Finding Me

by Stella Rainbow

  I gave Brady a panicked glance as the monitor started beeping rapidly and Brady sidled up to me, grabbing my hand as he looked into my eyes, “It’s okay, baby. He’s here to apologize, okay? I won’t let him hurt you. I got you.” My heart calmed at the steady reassurance in Brady’s voice and I turned back to see Lawrence’s eyes filled with tears. He stopped a few steps away from the foot of the bed as he looked at me and I braced myself for more cruel words.

  “I’m so sorry, big sib,” His voice—so familiar and so full of love—broke through my fear and my eyes widened as I realized what he’d said. He didn’t give me a chance to speak as he continued talking, “I’m so sorry for what I said, Charlie. So fucking sorry. I understand if you can’t forgive me but I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  It took me a moment to find my words and even then all I could say was a hoarse, “Really?”

  Lawrence nodded instantly, shuffling closer as he looked at his feet, “After dad died, you left so suddenly and I felt like you’d abandoned me too, that you didn’t care about me anymore. I was hurt and angry and so when you told me about your gender I used it as an excuse to lash out at you, to hurt you like I was hurting. I hated myself as soon as I ended the call but I was too much of a coward to call you back and apologize. I’m so sorry, Charlie. So fucking sorry. You’ve been more than a sibling to me for my whole life. You’re my parent and I don’t want to lose you. Please forgive me.”

  “How are you so good at not misgendering me already?” I asked instead, needing a minute to process what he’d said. He’d felt like I’d abandoned him. Of course, he had. He lost our dad and then I left him too. Holy fuck, how could I have been so careless? Me and my brother, we’d always been a team and then I’d just left him to deal with it all alone without giving a proper reason. I was such a shitty sibling.

  “Um…” Law mumbled as his cheeks colored. He glanced at Brady before looking into my eyes. He seemed to like whatever he saw because his shoulders sagged from their stiff pose and he smiled slightly as he spoke, “I didn’t want you to hate me, so I was practicing while we waited for you to wake up.”

  I grinned at the idea of my brother sitting in a chair outside the hospital room and practicing his pronouns and unisexual terms. Then a thought struck and my brows furrowed as I looked at him, “How did you get here anyway?”

  Law laughed at that before he glanced at Brady and asked, “You wanna tell them or should I?”

  Brady shrugged before grinning at me and pressing a kiss on my smiling lips.

  “So,” Law started and I turned my head to look at him, wincing at the slight burn on the side of my head. “I was in my office, reviewing some documents and then your man walks in all fuming and angry.” I chuckled at the picture and Brady squeezed my hand.

  “To put it in a few words, Brady pulled my head out of my ass and made me realize how much of a dick I’d been. And once he told me you were hurt, I knew I had to come back and see you.”

  I smiled at Brady. This man…he’d gone to New York just so I’d wake up to find my brother with me. How did I get so lucky? “Thank you.”

  Brady kissed my forehead before grinning at Law with mischief in his eyes, “You didn’t tell them about how I threw you on your ass, Law.”

  My eyes widened both at what he’d said and that they were close enough for Brady to call my brother Law already. “You did?”

  Brady nodded enthusiastically and Law’s red face told me he wasn’t lying. “He was giving me the ‘I’m so much bigger than you, you could never hurt me’ look so I had to prove him wrong,” Brady said with a shrug and I chuckled.

  Law rolled his eyes before looking at me with a hopeful expression on his face. “So, what do you think, sib? Can you forgive me?”

  “Only if you forgive me for abandoning you.” Law’s face split with a wide smile and he leaned down to hug me, being ever so careful of my injuries as he held me. The familiar scent of almonds washed over me, and I let out a deep sigh as the last bit of my family slotted into place.

