by TJ Klune
“Yeah, man. Pack.” I looked up at the others. Gordo was pale, eyes like bruises. Kelly was tense, as if he thought Gavin was going to attack again. Joe gave us a wide berth as he circled around back to the others. “And pack is everything.”
He turned his head to look at me. “You. Call them. You. Brought them here.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t. But they found us all the same. Because that’s what pack does. We don’t leave anyone behind.”
“Hurt you. Broke you.” He started to reach for me, his claws extended. He pulled his hand back at the last second. I let it go. “Heard it.”
“Yeah, but I’m okay now. I healed.”
“Witch,” he muttered. He glared at Gordo. “Magic. I hate it. No magic. No more magic.”
Gordo opened his mouth, but I beat him to it. “Okay. No more magic.” Joe pressed his hand against Gordo’s chest to hold him back. “For now.”
Joe took off his coat. He tossed it to me. I caught it and placed it over Gavin’s back. I pulled his wet hair back over the collar. It was the first time he’d ever let me touch him like this as a human. Such a small thing, but I was in ruins because of it.
He pushed himself up, settling back on his legs. He grumbled as if annoyed when I tried to fix the coat. “Don’t need it.”
“Just… let me do this, okay?”
I thought he was going to argue.
He didn’t. I tried forcing his arms through the sleeves. He fought against it. I sighed and tried to zip it up instead. He pushed my hands away when I got a little too close to his junk.
“This is going well,” Gordo said, turning his face toward the sky.
THE CABIN THAT’D BEEN our home for weeks suddenly felt too small. Kelly and Gordo stood in one corner, watching Gavin as he paced near the door. He glared at all of us in equal measure, mumbling threats that never amounted to much.
Joe sat on the bed, head cocked, hands on his knees. It was surreal, seeing them here after all this time. If it weren’t for the ache in my back, I would have thought I was still dreaming. I had so much to say. I couldn’t find the words to say any of it.
Gordo spoke first. “Does your truck still work?”
I nodded. “Think so. Started it a while back.”
Gordo stared at me. “How long have you been here?”
“Weeks,” Kelly said tightly. “He’s been here for weeks.”
“Kelly,” Joe said without looking away from Gavin. “Go easy. We talked about this.”
Kelly scoffed but didn’t say anything more. It hurt more than I thought it would.
Gordo rubbed his jaw. “If your truck doesn’t start, we can take one of the others. Who did they belong to? Joe and Kelly said they smelled blood at that other house.”
“Hunters.”
“Dead?”
“Very,” Gavin muttered. “Killed them.” He snapped his teeth at Gordo. “Made them bleed.”
Yeah, it was a little more than that, but they didn’t need to know that right this second. “A group of them. Not Kings, I don’t think. They weren’t organized. They were after me. There was a… situation. At a bar.”
Gordo shook his head. “Of course there was.” Then, “We could probably all fit in my truck, but it’d be tight. Probably better if we take two when we go.”
Gavin stopped pacing, looking at Gordo, eyes narrowed. “Go?”
Gordo didn’t look away. “Yes. Go. As in leave. As in getting your sorry ass back to Green Creek. And it would be just grand if you put on some pants. I don’t need to see your dick out like that.”
Gavin dropped the coat to the floor.
Gordo groaned and looked away.
Gavin looked pleased with himself.
“Carter,” Joe said.
I jerked my head away. “What? I wasn’t looking at anything. You can’t prove it.”
His lips twitched. “I didn’t think you were.” He nodded toward my bag on the floor. “That’s all you got?”
“Yeah. Travel light.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Kelly muttered. He crouched down, pulling the bag toward him. He looked disgusted as he rifled through it. I didn’t blame him. What remained in it didn’t smell very good. I hadn’t been able to wash anything for a long time, including myself. He lifted the bag off the floor and set it on the bed next to Joe. Joe didn’t look at it. He only had eyes for Gavin.
“Not leaving,” Gavin said. “Stay here. I have to stay here.”
