by LJ Swallow
"What happens next?" I ask them.
"We haven't decided," says Xander through a mouthful of pizza.
"But we're moving on, did you say?" I ask Heath.
"Not yet. We need to stay in the area until we've straightened out the events today." Xander's firm manner draws looks from Joss and Ewan and a scowl from Heath. "If we disappear from the area, we leave question marks over ourselves. The Order want rumours, and they want to reach us. We're bunkered down here and out of reach. Safe."
"But the magic the guy used today—that could breach our defences here," says Joss.
"The magic we beat?" Xander rests back in his chair and takes a long drink from his beer. "We've got this. Especially now the Fifth is here."
"Verity," says Heath.
"Vee." Joss and I speak my name at the same time, and he throws me one of his dimpled smiles.
I haven't had the chance to speak to Xander since he stepped away from me after the attackers died. He switched his sole focus to tidying up the aftermath left at Portia's house. I left with the other three guys. Their relief was clear when Xander followed later and arrived home with the pizza and beer.
"So, we're staying in Grangeton?" I ask. "Just so I know if I need to work tomorrow."
"Work?" Heath straightens. "Surely you're not going back to work."
"Why not? I can keep an eye on what's happening. Ewan said there are demons at Alphanet. I can help."
Xander cocks a brow. “Aren’t you too scared to go back to work?”
"No. Why should I be?"
"Because... demons?" he asks.
I stand. "I helped kill several today. I'm sure I can cope. Besides, Heath works there too."
"Ugh." Heath pulls a face. "I was only supposed to work there until we were sure you were the Fifth. I don't want to go back."
"She has a point," says Ewan. "Vee working at Alphanet will help me too; she can help hack into their computer system."
Xander raps the table with his long fingers. "No.”
"Maybe this isn't your decision," I inform him.
Xander snaps his head around and narrows his eyes at me. "Excuse me?"
"I need to have some normality in my life."
He lowers his voice. “We do what's best for all of us. That's how we operate.”
I hold his pissed off look. "Yes, and I've agreed to live with you and be part of this, but I'd like some control over my life."
"You can fool yourself if you want," replies Xander. "But you don't have any control. None of us do. This is what we signed up for."
"I didn't sign up for anything!" I retort.
"Yes, you did," he snaps. "You just don't remember."
"Xander...," warns Ewan.
"How don't I remember? Until a few days ago I was just average me working my boring job!"
"And before then?" asks Xander.
"Before then I lived with a friend in the same flat, she left and—"
"Have you seen her since?" he asks.
"No, but—"
"How about your family? Visited them recently?" Xander's focus on me is as unrelenting as his questions.
"Enough!" snaps Heath and stands. "Don't walk back in here and takeover, as if you have the right to do things the Xander way again."
"No, what does he mean, Heath?" I ask. "What happened to my family? Has someone hurt them?"
Joss stands abruptly and lifts his bottle. "Another beer anyone?"
I place my hand over Joss's, which silences him, and the tension thickens in the room. "What happened to my family?"
"Nothing," mutters Xander and glances at Heath. "Nothing happened to them."
"Why the accusations, then?"
Xander waves a hand. "Fine. Go to work. Live your pretend life. I don't care as long as you come home and are here when we need you."
"Come home like a good girl?" I bark out a laugh. "Here when you need me? Hell, you sound like my new, abusive boyfriend."
Xander shoves his chair back and stands, his face dark. "No, Verity, I'm the one that holds this shit together."
"Oh yeah, when you're here," says Heath. "And don't talk to her like that!"
For the last day, I've managed to fight tears, but now they well, and I fight them. Heath stands and approaches me, and I'm unaware my hands shake until he takes one. "Ignore him." He shifts to touch my cheek.
Xander's eyes widen and his mouth parts. "Ah! Right. I understand now." He stands too and approaches us. Heath steps between me and Xander, but I push him to one side. I don't need defending.
"What's happened between the two of you?" demands Xander.
"Nothing," he mutters.