  Once Law left, people kept visiting, one after the other and I was in awe of how many people seemed to care about me. First it was Mama D and her husband, Ryan. She fed Brady a sandwich and brought soup for me that I knew I’d be asking a recipe for once I was better. After that, Luke and Scott showed up with Luke’s homemade cookies that I nibbled on since I wasn’t supposed to eat anything too heavy for a day or two. Brady told me Cherry would be staying with Luke and Scott for the next few days so Brady could focus on me. Apparently, Cherry and Tressa—Luke and Scott’s cat—got along like a house on fire and they loved having Cherry over.

  After they had left, Rohan showed up with his arm around Jo, who looked like they hadn’t slept in a week. Jo apologized to me so many times during their visit and each time I had to tell them that what their asshole brothers did was not their fault. I was just glad it had been me and not them. They were such a tiny little thing, I was scared they wouldn’t have made it if they hadn’t made a run for it. For that matter, I knew I had been lucky to survive but I didn’t want to think about that.

  I still couldn’t remember any of what had happened, but Officer Whitby told me that Jo’s statement would be enough to charge the assholes when they were captured and I needed to take it easy but also try to remember it so they could be put away for a long time.

  By the time we were finally alone, I was barely keeping my eyes open. Brady kissed both my cheeks, my nose and finally my lips and whispered against them, “Sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

  I tucked the promise into my heart and let my eyes shut, knowing that as long as I had Brady beside me, he’d keep me safe.

  23 | Brady

  I closed the door behind me, leaning against it as I took a deep breath. Mama D had finally left. She’d been here the whole day, first helping me settle Charlie into their bed, then cooking up a bunch of dishes that I could reheat later. The refrigerator was so full that I knew that I’d only need to make breakfast for the next few days. Having a mom like Mama D was so fucking useful. I groaned as I stretched my arms, the past three days of sitting in a hard plastic chair catching up with me. I was so looking forward to sleeping in a bed tonight. What I was looking forward to even more was sleeping beside my love. I knew I couldn’t cuddle them tightly like I wanted to just yet, but sharing their warmth and knowing they were there, knowing they were okay would be enough.

  I made my way into the bedroom—our bedroom—and smiled when I spotted Charlie waiting for me, still awake. Then I switched into caretaker mode and hurried to their side, “Are you okay? Do you need more pain meds?”

  Charlie shook their head with a smile and grabbed my hand, tugging me closer. I barely stopped myself from tumbling over them and slapped their hand once I was steady. “Are you crazy? I don’t want to hurt you.” My voice was more like a shriek but I didn’t care because my heart had jumped into my throat at the idea of causing Charlie more pain.

  They gave me a soft smile before dropping my hand and patting the other side of the bed. “I’m sorry. I’m okay, just come on in, already. I feel like I haven’t touched you in years.” Didn’t I know it? I’d spent the last four days clinging on to Charlie’s hand for dear life. I missed their warm embrace, their spicy sweet scent that made me feel cared for and loved.

  I quickly removed my clothes until I was in just my boxers before crawling under the covers and snuggling up beside them. Careful of the stitches on their stomach, I placed my arm on their hip, tucking my face against their chest and pressing light kisses over their bruises. My eyes flooded with tears yet again at the thought that I could’ve so easily lost them and I sniffled as I pressed my lips above their heart, taking comfort in the steady beats of their heart. They were okay. They were alive. They were here.

  “You okay?” They asked, their nose trailing through my hair as they breathed me in.

  “Yeah. I just—don’t ever scare me like that again, okay? I can’t lose you. I
love you too much.”

  “I love you, too. I’m so sorry I took so long to say it. To think I could’ve died without telling you how I feel…”

  “No one’s dying,” I insisted, before looking up at him, “Except for the assholes who hurt you. If I get my hands on them…”

  Charlie squeezed me and it took everything in me not to squeeze them back. “The cops will get them, don’t worry. Now, how about we catch some sleep?”

  I nodded against their chest before snuggling in, letting their spicy sweet scent—that was slightly marred by the hospital scent, since they couldn’t fully shower yet—wrap me up in a cocoon as I finally let go of all my fears and let sleep claim me. We’d be okay.

