Stay With Me

by Kathryn Shay

  His shoulders tensed. Folding his arms across his chest, he waited before he answered. “I don’t want to discuss Jeff with you.”

  “Why not? We’ve talked about him before.”

  “Maybe that was a mistake.”

  A chill swept through her. Portia’s words slid along it. And lose a wonderful man in the process.

  Before she could comment, he added, “Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.”

  “No!”

  He didn’t move.

  “Spence, did you hear me? I said no, it wasn’t a mistake. You’re the best thing, outside of Jamie, that’s ever happened to me.”

  He whipped around like an angry tiger. “Then why, Alexis, do I feel like Jamie and I are taking a backseat to your father and your job? Or do you still suspect my motives?”

  “Of course not. I thought we put the distrust behind us long ago.” She hesitated, feeling anger burn the inside of her stomach. “This is incredible. I’m gone one week and both you and Jamie turn on me. Why can’t you cut me some slack?”

  Because we love you, Spence thought. And playing second fiddle hurts. But he wasn’t brave enough to say those words aloud to her. So he retreated even further into himself. “You’ve got all the slack you want, sweetheart. I won’t get in your way.”

  “What kind of an answer is that? You’re angry with me for staying in Rochester and helping my father?”

  He tried to bite back the response but he couldn’t. “For choosing your father over me. And over Jamie.” He paused. “This isn’t a life-threatening illness, you know.” After a moment, he added, “And your ulcer was. Even if you’ve lost sight of your health, I haven’t. I’m worried you’re runnin’ yourself ragged again.”

  “It’s only for a couple of weeks, Spence. You’re overreacting.”

  He shook his head. “Then let’s just say your decision doesn’t bode well for the future. Our entire relationship has been problematic from the start—first with your hasty suspicions and now this. Maybe I’m too old to stick around to see if you can find a way to work me into your life without all this baggage weighing us down.”

  “You don’t mean that.” He just stared at her. “Tell me you don’t mean that, Spence.”

  Again, he didn’t answer, because he really wasn’t sure if he did mean it. His emotions were playing hopscotch and he couldn’t get a handle on any of them— hadn’t been able to all weekend.

  He’d had a lousy time with Teddy, missing Jeff and questioning how important he was in Alexis’s life. Was he was ever going to take first place in anybody’s affections?

  And, in the end, he had berated himself for acting like a selfish fool who needed to be liked best. It was all too much for a grown man who’d been miserly with his emotions since he was eighteen and had stormed out of his father’s house for the last time. And damn it, he was right to be concerned about her health.

  “I guess your silence says it all.” Alexis’s voice was strained, but still strong. So strong. As always. “I’m not going to beg you to keep me in your life.” She hesitated, bit her lip, wrapped her arms around her waist. “I just thought you...cared as much as I did.” She turned, then. Soft footsteps sounded on the deck.

  As he watched her go—leave his life—he ordered himself to stay where he was. To let her walk away. His old instincts would kick in. He’d survive.

  But was that what he wanted? Simply to survive without her? To go back to the time when a soap opera star was the most important woman in his life?

  Damn. What the hell was he doing?

  He catapulted across the deck. She’d descended the stairs and was on the lawn by the time he reached her. Coming up from behind, he grabbed her by the shoulders. “Lexy, wait.”

  She fought him, so he encircled her with his arms. “No.” Her elbows jabbed his stomach and she shook her head violently. “No, leave me alone. I’m go...” She broke off. It took him a moment to realize she was crying. Soft, wrenching sounds. His heart constricted at the realization that he’d reduced this strong, vibrant woman to tears.

  And that he’d hurt her. Gently, he subdued her efforts to free herself, crooning nonsense until she quieted. Then he said, “I’m sorry. I want this to work between us. I want you, love.” He buried his face in her neck, and words he’d never said in his life slipped out. “I need you.”

  She cried harder, so he turned her around and drew her close. His hand cradled her head. “I’m sorry I made you cry. I’m a bastard, and I’ve got this hang-up about how important I am to people. I’m takin’ it out on you.”

