At least I had some semblance of sense then and now I could be grateful that it didn’t go any further. I searched for signs that she believed me or even that she didn’t but came up short. She was quiet for a moment before whispering, “I can’t do this.”
“I’m so sorry,” I begged.
“No, Maddox! I’m not going to do this anymore.”
“We didn’t have sex, Nicki.”
“I know!” she exclaimed. “But the fact that she felt so comfortable touching you and almost kissing you—the fact that you let her… I’m not going to do that to myself. Not again.” Then she left.
**********
“What’s up with you? Nicki problems?” Miranda questioned as we sat down at the table later that evening.
“Yeah,” I said dryly.
“I’m sorry,” she said placing some pasta on the corner of her plate. “She’ll come around.”
“No, I don’t think she will,” I said. “I mean, all these girls that I used to fool around with--what did they get me--nothing but a shitty reputation.”
“And a few NDA’s,” Miranda said with a chuckle.
“I’m serious, Miranda,” I said shooting her a look. “I just ruined the only relationship I’ve cared about and we never actually dated.” She watched me poke at my food.
“I mean it,” she said. “She’ll come around.” This was one of the few statements that had come out of her mouth without an element of sarcasm. “I get on you constantly but you’re a good guy when you want to be. You’re not a hoe or just some football player with a lot of bodies…”
“Tread lightly.”
“Right,” she said stopping herself. “I’ve seen the way you look at Nicki and the way she looks at you. I’ve seen the way you are with her daughter. You’ve become something bigger than yourself these past few weeks and I think that Nicki would better appreciate it if you gave her some time to really think. She has a daughter. Her decisions don’t just affect her, you know.”
**********
I didn’t talk to Nicki for the next few days. The following week’s game, I ran up to the crowd to my mom and sister with the football in my hand feeling the rush and adrenaline pumping through me. “Congratulations, Maddy!” I heard my sister say. I beamed up at her and my mom and then turned when I heard a high-pitched voice screaming for my attention.
“Maddox! Maddox!” It couldn’t have missed it if the marching band was doing their thing. I turned and saw Amelia with her ponytail high on her head and a pink bow adorning it. She raised her small hand up like she were giving me a high five and I met it with mine, lingering for a beat before pulling away. She started laughing all excitedly. “Momma, he did it. He did it just like on TV. Just like he promised he would.”
“I’ll never break a promise to you, Mel,” I said bringing a huge smile to her face. I looked up at Nicki who eyed me from a distance, her hands wrapping around her daughter’s small torso.
“Look! We’re on TV!” Amelia screamed.
The Jumbotron focused on the image of Amelia standing over me waving with me below her trying to read Nicki’s face. When I noticed, I turned to Nicki and made a gesture to ask for permission.
Can I?
Nicki hesitated for a beat and then nodded. Yes.
“Alright, com’ere, Mel.” I reach my arms up and then she jumped into them waving at the crowd and the cameras and she held onto my neck for support. She loved every second of the attention.
“I’m on TV!” She looked up at the stands. “Mommy, look, I’m on TV.” She laughed and laughed. I smiled so much my cheeks hurt long after Nicki took Amelia back and headed towards the exit.
I caught up with them after the game, barely stopping to celebrate the win with the team. “Nicki,” I called out. When she swiveled around to look at me I tried to catch my breath. “I’m glad you came and brought Amelia here.”
“She wanted to see you,” she said simply.
You could call me, you could pull up, I’m here, I wanted so badly to say.
“Maddox, are you coming to my birthday party this weekend? I’m turning four! My mommy, my daddy, Olivia, and allll my friends are coming. And there’s gonna be cake.”
“What kind of cake?”
“Chocolate.”
“That’s my favorite! I’ll try--” I looked up to see Nicki making a face. “I don’t think I can come, Mel.”
“Why?” she asked disappointed.
“He’s busy with football and TV,” Nicki said. “Maddox, we have to go.” She took Amelia’s hand.
I nodded and watched them walk away with Amelia turning her neck and waving at me.