I bristle. How do they put up with this guy's attitude? "He kissed me. I kissed him."
"What the fuck?" he hisses at Heath.
"Yeah, what the fuck?" asks Ewan. "Joss. Did you know?"
Joss blows air into his cheeks. "Yeah."
"Oh, this is fucking brilliant!" Xander throws his arms in the air. "Heath Landon's dick takes over, once again."
"I said we kissed,” I snap. "Nothing more happened and won't."
"Ha! She doesn't know your reputation then, Heath?" laughs out Xander.
"Like you're a saint around girls,” he retorts.
"She's not just a girl though, is she?" Xander leans forward so he's in Heath's face, and I extend both arms to push them apart.
"I'm not a bloody toy to fight about! I'll kiss who I want.” I cringe at my teenage-style words. "I’m a girl who’ll do whatever she wants, with whoever."
"You're not even a girl,” hisses Xander, cheeks flushing with anger.
"Correct! I'm a twenty-one-year-old woman."
"Bullshit. You don't even fucking exist!" he snaps.
Before I can catch up to his words or reply, Xander turns on his heel, grabs a bottle from the table, and marches out of the room. Still trembling, I look between the other guys in the room.
"Well, he's one big bundle of fun, isn't he?" I attempt a light tone, but his words echo. I don't exist?
Nobody responds; my humour falls flat. For the first time since my failed attempt to run from the whole situation, I want to leave. Singed bedroom carpet? If I can cope with demons, I can cope with minor decorative disasters at home.
The stupid tears build, and I turn my face away from Heath, scared he'll touch me and trigger a breakdown. Mistake, because my blurring eyes immediately meet Joss's.
No.
I'm stronger than this.
I won't let any of them see my weakness.
"Be right back," My light tone is drowned out by a croaking voice. Great.
The kitchen's empty, thankfully Xander didn't head in here. I pour a glass of water and pause by the sink. What a dickhead. I gulp the water.
"I told you my brother was a bit of an arsehole," says Heath from behind, echoing my thoughts. "Are you okay?" He closes the kitchen door.
"This is all bloody confusing," I admit. "I'm not sure I can cope with much more.”
The guy standing in the kitchen with me looks like the extraordinarily attractive, but ordinary guy I thought invited me on a date. I focus on reimagining him as the guy from work who paid me attention, all muscle-bound six feet plus of gorgeousness, and not a man who has the power to kill in seconds.
Inside, a part believes he is. I want to believe if I'd never discovered who Heath is, or what I am, we could've been more.
Heath nods. "I'm sorry I never spoke to you about the kiss, but I didn't want you to think it meant anything."
My chest tightens, but what right do I have to be hurt by his words? I'm attracted to the other guys as much as to him, which confuses the hell out of me.
But I met him in my world before being dragged into this one. Heath's the guy from work who I sparked with, despite the pouring rain and fact I ran him down in my car.
Stupid, Verity...
"Okay." I turn away back to the sink, remembering Ewan's words about choosing all of them, or none.
"Xa
nder's angry that I screwed up with the fae situation. He'll calm down."
"Can we not talk about this?" I turn. "Maybe explain to me what Xander meant when he said I don't exist."
"No, Vee. He was just being a dick."
I narrow my eyes at him. "You're from my real world, Heath. You know the real Verity."
"Not really."
I move towards him, desperate to touch and convince myself I'm real, that the energy that charged between us when we first kissed and touched was a normal, everyday attraction. "Am I real?" I whisper.
"Yes." He touches my face. "So fucking real to me. To all of us."
"And how I feel about you. Is that real?" I grip his fingers.
"You look at Joss the same way as you do me, even Ewan, and I'm sure before Xander pissed you off you felt an attraction."
"No. Yes. Shit." I pull his hand away. "But you're all different men.
"And you're a part of us."
"I know. I'm here with you all."