  Grasping his shirt, she nestled into him, her sobs diminishing to simple tears and to quiet hiccups. Then she looked up at him. Her eyes were wide and the light from the moon made the tears in them sparkle like sad stars. “You’re important to me, Spence,” she whispered. “So much it frightens me.”

  Well, he guessed he could live with that. At least for now. Drained, and afraid himself, he threaded her hair back from her face. “Stay with me,” he coaxed. “Even for a few hours.”

  She gulped. Then nodded.

  He slipped one arm around her back, another beneath her legs and picked her up. She cuddled into his chest, burrowing into him. “Yes,” she said softly. “Yes.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  SPENCE WATCHED THE ten pilots sitting before him, all dressed, like he was, in Guardian flight suits, reading the test directions. Keag wished them gone—off into the wild blue yonder—at least out of his sight and responsibility so he could daydream about Alexis. But he’d be damned if they figured out he was a lovesick sap.

  “This is an open-book test,” he told them, mustering as much authority and interest as he could. “Its purpose is to get you to go over the FAA regulations and protocol that we have to review every year. It’s open book because only an idiot would think you could memorize all these facts. Besides, I can’t figure out another way to get you clowns to read the material.”

  The pilots howled in protest. “Maybe if we put it on TV with the soaps...” quipped one, in retort.

  Spence grinned. “Take your time—you’ve got all afternoon and evening to complete the test. Do as much as you can alone. At the end you’ll be able to discuss the answers with each other and to see what you missed.”

  Settling down, the men began the test in the small conference room where Spence had first met Alexis. He could still see her in her starched suit, high heels and grim expression; she’d been way too formal and way too thin for his taste. Inwardly, he smiled at how well she’d filled out, fitting his hands perfectly. And how...informal they’d become. Then he scowled. He was still worried about her, up in Rochester, flying back and forth to Chicago. But he expected her meetings to be over, and her to be back in Catasaga tonight.

  Trusting her with his heart still made him break out in a cold sweat. He poured himself some coffee while the guys continued to work, comforting himself with thoughts of their late-night phone calls, the promises to be patient, the softly uttered words that they missed each other. He was embarrassed by his behavior, though so immersed in Alexis that even his fear couldn’t stop it.

  He fingered the little jewelry box that rested in the big pocket of his flight suit, berating himself for such a romantic—and risky—gesture. He’d spied the two-carat, marquis-cut diamond in Catasaga’s Fine Jewelry Store when he’d gone to pick up a new watch he’d ordered, and he kept picturing it on her hand, branding her for life as his. He’d gone back the next day and bought it, keeping it close like a talisman for good luck.

  You haven’t even told her you love her.

  True, those words came hard to him. But last Sunday night, their bodies had spoken their feelings for each other loud and clear. Their lovemaking had reached a new, almost transcendent level. He had given more than he had taken that night, and so had she. William Blake had said it best, “Love seeketh not itself to please.” If that wasn’t love, Spence didn’t know what was. And as afraid as he was of it, he knew he was in love w
ith Alexis.

  “Keag?”

  Pivoting, he found Teddy standing at the doorway. “Hi.”

  “Can you leave these guys alone? I need some help.”

  “Sure.” Following his friend out through the reception area to the hangar, Spence whistled the entire way.

  At the ship, Teddy faced him “Okay, I gotta ask. You’ve been walking around here all week as if you won the lottery. And you asked another pilot to cover for you this weekend, which, to my knowledge, you’ve never done. What gives?”

  Spence leaned against the helicopter. Never in his life, not even in Iraq, had he shared his feelings with the guys. Then he remembered Teddy’s words. You know Keag, you can tell me stuff too—it doesn’t just go one way.

  He gave his buddy a lopsided grin. “I’m in love.”

  Teddy dropped the wrench he was holding and it clanged noisily on the cement floor. “I had the impression you and Nancy weren’t seeing each other anymore.”

  “We aren’t.”

  “So who is she?”

  Spence thought about Alexis’s need to keep things quiet. He fought against how mad it made him, then blurted out. “I can’t say right now.”

  Hurt flashed across Teddy’s face.