“Why?” Joe asked.
Gavin was growing agitated again. He was twitchy, moving like a marionette, limbs jerking. “Why,” he said. “Why, why, why. Always why. Bennetts. Always questions. Always talking. I hate talking.”
Gordo looked startled. “Well fuck me. I guess we do have something in common after all.”
Gavin bared his teeth at him. “Not your brother. Don’t want you. Don’t need you. Never have. Witch. Magic. It stinks. Hate it.”
“Yeah, I don’t know if you have any room to talk about smelling bad—”
“Gavin,” Joe said. “Look at me.”
He did, though he looked as if he tried to fight it.
“You can’t leave,” Joe said slowly. “You have to stay. Why?”
“Father,” Gavin said. “Big. Strong. Powerful. I hear him. In my head. He says stay, stay, stay. He’s wolf. He’s beast. I stay, he stays.”
“You’re keeping him here,” Joe said.
Gavin nodded, head jerking up and down.
“Away from everyone else.”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
“Because he has you, and that’s all he ever wanted.”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
“Is he your Alpha?”
And Gavin hesitated. He looked confused. Unsure.
Joe stood. “He’s not, is he? He thinks he is, but he’s not.”
Gavin was breathing heavily, chest rising and falling.
“You know he’s not,” Joe continued, sounding sure of himself. I was in awe of him, how different he was. Oh, he was still Joe, but there was more to him now. “He’s not your Alpha, because you already have one. Two, in fact. Isn’t that right?”
Gavin bumped into me, and he turned his head to look at me. He grabbed my hand, his grip crushing. I didn’t try to pull away.
“Gavin,” Joe said, voice deeper. His eyes filled with fire, and in my head, I heard the faint whisper of pack and pack and pack. “You were never his. No matter what he told you. No matter what he did to you. You were never his.”
Gavin hung his head, mouth slack as he panted.
Joe put his hand under his chin, lifting his head until he could look him in the eyes. “I don’t know what’s happened to you. And I don’t know what you’ve been through, but an Alpha isn’t supposed to hurt his pack. An Alpha is supposed to protect them. To keep them safe and whole.”
“In my head,” Gavin said miserably. “Always in my head.” He screwed up his face. “I hear him. Always calling. I keep him here. I stay, he stays.” He let my hand go, pulling his face from Joe’s touch. “You go. Take Carter. Leave. Go far away.”
“And leave you here?”
Gavin nodded. “Yes.”
“What if I don’t want to do that?”
“Then you die,” Gavin snarled. He pushed Joe away. “All of you die. He’ll know. He’ll know you’re here. Magic. It can’t last forever. Not your pack. Not my Alpha. Don’t want this.” He glanced at me before looking away. “Don’t want any of this.”
It stung more than I expected it to. And I was tired. “Maybe you should shift back. It’s easier when you’re a wolf. At least then you act like you give a shit about me.”
“Carter,” Joe snapped.
“I don’t,” Gavin growled. “I’ve told you. Over and over. You don’t listen. You never listen.”
“Whatever, dude. All I’ve done is try to help you. I left my pack behind to go after your sorry ass and you pull this crap? Go, then. Go back to your fucking father. See how long you las
t. I don’t care anymore. You want us to leave you? Fine. We will.”
Kelly grabbed me by the arm, pulling me toward the door. “Outside,” he said. “Now.”
“Child,” Gavin spat at me. “Still a child. And don’t call me dude.”
“Oh, fuck you, man,” I said, trying to get Kelly to let me go. “I’m not a child. We’re probably the same goddamn age. You don’t know shit about me. You don’t know—”
Kelly shoved me through the door and out into the snow.
I RANTED.
I raved.
I paced back and forth, throwing my hands up in anger.
I said we should just go.
I said we should just leave him here.
I was tired. My back hurt. My leg hurt. My head hurt. I couldn’t focus. Kelly and Joe and Gordo were knots in my chest, and I couldn’t untangle them no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to shift. To run as far away as I could.