Heath shakes his head and takes my face in his hands. "We're all part of each other. Inside. We believe there's an energy that connects us, split four ways. Now we think it’s really split five ways. This power more than connects, it bonds us and keeps us close to each other."
"The real reason I don't want to leave, huh?" I ask.
"And why whatever you feel is purely a physical desire." His gaze drops to my mouth. "What I feel too. We all do."
"But you're different men; you don't have the same personalities. Whatever you are, there's a human side that I'm attracted to. This is more than..." I trail off.
Ewan already told me the reality.
I've witnessed how their different personalities cause conflict between them. Now I’m here adding in sexual tension already causing the guys to clash. I'm at the centre of a perfect storm.
"This between me and you isn't just physical," I say. "Can't be."
Heath moves closer, body almost against mine as my back presses against the sink. "Maybe not, but this can't be anything else either."
I swallow. "This is bloody intense for two people who met less than a week ago."
"I think it's more than a week since you were checking out my arse, Vee," he says in a soft voice. He trails a finger across my lips and heat builds in my belly.
The buzz from his touch spreads across my face. "True. But you all have nice backsides, so I suppose you can see my dilemma."
Heath smiles, but his eyes don't. "Exactly, it would be impossible to decide which piece of ass to choose."
"Ah well, maybe I'll just have all four." I laugh and stop myself when his brow furrows. "Joking!"
Heath swears under his breath and rests his forehead against mine, warm breath mingling, his scent wrapping around and reminding me how soft his lips were against mine; how his taste intoxicated me. "Maybe one of us will persuade you otherwise."
"Don't," I whisper back. "Not again."
He cradles my head in his hands, and kisses my forehead, gentle and soothing. "But you're here, with me, and I'll fight to keep you safe. I'm going to really bloody struggle with keeping away from you because the human you recognises the human me. This isn't just some bullshit supernatural connection."
My throat thickens. Why couldn't an ordinary guy be the one saying these words to me? His warm skin against mine, the familiar charge between us, takes control of the situation and I move my face to place my lips on his. The moment I do, Heath claims my mouth in a sudden, intense kiss. His hands move so he’s holding my face, and I press myself against him. Heath grabs my waist and pulls me flush against his chest as he deepens the kiss. My senses fill with his scent and taste, but also the coursing power between us.
I forget myself and tangle my body and tongue with his, everything and everybody around fading to nothing. I grasp at keeping hold of the world, scared Heath will pull me away from the tiny grip I still have.
I circle his neck with my hands and dig fingers into his hair, gripping onto him the way he is me, in a kiss unlikely to stop any time soon. He grabs my ass, pushing me harder against the sink.
I tear my mouth away, desperate to bring some oxygen into the situation, and Heath switches to gentle kisses along my neck and collarbone. His heated breath comes in short bursts as he slides both hands beneath my shirt and along my sides. His hands are as warm as the soft lips, heating as his desire grows.
The harder I push against him, the more aware of his arousal I am, and the barrier between us does nothing to stop the wet heat building between my legs.
I slip my hands beneath his shirt too, resisting the urge to unbutton, and place hands on the impressive abs I knew were there. The thought tightens everywhere, and I drag my fingers along the ridges. His grip on my waist intensifies, fingers digging hard into my skin.
A noise nearby jerks me back to awareness, and I push at Heath, rubbing my lips together, eyes locked on his. Every nerve in my body is lit up, and if he touches me again, I swear I will combust.
Heath steps back and squeezes his eyes closed. "Hell, Vee."
We stand, hands on each other's faces and share the unspoken understanding that this needs to stop before the situation runs out of control. Today demonstrated a need for unity amongst the Four. There're enough issues with the demons' attempts to conquer the guys, without the Fifth who's supposed to help instead causing a bigger rift.
"I think I need some time alone," I whisper.
"We can figure this out."
"I have a lot to deal with right now, Heath." I drop my hand and dip my head, not wanting to see if his emotions reflect mine.