  Three weeks later, Charlie was moving around with the help of their crutch, though I still didn’t like them going anywhere other than the bathroom since they also had a cast on their arm and wouldn’t be able to catch themselves if they took a tumble. Despite that, they were determined to make me go back to work and when I’d repeatedly said I wouldn’t leave them alone, they decided they would come with me and sit in the café.

  To be honest, I did miss my café but I also couldn’t bear to be away from Charlie. Every time I even thought about it, a strange fear that something might happen to them made it difficult to breathe. Taking them to the café seemed like an okay compromise, as long as they kept their promise of not moving from their seat. So after I was dressed and ready, we rode down the elevator to the parking lot. I pulled the keys out of my pocket as I helped Charlie into the passenger seat and stashed their crutch in the back.

  “Be honest. You’re excited to be getting back to work, aren’t you?” Charlie said as soon as I was in the car and I turned to smile at them. They looked so much better now. Their hair was back to its shiny, curly mess, their beard just long enough for me to scrape my nails through them. Their baby blue eyes were bright as they smiled at me and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss on their smiling lips. I licked the taste of cherry lip balm off my lips, yearning to press forward and really kiss them, but I held back. If I started now, I wouldn’t stop and I really was eager to get to work, now that Charlie had convinced me.

  “Of course I am. Doesn’t mean I don’t wish you were in bed, resting like you’re supposed to.”

  “One week. The doc said I had to stay in bed for one week! You made me stay for three. I would’ve turned into a vegetable if I didn’t move around.”

  I laughed at their complaint and after a second they joined me and we were still laughing when we parked in front of the café—well, we only drove a few blocks, but still.

  “I still think we should’ve walked over. Now you’ll have to drive the car back since there’s no parking here,” Charlie said and I rolled my eyes.

  “I was not going to make you hobble all the way here and I may be a badass fucker but I'm not big enough to carry you the whole way. Come on, let me get you settled in there and I’ll go drop the car.”

  Once I had stationed Charlie in a comfy couch near a window and threatened Kasey with her life to make sure they didn’t leave their seat, I got back into the car and drove it home—thinking about Charlie’s place as home still gave me all the warm fuzzies—before walking back to the café. Over the last few weeks, my whole family had chipped in and helped me move all my stuff to Charlie’s. Now their living room also held a cabinet showcasing all my cute gifts—including the sketch they’d given me on my birthday and the new sketches they’d made recently since they couldn’t do much else while resting—and Cherry’s toys were strewn about in the guest room that had been designated as her highness’ room. I loved seeing our things together, it made me feel like I had the family I’d always been looking for. One that was warm, caring, affectionate and full of love they didn’t hesitate to show.

  When I got back into the café, I made a beeline for Charlie, pressing a slow, sweet kiss on their lips before asking if they’d like something to eat. Once I had their order—which sounded something like: whatever you want, just go work already—I made my way behind the counter and Kasey pulled me in a hug.

  “It’s so good to have you back. We missed you. Do you want a coffee?”

  “Yes! And one for Charlie too, please. I’ll handle the customers.” I settled back into the role of a barista with ease, and the familiar act of filling up coffee orders and chatting with customers had me smiling widely as I worked.

  The regulars asked me where I’d been and when I told them my partner had been hurt—my eyes always drifting towards Charlie where they sketched in their notebook—they made sure to go over and wish them well, showing me exactly how much they really cared about me. I wasn’t just some guy in makeup who made their coffee, I meant something to them and that warmed my heart to the core.

  When I had a break in customers, an idea hit me and I grabbed a plate and sliced a big piece of chocolate pastry and grabbed a caramel latte before placing them in a tray and making my way to Charlie’s table. I set the tray on their table and grinned when they didn’t look up, too caught up in sketching what looked like me working behind the counter.