I wanted to forget Gavin existed.
I said, “And who the fuck does he think he is? That fucking asshole. Ungrateful. That’s what he is. He’s ungrateful. We took him in. We gave him a home. We—”
Kelly said, “Bambi had the baby.”
I stopped and closed my eyes. The air was cold and burned my nose when I inhaled.
“She got big, though please don’t tell her I ever said that.”
I laughed. It sounded like I was crying.
“End of August,” Kelly said. “She worked at the bar all the way up until her water broke. And even then she poured a few more beers before she called Rico to let him know. He wasn’t allowed at the bar those last few weeks. He would growl at anyone who got within a few feet of her, and she kicked him out. Told him to stay away or she’d beat his ass.”
I wiped my eyes. “She could do it too.”
“She could,” Kelly said. “She’s scary when she wants to be. She called Rico, and then one of her bartenders drove her to the hospital. And it happened fast, faster than I thought it would. Mom made Rico wear sunglasses, even when he was inside. He couldn’t figure out how to keep his eyes from staying orange. He told everyone he had light sensitivity. It was ridiculous. But then he came out, and he was smiling so wide. So bright. And when he spoke, he only said two words before he broke down.”
“What did he say?” I asked hoarsely.
“A boy.”
“I… wow.”
Kelly nodded. “Bambi came through like a champ. She was already barking orders by the time they let us see her, and Carter, oh my god. This kid, man. This tiny little kid. He looks like Rico. It’s… intense. And Rico, he was next to Bambi, and the way he looked at her. Like she was everything to him. I watched as he took this wet cloth and pressed it against her forehead. It was kind. And loving. And you could see from the look on his face that he couldn’t believe what was happening, but in the best way possible.” He looked off into the trees. “His name is Josh.”
“Josh,” I whispered.
Kelly said, “Joshua Thomas Espinoza.”
I jerked my head toward him.
“She asked Mom.” Kelly smiled quietly. “Said that even though she never met him, she thought she loved him. She said it was a gift to the wolves. Mom cried, but you could tell they were good tears, you know? I think people forget that it’s okay to cry when you’re sad, but it’s also okay to cry when you’re happy. It made her happy. For a little bit at least.”
I hung my head.
“And for a moment,” Kelly continued, “I could pretend all was right in the world. It was a lie, of course, but I tried to make myself believe it wasn’t. It was harder than I thought it would be. Because even though it was this great thing, there was still a piece of us missing. We weren’t whole.”
The door opened. Joe came out onto the porch. He looked at the two of us but didn’t speak. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the side of the cabin. Watching. Waiting.
Kelly said, “I hated you that day,” and I could taste the bitterness in his voice. “I didn’t want to, but I did. You should have been there. You should have been right by our side. Making jokes. Taking pictures. Demanding that you be the first to get to hold the kid. But you weren’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Do you mean it?”
“I think so.”
He shook his head as he glanced at Joe. “I’ve tried for a long time to understand, to see it from your perspective. And every time I do, I can’t get past the fact that you just… left. That even in your grief, you thought you were doing the right thing. Leaving a note. A video. As if that would be enough.”
“I love you,” I pleaded with him. “The both of you. You and Joe. More than anything. I thought I was doing the right thing. You’d just gotten Robbie back. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
His eyes flashed. “Really.”
“Yes.”
“How could I ever be happy without you?”
And oh, how that broke me. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, bending over, trying to catch my breath. I heard Joe step out into the snow, but I held my hand up, wanting them to keep away from me. I couldn’t handle them touching me. Not right now.
Kelly said, “When we got here, when we found that house, when we found your truck, all I could smell was blood and death. I thought we were too late. That….” He swallowed thickly. “I never want to feel like that again.”
“It’s his house, isn’t it?” Joe asked.
I nodded miserably. “It was. At one point.” And then, “Dad knew about him. About this place.”