Only when he moves back does oxygen rush back into my lungs and clear my dizzy head. Then suddenly he crushes me in his arms, against his chest and holds the back of my head. I inhale his scent, fighting the tears as his warm breath heats my scalp. I could stand here all night, allow him to hold me in place as the seismic shift happens beneath my feet.
But I can't.
This can't happen.
I move my hands between us and push gently at his chest. "Heath."
Heath releases me and moves away, chewing on his bottom lip as he does. "I meant what I said. I will always be here for you. Always."
I can't... I stumble through the door and along the narrow hallway, almost slipping on the slate tiles in my stockinged feet. I grab the stair rail and pull myself up two at a time, desperate for my one last sanctuary, my borrowed bedroom. As I open the door, the tears finally spill down my cheeks and I drag in a shuddering breath.
Ewan appears besides me and grabs my arm. "Vee? Are you okay? I saw you run through the house."
Shit. I wipe my face with a jacket sleeve and then turn to him. "I'm okay."
"No. It was wrong of him to say that to you."
What? "I'm okay," I repeat.
"Seriously, I'm fucking furious, and he's obviously finished the story and upset you more." I widen my eyes in confusion. "Xander. What he's told you, it's not a hundred percent true."
"Isn't it?"
Ewan frowns. "It's not easy to handle when somebody says that you never existed until three years ago. He should've been gentler."
The hallway lurches, floor sliding beneath my feet. "You?"
"What?"
"What do you mean? That you never existed? Or do you mean me?"
He studies me with his intense green eyes. "Shit."
I grasp his arm, to hold myself upright as much as anything else. "Are you telling me I'm not real? What are you telling me?" My voice rises, hysteria edging in. "Ewan!"
"Fuck," he growls. "Fuck."
"Tell me!" I shout and grasp his shirt tighter. "Don't do this to me!"
Footsteps thump up the stairs, and I spin around to see Joss. "What the hell are you doing, Ewan?"
I dig fingers into my hair and tug hard, confirming the pain is as real here as inside my tightening chest. "He says I'm not real!"
"No. I didn't say that," says Ewan. "Vee, calm down."
I straighten and fight t
he desire to lash out—or run—and look Ewan straight in the face.
"Tell me. Am I Verity Jameson? Did I grow up in Grangeton with my parents? Have I worked at Alphanet for five years?"
He doesn't answer.
The silence hits like a tsunami, knocking me backwards. I slump against the wall and slide to the floor, keeping my eyes fixed on Ewan's as Joss remains frozen next to me. Neither man's eyes hold the answer I want.
"Who am I?"
16
EWAN
How the fuck do I deal with this situation? Vee's trying her hardest not to, but she's crying. Her pale shock means she can't control everything happening inside her mind right now.
I made her cry.
The thought sickens me.
Vee's torn apart, and it's my dumb fault for presuming the worst.
Xander can be an arsehole, especially when he's back from time away, immersed in stress. How was I to know Xander never followed Vee to reveal the whole truth? Hell, I've been the one insisting we do, but I held this information back because it’s too big a headfuck.
I don't answer Vee’s question, fully aware she would know I lied. The truth would destroy her fragile grip on what's left of her reality.
Is this a mistake?
Vee shifts from staring us in the face, eyes welling with tears to staring at her hands. Vee mumbles to herself, and a cold fear grips my chest. The logical, sensible girl I spoke to, when we were alone, has been pushed too far.
"Vee?"
She turns cold eyes to mine. "You lied."
"I haven't. I didn't reply."
Her lips thin. "Exactly."
What the fuck do I do here because I have no idea how women think? Girls? Don't bother with them beyond hook-ups. Our lifestyle on the road, living one place for weeks at the most, doesn't lead to meaningful relationships, and we spend time with girls who understand the score. I have no clue how to deal with one this upset.
But Vee.
Holy fucking fuck Vee.
Xander announced she existed, informed us what the deal would be between us and her. I shrugged his ridiculous ideas away. No way would a member of the opposite sex affect me in a way I can't control. Normally, I shut down, don't deal, keep away.