Time, Miranda had suggested, was making me impatient. Seeing them in the crowd, I wanted so badly to be among them. I wanted the dinners and the movie nights. I just wanted a chance to prove that I wasn’t the same anymore. Miranda’s plan wasn’t working for me anymore. I had to get creative.
Chapter 10
Nicki
I hadn’t spoken to Maddox in weeks. The game was torture enough, but I couldn’t keep ignoring Amelia’s pleas. At the game I zoomed in on him. He was like a torpedo going in and out of the other players.
The smile on his face at the end zone was infectious and I wondered what it would be like to be down there with him celebrating.
“Maddy!” I could hear his sister sc
reaming in support of his from my right. I held Amelia close to me but couldn’t help when she bolted toward Miranda and her mother at first sight. So, we sat together, and I kept my eyes on Maddox the whole game.
**********
The day of Amelia’s birthday party started with me on the phone with Holden arguing. “It starts at four o’clock. It’s two already,” I said with one finger over my other ear trying in vain to drown out the surrounding noise.
Olivia was helping me set up the cupcakes to one side while Amelia ran around half-dress, with a tiara dangling on her head. I couldn’t help it as my eyes darted from my laptop, then to the messy kitchen where lunch was being prepared and over to the television turned on to the game.
Maddox was playing and the game was about to end with a victory by the Chicago Hawks. “Yeah, uh huh,” I managed to say to Holden’s spiel. I snapped out of it in time to add exasperatedly, “Where else do you need to be?”
“I have to work until six. I’m sorry,” Holden said.
I sighed and said, “Did you at least order the decorations you said you were going to get? I can swing by your apartment and get it.”
“Shit, I forgot…”
“Holden!”
“Momma, when is the party going to start? I want a cupcake.” Amelia asks.
“In a bit, love,” I said to her then to Holden, “And I’m assuming I’m left in charge of feeding twenty, three-year old’s now?”
Holden sighed, “I’m sorry, Nicki. How many times do you want me to say it?”
“Is that daddy, mom? Daddy, are you coming to my party?” Amelia attempted to have her voice heard.
“Once. I want you to say it once. To her,” I made clear. I passed the phone to Amelia. “Talk to daddy.”
“Dad, we have a lot of candy and cupcakes! When are you coming?” she asked excitedly. “Oh?” Her face fell. “Well, why not?” A moment of silence. “Okay, that’s okay, daddy. I love you, too.” She handed the phone back to me and ran off.
“Nicki--”
“You’ve spoken with your daughter. Now I’ve got to go.” I hung up the phone and sighed. I moved to the kitchen to prepare a grill cheese sandwich for Amelia.
“I don’t want it,” she said.
“But baby you asked mama for it,” I said. “And plus, you have to eat something. You haven’t eaten all day.”
“I don’t want to eat!” she said getting angrier. “I. Want. Cupcakes!”
My phone rang in my ear just as a knock came from the door. Amelia started bawling, her cries falling into the distant background as I moved to the front door.
“Hi, welcome in!” I tried to sound cheery as a three-year-old ran past me and into the living room. “Thank you for coming, Brenda. You guys are really early.” I said it playfully but was one hundred percent serious. “Um, we have some chips laid out. Everything’s kind of a mess but…” I had no excuse for the chaos. I felt like breaking down in the disorder but couldn’t for the sake of Amelia and the other children that would soon been like little rugrats all over my apartment.
“Oh, I’m not staying,” Brenda said.
“Oh, you’re not?” I was actually grateful. I didn’t need an actual adult judging how things were going. A loud wail pierced my ears. “I’d better get going. I’ll see you around six.” When the parent was gone, I shut the door and ran to Amelia. “What’s the matter?”
Tears poured down her rosy cheeks. “Olivia. Won’t. Give. Me. Cupcakes.” Every pause was separated by a sob. I glanced at Olivia who had an eyebrow raised. I knew that look from anywhere. It was the control your child look. Even she had, had enough.
“Amelia,” I ordered sternly. “If you are not going to behave, you are not going to have this party.”