“What?” Joe whispered.
“Gavin said Dad came here when he was a kid. Told him about wolves. And magic. Where he’d come from.”
“Jesus Christ,” Kelly muttered. He looked haunted. “Just when I think we’ve found out all there is to know about him.”
“Gavin came to Green Creek. When we were hunting Richard Collins. He was one of the Omegas that Ox and the others fought against.”
Joe’s eyes filled with red. “He what?”
“No. Not like… not like that. He didn’t hurt anyone. He only joined up with them to try and find Dad.”
“Dad was already dead.”
“Yeah. But he didn’t know that. Not until he got to Green Creek.”
Kelly sighed. “That means he’s been an Omega for a long time. Explains a lot if you think about it. It’s weird, though.”
“What is?” Joe asked.
“How connected we all are. Bennetts and Livingstones. No matter how hard we fight against it, it’s always there.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
They both looked at me. Kelly said, “Why?”
“Because it was all for nothing. You heard him in there. He doesn’t want… this. Our pack.” I almost didn’t say it. But then, “Me. This. Whatever this is. And I don’t care anymore.”
Joe snorted. “Yeah. Okay, Carter. You keep telling yourself that.”
I glared at him. “I don’t.”
Kelly squinted at me. “It’s like Mark and Gordo all over again.”
I reared back. “It’s not like—”
Joe rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Huh. I never thought about it that way. That’s… disturbing. But accurate. Grumpy asshole. Self-sacrificing asshole. Yeah. Okay. I see it now.”
I scowled at them. “I will fuck the both of you up, don’t think I won’t.”
“You look like the guy parents tell their children to stay away from,” Joe said. “It’s the beard. It’s kind of gross.”
“Fuck off, Joe.”
He grinned at me, and it was like we were kids again, just the three of us, and nothing had ever hurt us.
I said, “I know you’re angry with me. I know you don’t understand. I know part of you probably even hates me. But I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I could keep you safe. You…. Shit has happened. To all of us. And all I wanted to do was to stop it from ever happening again. You could have Ox. You could have Robbie. You
could have your pack. I’m your big brother. It’s my job to make sure nothing happens to you.”
“What about you?” Joe asked. “Who’s supposed to take care of you?”
“I… I don’t….”
“Because that’s bullshit,” Joe said. “No offense—you know what? Fuck that. All the offense. You’re an idiot, Carter. Like, the biggest idiot I’ve ever known in my life, and I’ve known a lot of them.”
“Damn right,” Kelly snapped.
“Yeah, you’ve got a point,” Joe said. “You’re our big brother. But that’s as far as it goes. Because it’s not just one way. We’re supposed to protect each other. That’s what brothers do.”
“That’s what pack does—”
“I’m not talking about pack,” Joe said sharply. “I’m talking about you and me and Kelly. No matter what we’ve done, no matter what we’ve seen, it’s always been the three of us. I never lost sight of that. Kelly didn’t either. Why did you? And don’t think it’s because we couldn’t understand. I was away from Ox for over three years. Robbie was taken from Kelly for thirteen months. We understand more than anyone else what it’s like, Carter. And you’d just got done being an Omega, and you decided to run the risk of losing yourself again. For what? For Gavin? Do you really think he’d want that for you?”
“He doesn’t want shit from me,” I muttered.
Kelly shook his head. “You can’t believe that.”
“You heard what he said.”
“I heard someone who’s scared,” Joe said. “Someone who’s been lost for a long time. He can’t trust us because he can’t trust himself. You know what that’s like. You were an Omega too. How much it fucks with you. He’s doing what he can to keep his head above water. He’s not living, Carter. He’s surviving. And he’s lashing out because he’s trying to do what he can to protect you. He cares about you. You know that. I know you do.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to believe him, but I didn’t know how. I was still reeling at the fact that they were here, that they were real. I was being pulled in a thousand different directions, and I didn’t know which way was up. “I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “I can’t think straight. My head, it’s….”