  “I’m not clammin’ up on you, buddy. I can’t tell anyone, yet. There are circumstances...” He reached over and playfully socked Teddy’s arm. “As soon as I can, I’ll give you the scoop.”

  Awareness dawned on Teddy’s face. “Yeah, sure. I might even be able to fill in the blanks. But man, I can’t believe it. Sally and I thought you were a lost cause.”

  I was. “Hey, just goes to show you can teach an old dog new tricks.” Though lately, he’d felt more like a frisky puppy. Embarrassed, but still smiling, he focused his attention on the ship. “Now, what kind of help do you need?”

  Later that afternoon, Spence perched in front of the TV along with the rest of the gang, watching Jenna explain to Ray why they needed to keep their relationship a secret. Last night on the phone, he’d filled Alexis in on the most recent the parallel between The Heart’s Choice and their lives, and she’d chuckled into the receiver. But overall, she’d sounded worried and tired. Instead of pressing her, he’d kept the conversation light and told her how much he missed her, how much he was looking forward to seeing her tonight.

  “Earth to Keag.” Betty’s voice penetrated the fog of his hot fantasies. “The soap’s over.” She eyed him suspiciously. “What’s gotten into you? You’re acting weird.”

  I’m in love. Again, he fingered the jewelry box in his pocket. “I’m just in a good mood, woman.”

  “Yeah, well, Jenna would be jealous if she knew you were ignoring her like this. You didn’t even flinch when she kissed Ray.”

  He hadn’t. Instead, he’d remembered Alexis at five o’clock Monday morning, wrapping herself around him and kissing him goodbye. Reality with Alexis—even from the past—was a lot better than Jenna.

  When seven o’clock finally arrived, he hurried from work, jumped into his car and raced home. He took time for one stop—at the florist—to pick up a dozen delicate white roses. Pulling onto Lake Road, he breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted Alexis’s silver BMW already parked in her driveway. She promised to make it home tonight, and he’d prayed she would. Knowing she was just as anxious to see him as he was to see her, eased some of the constriction around his heart.

  He made a quick decision to shower and change before he headed for her cottage. After all, a man didn’t propose marriage in a flight suit. Maybe he’d even wear the sports coat and silk T-shirt she hadn’t been able to keep her hands off in Niagara Falls.

  o0o

  THE PAIN IN Alexis’s stomach jabbed at her. It hadn’t been too bad lately, until the phone call. Still, she struggled to hide it.

  “Are you comfortable, Dad?”

  Austin blew out an exasperated breath. In the cottage, sitting on her couch, dressed in casual shorts and a checked brown-and-white sports shirt, he’d propped his leg up on her coffee table. “Alexis, stop this fussing right now. I’m not an invalid.”

  “I know, Dad. I just think you’re overdoing it.”

  “Which is why I agreed to come down to the lake with you this weekend.”

  “That’s not the only reason.”

  “No, it’s not. I’m worried about dropping this little bomb on Jamie.”

  Alexis knew that Austin had wanted to be with her and Jamie after the shocking phone call from Jamie’s father yesterday afternoon. “I am, too,” she admitted. Her shoulders felt as if heavy weights had been dropped on them.

  Austin studied her face. Her hair was back in a knot, though some tendrils, and of course the Jenna-bangs, had escaped its confinement. She still wore the navy suit from the office. “You don’t look good today,” he told her.

  Through sheer force of will, she kept her hands from creeping to her stomach. Worry over how she was going to break the news of Greg’s visit to Jamie, tell Spence their weekend together had been seriously derailed and keep watch over her father, formed a knot in her already-abused stomach. Yet she assured him. “I’m fine, Dad.”

  “I hope Jamie will be. What the hell was that guy thinking when he decided he wanted to see her?”

  Alexis’s mind skipped to Spence. “Sometimes, parents don’t realize what they’ve done until it’s too late. If Greg can establish a relationship with Jamie now, it’s okay by me.”

  “I don’t like these kinds of complications in life,” Austin grumbled. He’d made that clear when she’d accepted Greg’s call.