  I gripped the edge of the table as I leaned forward and spoke, amusement clear in my voice, “Are you sketching me, sexy stranger? You know, that seems pretty stalker-ish to me.”

  Charlie looked up at me, eyes wide for a second—and I was sure they were remembering the first time we met in this same room—before a smile broke out across their face and they laughed, a free, sweet sound that had me smiling. As long as I could make Charlie smile like that, as long as the two of us were together, everything would be okay.

  I sat down across from them, grabbed the fork and held a bite to their lips. Because they weren’t a sexy stranger anymore. They were my love, my heart and my forever. They were my happily ever after.

  Epilogue

  I smiled as I looked around the room, my heart overflowing with happiness as my eyes fell on Charlie who was dressed to the nines in a mesh top and a plaid skirt paired with stockings that made me want to drag them into the bedroom and devour them. I controlled myself because a) this get-together had been my idea and b) I loved how happy Charlie looked as they laughed at something their brother had said.

  It had been two months since Charlie was attacked and they were finally, completely healed. So of course I had to throw a party for them. In the end, I’d invited everyone who had helped me out over the past two months to our house, and it seemed like my idea had been well received.

  Mama D, Ryan, Luke and Scott sat around the dining table. I was pretty sure they were still discussing their impending wedding. They had decided to get married on new years’ eve so they could start the new year as a married couple and as expected, Mama D was over the moon about the idea.

  Angie, Rohan and Jo stood off to the side, talking in low tones. I was glad to see Jo smiling and I made a note to go talk to them before they left. Their brothers had been caught a week after the attack and since Charlie had remembered almost everything from the attack, the assholes were now in jail for the foreseeable future. I couldn’t imagine what they must be feeling, to have brothers who hated them so much that they were willing to ruin their own lives.

  My eyes drifted back to my partner and all my worries disappeared just like that. I took a moment to admire their bright eyes, the wide smile on their face, the spot-on makeup they’d done all on their own and my heart swelled with pride as I made my way to them. I wasn’t nervous, not really, because this felt like the right thing to do.

  They looked up as soon as I drew close and their smile widened when they spotted me. I sidled up to them, kissing their jaw without having to lean up—thanks to my six-inch heels. I extended my hand and they took it with a puzzled look.

  “Come dance with me,” I said, pulling them towards the middle of the living room. I looked over at Angie and she gave me a thumbs up and a second later, Lover by Taylor Swift started playing over the bluetooth speaker.

  I
pulled Charlie closer, wrapping my arms around them as theirs came to rest on my waist. We swayed to the music, my cheek resting against their chest as I breathed them in. I took a long, deep inhale as I steeled myself before looking up at them, resting my chin against their chest.

  “Charlie, will you marry me?”

  Charlie stumbled a step but steadied themselves, their eyes wide as they looked into mine. I hoped my eyes reflected all my love for them, all the longing in my heart to call them my other half.

  Slowly, their lips tilted into a soft, shy smile and they pulled back slightly, only to drop down on one knee and pull out a box from their skirt pocket. There were gasps around the room and the sound of phones clicking pictures, but all I could see was this beautiful person down on one knee before me. My hands came up to cover my mouth as my eyes filled with tears. Yes, I'd hoped to be engaged by the end of the night but I'd never expected Charlie to be the one asking me! Holy shit.

  Charlie gave a low chuckle before opening the box and pulling out a platinum band that was encrusted with the tiniest of green and blue gems that seemed to glitter as they grabbed my hand. “Why do you always have to be the one in lead?” They slid the ring onto my finger without saying another word. Honestly, words weren’t required at all and I probably wouldn’t have been able to speak anyway.

  As soon as they were standing, I flung myself into their arms, knowing they’d catch me and never let me fall. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with them.

  Have you read Luke and Scott’s story yet?

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  Author's Note

  Hey Lovely!

  Thank you so much for picking up and reading Finding Me! I really hope you enjoyed reading the book and loved Brady, Charlie and Cherry as much as I did.