“It doesn’t matter. Daddy’s not coming!” Then she ran off into the room. I turned back to Olivia and sighed.
Before I could say anything, she stepped up, “Go on and talk to her. I’ll handle things out here.” I nodded and followed Amelia.
“Melly,” I said once in the room. I sat on her small pink bed. “Come here, baby, tell mama what’s wrong.”
She sauntered over to me and fell into my lap. “Why did daddy say he would come if he was lying?”
Her question caught me off guard. “He had work.”
She fell quiet. Then, “Why did you tell Maddox he couldn’t come to my party?”
“I didn’t.”
“Then why did he say he wanted to and then changed his mind? Does he not love me? Is that why daddy left?” This broke my heart.
“No, baby,” I said positioning myself to look right at her. “Daddy loves you and Maddox…” She stared up at me with her eyes big and brown. “He loves you too.” She smiled.
“I wish he could’ve come to my party.”
“Me too,” I said sincerely.
Olivia busted the door open. “Come out here. Now,” she exclaimed.
I jumped up in fear but realized how excited she looked. “Come on!” Amelia and I eyed each other then followed Olivia to the living room and onto the outdoor patio.
“Oh my…” I stared down at the street, at the vibrant colors, and entertainers surrounding a huge party bus heading our way. There was a princess, a fairy, a superhero, and a football player. Maddox. I couldn’t help but smile. Once they were close to us, I could see Maddox’s handsome face staring right at me. The way he looked up at me made me blush. It felt like the same day we had made love.
“What are you doing? Come down here!” Maddox yelled.
Amelia bolted for the door, grabbing her friend and heading toward Maddox. Olivia turned to me when we were alone, exchanging looks to make up a conversation. He just saved this entire party. For you.
I know!
He liiiikes you.
I know!!
A few more kids and their parents had pulled up. There were games set up around the truck and inside, pizza on tables, and a cotton candy machine. I walked up to Maddox. “You really outdid yourself here.”
He shrugged and said, “I just can’t let you go.” I made a face at him really taking him in. “Listen, Nicki, you’re everything I didn’t know I wanted. I went more than two decades thinking it was okay to just…” He paused trying to collect the right words. “Treat women as disposable.
In a way I was kind of disposable to them too. You make me feel like I want this forever and I’ve never felt that way about anyone.”
I leaned into him and kissed him, silencing him before he could say anything else. “You’re amazing,” I said. His eyes lit up as though it were the first time he was hearing this. “I want this forever, too, but I want…” I paused.
His eyes searched mine as though the very answer lied there. “I want dates. And you on my couch watching rom-coms until we fall asleep. Probably me first. I just want to take things a little slower. Get to know you because you’re amazing.”
As we gazed into each other’s eyes, something flashed in his. Then he said, “I have to tell you something crazy.” Although slightly nervous, I nodded my head to okay him. “I love you.”
He was right. It was crazy, but even crazier was what I said back: “I love you, too.”
It was a spur of the moment and maybe foolish on my part but nothing felt better as he leaned into me and embraced me softly.
“Yuck!” Amelia said. I hadn’t noticed she walk up to us. “You just kissed mommy.” Maddox started laughing and swung her up to his level. “Thank you for coming to my party, Maddox.” He smiled at her.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He turned to me and said, “How about we get some food, guys?” I agreed happily and moved to the catering section, taking in Melly’s non-stop laughter and Maddox’s smile. I realized even more how much I loved him.
Epilogue
Maddox
Pop! Pop! Pop! The fireworks flew from behind the scoreboard. Touchdown, baby. I ran to the stands, my lips pulling into a huge smile when I saw them. All of them. My mom.
/> My sister. Nicki. Amelia. “Congratulations, Maddy!” Miranda exclaimed as always. I pressed the football into my mom’s hands, and she smiled.
Amelia, now officially my new stepdaughter, rushed up to me in a giggling fit. She settled down enough to raise her hand up to me. When I pressed my palm against hers, she lit up.