  “Damn it, Alexis,” Austin had gritted out. “Why does your one mistake have to keep haunting us? Weren’t we embarrassed enough by it then? All those rumors about him using you. Thank God you’re not involved with Keagan like I suspected.”

  “Let’s not get into this again, Dad. The last thing you need is stress—from Greg or anyone else.”

  “All right.” He scanned the interior of the cottage. “Maybe things will be better all around when you finally get out of here and back to your own place.”

  “I like this cottage. Mom grew up here.”

  “Yeah. She loved it. A condo in Palm Beach and a house in Nice couldn’t replace it.”

  Sighing, Alexis sank onto a couch. “Some things you just can’t buy.”

  Again, Austin eyed her carefully. “Alexis, are you all right? You seem preoccupied and—oh I don’t know—edgy.”

  “I’m just worried about you and Jamie.”

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”

  “No, Dad, you need to rest and I would have fretted about you if I’d come alone.”

  “You came back for Jamie.”

  “Not just for Jamie.”

  “Is there something you want to talk about, honey? Other than this crap with Greg?”

  Desperately, Alexis longed to confide her feelings about Spence in her father. She’d half decided to tell him before making her recommendation about Guardian, but when she saw his strong reaction to Greg’s call, she knew she’d have to wait until later. After the grant decision. After Jamie faced her father. And after Austin felt better.

  Portia’s words came back to her. I can’t believe Keag would tolerate that...He’s got a lot of pride. He’ll only take so much...

  Spurning the advice, Alexis said, “There’s nothing to talk about, Dad. Let me get us something to drink. Lemonade sound good?”

  “Sure, I’ll watch the news while you get it.”

  In the kitchen, Alexis closed the door and picked up the phone. She’d promised to call Spence when she got in. Punching out his number, she allowed the images of their lovemaking last Sunday, and the memories of their desperate phone calls each night to soothe her misgivings. She’d left him on Monday morning secure in the knowledge that they could work things out. Determined to do her part in going public, soon.

  And absolutely certain that she was in love with him. She yearned to say the words aloud. But she’d decided to wait unti
l tonight to tell him in person. The phone had rung several times before she realized he wasn’t home. That was odd. Quickly, she poured the lemonade, then headed for the living room.

  And stopped dead in her tracks. The scene before her was like a freeze-frame. Her father sat, remote control in his hand, staring at Spence.

  Spence was inside the door as if he’d just entered. He was dressed as he’d been in Niagara Falls, in the sexy T-shirt and jacket that made him look so sexy her breath caught. In his left hand was a beautiful bouquet of flowers. On his face was a stunned expression.

  She had only a second to take in the scene before her father turned to her. His cheeks were flushed, much as they had been when Greg called. His words echoed back. Why does your one mistake have to keep haunting us?

  Your one mistake.

  “Alexis?” Austin said, suspiciously. “What’s going on here?”

  o0o

  SPENCE TIPPED THE bottle up to his mouth and took a long, hard swig. The beer was cold and tart and it soothed his throat. Around him, the cove was deserted tonight—thank God—and he’d dropped anchor so he could stay here as long as he wanted. From the looks of the sky, scattered with tiny twinkling stars, it was about midnight.

  He’d lost track of time. Everything was a blur since he’d left Alexis’s cottage.

  Since he left the woman who’d denied him without blinking. Oh, it hurt her. He could see it in the pallor of her face, in the panic in her eyes as they ping-ponged from him to her father. But her decision had been so quick, and so spontaneous, that its delivery had been more eloquent than her words. Oh, are you looking for Portia? I’m afraid I don’t know where she is, Keag.

  The message had been obvious. Because he was clearly decked out for a date—goddamned roses and all—her alert, CEO mind had come up with a ruse without missing a beat.

  Stunned, he’d just stared at her, the scent of the flowers sickeningly sweet, the weight of the ring in his jacket pocket mocking him. Austin had visibly relaxed and smiled at him. Spence couldn’t remember what he’d said or how he’d gotten out of there. The slicing pain in his heart cut so deep that he had concentrated only on escaping.